Sewage, Wall-less, and What The Fuck Happened Here?

Today our house was shown to three perspective buyers, we have three showings for tomorrow as well. I'll tell you what- if this joint doesn't sell it won't be because of lack of cleaning and staging. All of my hours watching HGTV are not for waste, bitches.

But because we have so many showings in such a short period of time, it's freaking me out. Like, we might actually have to move.Which- probably should have been on my radar when we you know, listed the house. But then it occurred to me, shit. That means packing, and cleaning a new space, etc. Ugh. This also means that we should probably get our butt in gear to look at what is for sale in our area within our budget.

And it's really sad because we're left with stuff we can't afford but love, stuff we can afford that look scary from pictures, and then three houses that by pictures, we like. They have potential, could be very Matt & Sara. Until of course, you see them in person. And then it's like holy shit. SO GLAD I didn't re-do my kitchen, apparently nobody else gives a shit either. At least I try to make what I have look nice. Here's a recap: (House Hunters style)

1. Desirable neighborhood, split entry: Outside is very cute, nice yard, quiet 'hood, lots of pretty flower potential. Inside, holy no fucking room. Like, no landing to take off shoes/jackets/gear. The living room, kitchen, dining, bath, and 2 bedrooms are upstairs. Family room, another bath, and another room are downstairs. The living room is nice and big, huge window. Kitchen is alright, but the "dining room" is the table shoved in the kitchen. No way could we host holidays or entertain. The rooms are all small, tons of paneling. Oh, the paneling. The bathrooms? Smelled like sewage. The upstairs was worse than downstairs which is odd considering downstairs there is a closet that has nothing but the sewage and water pipes running in it. WEIRD. Oh, and the bathroom downstairs? Disgusting. Oh my god. No way in FUCK would I shower in there. The best part is that they have regular drop ceiling tile in the shower. Which, hello- that gets wet and it's on you. Very much not what you use in a shower. The utility room is a mess, it's freezing in there, and it smells like sewage. So disappointing. It's not even worth considering.

2. Matt's favorite, which I knew would suck: Oh hey- if you're going to say that your house has not been in a flood, perhaps you should finish putting all of the walls back up in your basement. Especially when two of the bedrooms and the family room are supposed to be down there. And maybe cover up the fact that they drilled holes between each stud to drain water. That house is handicapped accessible, has a nice deck, pretty decent upstairs. None of the bathrooms are a full bath, they only had showers, so that was a problem. Kitchen is a bit dated and I didn't like the layout at all. I think Matt held out hope and was going to convince me that this was fixable but then I had to remind him that he hates to put walls up. He hates dry wall and all that goes with it. And it would be a HUGE job. We'd sink $10,000 into it by the time we had everything inspected, installed, and totally livable. And we'd have to do that in order to move in. I'm worried about eating in Florida on our vacation, I don't have $10,000.

3. The weirdo house we're looking at just to see what the fuck is up with it: It's weird. OK, it's actually really cute and honestly? I'm pulling for it. Sure, the layout is absolutely insane with no rhyme or reason. Sure, it needs new siding, soffet and fascia. Sure, the garage is settling and we'd have to see if this is a super horrible thing considering two rooms and a landing are above it/connecting it to the house. Sure, the kitchen needs to be updated a little and I don't know why there is blue carpet in the dining room and in no other room. But you know what? It's double the size of our house. It has TEN closets, not including what's in the bedrooms. It has a fenced in yard, a cute patio/deck area, BALCONY off the master bedroom, weird craft room, gigantic workshop in the basement, and a family room in the basement. No signs of flooding though! It does need work. It's the cheapest on our list. I'm kind of rooting for it. I've got a feeling about it. It feels very much like home.

So... we'll see. I have to look on the realtor websites to see if anything new is out there but the pickings are SLIM. Unless I win the lottery or want to live in the ghetto.

