Copper Falls? Oh you mean the Land of a Lot of Stairs.

While we didn't get to go to Copper Falls on Saturday, we decided Sunday was the day. Even though I was sore from our hike before and my body was still trying to replenish my blood loss from being eaten alive by mosquitoes, I decided to hell with it all- we're going.

But this time we left Twinky home because I'll be damned if I drive over an hour and not see some damn waterfalls.

So off we went. We also took a quick drive through Ashland, Wisconsin and Matt did not let me stop at the local bookstore because he is a fun killer.

But Jackson enthusiastically told me this park looks way better than Pattison because they had an actual playground AND because mom remembered the bug spray this time.

 So we started hiking. It had been years since Matt and I had been here (like ten??) and I remembered it to be a really easy hike. Unfortunately, an easy hike for an active 22 year old is a little different than what an easy hike as a chunky 32 year old would be. Mostly because I really don't remember there being stairs and there actually are a lot.

 I mean, I was wearing shorts and my thighs were sticking together because I was so sweaty. But the kids were kind of loving the waterfalls.

 We took our obligatory one arm shot where Olivia photo bombed us. But right after this my neck was sweaty so I decided the hair had to go up.

 So we walked and walked and then we found a beachy area. The water was actually really warm but I was so sweaty. Like, I cannot explain fully how sweaty I was. It was like I had come out of a pool. I had sweat pooling in my sports bra. I'm not even joking.

 So we kept moving because by this point I was wanted to be done. We were only like 30 minutes in and I basically wish Matt's back would hold out long enough to carry me back to the car. But then we found this cool log that looked like a heart and I made the kids take a picture.

And shortly after that, we found another pretty observation spot. I think the kids were getting sick of me talking about bedrock, granite and lava formations. Maybe I sounded delirious. 

 Even Matt was sweaty. But the best part is that not one of us was bitten by any kind of bug. Take THAT, nature.

 Oh yes. The last part of the trail I kept seeing signs for the wheelchair accessible path. And this was one of them. I'm sorry, but if I was in a wheel chair, there isn't a chance in hell I would go down that path. I'm telling you that that path was overgrown, totally not even in any way and far bumper than the rugged path. It was kind of hilarious.

What was not hilarious was college students talking about how they would be millionaires if they made iPhone charging stations in forests. I think I stared at them for too long and they probably thought I was mentally handicapped but come on- I hate nature too but even I can appreciate the value of looking at trees and shit.

 But we made it through the entire Doughboy Trail (no, really- that's what it's called and aptly so) so we played on the playground.

 And played some more.

As I'm chugging water as if I hadn't had any in days, I see a pack of 5 20something, dirty college kids coming out of the forest with backpacks. As it turns out, they had hiked to the backpack campsite area (way off the Doughboy Trail,  like on a real hike) and had spent 2 days out there. Which got me thinking, I wonder if I could handle that? They had a small tent and camp rolls and nothing but what would fit in their backpacks. I looked at Matt who said he'd give me a dollar if I did that.

A dolla make a girl holla is what I say.

So.. maybe.

But within minutes of getting on the road, this was the scene from the back seat. Matt was driving and I decided I'd do my best to belt out every Bryan Adams song my phone had on it. Which ended up being 36 of them. Poor Matt looked like he hated his life which is too bad because from our house to our first hotel on the South Dakota trip? Almost 13 hours, baby!

Blood donation in Pattison.

So this weekend I decided that in order to get ready for hiking my ass off (hopefully) while in South Dakota, I would "train". And by "train" I mean, make my family hike out into the nearest Wisconsin forest for a long time until I think I might die.

That lasted about one hour and thirty seven minutes.

The original plan was to go to Copper Falls State Park which is almost a little less than two hours away in Mellen, Wisconsin. But time got away from us and we had a birthday party to go to in the evening, well Olivia did, so we decided to just go to Pattison State Park which is maybe 20 minutes from our house. We brought Twinky with thinking he could use the exercise since he's kind of a porker.

Except we got there and dogs can basically only go on one trail and it's not anywhere near the waterfall, so that meant we caught up to some random trail just beyond the camp sites. Which, awkward walking down a road past everyone's campsites? But we found it and off we went. 

And because I am such a stellar parent with poor planning skills when it comes to spur of the moment things, I failed to bring bug spray. But I wrongly assumed we would be fine. Actually, we were fine for about 20 minutes. Then you end up being really into the woods and you would have thought those mosquitoes hadn't been fed in days. We were essentially swarmed but I again, wrongly assumed, that if you just hiked faster they would leave you alone. 

