Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Boobs and Cars.

So I have a whole bunch of random things to chat about and some pictures. YAY.

While driving around Superior and Duluth recently, I've come across these gems of vehicles and I ask myself.. why?

 It's not a great picture but I put Matt on camera duty and this was the best he got. He apparently feels like a dumb ass taking pictures of people and their ghetto property whereas I don't. You'll see that in a minute. But the side of this Blazer has Scarface painted on the side. Really? Because nothing says bad ass like a four door, at least a decade old Chevy Blazer. The only thing you're toting in this thing is a diaper bag and a car jack. Maybe even a snow brush if you're like me and always prepared.
 Then I see this. Now, you know I'll about saving money and being thrifty but do-it-yourself paint jobs on Mercury Sable's do not count. Especially when you don't realize that one can of purple spray paint isn't going to do the entire job. Not even your entire back end.
 So then you're just driving around looking like an asshole while I pass you on the Blatnik Bridge taking your picture for posterity.
 On the way back from Olivia's class field trip I ended up following this idiot. Never mind he's still driving a Geo Prism with no bumper to be seen, but his bumper sticker is ridiculous. It reads, "The only Bush I trust is my own". And it was a middle aged man driving this. Ladies, he's probably single. I'm just saying.

My other plight as of late is bra shopping. I've complained about the bra shopping before and we were good for awhile. But now that it's summer it only highlights the fact that having size 36D boobs I am limited in what I can wear. Because unlike most women, I hate wearing something where my bra strap shows. First off, it looks trashy. I don't care if you aren't trashy, it looks trashy. It's not attractive to wear a dress and have bra straps showing, or even if you are wearing something with straps but your bra shows.
Like this for example. The tank top and my bra.. same color. Except this is unacceptable. See, world? I look like an asshole for you.

So my issue is that I need a strapless bra. I can't find one to save my fucking life. Am I expecting too much when I don't want to be hiking my bra up all night? Or do all women do that because that's just what you do with a strapless bra? Am I being an idiot here? Am I putting too much thought into this?

My other obstacle was to find a good push up bra. Now, I know you're saying, "But Sara, you have size 36D boobs- do you really need them higher?" To which I say, yes I fucking do bitches. The problem here is that I have had two kids. Back in the day, the girls were on high alert all of the time. Not that they are down to my waist or anything, but I think all of these years being this heavy have taken a toll on the girls. And quite frankly, my back is also in agreement. So I went into Victoria's Secret to get me a push up bra. And guess what I learned?

That in push up bra world I am a 36DD.

Oh fuck me.

So I found one that fit really well and felt OK. And paid fucking $58 for it. Which is what I'm wearing in that picture above, coincidentally. The only problem with it is that my boobs get hot. You flat chested girls don't understand what a pain in the ass it is to know that you are sweating between your boobs while doing nothing. And it's GROSS. It makes me fully understand why they have those body wipes out now for women whereas before I found it appalling people felt the need to use them. Well, now I fucking get it. Also?  Every shirt I wear makes me look like the biggest slut ever with this bra on. Nobody is safe. It's like an inch away from making my boobs a chin rest should I need a nap.

So ladies. I need bra ideas. Do you have boobs but have a bra you love so much you'd buy a 100 of them? You need to let me know where you get them, and which style it is. We don't need me hiking my bra up all day or sporting a chin rest. Help a fellow vagina owner out.


____j said...

Bra shopping is the bane of my existence. I wish daily that I had small or even medium sized boobs, but no. Of course not. If you find a good brand for a good price, please, please pass the knowledge along to me. Thanks ;)

Ryan Adair said...

I dont have boobs, in fact most of the time I don't even where a bra.. but... having worked at Victoria's secret.. have you tried their Sports bra? It's not boobie smashing, and looks nice under tshirts... might be more suitable if you aren't going for the hussy look.

And RE: your comment on my blog.. that is why i think we should be BFF.. we can talk each other out of our psychosis. :)<3

and also I think you are hilarious.


middle child said...

I nursed both my kids so if you want to talk nipples...I'm all in! I too have trouble finding good bras and the minute I do find one I like and get about 6 of them...they get discontinued. Everything I really like gets continue. My latest discovery is a molded cup playtex that is on a rack at Target. I kept going back to see if perhaps they'd have more in other colors but I guess someone told them I liked them cuz now they are gone. They were called; Your t-shirts favorite bra.

SpiritPhoenix said...

I too hate it when my straps show. I love those bra strap clip things. You just let out the straps a bit, hook the thing on and voila, instant racerback bra or whatever you need.


Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

I HATE the sweaty boob situation. I get it almost every day because my work is crazy about the temperature in here. Boob sweat is the worst.

Katie said...

I really like the Body by Victoria bra. I wear a 38D and it supports without making me look like my boobs are trying to jump out and shake your hands. The sweating, however, if someone could put some cooling agents in a bra, like they do in some pillows, that would be an AWESOME idea.

Ang said...

lol... and that is all i have to say.

Gini said...

What about those bra strap holder things? They're like little plastic disks that grab your straps and pull them in towards the middle of your back? And you can slide them up or down along the straps and adjust exactly where they pull in.

They're these things but I'm sure you can find them cheap somewhere near home.


Whiskeymarie said...

I'm a big fan of the Barely There brand of bras. I get them at Kohl's, and they go on sale a lot. I'm only a high B, low c, but I have a feeling they work for the bigger bazingas as well. Super-duper comfortable.

It's kind of shocking how much underboob sweat I get these days. Yukko.

devilishdelish said...

Strapless bra favorites: the multiway strapless and the seamless 5-way convertible bra from lane bryant. Nothing better that I have found on the market! Also, right now they are buy 2 get 2 free... and if you use the promo code junegiftlb you get $25 off of $75. :)

Unknown said...

I had bra shopping. Let's start with the fact that I didn't know how they fit correctly b/c I'd never had a bra that fit correctly before...then when I do, I find out that I'm like a G cup. Are you fucking kidding me? AND my strap size is smaller than I thought. Now that I've lost weight I'm a little lost again b/c I think I've gone down another strap size, and a cup. fml. Anyways...HERROOM.COM. They have an EXCELLENT return policy and every bra in the world. I like elomi. They fit well. Penache is pretty. As far as strapless bras, I would go for foundation wear that would give you some support along w/ the bra part. As far as the bra strap showing...either suck it up or get clothing that covers them (which is what I do). I never buy something that would allow a bra strap to show...I'm just untrashy like that.

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