Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Nose Piercing Incident

Pretty much everyone knows I have a nose piercing. If you don't, then that means you're blind. Surely you remember my incident detailing where I said it hurt like a bitch and I would never do it again yet I posed my picture looking like I had been crying which I swear I wasn't.

Well that was a year ago. It was healed but I had never changed the piercing stud thingie because Tammy (who has the lowest pain threshold of anyone I know) said changing hers hurt. I was content with my blue little stud. Totally fine with it.


I got it stuck on my bath towel on Saturday and it pulled totally out of my nose. Now, before you cringe I will say that I didn't even feel it come out until the very end and it didn't hurt. Swearsies. But I am not going to lie, I stood on the bath mat stark naked and freaked the fuck out.

(One thing you should know about me? Is that I don't like needles. I don't like anything that could possibly involve blood. I haven't had a tetanus shot since the 6th grade and well... I'm going to be 30 in March. My cause of death is most likely going to be Lock Jaw or something.)

So I hurried and got dressed. I had a cork screw stud so I figured (wrongly) that I could just pop that bitch back in. After 20 minutes of trying to shove it back in, angling my wrist in weird positions thinking that would help, I decide I'm not giving up. I did what any self respecting 20something does when faced with a problem. I go to the Internet! Specifically YouTube! I watch no less than 28 YouTube videos on how to put a corkscrew nose stud back in. None of them are helpful!

I start looking for more info online and I see that nose piercings can close up within 60 minutes of it not having something in it's hole. Um, fuck. Because at this point? I'm quickly approaching that 60 minutes. So I call Tammy. She of course laughs at me and tells me to keep twisting it in and just shove it through. I try, but I can't because feeling the inside of my nose being poked is making me feel like I might throw up. So I decide to call Matt. At work. And claim it was an emergency. Because, it kind of is. So he comes home. He's super good with tools and small things so I thought he'd breeze through it.

Not so, as it turns out.

So I call Tammy back and she agrees to get dressed (it's almost 10 am) and come over to help me. YAY. Except then I realize that hey- it's almost 10 am and I'm supposed to be at my friend Emily's house to go shopping at 10:30. Oh damn. Thankfully, my super smarts kicked in and I remembered that Tammy and Emily live near each other (kind of) and it would make more sense to drive to Tammy's! So I call Tammy back to tell her my plan and I get into my van and drive off with my corkscrew nose thing in a Ziploc bag. I race like a demon out of hell down the road and the fact I didn't screech going around her corner is a miracle.

After I get there she informs me that my corkscrew is not going back into my nose- it's too big and that my hole is probably closing up, if not already on the inside. Luckily, she had an extra (when you buy them they come in packs of three) and she said that would work. So we trim it, sterilize it, and I try to do it myself. NO GO.

I agree to let Tammy try, but again, NO GO. Finally, her husband Chad offers to do it. Tammy assures me he got hers in so it'll be fine. Right before he does it, they both remind me that you know, we're friends and I'm basically in their dining room on my own accord. Frightening, especially when Chad essentially re-pierces my nose at that very moment with this corkscrew stud. Then because I'm an idiot, I rubbed a Qtip full of rubbing alcohol onto my newly re-pierced nose.

Guess what? That burns. It burns a lot.

Then I left and went shopping. Without makeup. At the mall. I was in a such a state of panic that I left my house to go shopping at a mall with no makeup.

But the follow up is that my nose is still sore. And this morning in the shower, the fucking thing came out AGAIN. Again, folks. This time, I was so pissed that my nose had the fucking audacity to do such a thing that I just shoved it in on my own. And it didn't hurt. Sure, it bled a little but it's fine now. The only downside to this one is that the inside corkscrew isn't much of a corkscrew? It's more of a little hook so I constantly feel like it might fall out? So I think pretty soon I will get another one that's maybe longer? We'll see.

In other super fun news- please, please, PLEASE check out my Etsy shop! I have a bunch of stuff on super clearance and I've reduced prices on everything. Some stuff is more than half off! There are a bunch of things that would make cute Christmas gifts so this is a good time to get some good deals. I need to make room for new stuff coming in (I only have a small area to store finished projects) and I need money for new tires. And Halloween costumes. (Speaking of which- this year to get costumes for my kids that aren't flimsy pieces of shit since it's usually like 35 degrees on Halloween and you will freeze your ass off, I might be looking at spending $75 total. ROBBERY.)

I have some Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas cards in there too. The picture frames? $5. STEAL. So go over there and snatch up some goodies.


Jennifer Kay said...

Ugh...what a waste of a morning, I would have just walked into traffic.

BUT, I totally love the nose ring and am secretly jealous of you.

Zoƫ said...

I've had my nose pierced before and honestly that is why I let it close up, I may have it done again someday, but it kept falling out while I was sleeping. I had no trouble putting it back in? Except like you said, it does start to close up quickly, so that meant my nose was always in pain and I was always looking through my sheets for a tiny little earring and it just wasn't worth it. So I stick to things like ears and belly button that can't fall out these days. But I think it's a nice cute subtle piercing. If you go to a piercing shop they should be able to "tighten" the corkscrew for you so it stays in better like it was when you first had it pierced. I had that done several times but it still kept falling out so I must have been doing something crazy in my sleep, who knows.

Unknown said...

Why OH WHY didn't you videotape this madness? It would have one awards at Sundance.

I'd watch this over an Adam Sandler vid any day. ...except maybe Billy Madison.

Dana said...

Hopefully you can figure out how to keep it in. I've always wanted my nose pierced but I figure I'm too old now to get it done. When I took out my tongue piercing, it closed up very quickly too and I had to shove and almost re-pierce my tongue to get it through again.

Anonymous said...

Ah that sounds like a mess! I think I would've given up on it and decided I was no longer meant to have a nose ring. Then again, I'm a giver-upper before 11am. :)

SpiritPhoenix said...

I got my upper left ear pierced about 10 years ago. I ended up taking it out after a year or so when it didn't heal. I still can feel the bump in the cartilage. Ugh.

As for the shots, I've had to get three shots in the past month. One for flu, one for Measles, Mumps, Rubella and one for tetanus, diptheria and pertussis. All so my little one was either protected against the flu or so I wouldn't pass on anything to him.

I was starting to feel like a pincushion I swear! I haven't had that many shots since I was in elementary school. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

Seriously? That's how much they want for costumes now days? Whoa. Although I bought mine tonight for $15!!!!!! I'm going as Flo the Progressive lady ;)

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