Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Phlegm for days and I might start hooking.

Lambs, I have not died. It's been forever, but I assure you it's because I have been sick. And by sick I mean, barely functioning. This is the first day in FOUR WEEKS I have been awake past 7 p.m. I now have severe bronchitis and when I say phlegm is coming out of every hole except for my ears, I am not lying. Let's just say if I was pregnant, I would think I had lost my mucus plug.

But enough of that. Let's talk about why I might need to be a hooker and soon.

Remember the super traumatizing story about my dental history from hell? Yes, well it hasn't ended. In fact it's only just begun. About 6-8 weeks ago I noticed that my face, specifically the sinus area that was originally completely closed off and rendered "non-functioning" after a major surgery in 2001, was hurting. Like, a lot. So instead of going to the dentist, I went to the doctor in the hopes that anything they do my health insurance would cover. Because in the first pony show, health insurance didn't pay for the surgery because an oral surgeon did it while cutting the roots off my molar and inserting rods to hold those molars in. So, because I am not rich, I'm trying to go the other route.

The doctor had no clue what to do so put my on a ridiculously strong anti-biotic that gives you the yeast infection from HELL for ten days. And by "from hell" I mean you want to claw your own vagina out. It was horrible. I also got really sick in the middle of all of this so that was not awesome.

But I'm four weeks beyond that visit, have been sick the entire time, and my face hurts. A lot. So I went to the dentist on Tuesday for my regular cleaning, along with Olivia. He does an x-ray and immediately tells me my last molar on the top on that side? Has to come out. The metal rods in my tooth have cracked it. This sucks because it's partner, the far back molar, has been gone since 2008 because of a similar thing. My only option for chewing capability on that side is a fake tooth which is roughly $5,000. Which is not going to happen.

More alarming is that in the x-ray he can tell that the cyst that was in my sinus before? Has made it's triumphant return. He can't tell me how large it is, but there is clearly something there. So now I am being referred back to my oral surgeon to map out a game plan. We did a quick phone chat and they told me to plan on about $15,000 up front.


*insert manic laughter here*

Bitches, I don't have $15,000. I currently have $186 in my savings. I have about the same in my checking. The likelihood of me having this at my disposal ever? Slim to none. Even if I got dental coverage through the state on my own, it would not cover this. I can get Care Credit, but it only goes up to $5,000.

So now tomorrow I have to call the doctor and see if I can get that ENT referral immediately and go that route before my face blows up. I also now need to schedule to have that tooth removed which is going to be brutal. It's not like a regular tooth because I have four metal rods holding it into my face. I can't even speak of the pain I experienced the first time around with the other molar, and I am not looking forward to this at all. I'm also not looking forward to having to have sinus surgery, AGAIN. The first go around was horrific. I was in pain for months afterwards. You truly have no idea how crucial your sinuses are until you've had this done. I couldn't eat for weeks, it was straight broth (which is why I'm not a fan of soup anymore). I couldn't drink out of a straw for a YEAR. A full year, folks. I had stitches in my nose, the roof of my mouth and my gum line. I had to lay flat for weeks. It hurt to move but eventually you have to pee so bad (and shower) that you have no choice. I really don't want to do this again. This isn't just a clean out of my sinus, before it was a large mass removed. They had no idea what that mass actually was, but it wasn't cancerous so they never tested further. This time I'll have to have it biopsied again, obviously, so who knows. I'm sure it's not, I'm sure I'm just a freak that grows random things in her body for no good reason.

But that's not all, because it never is. It gets better.

Olivia? My dear Olivia is eight and needs braces. Which we knew. Except I had assumed, foolishly, it'd have to wait until all her permanent teeth came in. Which is true. Except they did an x-ray and lordy lordy, her permanent teeth? Well no wonder no more baby teeth haven't come out. The permanent teeth are so crowded they are going sideways, not down. So her dentist gave us a referral slip for the pediatric orthodontist to see what he advises: do we wait and chance it, or remove four or five baby teeth now, wait for the adult teeth to come in and then do braces right away? Either way, I'm looking at around $700-950 per tooth.

I'll let you do the math.

I'll also need that up front, but don't worry- the consultation is free.

And I can't not do it. I don't want her to have teeth problems as she gets older and I don't want her teeth to get crooked. So somehow, some way, I'll make that happen if they think that's best.

I told Matt to tell his boss to either get dental insurance for employees or build him an on-site apartment because he'll never be able to leave. We'll see what he chooses.


Julie H said...

Ugh horrible :(

We just have a $17K hospital bill. I got the paper today to get the "long term" payment plan going.

Kattrina said...

The dentist is the WORST! Ivan had four molars pulled in Honduras and every time we go for a cleaning they tell him he needs to get implants because otherwise the upper teeth will start moving down because there is no resistance on the bottom. Umm, it's close to $8000 (which I realize is way better than your situation, but still not affordable). And that's with insurance, because dental insurance only seems to cover prevention. We haven't done it yet, and I'm not sure when we'll be able to.

Also, I had the worst teeth in the history of childhood and they pulled 15 of my baby teeth so that my adult teeth could grow in. I had braces before all the adult teeth came in and they would just attach brackets to my teeth as the teeth emerged.

Unknown said...

Dude. It sucks. A couple months ago when I was getting fillings done they stopped and asked me "Sooo... do you know what your orthodontic coverage is?" and I'm all "Da fak?!? NO." And they basically went on to say I'll probably need bottom braces in the next 5-10 years. I will save up and pay out the butt for Invisalign because I'm just too much of an adult/a professional and I can't deal with traditional braces.

Luckily my dentist office let me break my $1800 bill up into 3 payments. My mouth is expensive. And I hate it.

I hope you get better and they don't screw you up, like removing the alien in your sinuses. That would suck. :(

carelessly graceful