Saturday, February 2, 2013

It wouldn't be the weekend if I didn't feel stabby.

Before I forget, let's decide who wins the copy of The Goddaughter, shall we? *drum roll*

#2 JustMe5686!

I'll get your info and forward it on and you'll have a new book. BAM. Just like that, hookers.


Do you all remember when I ranted like a loon about stay at home mom's a few months ago? And how lots of you totally agreed and we almost marched on Washington with our puffy paint shirts and we could have been on CNN or something?

Of course you do.

Well I'm angry about them yet again. Yet again, bitches. Because I feel like they are morons. I had to drop off something at a person's house today because she bought this thing on Facebook from me and so I said I'd drop it off because as it turns out, she's a stay at home mom and just could not get away. Um, whatever. Kids don't hold me down, but maybe she has demon children and have them in cages or something.

But I get there, and she has me like come into this weird entry way type thing and her house? Fucking disaster. It's like a beginning hoard situation, it smells literally like shit, and her kids are running around clearly filthy and half naked. Then she has the balls to be like, "it's so hard being a stay at home mom, I just can't get it all done".

Oh no she didn't.

Because you know I simply CANNOT help myself and have a really poor impulse control when my bullshit-o-meter has hit its max and I calmly reply, "Really? Because I work about 30 hours a week, volunteer for 10, and still get it all done without a problem."

She was clearly pissed off and I got out of there before I said anything that could get me killed. For all I know, her children are feral.

Then, I'm talking to this guy at Barnes & Noble (it was a long line, I make friends easily) and somehow we get on this topic. Turns out, his wife is a SAHM and she says she just cannot get the house totally clean every day let alone dinner.

But it's really making me angry, this complex that stay at home mom's have. What the fuck are you doing all day? I don't understand. I'd really like someone to explain to me how it is possible that you cannot get your dishes done, stay on top of your laundry, run the house, take care of the kids and make dinner daily. I'm serious. I understand that we all have days where you have sick kids and they puke/piss/shit on stuff faster than you can wash it. Or you have an extra load of errands and maybe you're picking up McDonald's for dinner. I get it, it happens to all of us.

I'm telling you right now, that if you decide you are going to take on the role of a stay at home parent, you take on the responsibility of the majority of the household chores and you need to have dinner on the table. I'm sorry, but if you can't figure out a meal to have on the table for dinner while you are at home all day, there's a problem.

I also feel like children of stay at home parents should have a higher standard. I mean, if I can teach my kids manners, how to act like calm and reasonable citizens, and how to behave when running errands on our limited time doing such things, then by fucking god, if you are with your kids 24/7? They should be like best kids ever. If you end up raising brats with terrible manners, what's your excuse?

So that's one part of stabfest.

The other is, I feel like if your child is screaming at the top of their fucking lungs in say, a book store, you need to try to get them to stop. I'm all for the "cry it out" thing at bedtime, but in the middle of a store? No. That's not an OK time or place.

I have two kids and I can count on one hand in the seven years I've been a parent how many times my kids have ever done that. Once. ONE TIME have my children screamed as if I were kidnapping them in the middle of Target and it lasted for 3 seconds. I just left my cart right in the aisle and we left. Was I out of diapers? Yup. Was I out of dish soap? Yup. Was I in desperate need for pepsi and cheeto's? Yes. Was I going to continue shopping with them screaming so other people could conspire to kill me for bad parenting? No.

Because only oblivious assholes do that.


Even Matt said I looked kind of scary because I gave that shit mother the look. She's over there, reading her fucking Glamour magazine with her child screaming as if someone was performing and exorcism on him. Does she even look at her kid? No. Acknowledge that he could be being stabbed at that moment because of how he sounded? No. 

She finally looked up and clearly my look was enough to make her put the magazine down and walk away. I'm also sure that having my seven and four year old look at her and her son like they were total assholes helped as well. To top it off? Jackson says clear as day, "Maybe he needs a new mom. And a nap. What a brat." The guy behind us in the line? CRACKED UP. 

I've also decided I need to stop going to the mall on the weekend. Nothing good ever happens. 


middle child said...

Jackson is wise beyond his years!

Kim said...