The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope

Every once in a while a book comes along and it pulls at me from a place I don't really understand. I connect with a book in a far different way than most would and so I become inexplicably attached to the book. It feels like it becomes my story. One of the only books that has done this to me was Stiltsville, which still has lines that ring in my head and I recommend that book fully. But this book? This book is a little more special.

The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope - Rhonda Riley

In the waning months of World War II, young Evelyn Roe’s life is transformed when she finds what she takes to be a badly burned soldier, all but completely buried in the heavy red-clay soil on her family’s farm in North Carolina. When Evelyn rescues the stranger, it quickly becomes clear he is not a simple man. As innocent as a newborn, he recovers at an unnatural speed, and then begins to change—first into Evelyn’s mirror image, and then into her complement, a man she comes to know as Adam.

Evelyn and Adam fall in love, sharing a connection that reaches to the essence of Evelyn’s being. But the small town where they live is not ready to accept the likes of Adam, and his unusual origin becomes the secret at the center of their seemingly normal marriage.

Adam proves gifted with horses, and together he and Evelyn establish a horse-training business. They raise five daughters, each of whom possesses something of Adam’s supernatural gifts. Then a tragic accident strikes the family, and Adam, in his grief, reveals his extraordinary character to the local community. Evelyn and Adam must flee to Florida with their daughters to avoid ostracism and prying doctors. Adrift in their new surroundings, they soon realize that the difference between Adam and other men is greater than they ever imagined.

Intensely moving and unforgettable, The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope captures the beauty of the natural world, and explores the power of abiding love and otherness in all its guises. It illuminates the magic in ordinary life and makes us believe in the extraordinary.

To be frank, I don't know where to start on this book. I was originally supposed to post my review last week but I could not because I had to re-read some passages and this book was emotional. Not because it's sad or anything (though some parts are), but because it really challenges a lot about love. Evelyn finds a young man seemingly half buried in her back yard but soon after bringing him inside of the farm she has inherited, she quickly realizes he isn't quite ordinary. His face and entire body are disfigured, much like a burn victim, and he doesn't appear to have any particular facial features. His gender.. his a little ambiguous to say the least. But over the course of a few days the person changes. First changes into what will become Addie- seemingly Evelyn's twin. And while traumatic and a little shocking to Evelyn, the two quickly become inseparable. 

Addie has gifts with animals but also through singing. Without opening her mouth. It's clear from the beginning she's obviously not like Evelyn and over time, the almost soul mate connection between the two leads to an intimate relationship that Evelyn wants, but also fears. 

But over time, Evelyn realizes she really wants to get married, become a mother, raise a family. Addie recognizes this as well and feeling such an emotional bond to Evelyn, she does something to make this happen for Evelyn.

In a few days, in walks Adam. 

Unlike Addie who is virtually a twin of Evelyn, Adam is more her compliment. The male version of herself. Over time they marry, have several children with unique birthing situations because of the uncertainty of what Adam is exactly, and they live a happy and normal life. Until a tragedy hits the family and turns everyone upside down. The immeasurable grief changes Adam and when he does something in front of the community that basically scares the Jesus out of them, Evelyn goes into protective mode. She understands him and knows nobody else will. 

(Side note: this is where I felt like something rammed into my chest, because I got it. Sometimes I look at Matt with some of the issues he deals with privately and while I don't really understand why he does it, I sometimes feel like it's my job to protect him. I feel like I could never really leave him because he would be alone and I couldn't let him be ridiculed. It's me that keeps him in check and it's me that helps him navigate acceptable social behaviors, etc. And sometimes I feel there's a bigger reason that we matched up.)

So over the town gossip, Evelyn decides to pack up the family and just leave. They go to Florida and start a brand new life which seems to rejuvenate Adam. Unfortunately, it's around this time when Evelyn realizes that as she ages through her years, Adam does not. It becomes a little awkward and Adam tries to make this right because he wants to do everything for Evelyn, give her the world, give her the best possible life. What pulls at you is their love. It may not always be easy, the amount of love for each other is huge. It's like a couple that if you're in the same room you can't help but notice and feel how much they love each other. Which is exactly like Adam and Evelyn- times ten. 