Which is wrong because that makes you sweaty and they apparently like that. 

We made it about 45 minutes before everyone started yelling at me that it was time to turn the fuck around (Matt's words) because we were going to die (Olivia's words) and that all of their blood was pretty much gone (Jackson's words). So we turned around. And yes, it was even worse on the way back because if there was such a thing as mosquito head wind? We were in it.  

Finally, once we reached the end where we were back on the road, I asked the kids to show me their "We hiked and it was awesome!" faces. Clearly, Jackson is smiling but he's also giving me the little kid equivalent to the middle finger, which is a thumbs down. Olivia just stood there and let me know her socks were wet. 

Twinky was the best of the bunch, the one who complained the least. He was happy to be back on grass where he could rub his butt on the grass. (He's started this thing where it's like dog masturbation I think, he just rubs his penis and butt hole on the grass. He's tried doing it on the carpet but I think my yelling discourages it.) (I mean, what do you say when people come over? "Welcome to my home. Don't mind him, he's just pleasuring himself on stained carpet. And Stumpy the cat does want you to aggressively spank him. If you just do it, he'll leave you alone.") 

But the one thing I learned on Saturday's adventure was that I have poorly misjudged my abilities when it comes to all day hiking. Basically, I'm going to try to tough it out but I'm legitimately worried about my stamina. This ol' gal is out of shape and the fact that my thunder thighs have made their triumphant return should have appropriately clued me in. 

God help us all. 

Ice Caves- CONQUERED.

Ever since the ill fated trip in a kayak to the sea caves of Bayfield, Wisconsin, I have always thought of maybe hiking out there in the winter. But ever since then, the caves have not been open in the winter. Mostly because it just hasn't been cold enough for a long enough period of time for Lake Superior to freeze over enough to allow traffic on it. And you can see from my pictures in the above linked post that we never got to go into the sea caves. Matt and I, in summary, make a really terrible team who should never, ever kayak together. We couldn't get it together enough to go into them. But they were lovely from the outside.

This year I am determined to be far more active. Which means doing stuff in the winter though I hate the cold, snow, and ice. I also am not equipped for the cold, snow and ice. I now have a winter jacket thanks to a really amazing blog friend, but I do not have snow pants or winter boots that are function over fashion. Their cuteness does not make up for the fact that they do nothing to keep my toes from literally falling off. But this year is the first year since 2009 that the caves have been open. We missed going on a really "warm" weekend when it was hovering around 28 degrees (it was practically spring that day!), but instead, we went the weekend after.

It was 6 degrees when our asses got out of the car. But, we bundled up. And by "bundle up" I mean Matt gave me a pair of his snow pants to put on over my base layer pants and my jeans. To say they were snug is a ridiculous understatement. I have never in my life felt more like a sausage link than I did at that moment.

But we hiked a total of six miles that day. Three out, three in. Here are some highlights:

 Quite possibly, the best picture of us ever.

I like this one because look- we are walking on a frozen lake. For those who have never seen it, Lake Superior is huge. So huge that you could mistake it for the ocean. It really looks like we are living on the ocean here. So this? This is terrifying. I have a fear of ice, and hearing all of the cracking of the ice? There were moments that my pants were at real risk of becoming wet.

We went with our friends Amber, Jeremy and Kennedy. Seeing the three kids climb under, through, and around ice caves was definitely very fun. I'm pretty excited they get opportunities like this.

 Sliding down a huge ice hill that almost looked like a frozen wave when you stood back.

 The caves are so tall in spots, it's kind of amazing to know a lake carved this all out.

Matt even crawled through some of the caves with them because in some, I got paranoid of someone getting hurt or stuck.

I absolutely love this picture of the kids sitting in a weird ice hole.

You can't tell, but Jackson is wielding an ice sword. He said he was an ice pirate and was really disappointed when I told him if he took the icicle home it would just melt in the car.

But what was super cool was that there were some of the neatest icicles I've ever seen. So I took one for the team and got a couple of pictures while laying on my back. Which is a little terrifying because they could fall on your face and all. Thankfully, no blood was shed on our Sunday adventure.

Can I just say how proud of me I was? Because not only did I hike it out there but I did it in the winter. I can count how many things I have done in the winter on one hand. It was pretty big. The kids already said if we can go back next year we should.

This was right when we had decided that we were going to turn around. Which was a good thing because the walk back? Completely brutal. By that time, the temperature had dropped, the wind had picked up significantly so we were walking into the wind the entire time. I now understand the importance of face masks. By the time we got back to the parking lot we all had icicles on our eye lashes, Matt was the only one without a completely red forehead, and I couldn't feel my toes. Matt had all of his winter gear on and I'm really glad I thought to at least grab scarves because that's what the kids and I used to cover as much of our face as we could. 

