Friday, May 6, 2016

And then Penelope turned one. I cried like the hormonal mess that I am.

I actually lost my camera for a few days which is why this is getting to you late. But Penelope turned one last week and I'll be honest, it came so fast. I had this thought that she'd be one "in a few weeks" but then those few weeks flew by and I realized holy hell- my baby is one. She's officially one and there isn't a damn thing I can do to stop it.

The funny thing is that when I was pregnant with her, I told myself I would really do a much better job at savoring all of the small moments. I was not going to forget what it was like to snuggle a newborn, or the smell, or what it felt like to have a baby lay on my chest happy as a clam. I was going to take all of it in and really remember it for the rest of my life. Somehow I had forgotten to do that with Olivia and Jackson so by god, I'd remember with Penelope.
And then life happens and you figure you'll have tomorrow to do that. But tomorrow she's one and she isn't that brand new baby, waiting to have every experience be a first and be amazing and new.
You realize that she's more independent. She loves you to the moon and doesn't want you to pee alone, or eat alone, or do anything without her right there doing it with you because it's all new to her. She enjoys all of the newness, but isn't always sure of it, either. She's curious, she's playful, she's an absolute doll. She's the easiest baby I have ever had and the sweetest. She's going to be a handful I suspect but she really is my baby best friend.
But now she's really my toddler best friend. We literally do nothing without the other. And as isolating and depressing as it is most of the time, I am grateful I can be home with her to be a part of it. I realize what I missed with Olivia and Jackson. Though maybe at that age I wouldn't have appreciated it like I do now because I know how fast it goes by. In a blink she'll be five and going to school.
We celebrate anyways. Even if it makes me sad to see her get big so quickly. We had a little family party for her on her actual birthday, but we have a real party planned for mid-May. The timing of Mother's Day and people being out of town pushed it out so far. But we had gotten her a few presents.
Olivia and Jackson picked out this Fisher Price zoo toy and she wanted it out of the damn box immediately. That's her impatient face. I see that a lot during the day. They also got her a little tub of plastic fish because she likes putting things into containers and taking them back out. Matt and I got her a toddler slide with mini ball toy attached for the yard. So far we've kept it in the house for her to practice with but she doesn't totally understand the concept of sliding.
My mom got her this very cool wooden tree toy (in mid-assembly here) and she loves it. But what's notable is she stands without hanging onto something. Well, until you notice and then she sits back down. She isn't walking yet but you can tell she wants to, but crawling seems faster.
We had a cupcake. She wasn't super messy at all but really preferred the frosting over the cake.
And didn't understand why we were all staring at her as she ate.
It's hard not to love this little peanut. She's so funny, she's sweet, she's totally a girly girl, she is playful and fun. My mom says she looks so much like me as a baby and I kind of love that. Olivia and Jackson are totally their father's kids but Penelope.. she's my special little love.  
It really does seem like just yesterday I met you for the first time and fell in love. And truly, I fell in love with you the second I held you in my arms. I was so tired, I was sore, I worked really hard to get all 8 pounds, 15.5 ounces of you out of me and you were the only baby I actually saw coming out. I was able to sit up enough to see you and I wanted you right away, which is also a first. But you looked at me like I was the greatest thing in the whole world, and you still do. You want me over anyone else and while that can be tiresome, most of the time it's the best feeling in the world. Love you little pea.


thotlady said...

So sweet.

Mattie @ Northwest Native said...

The cutest! I was going to say I love her facial expression in one picture...her impatient face! Haha, it's too funy!