Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Whatever happened to the list?

Some of you have asked me about my 30/30 list and what was left on it. Considering I turn the big 3-0 on March 10, I figured now would be an appropriate time to talk about the list.

The list is HERE in case you want to refresh your memories. If something on that list is black, then it has been completed and blogged about and you can click on there to go to that post.

Now, I'm not going to finish. I know. At first when I realized that I wasn't going to finish, I was really bummed out. I really wanted it to be this grand thing that I could say that I accomplished and I had a period in time where I was all "woe is me, I'm a loser". But then I realized- fuck that. Seriously, FUCK THAT. Because I did things I never thought I would do on that list and I should be damn proud of myself. Of the things I could have not done and been like, "Oh, I ran out of time.. damn" (sky diving, for example) I didn't do that. I actually committed to it and I did it. I jumped out of a damn plane and I should be proud of that because how many people are too scared? I went kayaking, canoeing, my ten year high school reunion, all things that I said I would never do and I did it.

And I'm proud of myself.

The things I didn't get a chance to do were all because of lack of funds. Considering I started this list and came up with it in 2010 and left myself two years to do it when most people have years to do something like this, I feel like I did accomplish a lot in the short time and little money I had. I took my kids to Disney, I went to Vegas with Matt, Matt and I did a lot more together helping me with my list than we had in years, I ran a 5K even when I thought I couldn't, I lost weight and I didn't think I ever would, I went to some of the best concerts, I accomplished more in these last two years than some people do in a decade.

But the best, and possibly most important part of my list? Was #30, to be happy.

Which seems strange but not when you think about where I was when I wrote the list. I was just coming out of a low point in my marriage, I was emotionally and physically exhausted, I didn't think good things about myself and I'm not going to lie- I often wondered why my life sucked so much. Why was it always me getting the shit end of every stick? When were things going to turn around for me? When was I going to start loving life and enjoying my kids and being appreciative of everything I do have and not wish for more?

So in that two years of doing things way outside of my comfort zone and challenging myself with things I didn't think I could do, and taking better care of myself and demanding time away for me, I found it. I found everything I wanted and realized it was there all along, I just didn't look at it hard enough.

I have two wonderful kids who light up my life. With their crazy behavior, their hilarious personalities and their sweet nature- I lucked out as a mom. I really couldn't ask for better kids. I finally have a job where I feel like I'm actually appreciated and I love going to each and every day. No cranky student or teacher can ruin my day- I'm just happy to be there and be helpful. I feel like my relationship with my family is the best it's ever been. Especially the bond with my mom- we certainly still have our ups or downs but I feel like I finally understand her point of view all of these years, I totally get where she is coming from and I'm so grateful for that.

I have some of the best friends in the world. A lot of people that I adore are from blogging and I don't know where I would be without their calm and rational advice on everything. I am so lucky to have such a great core group of friends that I know I can show up on any one of their doors at 3 am and they will help me out in every way possible. And I hope they all know I'd turn it around and do it for them too.

And last but certainly never least- I have a great husband. Sure, he pisses me off when he sleeps all day while I work my ass off only to have him walk his muddy ass boots across the floor I just spent two hours scrubbing. Sure, I want to punch him in the face when the cat poops on the laundry room floor because he was too lazy to clean the litter box the night before. Sure, I feel kind of homicidal when he shaves and leaves the hair all over the tub. And maybe I still feel like smothering him when he clips his toenails in our room and I can't go to sleep until I get the vacuum out.

But at the end of the day? My husband is THE best. He will do just about anything I ask. Today? We had a blizzard with 35+ mph winds and snow falling like crazy but that guy went out and got me some Pepsi. And then let me take a nap. When I have friends over, he automatically tells us he's going to get ice cream and to write our orders down. He puts gas in my van. In the rain. He'll put air in my tires. In the rain. He cleans up pee, puke, and poop from kids or animals. He'll take a break from work and pick up mouse guts because I refuse to go back into the house until it's cleaned. He may be a moody asshole most of the time, but I know he loves me and would do anything for me. He provides for our family and doesn't blink an eye when he's working 70+ hours a week. He never says a word when I want to go out of town with my friends and he supported my decision to stop working FT and eventually go to a PT job because I felt like I was losing it. And he never questioned it.

I am far more happier today, as I sit on the cusp of 30, than I have ever been in my entire life. For every stressful moment, for every worry I have- I have ten great things to turn me around.

So fuck that damn list. Seriously- I got everything I wanted out of my 20's that I wanted by doing the things I got done. Does that mean I'm done? No way! I'm in the process of working on a 40/40 list because dammit- I want to do some incredible things in my life and be that kick ass grandma who tells her grand kids someday how she jumped out of a plane.

But here's to the end of my 20's. The beginning of my 30's is soon on it's way and I'm excited.

Tomorrow's post? All about what you can get me for my birthday. Because let's be honest? I love presents and if ever you were going to get me one? This is the birthday to do it. HA!


Life Love & High Heels said...

Yay! I'm glad you achieved happy. So many people in life don't, but I think you need to look at all the little things and just keep a positive attitude. Although I do love it when you send me sassy emails when you're feeling homicidal! haha!

But most of all, I'm glad you're a blogger, because I don't think we would've met otherwise and I honestly can't imagine life without you! I can't wait to rock out for your 30th in a few weeks!!!!!!

Unknown said...

Sarah! I love this post, beautiful! I am so glad you go so much out of your list.

Diane and Chad said...

awesome post...finding happiness in completing part of a list instead of regretting what didn't get done...excellent!! Isn't a happy life being satisfied with all the good in life? Love it!!

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

You've accomplished the hardest one on the list. Being happy is freaking HARD sometimes. I have tons of reasons to be happy, but it's so easy to let one thing ruin it. So I decided to not let things ruin my happy anymore. Horray for happy!

Veronica M. D. said...

I tagged you in a post if you feel like doing it :)

Ruth said...

Kudos to you!
I would never job out of a plane.
But, being happy is the biggest and best thing.

Unknown said...

You rock and happy fucking birthday! You're awesome and I'm so proud of you for making this list and sticking to it!

Stacia said...

Glad I hooked back up with you! Happy Birthday, Sweet Sara! I never did the 30/30 or 40/40 (am 42 now), but I did do a bucket list for my 42nd and I hope I don't die anytime soon because I can't wait to do the things I have on it. Enjoy your day!!

G said...

Having read this I now realise how much like your husband I am and what a saint my wife is putting up with it all, without resorting to degrees of violence.

Dana said...

You totally have the right attitude! I'm glad you're going into your 30's excitedly. It was really hard for me to turn 30 but it was such a silly thought because the decade of the 30's is truly the best! I'm qualified to say that since I'm almost half way through already. UGH. ;)