Thursday, December 13, 2012

Jingle Ball. And why Psy is a diva.

So last Tuesday I drove down to St. Paul to hang with my friend Amy and then go to the Jingle Ball concert. One lesson we learned is that we were hands down some of the oldest people there without children we were in charge of.

Second is that children can't dance. I mean, I'm not saying I was a dancing dynamo when I was 15 but I can tell you I could dance better than someone who appeared to be epileptic.
So the Jingle Ball had a ton of acts, each playing four songs each with the exception of Ed Sheeran, but more on him in a bit. First up was Conor Maynard.
Conor Maynard needs auto tune like Lindsay Lohan needs crack. Girls were losing their crap and I don't get it. I really don't. But fast forward to know and I hear his one song on the radio and I find myself loving it and itching to buy it on iTunes and I need to stand strong.
Oh, and can I just say, parents of America? It is never OK to let your daughters under 18 leave the house in silver stripper booty shorts and elf socks under the surmise that it's cute and holiday like. It is, but your daughter looks like a hooker on a lunch break.

Next up was Ellie Goulding who I love. She was excellent even when the sound people for whatever reason screwed her music up during her last song. You know a good artist when they can sing their song a capella and it's still great. So we had an a capella version of Lights and it was really good. Plus she's British and she just has the cutest accent and you could just eat her up.
X factor contestant Cher Lloyd was next. Admittedly, I really liked her on the show and would watch her recap performances online but I'm not feeling the white girl rapper route she's got going on. I do like her song Swagger Jagger but everything else is just meh for me.
Oh good god I had to sit through Owl City. I don't understand why girls were losing their shit over Owl City- Owl City sucks. They suck hard.
But YAY! One Republic played and I saw them open for Maroon 5 awhile ago and I thought they stole the show then and did a thousand times better than Maroon 5 did and I feel like they are great live. They put on an energetic show. I am super excited for their new album and I really hope they tour alone because I will be there screaming my face off like I was a 12 year old at a Bieber concert.
Ed Sheeran. I don't get it, bitches. Sure, he's a ginger and that automatically makes you feel sorry for him because you know the ladies aren't chasing him down until they realize he writes sappy love songs. Then you're all over him and wondering if he could dye his hair. But no. He only sang three songs because he rapped for a really LONG time to the point where I had Amy check to see if my ears were bleeding. Gingers shouldn't rap. <-- lesson.="lesson." life="life" nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
Then Train came on and here's something random- who knew Train was popular with the tween and teen crowd? Because I think Train and I think people my age and older. I'm not even a Train fan but dammit- you can't not sing along with Meet Virginia and Drops of Jupiter no matter how hard you try. Cool thing about Train though is that they throw out a LOT of autographed stuff during their set. They also pull people on stage and Pat (the singer) sounds exactly the same live as he does on an album. Which, I really have to give props to that because that's respectable. Most artists can't do that which is why they don't sing live.
Life lesson teens- do not leave your cell phone and purse in your seat in a large arena. Amy and I both wanted to take your stuff and teach you a valuable lesson about theft. Especially when you had boys texting you for boobie pictures- you're lucky we didn't text back asking for pictures of himself first.
Psy. Oh god damn, where to start with Psy? First off, I bop along to Gangham Style just as much as the next person. I can't speak Korean but who cares, it's fun to drive to. He was slated to close out the show and we figured he'd sing it once and we could get on the road.
Dead wrong. Oh, were we wrong.

He sang it once and everyone danced and had a good time. Then he wants to sing it again. But with the lights on so he can see us dancing. So he starts yelling at the lights people to turn on the lights like a total asshole. So finally, they do it. Backup dancers come back on stage and here we go.

Only for him to stop MID SONG because the crowd wasn't dancing enough. Which, no kidding dumbass, it's well after 11 and people are trying to leave. So he does the song for a third time and it's just like, we're over it. Go back to Korea.

I don't remember what time we left but I do know I didn't leave that parking ramp until 11:45 and I felt like that was kind of unbelievable.

On the way home though, I was speeding. Very obviously doing 87 in a 70 and I thought I was the only car on the road. Until a State Trooper very clearly does a U-turn through the trees and pulls me over at 1:30 in the morning outside of Moose Lake which is like 45 minutes or so from my house. If you're speeding. Maybe closer to an hour if you were doing the speed limit.

So I got myself a happy little $125 speeding ticket, my first ever. He kept flashing his light in my face because my eyes were clearly bloodshot from exhaustion and I wondered it he was going to give me a field sobriety test. Which I always fear because A) I can barely walk in a straight line as it is and B) I can't recite the alphabet backwards. I also worried that my engine would spontaneously combust while being pulled over for speeding. At least it'd be caught on camera, right?

So YAY! My Christmas gift was a donation to the State of Minnesota courtesy of a speeding ticket. 


Matt said...

Ha, a Christmas gift to Minnesota. Nice positive spin.

I'm in love with British accents so therefore I am in love with Ellie Goulding. Glad that she and Train and One Republic were good.

Speaking of Train, it's odd sometimes when you realize who are jamming out to. I was at a Wango Tango concert (sounds similar to this) in the early 2000s and I was actually singing and dancing to Marc Anthony. Never knew I was a fan.

And the Psy story was great. It's what I came here for and you didn't disappoint.

Anonymous said...

I had to laugh out loud at the picture of you and Amy because of the two serious Asians (is saying "Asian" PC) sitting behind you too.

They clearly don't approve of Psy either.

Tamara said...

I don't understand the appeal of Owl City either. Their songs make me want to punch kittens...and I fucking love kittens.

That sucks about the ticket. Once my husband flipped off an officer, who then promptly pulled him over and shouted at him "Are you a pig hater, boy!?!" And he so cleverly played it off saying "I wasn't directing that at you, it was at my friend." He didn't get a ticket, but he probably should have.