Friday, July 13, 2012

Dear Sara. No, I'm not joking.

I kind of let the Dear Sara posts fade because I started getting some really serious questions from readers that even I felt like I shouldn't put out here. And I'd like to think that my 98 cents maybe helps out once in awhile. But this week I've gotten a few questions I thought dammit... I should just bring it back. So here you go.

1. You mentioned you bought Ben Wa balls after reading Fifty Shades of Grey and you said they were good. But I'm as vanilla as they come and I feel stupid because I don't know what they are... or what you do with them? Please do not share my name of picture. I would die. Don't die, lambwhore.. Sara to the rescue. Ben Wa balls are literally balls, sometimes connected by a string sometimes not. Mine are connected by a string because as a novice at these it seemed practical. But don't freak out- you put both balls into your vagina. You should (in theory) be able to hold them in there. The ones I have are weighted, so they have like a little weight inside of the ball so when you have them in and walk around, they kind of vibrate. I am a huge advocate for these balls. I'm pro ball. I could not be more pro ball than I currently am. I will say though that mine make noise. If you were in a crowded room I don't think people would hear it, but if you were walking around the house your vagina will make it's own rendition of "Jingle Bells" and that's only awkward if maybe you're Jewish or a total prude. So go get yourself some balls.

2. If your son or daughter said they were gay, would you be mad? Or disappointed? I feel like my child is on the brink of telling me this and I have a mixture of emotions. Honestly, no. I wouldn't feel anything really because I love my kids no matter what. Ideally, I'd like them to always be on the right side of the law and I'd be mad if they became arsonists or something. But I honestly think that in a few years, gay marriage will be legal and we'll all laugh at how crazy it is that as a society, we repressed people's rights as a human being to love whoever they want. So long as they had a partner that treated them with love and kindness and they were happy, that's all I care about. I guess I would be more upset if they hesitated in telling me because I'd feel badly that I somehow made them feel as if my love for them was conditional in any way.

3. What is your greatest fear? Honestly, I don't know. I mean, some people have heights, but I've gone sky diving. People say spiders, but I think if I had to I could touch one and I know I won't die if one was on me. So setting all of that aside, I'd say losing one of my children would be at the top of my list. I am in constant fear that someone will take them in a store or they will get abducted while riding their bikes when they are older, etc and I know that as they do get older I am going to seriously struggle with this.

4. My husband says that by me not giving him a blow job I am a bad wife. He says that is a part of my obligation as a wife and I say that's not true. Who's right? It depends. Were you pro-blow job before you got married? If you were actively giving blow jobs and then all of a sudden stop, yes.. that's a problem. I mean, he chose you based on a wide variety of positive traits and I'm pretty sure blow jobs were on that list. If you take it away it's kind of like fraud. But if you were never pro blow job surely he can't expect you to suddenly like doing them. That's crazy. Men- blow jobs are awful. Nothing about a blow job is a fun time and it does nothing for us. And as a side note, if you expect one? Make sure you clean yourself  and be presentable. I'm just saying.

5. What is a dream that you'd like to fulfill that would be on your bucket list? I definitely would like to write a book, have it published through a very popular imprint and sell a bunch and then have them beg me to write more because I am so awesome. A close second would be to have a show that lets me interview people on not serious topics.

OK. That's it. I have a few more, but I'll email those out because I have dishes to do. But if you have a question for me for next week, send me an email at sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com. Have a superb weekend bitches.


middle child said...

Re: Your prior post. Our house is over 100 yrs. old too. We have a hose coming from our washer and it drains into the sink. We have to use lint filters-fabric or metal-to catch the debris so it does clog the sink. Do you use these? If not, pick some up. They are available most anywhere.

Life Love & High Heels said...

I think you should maybe do one serious question in the mix! People email you because they feel comfortable with your style and need the no nonsense answer! Take it as a compliment!