And one day, it all ends without warning. I'll be honest- the ending hit me hard. I cried. I cried because I was sad it wasn't a forever love story, I cried because you don't know what happens to Adam. I can't even pose all of the questions I was left with at the end of the book because it'll ruin the majority of the book for you. But please read this. If you read nothing else I recommend, read this one. It will pull at you. It's one of those books that doesn't have a major, dramatic story line, but it's the story of a life. A life that seems so much like yours but at the same time nowhere near your ordinariness. Here's a quick video of the author explaining the novel. In a much more eloquent way than I can share. 

Also take a peek at Rhonda's Facebook page. But I'm telling you- this is going to be the best book of the year for me, I can feel it. It will easily make my Top 10 favorite books of all time. The writing is so beautiful, it's so true to life, and you just connect with Evelyn. You really start to feel like you're sitting with a new friend as she tells you her story in a nursing home visitor lounge. I can't give this book enough praise. Absolutely wonderful. 

That time I held Mikel Jollett's hand.

Otherwise known as that time I took my dear friend Emily to her first concert ever and we saw The Airborne Toxic Event. It was glorious.

It was mostly really great to see Emily because I miss her a lot even though I'm happy she's doing her dream job and lives in a place dubbed the River House. We had a great dinner in Roseville and though she was reluctant to wait for hours outside of the venue despite my logic, she was a real trooper. Freezing wind and all. And the fact that I promised that some random old guy would make friends and she was probably doubtful, but it really ended up happening probably helped. AND we made friends with a definitely crazy, possibly drunk girl from Denver. And by "we made friends" I mean she randomly asked if we were fans of the band, showed us pictures off her phone and almost set my hair on fire with her cigarette. So you know, a typical Sara Tuesday.

But once we were in it was pretty great. Kodaline opened for them and they were really great. I knew that I knew at least one song of theirs but then it turns out I knew all of the ones they played. Cute little Irish boys.

Kodaline played a relatively short set but they were really great. I can't stress that enough. Then of course The Airborne Toxic Event came on and I screamed like a twelve year old girl.  

The best part is that at like song two, Mikel climbed up the wall onto the stairs making his way through the crowd. And when he went by me, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Not going to lie, I almost died from it. I love him. Mucho. Like if he had dragged me away I would have went willingly. And he has soft hands. *sigh*

They did pretty much every song of theirs, played some new stuff and just made it a really fantastic concert. Oh! And then at one point Mikel spoke of the origin of the band name which is from a book called White Noise, and so I cheered because hello- read it! So he was taken aback and said, "Never thought I'd hear a cheer for a book at a rock concert." Um yeah- you're not aware of my bad ass-ness and we should be friends.

And it's always really great when you have a crowd of fans when literally everyone sings along, it brings the concert to another level. Which is exactly what happened. It was so great. I clapped so much that the palms of my hands had bruises, people. I sang along and the next day I felt like not only I had chain smoked a million cigarettes but that I was severely  hung over. All signs that the complete exhaustion was worth it.

Carry On, Warrior (and giveaway!)

I will be honest- when I originally saw this tour available, I skipped over it as soon as I saw that it was written by the creator of momastry.com. Not because I have anything against the website, but because I really hate mommy bloggers. I hate the "my kids are my life and it's always amazing and I am so blessed by Jesus" bloggers. I really would like them to show up at my house when I'm performing an enema on a seven year old while my five year old screams that I'm not spending time with him.

Like if I had a choice, I would chose an enema over Lego's.

But then I agreed I would do it and hot damn, I'm glad I did.

Carry On, Warrior - Glennon Doyle Melton

An inspirational, side-splittingly funny exploration of the power of living with love, forgiveness, and honesty.

