One step closer to the loony bin... or prison. Thanks, family.

Before I get into today's post, my latest post for Duluth Moms Blog is live! It's Meal Planning for Dummies and I think you'll like it. 

I know many moms are going to relate to this post because we've all been there. It happens to all of us. I know it used to bother me before but I was able to take this kind of thing in stride a little easier, but post AFE I give absolutely no craps and I'm just done. 

I'm physically, mentally, emotionally done with it. 

I am so close to losing it on my family and I don't even think they care. Maybe I have to go ballistic on them for them to get it? My poor psychiatrist always asks if I feel rage and I have to say every day. I always get the blank stare because he's not sure what to think about that but it's true. Every single day I am brought to the brink of rage and it's my family. It's not anyone else, it's the people who live in this house. 

 The recycling. We have a paper bag that we collect our recycling in and then when it's full, someone takes it out. As of late my family have given that up and they now leave it on the windowsill. I'm not sure who they think is going to take care of it, but it drives me crazy. The bag is RIGHT THERE. But you see, that makes the bag full and logically they'd have to take it out. Nobody wants to take it out so they do this creative bit and wonder why I get angry. 

 I don't actually eat a lot of food. If I eat once a day I'm doing pretty good. Sometimes all I want is a small bowl of cereal. But I can't even have that because everyone leaves the box open and it goes stale. It's so infuriating. 

 Alright, this was Lucy. Lucy colored on my brand new, expensive grown up lamps. I mean, if the light is on you can't see it but once you turn it off there it is. Thanks, Lucy. 

 This was no help from my family, this was ALL ME. I worked all weekend doing laundry, folding it, putting it away (or in people's rooms). I had to take a picture to document the fact that it happened. It actually happened. A family of six and an empty laundry basket. 

It didn't last long. Actually only until the morning when Olivia filled it. She filled it with stuff I told her to put away early in the week and I know damn well she hadn't worn. I swear to god that girl is going to send me to the brink because of her laundry. 

 Someone didn't even have the decency to put a new roll on top. I mean, I have no expectations a roll would be changed but you could at least get us halfway there with a roll on top. 

Not my family. 

I sweep my floors every day. I mop every other day. I am so physically exhausted from doing both of these things so frequently. It's not like I can skip it because I have this pile of dirt on my kitchen floor EVERY DAY. 

I tried to sweep it into a heart to boost morale. 

It didn't work. 

You guys. 

I'm not like I once was, I can't keep this up. I talk to people, explain how over it all I am and we're good for a day or two. Then people just stop and wait for me to lose it on them again. It's not a matter of just hiring someone, I literally cannot handle the stress of having someone in my house, touching my things. I just can't do it. I so badly want a one level home but the reality of that is that it isn't going to happen. I have to make what we've got work and I'm not kidding- I'm struggling. 

I am so, so grateful I have therapy on Monday. It feels like I haven't been there in forever and it's only been two weeks. 

Don't do it if you are easily disgusted.

I'm big into buying things used to save some money. Totally all for it. I seriously wish I would have had listened to people tell me not to spend a lot of money on baby gear when I was pregnant with Olivia. I learned by the time I had Jackson and thank god I had the brains to not buy girly pink everything with Olivia because everything she had, Jackson used. And it was glorious, perfect and smart.

Then Matt declared we were done with babies. Sell all of the stuff, he said. You don't need to keep any of it for any reason, he said.

Fast forward seven years and here we are, on the cusp of Penelope's arrival and we had saved NOTHING. A few people have been like, "Whoa- you've gotten so many gifts, it's like it's your first born!" and truly, it is. Mostly because these people know we had literally nothing. I mean, not even clothes. I sold everything at yard sales because Matt was SURE we were totally done. The only thing we did still have was the crib my mom used at her house when she watched our kids. Yes, it's "older", like ten years old. But you know what? I don't give a damn. No kid ever got a limb stuck in it and quite frankly, I think some parents take things far too seriously. It's going to be just fine. It just is.

So this time around I was all about finding anything for free, or as low cost as possible, and making it work for us. Fortunately, most of our friends are done with babies so we've gotten a lot of really great stuff from them at no cost. The level of gratitude for all of that can't be measured, that's for sure. But not everything has been that way so I have been looking at the Facebook garage sale sites for months and getting things here and there.

One thing I acquired was a pack and play with changing table thing for $20. Now, we are those hard core parents that don't co-sleep and we don't do the bassinet bullshit. The kid has a crib and it's best you learn to use it because I'm not doing this sleep transitioning crap more than once. (Same with potty training. I'm never, ever, ever going to do the potty seat bullshit again either. Did that with Olivia and going from that and then to toilet? WHY? Why are you essentially training twice? Ludicrous, I tell you.) But the pack and play was always super nice when they were way little because they'd cat nap while I'd try pumping, or sometimes I was allowed to pee and I'd stick them in there. Or when they first came home and I couldn't change their diaper on the floor because I had so many stitches keeping my vagina in tact (level four tear, both times, HUZZAH), I used the changing table part. Super handy.

So anyways.

I bought this sucker for $20 and put literally zero thought into cleaning it. So a few weeks ago I found this pin on Pinterest about cleaning a pack and play and I was like, is that a thing? Are people that fanatical? They actually are. And because I love to clean and I've got time, I thought- why not? Why not fill my bathtub up with chemicals and clean this sucker?

Like a totally terrible blogger, I did not take a "before" picture of the pack and play. But I will say that honestly? It didn't smell weird and it looked totally clean. But I figured I had already carried the son of a bitch upstairs to my bathroom with a tub (the downstairs bathroom is a shower stall only), so we're already committed.

I filled the tub about half way with scalding hot water and put the pack and play in. The bottom portion of the pack and play is on the bottom of the tub, pretty much all of the components are in.

Oh, for the "cleaner" I used about a cap full of laundry detergent and then a scoop of OxiClean. Every tutorial I found had varying ingredients and measurements and I don't do math so I winged it with that concoction.

After about an hour, I went back up. And holy fucking DISGUSTING, people. That was what it looked like after soaking. I had to rotate it so all of it got clean.

After about another 45 minutes, I drained the tub and rinsed everything off with hot water. But then you have to dry the damn thing. The instructions I saw had people drying these outside in the sunshine. I do not have that luxury because at the time, it was still freezing cold and it would just freeze. So Matt said my best bet was to do it in the basement. But that meant carrying this dripping thing down to the basement from the second floor and that's a nightmare. Thankfully, he's such a good sport and used my brilliant idea to use a huge plastic tote to carry it down. So we did that. It took basically a full week to air dry out. The bottom of the pack and play had a weird board in it, so in order for that to not warp, we had it set up on sawhorses in the basement and I'd rotate twice a day so it was drying evenly.

Ta-da! We got it all put together (mostly) and it looks (and smells) great. And is totally freaking clean. I mean, who knew this was a cleanable thing?! Even though we likely will only use this for a few weeks, knowing I only spent $20 on it doesn't make me feel so bad. But now I'm looking around my house wondering what else I can clean?!