Thursday, January 20, 2022

Book Review: I Just Want To Pee Alone

You know what I did last week? I ran errands and got to go out to lunch and read.... alone. It was as glorious as you think it was. 

I Just Want to Pee Alone

Motherhood is the toughest – and funniest – job you'll ever love. Raising kids is hard work. The pay sucks, your boss is a tyrant, and the working conditions are pitiful – you can't even take a bathroom break without being interrupted with another outrageous demand. Hasn't every mother said it before? “I just want to pee alone!” I Just Want to Pee Alone is a collection of hilarious essays from 37 of the most kick ass mom bloggers on the web. Including: People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Insane in the Mom-Brain, The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva, Baby Sideburns, and Rants From Mommyland. Read hysterical essays like: Embarrassment, Thy Name is Motherhood A Pinterest-Perfect Mom, I am Not And Then There was that Time a Priest Called Me a Terrible Mother So She Thought She Could Cut Off My Stroller.
You guys... this book is funny. It was a good way to fill some kid-free time and didn't require my brain to do any work. Not only did I finish this book in one hour, but I was smiling or laughing the entire time and almost choked on a french fry. What a way to go, lambs. Early on there is an essay about Disney World and honest to God, it is so spot on, I had to call my friend who is planning a first trip... she's worried. HA! Also there is an essay about her husband getting a vasectomy in lieu of her being on birth control the rest of her life, which is something I see on mom blogs and forums all the time. Frankly, stand your ground, ladies. On page 34, 

Physician: [mouthing vaginal shrapnel] "So, are you interested in an IUD?"
Me: "I find it best never to owe people money. Especially family. IOUs can be so tricky."
Physician: "I have a feeling you may not be ready to discuss any vaginal procedures."
Me: "Hasn't my vagina done enough for my family?"
and further down the page: 
"I was pouring a glass of red when this commandment was spoken. 'Catholics don't do that. You can use the rhythm method.' As he said, 'rhythm method', I pointed to baby number four. Any other pearls of wisdom, Father? The conversation soured as I glared at my husband over loudly chewed bites of steak. Looking at my knife, I pondered if Googling DIY vasectomy instruction would initiate any red flags or calls to the local authorities. 
My husband, not necessarily a believer in the actual tenet of no vasectomy, yet, thankful for an argument against it tried to proceed cautiously. 
Husband: "Did you hear what Father said about ahem the surgery?"
Me: "I did."
Husband: "And?"
Me: "Are priests still unable to get married? Unless you plan on marrying him, I think you should consider keeping your appointment."
Husband: "Honey, please put down the steak knife."

I mean, absolutely spot on. I remember after I had Lucy, who shouldn't exist because birth control was used, and I died giving birth to her, I was adamant that I was not going on birth control. Frankly, I've done my duty. If I can die while giving birth, and deal with the awful aftermath for the rest of my life, the very least you can do is get a snip snip and go back to work. Oh yes, ladies, I made him go back to work. Again, if I can push a watermelon out of a small hole and have to start walking around right after, you can go to work. No sympathy will be given here. 

Is this book hysterical? No, but will it make you smile? Will you find yourself relating to at least a couple of the essays? You bet. Each one is rather short and read more like blog posts, which makes sense since they are from mom bloggers, some of which I've read before, but not regularly. I feel like the book also highlights each mom's style so if you wanted more from any of them, you at least know what you're kind of getting into as far as content. 

Overall, a fun little book. It would definitely be a cute one to throw into a new mom gift because I think any of us could have used something funny to read as we're stuck on the couch with a sleeping baby who you know damn well is going to scream for hours if you wake them up now. Been there, done that. 

If you saw on Instagram the other day, this was one of the books Matt got me for Christmas. If you want to see some of the others, head over there and let me know what you think I should read next!
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