In Carry On, Warrior, Glennon Doyle Melton shares new stories and the best-loved material from Momastery.com. She recounts her mistakes and triumphs with candor and humor, and gives language to our universal (yet often secret) experiences. She believes that by shedding our armor, we can stop hiding, competing, striving for the mirage of perfection, and making motherhood, marriage, and friendship harder by pretending they’re not hard. In this one woman trying to love herself and others, readers find a wise and witty friend who will inspire them to forgive their own imperfections, make the most of their gifts, and commit to small acts of love that will change the world.

 Carry On, Warrior features new material and selections from Momastery.com.

Largely, my gripe about other moms is that they aren't really honest. If you can't be honest with yourself that's a shame but to not be honest with the outside world is equally terrible. I have, to the chagrin of my extended family, been honest on my blog to the point where it is embarrassing for them. They feel upset with me and they don't understand it. But you understand it, because you are maybe like me. Immediately what won me was a little paragraph towards the beginning that made me say YES, Glennon is my kind of girl. 

"After reading a few of my essays, my dad, Bubba, called and said, 'Glennon. Don't you think there are some things you should take to the grave?' I thought hard for a moment and said, 'No. I really don't. That sounds horrible to me. I don't want to take anything to the grave. I want to die used up and emptied out. I don't want to carry around anything that I don't have to. I want to travel light."

And it just felt... good. It felt good to have someone else see it exactly as I do. Sure, some things I have to say maybe are embarrassing for someone else, or it makes them feel a certain way. But it's not really for me to worry about, is it? That means they have things they need to work through and it can't be my fault. I can't worry about that. So as I get older, I am getting closer and closer to dealing with things from my childhood that I know hinder me in some way as an adult. Slowly, I am getting there. 

But another theme through the book is how moms especially, feel a certain stigma about being honest. You know what, parenthood sometimes really sucks. And it's OK to say that. It doesn't make you a bad mother. Sometimes it is really hard to keep up appearances and be a really great mom, wife, friend, whatever. It's really hard to juggle it all and I am a poster child for that. Glennon struggled with addiction and other things during her younger years so she literally fell into motherhood completely not ready and anyone can appreciate that would be difficult. And one day in the park she decided to fuck it all, and she told another mom all of these things. Not only was it freeing to Glennon, but to the other mom as well. And think of how free you would feel if you just let it all go. Be honest. Live in the moment and not be worried about other people's perceptions of you. 

It would be momentous. 

Basically, I am telling you that as a vagina card carrying woman, you need this book. If you are a mother in any degree, you need this book. It does have a vein of religion in it which isn't my thing at all, but it's OK. I was able to pull enough out of it to overlook it. It's really just refreshing to read. It's not quite self help, but it's a memoir... kind of. Frankly, I don't know where you would peg this book but it's good nonetheless. And it also shows how no matter how put together you see a person, it's maybe hiding something totally different. 

GIVEAWAY TIME!

To win a copy of this book (US/Canada only), there are only two rules: 

1. Leave me a comment on this post with your email address

2. Follow this blog using Bloglovin (link below)

Good luck! 

Mermaid in Brooklyn (and giveaway!!)

I know, you want updates on the house sale/hunt, you want to know about my concert last night, and one of you creepy readers asked for a boob pictures. I'll give you updates, no boob pictures, all in good time, but I have a book review and giveaway for you. And if you are a mother who is just so incredibly exhausted, you will love this book. Totally adore.

Mermaid in Brooklyn - Amy Shearn

Formerly an up-and-coming magazine editor, Jenny Lipkin is now your average, stretched-too-thin Brooklyn mom, tackling the challenges of raising two children in a cramped Park Slope walk-up. All she really wants is to survive the sweltering New York summer with a shred of sanity intact. But when her husband, Harry, vanishes one evening, Jenny reaches her breaking point. And in a moment of despair, a split-second decision changes her life forever.

Pulled from the brink by an unexpected ally, Jenny is forced to rethink her ideas about success, motherhood, romance, and relationships. But confronting her inner demons is no easy task. . .

