Thursday, December 22, 2011

That time when I was a really great wife. And the time I was a really great mom. All in the same day.

So for Christmas I had this really great idea that I was going to get Matt a season ski pass for a local ski hill. Matt loves to ski, but we've been broke for.. oh forever. The last time he actually went skiing was when we were just dating (ten years ago) and he went out west to Nevada and skied there and in California with his cousin John. Obviously, that's more than I can afford so I thought going the local route would be awesome. But again, it's expensive and he'd need rentals so I thought it'd be nice to go in with his parents for hit. That is a whole other story I won't get into on here, but let's just say a certain someone kind of ruined the surprise element of it and I'm really mad about it?

Anyways. After much thought I decided I was still going to do it because I know he would like it (and after a certain person ruined it, Matt flat out asked me if that was what he was getting for Christmas and I said yes and I told him I was pissed that the surprise was basically ruined, but he said it was a GREAT idea). I think he's working too much and needs something fun to do away from me and the kids just for mental health sake.

So today... with my paycheck in my bank account, I take both kids with me for what I think is going to be a maybe 30 minute trip, including drive time, to the ski hill. I was very wrong. Keep in mind- Olivia is getting over a cold, Jackson has the cold now and has felt crummy all day so I thought that if I go right when they open I can get in and out. Wrong.

I get to the ski place and I'm literally the only car there- so I am silently thanking baby Jeebus that I am first in line. When I go into the place I find the ticket counter and say I need a season pass. The woman gives me a short one page form to fill out. I sit with the kids, fill it out. By this time, three guys come in and a woman. Everybody needs passes, but they don't have to fill out a form and I don't know why. Eventually when I realize that this woman was slow (possibly mentally? Jury is out on that one still.), I went up to the counter to give her my form and my debit card. Then she asks me why I filled out the form. Not even kidding.

Enter in the next employee who starts trying to ring me up. They have two registers, but both women only know how to work the one register, but don't know how to ring a credit/debit card through the machine. So I start walking them through it. (Meanwhile, an hour has gone by at this point, both kids are coughing up their lungs, but sitting patiently.) Credit card machine goes down (of course) and then they start calling their credit card machine place. Then one woman breaks the one working register half way through my season pass processing. Then they fix it, but forget they were helping me, and start helping the other woman that came in who's asking 1000 questions about season passes when it's all spelled out on their counter. Each package tells you what you get and the price.

It was at this point that I realized that the price I found online is about $40 different than reality. So I start doing my little panic dance knowing they've already processed my card yet I find no total on my form? At this point I have no idea how much I have just paid so I feel like throwing up.

In our second hour of hanging out in a ski lodge, the printer breaks. It starts making this horrible noises in which it sounds like it is actually eating the plastic cards. I am not even kidding. Jackson starts crying because of course by this time his ibuprofen has worn off, Olivia starts complaining that she is tired of sitting in the hard chair and I'm dealing with two incompetent employees who can't run anything. Once we hit the three hour mark I declare that I am so fucking fed up with this entire ski shack and Dumb and Dumber who seem to be running the show that I just want a piece of paper saying I paid so Matt can just come deal with this himself. And *voila* the damn gift certificate card thing SHOOTS out of the printer. Along with my receipt declaring that $194.07 just got charged to my checking account.

*holy fucking christ*

I was thinking this was going to be $130 or so TOTAL and no. We're looking at basically a $200 gift. If I wasn't so angry and confused on how to get home I would have thrown up on myself.

But that's not all. Oh no, it's not all.

Because right after I get these things I start helping my kids put their winter gear back on (because of course they've stripped themselves after overheating) and that's when Jackson gave me his own special surprise.

In the form of phlegm coughed up into my hair, mouth, and ear. It was kind of horrible. He, of course, felt bad and says to me, "I sorry mama. I pooked" (which is his way of saying "puke") and rubbed it in. Which only got it more into my hair. I'm sure I looked awesome walking out of there.

I'll tel you what- if Matt gets me a fucking desk calendar this year (when I don't have a desk), I may be seeing the inside of the Douglas County jail. I'm just sayin.

Merry fucking Christmas.


kimberrleigh said...

Oh dear Jesus. Bless your soul. I really hope you don't end up in jail. You win wife of the year award!

Life Love & High Heels said...

O.....m.....g...... To all of the above. But you know- mostly the puke. Wow. Tough day. How have you not had a meltdown of your own yet?

FinnyKnits said...

After all that, I'd say you're a pretty fucking good citizen, too, because both of those women should have been shot in the face for being such morons.

You're a saint.

Merry fucking Christmas, indeed.

Jennifer Kay said...

I didn't laugh too loud now when you justed used the word pooked...oh wait, yep Haylee is up from her nap all the sudden.

Julie H said...

I was hoping you were going to say they screwed up and gave it to you super cheap :(

I'm wondering if I'm getting anything. Nothing has given me any hints yet...

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

oh wow! I'd have lost it during hour 1

Dana said...

What a horrible experience! All the things you have to put up with for your family!