Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Who haven't I offended recently? OH, stay at home moms. Game on.

Can I just say that I am officially over hearing a stay at home mom bitch about not having time to get stuff done? Because I am and I won't even apologize for it.

I feel like as a whole, people basically are afraid of stay at home moms. God forbid you offend them because it's like they suddenly find all of the time in the world to send you terrible emails saying your are going to burn in hell and your children are going to be thugs, but they can't manage to clean their house. It's like some of them I want to say, get the fuck off of Blogger giving us links to random shit we'll never win and being on Facebook bitching about how you can't clean your house.

And let me just say that I have a lot of stay at home mom friends who I know for a fact have clean houses, meals on the table, volunteering everywhere, and have kick ass kids. These are not the moms I am talking about.

I am talking about these moms who are bringing their kids to school in their pajamas and stinky Crocs with disheveled looking kids. The moms who can't do the dishes to save their life but by fucking god, they can tell you what annoying ass Kelly Ripa wore on the show this morning. They know the complete cartoon schedule on every kid related channel for the entire day and plan lunch around it. The moms who are on Facebook saying, "OMG- the baby is crying AGAIN." Yeah. Because that's what babies do and that's how they communicate. They cry. The cry a lot and they also poop and pee a lot and sometimes for good measure, will projectile vomit on you. These are sometimes the mommy bloggers who blog and tweet so much during the day you wonder if they are caring for real children or those creepy lifelike dolls because no parent can tweet every few minutes and properly care for a child.

I totally get being a full time parent is hard work even in the best of circumstances. It really is, I'm right there with you. But you know what else is hard? Working almost 30 hours a week, carpooling two kids to two different schools, coordinating after school activities, helping with homework, reading practice, writing practice, making dinner, starting laundry, cleaning my house, feeding the cats, answering emails and phone calls, sorting through the mail, doing dishes, getting both kids showered and ready for bed, and then bedtime stories and night time chats about our day. And doing 90% of it in the span of 3, maybe 4 hours on a good night. So, what a stay at home mom does in one full day is what I can get done in 3, maybe 4 hours. Then we can throw in my volunteerism, my book reviews, all of the financial duties to run my household, meal planning, shopping lists, getting birthday cards/gifts out, and trying to be a really kick ass daughter/wife/mom/friend/sister to everyone around me.

It's hard out here for a pimp, yo.

Then the kicker? The fucking god damn kicker is to have a stay at home mom have the fucking balls to tell me she's busier than me because you know, I get to go to work and maybe I should try being a better mom and person. Yeah, because all I do at work is sit and look cute. No. I'm actually working while I'm there. I am working easily from 5:30 am until 11:30 pm. The days that I am home with the kids? Watch the hell out, world. Not only do I get all of that done? But I can tell you right now that on any given Saturday? I only sit down for lunch. A 5 minute lunch where I'm eating and getting afternoon crafts with the kids ready. I have games, activities, and learning things set up for the kids when they aren't in school. We go to the library, we do other things in the community to learn about new things and gain some experience. Every day with my kids is fun for them and it's not all me working and cleaning. But to tell me I'm a bad person because I go to work while my kids are in school? You're an asshole.

And I'll be honest- I lose a little respect for a stay at home mom (and really, I'm not dogging just moms, if you're a stay at home dad- this applies to you as well) who has a messy house. Like, I get that kids make a mess and they are miniature tornadoes, but my kids understood the concept of pick up your toys by 12 months. And I don't feel like I have gifted kids- I just made it a priority that they know they need to pick up their toys. But if I can keep my house clean while being busy as hell- you can at least wash your dishes. Or vacuum your carpet. Come on now. I feel like stay at home moms should be putting me to shame and making me feel like I need to step my game up and that's not the case.

AND, I can't even say that I have a crap ton of help. Nope. I'm practically single parenting it up in here because do you think Matt is a super tremendous help? Nope. He works from 4am (sometimes 3am) until 5 or 6 pm, five days a week and then Saturdays he maybe only does an 8 hour shift. Do you think he knows the name of the teachers of our kids? Nope. Do you think he knows where Jackson's class even is? Nope. Do you think he knows anything about what they do at school or what they need to do for homework? Nope. Do you think he has cooked a real meal for the family? Nope. Can he grocery shop? Nope. But I don't expect him too because he works his ass off. So while it'd be nice to have some help at bedtime or at least have him help the kids shower without them starting to scream because he doesn't shampoo nicely, it just doesn't happen.

I am basically a single parent CEO up in here. So don't come around telling me that us working moms are less of a parent because we work outside of the home. I feel like it's about time we give some credit to moms who actually do work out of the home because I know every day of my life I think, gee- it'd be really nice to stay at home- my life would be a lot more relaxed and less stressful.

*end rant*

In other news, I have a bunch of book reviews coming over tonight and tomorrow, some questions for you, and a very cool guest post by an author on Friday. Stay tuned!


Jennifer Kay said...

I love that tonight we are both blogging about assholes. And fuck yes those kids need to be picking up their own shit EVERY SINGLE NIGHT before they are allowed to lay down their heads. Working mothers couldn't make it any other way...

Rock on.

Unknown said...

Amen sister! Preach the fuck on.

Anonymous said...

Girlfriend, I could have not said it better. You literally echoed everything I have ever said or thought about stay at home moms.

You go on with your bad ass self.

Anonymous said...

What's worse is that the children of these lazy ass SAHM's have absolutely ZERO work ethic in the classroom. They are lazy, whiny brats that talk back to their teachers and have the gall to feel insulted when they don't get an A just for showing up.

How do I know?

I teach 7th graders.

I would give my eye teeth to have a mom like you parenting at least one the kids I teach.

Unknown said...

you rock!
the end

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

My mom was a kindergarten teacher and basically a stay at home mom when I was little, with my dad traveling so much. I turned out pretty damn good I think. And I think J & O will too, because that's what those SAHMs are getting wrong, it's about the kids, not them.

Diane and Chad said...

Sara, you know that I agree with your parenting ideas!! Did you ever get a chance to read our book??

Unknown said...

Amen sister!!

Lin said...

I'm not a mom yet but you can bet your sweet ass I still judge the hell outta those SAHM that claim there's never enough time to get anything done. Both of my parents worked f/t & my mom always managed to get everything done, take us to school, pick us up, have dinner ready, etc. It's all about time management & I hate to say it but some of those SAHM are just straight up lazy as hell & that's why nothing gets done.

kimberrleigh said...

Mmmmm girl preach it. My favorite kind of stay at home Mom, in addition to the ones you described here are the TEEN stay at home Moms who are using my tax dollars to Tweet/Instagram/Facebook their child and about them crying. That's my absolute fucking favorite. Because it's not my fault you decided to be a teen mom, but because you are... I have to be paying for you to be lazy. I'm not getting all political, but I think you know exactly what I mean.

And my Mom was a semi-stay at home Mom for majority of my childhood/life, because she WORKED from home (medical transcription). So not only did she have a legit job (not saying blogging isn't... but it isn't. She has a degree), a few year she had two jobs. And took care of me and my sister by herself when my Dad would be traveling for business weeks on end to bum-fuck India or some other place.

Yeah, totally get it. This is why I truly do not like children, because they're a reflection of their parents. And these parents suck.

carelessly graceful

Life Love & High Heels said...

lol lol .... i wanna know what SAHM said she was busier than you... EMAIL ME. ;)