I knew immediately that not only was I going to love this book a lot but that I was going to love Amy Shearn. First of all, she is hilarious. And I'd like to think she's been through post-partum depression and everything else that parenthood brings because it was so real. Jenny's story sounds so much like mine, minus the mermaid and cute dad situation, and I felt like I was reading my memoir. 

Which legitimately felt a little cheated because now I feel like I have a different route to go on my own memoir someday. But, that's a story for another day. Literally. 

Literally on the first page there was a line that I found myself saying, "dammit, I hear you on THAT", and here it is so you get a sampling of her voice:

"I would by lying if I said his leaving wasn't a tiny bit of a relief, at least at first. My initial thought-due mostly to sleep deprivation, the effects of which, as any mother or political prisoner knows, never entirely fades- was that once the girls were in bed, I could ignore the dishes to be done and laundry (still in a compact three-day-old brick from the Laundromat drop off service) to be put away."

Um, hello. I remember when Matt and I went through a rough patch and I made him leave, I was secretly grateful that all of a sudden, the pressure to be a good wife AND mother were temporarily gone. To make matters worse, Jenny's infant, Rose, is the epitome of what you don't want in a second child when you are already exhausted, questioning life, and basically over it all. She cries a lot, she is very high needs, and she never sleeps. It summed up what Olivia was for me. And when Jenny repeats, " shut up, shut up, shut up, please shut up" hoping for just a little respite, and maybe a nap, I totally got it. Totally freaking got it. It's everything you never want to admit to a mother and I laughed out loud when Jenny's character referenced "the sheet they make you sign saying you won't shake your baby no matter what" because honestly, been there. I get it. 

So I felt like Jenny was me. I connected with her throughout the book. Even with cute dad, a neighborhood dad that is basically a stay at home dad and leads Jenny astray even though her husband has seemingly up and left. And side note? When he sends her a god damn post card basically saying he needs time, but oh don't worry- he'll come back? Stab. I would have been homicidal. Like, oh- please. Take all of the time you need while I'm sleep deprived and trying to feed the dog cereal because I can't force myself down the stairs and down the street to the store one more time with two high demand children in tow. 

What else I loved? How her relationship with Laura starts out kind of indifferent, just like any relationship would be when you make a new mommy friend, and eventually grows into a lasting friendship. The irony here is  how I finished this book and one of the books I'm reviewing tomorrow made me think of this book again. I'll talk more about that tomorrow. But it's hard to make friends when you become a mother, especially if these are other mommy friends, because you feel judged. It's really difficult to get past that and really not care what others moms are thinking because you know you are doing the best that you know how to do, but at the same time, want to know what you can do to be better. 

I don't want to talk about the mermaid aspect, or if Harry comes back, or what transpires with cute dad, or none of that. Because it would ruin it for you and this is too good of a book to do that. But I will tell you this, I have mixed emotions about the ending. You knew it was going to happen (well, I suspected) and when it does.. I feel bad for Jenny. It made me wonder if it's really what she wanted or if she really just felt trapped. But at the same time, I totally understood it because I had a similar ending and look at Matt and I now. So who knows. (Is that enough of a spoiler?) 

GIVEAWAY TIME!

To win a copy of this book (US/Canada only), there are only two rules: 

1. Leave me a comment on this post with your email address

2. Follow this blog using Bloglovin (link below)

Good luck! 

I should be a foreman. Or be in management.

Do you remember on Friday when I was freaking out about home improvement stuff and I made totally "unrealistic" demands of Matt?

Well all of his bitching was totally ridiculous because it got done. Almost all of it got done with the help of my really great micro-managing skills, my multi-tasking job assignment skills and my refusal of breaks unless you thought you were going to have an accident. We're obviously not union run around here but we are productive.

 Though they aren't technically legal to work, I put Jackson and Olivia to work as well. This apparently required aprons and goggles. Safety first, bitches.

But this is the wall in the laundry room totally finished and painted. Door trim is up.  

