Tuesday, September 25, 2012

^$@^#@^#$@^#. That's kind of how I feel.

First up, don't forget to sign up for the swap. The graphic with all of the info shows up better on her blog than mine, so go there and sign up. Otherwise I may look down on you for being a fun killer.

In other news, holy fucking attitude Batman. What am I talking about? I'm talking about a particular 7 year old gorgeous, adorable, smart girl who all of a sudden is sassing back at everything and bursting into tears hourly. Seriously. If this is what 7 looks like, I am obviously screwed at say... 12.

I try talking to Olivia about why she feels so angry and sad and I get nothing. NOTHING. She won't talk about school, other than the fact they have these "clubs" at recess. And by "clubs" I mean a few groups of girls that pick and choose who can play with them that day and if you don't get picked, then you're out. And nobody will talk to you at all. Now, things were going OK until Olivia befriended a little girl who was in her class last year who is a nice girl. She's shy and has nobody to play with at recess so Olivia decided she would befriend her and all would be well.

Well, it's not all well and now Olivia is getting shunned from the clubs because this other girl isn't invited. It's kind of mean girls like stuff in first grade. Now, part of me wants to go down there and ask what the eff this is about but the other part of me is like, no. No, she has to learn how to fit in and get along with mean people. Not everybody raises their kids to be kind to others and really just be good all around. But what pisses me off is that all of my hard work in raising her for the last seven years pretty much goes to shit when you have other parents who don't care how their kids end up and it hurts mine. And I just wonder- how do you not know your child is mean to others? Because I see some of these kids in front of their parents and they are total snots and the parents just laugh it off. Um, no. Your kid is a flipping brat who needs their mouth washed out with soap, yo.

So in the middle of all of THAT, I have to deal with this attitude from her at home. Now, I think that because she feels like she has no control at school that she can get it here- like she will boss her brother around, roll her eyes at me, etc. She's taking her school frustrations out on us (primarily me because it's me dealing with kid stuff 99% of the time). It's really god damn annoying.

This morning I asked her to put her jacket on no less than 15 times and she bursts into tears. Totally crying as we're going out the door that I'm yelling at her. Which, totally not yelling at her, but when I ask you to do it 15 times, at some point I'd expect it get done. I'm not telling you to do this for my health, we need to go before we're late. But nope. She's very head strong and independent (like her mama) but I tell you what- I knew when not to fuck around with my mom. We butted heads but good lord. I could always look at my mom and know she wasn't messing around and she would slap you upside the head hard enough you'd feel it all day. So when she told you to do something- you fucking did it if you knew what was good for you.

Tonight she tells me she is mad at Jackson because he doesn't want to play with her anymore. Which, I'm sure compounded with the playground issues this is even worse. So, I get that. But at the same time? Jackson doesn't always want to play Barbies. Sometimes he likes to play trucks and run over his bad guys with a bulldozer. He's a boy and that's fun for him. And he likes to play alone and he does it quietly and it's great.

THEN, when they do play together now? Holy god dammit all to hell. Nothing but crying, fighting and at one point this weekend punching. Yeah- my kids punched each other over a Lego. Not a group of them, just ONE Lego. Because we don't have an entire Rubbermaid bin full of Lego's. It's just really frustrating and to have all of this on top of some other stress I've got going on? It's just too much. Some days I feel like not coming home and calling it good.

Most days I don't even feel the joy of parenthood. I can go several days/weeks without having one highlight of being a parent. I feel like it's times like this where I think maybe I wasn't cut out to be a parent. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist/OCD/controller to be a good parent. Maybe I'm too demanding of my kids and I have too high of expectations of good behavior all of the time. Because I tell you, any deviation from good behavior and my patience is none. If the kids get too loud I can literally feel my anxiety go up tremendously and I cannot handle it.

God dammit I need a vacation.


Ryan Adair said...

Duuuude! Sorry to hear that your girl is stressed! It was always reassuring to me when I was a kid, conflicted between "fitting in" (I still don't all the time) and " doing right" (being nice to the under dog/treating people nicely despite "popularity"), that my parents always reminded me I was okay to stick out/stand out&up for good things, and being kind to everyone is the best policy...Even though i had some misfit years, I'm confident now...... All the popular bitches are lame sauce these days. ;)

You're and awesome mom just be honest with her about the "situation" so she feels empowered to stand up for herself against the stupid cliquey shit.

Jennifer Kay said...

Oh snap...this is what I have to look forward to?

Last night we went on a walk and Haylee bawled the entire time. Just trailing behind us screaming that she wanted to walk a dog, she wanted to bring her own dog, she wanted to ride on Jon's shoulders, she fell and was bleeding, blah, blah, blah. And we never once turned around and acknowledged her because damn, we're trying to get some fresh air and she was just trying to suck it out of us.

Maybe it's a girl thing and the Chinese had something when they said drown all the girl babies. Or was that boy babies, I can't remember now.

SpiritPhoenix said...

I totally understand where you're coming from. My Angel is in pre-school and every now and then, she'll tell me something. And I have to tell her, "It's fine if you don't like someone, but you have to be nice." I hope she doesn't end up a mean girl like her cousin. Oh boy can that girl be a little sassy brat. And it's not due to her parents. I don't get it. She's just a brat. Ugh.

But, I'm counting down the days until my vacation next month. 27 days until I'm on a plane!

And I'll sign up for the swap today.

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

Take that, times it by two. My sister is four years younger than me and poor Dylan is four years younger than her. Allison and I would play and then he would want to join in and you would think we had a pillowcase full of opossums and were swinging it around. So much yelling and screaming. So the poor kid resorted to letting us paint his nails and put him in velour leggings just so he could play with us.

The club thing at school... I remember those days. I was Olivia. It sucks and it was hard. But you're doing the right thing and she will be a stronger girl for it.

kimberrleigh said...

I was that girl in elementary school. I have dry patches on my elbows and I was teased about them immensely ("Kim has dirty elbows!!" - yeah, it sucked).
I would cry about it constantly and my Mom would always tell me the other kids didn't matter; that those kids had something wrong with them when they would make fun of me. It took several years, but eventually I found my two best friends (one's a guy and the other girl I've known since we were born, we went to church together).

So the best advice I can tell you from a former shunned & bullied girl, keep pushing her full of self-confidence. Or find something she loves and let her just go at it (for me, it was computers. After a certain point my parents stopped trying to restrict my time on them and let me have/buy every piece of technology I could get my hands on).

And now, I see those kids that bullied or shunned me and honestly they suck at life. They really do. I can't wait until my first high school reunion and I can rub it all in their faces.
Revenge is awesome.

carelessly graceful

Lin said...

Its so damn sad that there are already mean girls at that young age. What's worse is that your daughters feeling the repercussions because she chose to be the better person & talk to a loner girl. Sucks.

Hopefully she'll open up to you sooner than later. I dont have kids so I have zero advice to give but I can tell you that I always hated being bugged about what was wrong with me, eventually I'd talk about it but it had to be on my time. Maybe you can just give her some space? I mean, if anything it'll be good for you to at least get some quiet time in there :)