Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Too much, too much, too much, where is my bleach?!

When I was pregnant with Olivia I knew right off the bat that I absolutely did not want to be a stay at home mom. I am overly organized, sometimes to a fault, I have this obscene urge to do everything all on my own and I want things done my way because I don't trust others to do it correctly.

It's a terrible trait that runs all over my life. If I delegate something to someone, they better not fuck it up otherwise you'll hear me say, "SEE?! I TOLD YOU EVERYONE SUCKS." and then do things all on my own for a long time until I reluctantly try to give up the reigns and again, someone screws up or drops the ball completely.

And that works some of the time, and at least everyone I live with understands this about me so if they see me complaining it's like they feel the fire on their ass and suddenly, everything gets done the way I want it to be and it only confirms they are indeed, capable of doing it the correct way.

So now that I am home all of the time I do not rely on Matt to help with cooking or cleaning. When I was working we had a good balance of who did what and we were a good machine together. Now that I am home, I honestly don't feel it makes sense for him to work 75+ hours a week and then come home to clean or cook. I'm home all day, there is no reason it can't get done.

Yes, I have Penelope at home and she vomits on the floor or will throw her poopy diaper if I don't move it from her fast enough, and pretty soon she'll be making messes.


I'm home all day. There is no reason I can't keep this house clean. Every morning I strap her to my chest and clean up the kitchen after breakfast (after I dropped the kids off at school), then we clean up things that got left out before bed last night. We usually have some play time, music, and she eats her morning bottle. Fortunately, she takes a good one hour nap in the morning so I sweep and mop my kitchen floor and at least sweep the dining room and my office. When she wakes up we tackle the upstairs bathroom and she laughs as a I dance vacuum upstairs.

It's a good routine and on really good days I can get an extra load of laundry done, but one is my minimum.

Today though, I about lost my shit when I came back from bringing the kids to school.  Here's why:

  • Somebody apparently had shit on their hands this morning and instead of grabbing toilet paper, they smeared it on the wall next to the toilet paper in the downstairs bathroom. 
  • Toilet paper all over the floor in there, clearly not from the cats because it wasn't shredded. 
  • Olivia left her shampoo container open, and tipped over in the shower, and there is a full bottle of blue shampoo all over the shower stall in the downstairs bathroom. 
  • Somebody told me they took the dog out to pee and in fact, they did not. He peed all over my basement floor. It smells SO BAD down there that I will have to hope to god Penelope takes a nap this afternoon so I can bleach the hell out of the floor. 
  • Somebody peed their pajamas in the night and left the wet clothes ON THE CARPET in the upstairs closet. 
  • Matt (I can name this one because I know it was him 100%) left out dirty plates on the kitchen counter last night with birthday cake on them. Didn't, for some bizarre reason, scrape them off and put them in the dishwasher. A cat, Ginger (I can name her because she had frosting on her face) ate some and proceeded to barf all over the wood floor in the dining room in the night. Now, how Matt missed this at 4 a.m. I do not know but it was there for hours because it has stained the flooring and I cannot get it out. Cannot. It is not coming up. 
I can't even. I can't. Who are these animals?! Not even just the pets, but the actual humans that live here as well. My level of pissed off cannot be charted. 

But here I am, cleaning it up. Windows open to air the cleaner smells out and I absolutely will be eating ice cream and soda for lunch because quite frankly, I DESERVE IT. 


thotlady said...

I hear you sister. I don't have children but sometimes I get very frustrated with my husband.

I wouldn't want to be in your house tonight. Go get 'em.

Mattie @ Northwest Native said...

Noooo. And I thought Michael leaving his dirty dishes/garbage or recycling/clothes everywhere was bad. You definitely deserve ice cream for lunch!

Unknown said...

Mama- I hear ya! I had such a weekend of trying to clean and get the house organized only to find dirty dishes everywhere, clothes in ever place you could think, and a smell that I still can't find or get rid of. I finally said- no! I'm blogging. Leave me and my horror movies alone for a few hours. I felt better after that.

Shann Eva said...

You deserve much more than ice cream and soda for lunch. You deserve a huge raise. Oh wait. I forgot we don't get paid for doing out mommy duties. I'm totally grossed out and super upset for you. Unacceptable behavior on all of them.

Andi said...

I think Google deleted my first comment when I signed in.. Lame.

Hang in there mama and grab yourself an extra scoop of ice cream. Maybe put a little blue frosting on your husbands face when he gets home for not putting those dishes away last night too ;)

Life Love & High Heels said...

Holy hell. I would've left for a while just to cool down. Gross!

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Who smears poop?!? That is crazy that even a kid would do that!!

The Flynnigans said...

Sounds like a lot of bullshit shenanigans enough to drive you to drink!!

Why Girls Are Weird said...

This post makes me feel exhausted. You need a nap. And so do I.

Anonymous said...

Ugh, too much crap at once! Happy ice cream. Good luck