 The laundry room also has a ceiling and light fixture. This room looks a 1000% better than it did before. The best part about this is that for eight years Matt has complained at what a pain in the ass job the ceiling was going to be. Guess how long it took him? A few hours. Whiner.

 The front porch seemed like more of a pain in the ass because it literally took him all day Saturday and part of Sunday to finish. I'm pretty sure that because nothing in there is level or square that it was really pissing him off. But it looks nice. The room looks brighter and cleaner and though it is paneling, it's not offensive poop brown paneling.

AND, my bedroom door has trim around it AND my baseboard are trimmed out. It's perfect. Even though Matt broke my side table lamp from IKEA because he breaks them all of the time, it's still a win. I just need to hope IKEA carries them still. (See, Amy? I knew I should have bought extras last time!!)

Tomorrow the Realtor comes to take pictures of our house and basically give us an estimate of what we could get for it. Crossing fingers. I've cleaned like a mother fucker all weekend, purged all kinds of stuff and I am currently getting ready to sweep and mop my floors. Matt says I've lost my mind. I say I want my house to look nice.

But again, I'm so nervous my bowels are rioting.

What's making me nervous is what if our house sells fast and there is basically nothing great to pick for us to buy? Because the market is kind of dead here as far as nice stuff. And what if our house doesn't sell fast? Or at all? It's really very stressful. So yes, cross your fingers. And toes too if you're a freak and can do that.

Sometimes good news give you diarrhea.

And that's just a fact. It's also a weird thing that I not only inherited from my mother but it's something Matt and I apparently have in common. Excitement, nervousness, and stress give us diarrhea.

I feel a little closer to you now that we've shared that.

But here's the deal. Today we had our appointment with the bank. It was supposed to be at 9 but because Mother Nature is illiterate and can't read "April" on the calendar, we got a ton of snow last night. Pretty much everything shut down this morning, and the bank had a message on their website saying they would open at 10, allowing roads to be cleared. So we were able to reschedule and get in at 11:30 which was the only other available appointment. I'm not going to lie, when we went? I was terrified. I didn't even eat breakfast because I couldn't guarantee it would stay down.

After a full hour of going over finances and our credit report and just everything that is involved with applying for a mortgage, and some not re-assuring facial expressions from the gal at the bank, she gave us the news.

Not only are we qualified for a mortgage (I squealed, Matt almost squealed but held himself together), but our debt to income ratio? 30%!! Now, most of you don't even know what that is or why it's important but let me tell you something: to be at 30% only four years after a bankruptcy? I almost started crying. This poor woman probably thought I have stopped taking my required medication. I was jumping in my seat, squealing, it's no wonder she ushered us out fast.

HA!

But now the real work starts. Our pre-qualification is good for 90 days. After 90 days they have to go through it all over again because that's what they do, and it's stressful. Because how many people do you know have sold and bought a house in 90 days?

Um, nobody. That's who.

So in order to get this shit done, we have a Realtor who was really aggressive with our friend's previous home and was really successful at getting them above what they needed. But in order for me to feel less terrified, Matt and I sat down and made a full list of what we financially can handle to finish on this house. The kitchen is out. There is no way we can do cupboards and honestly... no. It's just out. But here is what's in:

Front Porch: finish paneling, trim
Master Bedroom: finish trim
Living Room: paint cubby hole
Laundry Room: ceiling, paint, trim
Kitchen: Fix one section of flooring, trim
Back Porch: panel, paint. ??

The back porch is our wild card. Maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't. I think the little touches in the rest of the rooms are needed, but the back porch? Honestly, if they buyer had any sense, they would rip out the existing "closet" in there and make it a real mudroom. But we don't have time for that, so here we are.

Lambs- I'm scared. I am so over the moon excited but I am terrified at the same time. Literally terrified. I can't event think of the best case scenarios because all I think of are all of the things that could go bad. Primarily, this house not selling. My stomach is going to be totally rotted through by the end of this.