Saturday, April 25, 2015

Saturday Struggles: Bras.

You know what? I've decided that there is too much "my life is awesome" out in blog land so I'm going to bring it back and talk about actual things that are issues. I'm all about keeping it 100, as they say on ghetto reality TV.

The struggle this week is going to be about bras. Specifically, maternity and/or nursing bras. Currently, my boobs are huge. They are huge anyways but incubating a tiny human makes them get bigger and quite frankly, it's absolute crap. I wish there was a way I could be like, "Boobs? No sense in producing milk, I'm not going to use it, so let's save yourself the work and my back from the pain and cut it out." Because this is absolutely awful.

I have purchased no less than 20 bras over the course of this pregnancy. Each one has been absolute shit. I'm convinced that the people who design these bras are either men or girls with no boobs. Or, at their best, swell to a B cup and complain of back pain. These are people who absolutely should never, ever be in charge of designing bras. I thought for sure the Jessica Simpson line of nursing bras would be OK because she's a busty girl, surely she has gone through the extra steps to ensure that the cups actually hold a boob in and the straps do their job all the while making your ribs not feel like they will snap in half.

As it turns out, she either has zero say in that entire process or she's actually stupid. Because none of that happens.

I've been measured in three different stores and each store gives me a different size. My standard size is a 38D. But my boobs are larger so I very much need a DD cup. One gal in Motherhood Maternity tried to sell me on a C cup and actually argued with me. It came down to me putting it on and coming out with my boobs clearly spilling out the top and sides and then she shut up and left me alone. Yeah, that's right- you're WRONG, lady. WRONG.

My other issue is support. When you are sporting a DD cup, I'm sorry, but you need underwire. You just do because no-wire leaves your boobs saggy and at no point is a saggy boob appropriate or attractive. Fun fact: it makes you look fatter. It just does. You need a good, supportive cup to bring the girls to where they need to be and it totally slims you out. The next issue? Straps. Even on the smallest setting, the straps do not hold my boobs up. They just don't. It's like the weight of my boobs pull the straps and so really, that bra is only going to be good for short periods of time and if you're lucky, won't be stretched out after a week and useless. But if you buy an underwire? Well you just got the next problem: rib pain. It doesn't matter if I get a size 38, 40, or 42, rib pain if for real. Normally, I don't have this issue with regular bras when I'm not pregnant, so maybe it's because all my innards are all moved about and my ribs aren't naturally this high? I don't know, but it's annoying and after two hours of wearing a bra I feel like I've bruised myself.

It's just another reason I can't wait to birth this baby. My boobs will go down after a few days and I can go back to wearing my regular bras which are comfy and supportive. Come ON, Penelope. Get out already.


Unknown said...

Girl, I'm a 38DD on a skinny day. This is another reason I'm dreading/dont want to have kids. My boobs are going to need their own suspension system. I'm so jealous of anyone who can get away without an underwire bra, because I'd just look like one of those people of walmart hillbillies if I even attempted to go sans wire.

Sigh. But you're on the downhill slide, so optimism!


mypixieblog said...

OMG, I'm not even preggers and I already wear a DD. I can't even think about how much bigger my boobs will get once I'm carrying a baby, but the idea alone makes my breastisies hurt.
PS: I've never used that word and I kind of love it.

Anyway, I'm disappointed the Jessica Simpson line wasn't to your liking. Well, maybe this would be a great chance for you to leave your mark and invent a good nursing / maternity bra :)