Thursday, January 16, 2014

That? Oh, that's not thunder. That's just me exercising.

Real talk, lambs.

I've gotten ridiculously lazy over the last year. I had done so well losing a ton of weight and being all physically fit and shit, and then I figured a couple of lazy days wouldn't hurt. But then a couple of days turned into almost 400.

You know how that happens.

So I'm back at it. The only thing that has spurred this on is that my pants are too snug and I refuse to buy a bigger size again because I purposely rid myself of those. So I've decided that enough is enough. I need to get back onto the exercise band wagon no matter how much I absolutely hate it. I hated gym class my entire life and felt absolute joy my senior year of high school because it was no longer required. It was about then I gave the fingers to gym and said see ya.

Then I got chunky.

I'm just going to say it's probably a coincidence.

But here I am. Chunkalump. That's my new nickname- Chunkalump.

To get myself on track, I've signed up for a bunch of 5K's. I've only got fun ones in my calendar so far, but I'll put some for real ones where I have to actually run versus skip through electric lands and colored paint.

I also decided I am going to do the 30 Day Shred. It took about two weeks to find my DVD and I literally just finished day six of it. I'll be honest- I hate it. I hate the program, I hate Jillian Michaels, I hate Anita who clearly doesn't care Jillian basically makes her sound like an invalid for not doing full movements, and I hate Natalie who gets all of this praise for really getting down deep when, if you watch closely, she's absolutely phoning it in when Jillian and the cameras aren't totally focused on her.

Yeah- I see you sucking it up you lazy ass. I see you.

Here are the most annoying issues I'm currently dealing with:

  • Stamina, obviously. Holy fucking shit- how out of shape am I?? God. I'm not kidding you, I'm sure if you were in the basement listening to me jumping around, it probably sounds like the house is collapsing. Matt and Twinky hunker down there and I'm sure it's scary. 
  • Dear Kegels: You don't work. Here's something they don't mention in the "What to Expect: The First Years" books post baby bursting from vagina- pee will come out whether you do Kegels all day every day or not. It does not matter. I do Kegels like you wouldn't believe. Sure, Matt assures me things are a tight ship down there, but still- pee bursts forth once I start jumping jacks. I can do three jumping jacks before I have to pause, run to pee, come back. 
  • And during this- it feels like I am going to have a pee emergency, but then it's like two drops. What the fuck is that??? 
  • Why is it that I can do regular squats, but you give me a side lunge and I'm practically falling over? 
  • My boobs hurt. I clearly need a new sports bra. I have a really nice Nike one, and nothing will move in it, but to get it off you essentially have to dislocate your shoulder and hope for the best. So I need to get myself one that zips in the front or something. Probably something more like a harness. 
So we'll see. The fact I've done six consecutive days so far is kind of huge. This is already more than I ever had done before. I think my record was twice. In a month. So, clearly- if you look at it in percentages, I'm already kicking ass and taking names. 

At the end of 30 days we'll do another picture, but on day one I was 184 pounds and looked like this. For the record, I am not pregnant.


Veronica M. D. said...

Ha! "For the record, I am not pregnant." I feel like I need this on a sign so I can hang it around my neck.

Anna (herding cats-burning soup) said...

Woot! Go Sara!! 6 days is awesome! I've been slacking here too. A group of friends started a FB group for support in this and at the start I was so good! But And I've so been slacking. I need to get back to it and not just exercise (which dammit I hate!) but start actually cooking again too.

Thanks for the bit of motivation :) Hope day 7 goes great!

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I have that video but I gave up after 4 days, not just because I was exhausted but because she just doesn't give enough attention and time to correct form. I could never tell if I was actually working the right muscles or if I might be in danger of hurting them because she didn't explain the form well enough for me.
My downfall is diet. I work out 4-5 days a week at the gym but unless I am being very very careful about what I eat I never lose a pound. Granted a lot of my fat weight turned to muscle weight but after a certain amount of time that no longer holds true. There is still fat. Muscles don't jiggle. BUt if I lay off the wine & cheese for a week I can drop 2lbs.
But I can never manage a whole week without wine & cheese.

Steff said...

Hell ya! I feel the SAME way about the video, but I love it so much haha I first started it a couple years ago and it was the start to the person I am now, who loves exercising! I definitely couldn't finish her video when I first started, and even now when I go back and do it when I want to do a home workout, it can be tough! Also, I totally skip all lung parts and just do squats. My knees are too terrible for them. If you can't do something now you can always try an alternate exercise until you build enough muscle!

Unknown said...

See, this is why I can't do any workouts at home or DVDs because I live on the third floor and with my fat ass? My neighbor is probably gonna think I'm murdering someone. And we've had a solid relationship so far (ie - I think I've actually seen him once and said Hi to him that one time) and I don't want to ruin it. So that leaves me to either use the crappy apartment complex gym (seriously, it's so ghetto and sketch) which is a NO or run/exercise outside - which I don't mind, because it's free and I can do as many burpees/high knees/whatever as I want without bugging anyone. But it's always dark outside when I get home from work and I am NOT a morning person so screw waking up at 5:30.
Screw it. I've decided I'm just destined to be a chunky monkey and the universe will have to accept that.

Tamara said...

You're doing awesome! And seriously your FB posts crack me up. So, you can't stop doing Jillian because like, I need your inspiringly funny posts to keep me going. Just saying.

Also, YES ON THE PEEING JUMPING JACKS. I swear I've been routinely working out for 2 years and it doesn't fucking matter because if I gots to jump, I gots to pee no matter how many damn kegels I'm doing

Julie H said...

I still got asked if I was pregnant. I was like no that's just booze. (in an elevator in Reno after a night out).

thotlady said...

You kill me. Hang in there. I work at a police department and we are doing a team challenge. I have to start on the treadmill. I hate it!

thotlady said...

You kill me. Hang in there. I work for a police department and we are doing a team challenge to get into shape. I have to start back on the treadmill. I hate it!