You are so right, fuck those stay at home moms, they give the rest of us a bad name. I stay at home, I have an almost 4 year old and an almost 4 MONTH old, I have a clean house, they're both fed and clean and happy, we have a decent dinner every night, clean clothing, dishes, AND my husband is in a police academy and GONE til 11pm 3 nights a week and all day on Saturdays, AND works all day 5 days a week, so I'm putting them both to bed on my own three nights a week. It's not hard if you have your damn head in the game and aren't fucking around doing anything and everything else besides taking care of your kids. If a person chooses to stay home with their kids "to raise them" then DO IT. That really, really pisses me off. Obviously.

kimberrleigh said...

So fun fact - my one friend is hatching her little girl sometime this month (I say hatching because I still believe children are these demon creatures..). And she will be a great mom, I have no doubt about that. She's one of those people that were destined to be a parent. Its kind of gross. Anyways.
I have a very sad, sneaking suspicion she's going to become one of those SAHMs because the baby daddy (not married yet.... that's another story) is still in college and they kind of live in the ghetto. They're the same age, but she was so hardcore in college that she graduated a year early. And now it's just like she doesn't care and just wants to pop kids out.
But its really sad because she has her degree in Psychology and could have actually went and had a real job and then kids... but she's gonna turn into one of those Moms who think her children are the fucking world, will never let them play on the playground without popping an aneurysm and shit. It's sad.

Also, I have a career and two demon cats... but I can manage to keep my apartment in shape and food for myself and the demons. And children aren't much different than cats, so if I can do it so can SAHMs.

Just sayin.

Julie H said...

I was a stay at home mom for 7 years. You know why that woman's house looked like that? DEPRESSION. I know you don't believe it but staying home is HARD. You don't hardly talk to anyone and everything you do is totally unappreciated. I'd try and get dinner on the table at the same time every night and my husband would work late and not tell me. Fuck that.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I agree with the depression. Being a SAHM can be very isolating, especially if you are introverted to begin with & don't have many SAHM friends or local playgroups to join. And it's just such a total change of lifestyle. You don't punch out at the end of the day, there is no lunch break, you can't just walk away from your desk for 5 minutes if the customers are getting too bad, there is no boss to ask to have some of your workload shifted, there is no adult conversation, no one to vent to in the moment. You have these little whiny creatures, who can go from being damn adorable to screaming monsters for no reason other than it's now 2:47p and they want it to still be 2:46p and while you were trying to convince that one that it's about to be 2:48 so they should just suck it up and deal the other one takes his diaper off and pees all over the clean laundry or decides to dump the cat litter in the toilet to make mud pies and by the time you get that cleaned up, with side trips about how tragic it is that it is now 3:15 and the wind is from the south, you realize is actually now 4:30 and you never took anything out of the freezer for supper and all your go to boxed food is gone because you ate it all last week when everyone was taking turns having the stomach flu and when you tried twice to go shopping over the weekend the 'its now 2:47' problem happened each time so you had to leave the store and then your husband comes how and asks when the last time was you loaded the dishwasher & you seriously consider beating him with a skillet because if they arrest you they will put you in a cell all by yourself and bring you food and no one will wake you up in the middle of the night so you can clean up their vomit and that has a very strong appeal right then.

Add spending a year recovering from a bronchial infection I picked up in the hospital after having my gall bladder removed and you have my second year as a stay at home mom. I at least had MOPS once a month & just so you know how very desperate I was to get out of the house & socialize with other moms, I am a wiccan and I joined MOPS, a protestant faith based organization, that has several prayers and lots of Jesus themed stuff in every meeting. We couldn't decorate for Halloween because you know...the Devil... and I was JUST FINE with that. I'd have stood up and given a fake 'testimony' about accepting Jesus as my savior had it been required for membership.

But at some point we nearly all manage to get it together & have more good days than bad. Like one of them starts preschool & suddenly just having 1 kid to keep track of is like having no kids at all! I sucked as a SAHM from when DS2 was 6 weeks old (the gall bladder surgery) until DS1 started preschool 3 days a week 2 years later. Those 9 hours a week totally helped me get my act together.

Sarah said...

I've been a stay at home mom, full time working mom, and part time working mom. SAHM was the most difficult. It is isolating yet wonderful. My house is cleaner now that I work full time because my kids are not home all day destroying what I clean as I clean haha! I did have dinner ready every night and I don't think my house smelled lol. It sounds though like the woman you encountered must be depressed.