Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Bumpity, bump, bump.

You hear that? That is the sound of this girl trying very hard to get back onto the weight loss wagon. Oh yes, I've fallen off again and I don't even care. How's that, world? I don't care.

Except now that I do and I remember why I get off this stupid wagon each and every time, because I hate exercising. I also fear that someday I might actually like it and I don't want to. Damn you, exercise. And I'll be honest- the only reason that I started getting out there every night doing something is because way back earlier this year when I was far more ambitious I had signed up for a 5K. And not just any 5K, I signed up for the Dirty Girl Mud Run, which is a 5K and obstacle course all in one.

It's OK to laugh, even I'm laughing at the absurdity of this.

Well this race is on Saturday. Do you think I have trained in any way for this? No. Do you think that even in my far more fit years of high school I could do push up's, pull up's, any of that? No. I have never once been able to do a pull up of any kind my entire life. In fact, I have horrible memories of actually being taunted in elementary school by a son of a bitch gym teacher and he'd invite the kids to make fun of me as if that was motivation. Nope. I would just hang there like a limp noodle on a fork, try not to cry, and hope to god 30 seconds goes by fast.

It never did, and I never did a pull up.

A skill I also could never do? Anything with a rope. No can do. Ropes are tricky bastards that just wiggle around and you can never really get a good grip and I think one time I did tear up having to do a rope climb again in elementary school gym class. The other kids were like, "Hell yeah!" and I'm like, "I'm going to be sick. Literally."

The irony here is that this 5K has something called The Monkey and it involves a horizontal rope climb and I see there are other rope climbs and I feel like I have just signed myself up for total humiliation. And yes, I am aware that you can walk around obstacles and be like "um, fuck you, no thanks" and keep it moving. I know this. But in my head I feel like, what's the point of signing up for something if you aren't even going to try? So I'm going to try to try. That's the best I can do. Try to try.

In the meantime, for the last three weeks I have been going out almost nightly for a walk. I tried running, remembered I hated it, and thought fuck it- let me just start walking the distance of a 5K until I get used to the distance part and then I'll run. That's my plan at least. So far I've been doing really well with the walking. I'm consistently going 4 miles every night, sometimes more, but 4 miles is my general target. It's really weird walking in a new neighborhood though. For one, I can spy on a whole new set of people, so that's fun. I can look at other houses and get ideas so that my house doesn't look so empty on the outside eventually.

Oh, and this neighborhood is a little more animated than my old one. Last week I got a "DAYUM" for a car full of college guys. Yeah, my ass is ALL real homeboys. Also last week I got two taps of the horn and a thumbs up from a really hot guy in a pick up truck. Last night I was out with my friend Amber and not only were we called homo's by a group of kids age 7 and under inviting people to their rummage sale (never mind this is almost 8pm), but we got cat called by a bunch of guys in a super beat up truck. Oh, and saw a misspelled city road sign.

The only hangup I currently have is going out alone. I have always had this fear of being attacked, abducted, whatever and I've had this my entire life. I'm terrified of the dark and I feel like I'm basically a target waiting to be had. So I try to go with someone every night. But there are some nights where that isn't a possibility and those are the nights that are the hardest to get out and do 4 miles. So we'll see. I don't totally have a plan for the winter months when it's dark by 4pm, not to mention freezing, but I'll think of something.


Steff said...

It's great that you are trying to work up to it by walking instead of straight up starting to run! When I was getting back in to exercising I used to always be like, Ya, I'm going to be a fucking runner! Then get a half mile, start to cry, and go home. The last time I started working out I decided to start nice and easy like you and that's how i've been able to consistently work out! A year later and I'm still going strong! And am strong haha Also, in the beginning I supplemented my walks with the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred video and that made an IMMENSE difference when I started running because I had actually built up some muscle. I have never had easier runs than after I did Jillian!

Ruth said...

I am not an exerciser. I have never climbed a rope. Never had to so I wouldn't know where to begin. Good luck!

Unknown said...

I can do a pull up and sit up and push up!! I sit up from the couch, pull up to the table and push the fork full of cake into my mouth :)

Julie H said...

I've never ever done a pull up either. EVER. Thank God we didn't have ropes in my schools.

I've never done the mud runs mostly because I don't want to get dirty haha. I'm not a princess but for some reason that totally grosses me out.

Maybe you will surprise yourself and do awesome!