Thursday, April 4, 2019

Ears and Fatigue.

I feel like this week was more loaded down with doctor appointments but I guess not. I have an eye appointment yet this week but whoopty do.

We did take Lucy to her ENT appointment on Monday, though. Remember when I posted about how she's always sick and nobody knew what to do? Well as it turns out this guy doesn't either.
I had to wake Lucy up from a nap to take her so I wasn't sure what kind of mood she'd have because this girl LOVES to sleep. It turns out she was pretty great and doesn't mind the doctor at all, which is really nice.
So the first thing we did is her hearing test. That was actually pretty cool because I've always wondered how can they tell if a baby is deaf? Turns out they have this ear thermometer looking thing and with that they can tell. It takes literally 10 seconds. Lucy can hear but her left ear is greatly diminished and she has a lot of fluid in there. She has a little fluid in the right ear, not enough to get excited about. The game plan with that is to come back in two months and see if it gets better on its own. If it doesn't, she will need to have tubes put in and she'll likely have her adenoid removed because of her nonstop cold. I am VERY glad I went because Matt sucks at talking about symptoms and I'm basically a professional now. I also had pictures of her eye and how awful she gets and the doctor seemed taken aback by them and that's how the tubes and adenoid stuff came up.

But because we're coming back in two months we decided to cancel her ophthalmology appointment that was on Thursday because the last one is $400 out of pocket (insurance paid a whopping $2.10... yay!) and we know now that it isn't an issue with her actual eye, it's more of an ENT thing. So no point in going back to eye guy for him to say great, NEXT.
We did learn that little kids don't actually have a sinus yet, they aren't formed enough to get infected, so she definitely didn't have a sinus infection. Which I guess is pretty good. She did do her ten days of amoxicillin and seems to have helped because her eye isn't squinty and she doesn't have a cold (knock on wood). So I guess we'll see if that actually got rid of it or if we're just in a good patch and it comes back in two to three weeks like it's been. I'm not sure but I'm hopeful because she's just pitiful when she's not feeling well.

As for me I had my much awaited visit to psychiatry. He is really great and he's probably the only doctor in my lineup that I feel like sees the entire picture and knows what to do. He looks at things I'm experiencing and looks for connections and figures out how to improve what I'm dealing with without making something else worse.

I really appreciate that.

I think I've talked about being put on Ritalin to help with the chronic fatigue. I really am hesitant to be on stimulants but I also need to be awake at some point in the day and I'm out of options, basically. The decision today was because I didn't feel worse with my small dose of Ritalin, we're going to max me out but I can dictate how much I need in a day. So I can start at 10-20 mg and if that's not doing it or if I need another dose, I can take another 20 mg. I can only take 60 mg a day. I have to figure out at what time of day I can't have any more because I need to be able to fall asleep at night at a reasonable time.
We are leaving my anti-depressant and mood stabilizer the way they are because I'm not getting worse. I'm at the point where I know I'm not going to feel happy, joyful, etc so that's kind of unreasonable to expect out of a medication. The goal for me is to keep me even. I'm not happy, I'm not sad/mad. I still have a lot of days where I feel sad and I'm tired of getting up and going through another day. I have moments where for a split second I feel proud or I feel... like I can take a breath? Does that make sense? It never lasts long but it's something. I am getting better and better at faking it so I'm smiling, laughing, having a good time and people think I'm really feeling that.

I am not.

I've learned though that nobody wants to hang out with a person who visibly hates life. Have you seen the movie Inside Out? I'm Sadness. Basically that's my every day.

I did forget to ask about my anxiety. I'm noticing my anxiety is actually getting worse and I forgot my notebook with my notes and questions in it (actually, I forgot where I put it so there's that) so I didn't even think of it. Until I was leaving and I realized the way I drive home is going to be closed for construction starting next week so I was going to try to find a different way to go.

But then I got really nervous and anxious about it so I chickened out and went the way I know that I know how to go. It seems dumb, doesn't it? But things as minor as driving a new route is stressful for me because I have a fear of getting lost. What if I get lost and I don't know how to get back home? I don't like to drive on unfamiliar streets because now it's requiring my brain to really pay attention and try to figure something out but that part of my brain no longer works like it did, so that's a really huge task, and I get anxious and upset.

Actually, I'm noticing more and more often that I can't focus. I've had focus and processing speed issues since my stroke but for awhile there I felt like while it wasn't getting better, I was learning how to function with it. Lately though, I'm dozing off and spacing out. I will start telling someone something and I trail off because I can't remember what I was going to say or what the point was so I can't keep going. It's really difficult and I'm really struggling with it.

Alright, so that's the scoop. Hopefully Lucy is on the mend and is getting healthier. I'm crossing my fingers.


Beth (Coffee Until Cocktails) said...

Busy week of appointments for you but it sounds like lots of answers and that's good! I hope that Lucy's eye problems get better and if you do have the tubes put in that it helps even more. I'm glad you are having moments where you feel like you can actually take a breath, I think that is a good step and something to be celebrated.

Shann Eva said...

Awe. Poor Lucy. What a trooper! I've seen the pictures of her eye, and it is not pretty. I had no idea that children don't have sinuses developed yet. I actually have a sinus infection right now, and it sucks. I hope that Lucy gets better very soon. If they take out her adenoids, make them take out her tonsils at the same time.

Shooting Stars Mag said...

I had no idea kids didn't have sinuses; good to know! I'm glad they think it's just an ENT thing, but hopefully all works out soon! Poor baby - I'm glad she's feeling better at the moment though. I hope the Ritalin helps keep you awake and focused! I'm sorry your anxiety is pretty bad at the moment. That's never fun.