So that picture above? Is us before we turned around. 

This picture? Is us after the three mile hike back. In which at some point shortly after we started back, I basically fell into a hole. Or rather, my right foot sunk into a hole. It didn't hurt, I was able to walk back without a problem. Fast forward two weeks and that ankle? Is in so much pain I can barely walk at this point. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for other things so I guess I'll add my bum foot to that list.

And finally, Matt and I before getting into the car. AT this point, my face hurt so bad and his was toast warm since he had his swanky face mask and hat I got him for Christmas. Thank god I thought to grab a hooded sweatshirt before we left home because I'm fairly certain that hood was the only thing keeping me from getting frostbite on my ears.

So that was it. That was out super fun family ice cave adventure. The plan this summer is to take the kids on a boat tour of the Apostle Islands mostly because I want to see them all, but I'll bring them and call it family fun. Actually, this summer is shaping up to be a pretty awesome one for sight seeing, so stay tuned.

Yo Ho Bitches

So today Matt and I drove to Hayward, Wisconsin. Now if you have ever been to Wisconsin you'll notice that 90% of Wisconsin is comprised of hick towns with cute gift shops. And every town has one gas station, a shitload of farms and a million churches. Hayward is no different aside from their beautiful lake and for this weekend, it had Krysten and her hubby Dustin. You'll recognize Krysten as a regular commenter up in this shiz and her blog is over at After I Do. Check her out because we make a cute couple. We met up with them at the original Famous Dave's restaurant and ended up having a breakfast buffet. Except we didn't know that because our waitress (and I use that term loosely) never told us. We kind of just assumed we had to go up. Craptastic service and semi-good food. I had a super good waffle though that was all puffy. Mmm..

So after Famous Dave's we were going to hit up the multitude of little shops Hayward is kind of known for. I ended up getting a cute yellow sweatshirt and I almost got pregnant in the same shop when I saw all the baby stuff. Matt says no but come on---you have to be cold hearted to say no to polka dot baby socks.

He still said no.

OH! So I had to pee and remarkably- one of the shops had a bathroom. So I go in and yeah- it STINKS up in there. Clearly no ventilation. So I'm peeing and as I come out of the stall this super huge lady goes into another stall. No big. So I'm washing my hands and I hear her flush. Then again. Then again. Finally- someone else walks into the bathroom as I'm going to get a towel to dry my hands. Guess what? SHE PLUGGED THE TOILET and began asking for help. I obviously did what anyone else would do.

I got out of there ushering Krysten, Dustin, and Matt to go. That's so disgusting.

OK so we went to another part of Hayward and we see there is a Lumberjack Show at 2, something else Hayward is known for. I've seen a small version of that one summer in Cloquet, but we decided to do it anyways. For $20 per couple we got in and climbed these super steep bleacher type things. I obviously had Matt go back down to get me a water, a pepsi and a popcorn.

The show itself was a bit cheesy but it was still fun. We all sat on the winning side. As if you thought our team would lose. Pssh. Well they want you to say "Yo Ho" to like motivate these "professional lumberjacks" but that sounds ridiculous. Krysten and I were too cool to do that. Obvi. And I had a proud moment because when they were all trying to give you the history of lumberjacks....I already knew it all (obvi) but only because I diligently watch "America: The Story of Us" on the History Channel on Sunday nights.

Oh- this guy danced in front of us.
These are the obviously underage kids posing as lumberjacks. They are "professionals" but they seriously looked 12. MAYBE 13.

The blond one to the left was hot. AND he almost ran Krysten and Dustin over afterwards in his truck. His partner kind of sucked at everything except climbing the big wood pole thingie.

So they did like jousting in the water in canoes. True story- the canoe to the left? Seriously must have been made of rubber. It was in super rough shape and frankly- I would never get it in.

But afterwards we went into a few more shops and Dustin found some really fun educational books in the world's smallest store. Seriously- if someone had farted we would have all died. But this was about your belly button or something but what I think it's really about is nudist colonies. And how it's ok to see and touch other people. Or something.

After parting ways Matt and I got back onto the highway to go back to Superior. Fun fact: when I drive in a 65mph I usually do around 80. And look for cops. When Matt drives in a 65 mph he does 76 and doesn't look for cops. And gets pulled over.

Thankfully- I told the trooper our cruise control doesn't work (lie) and then Matt played dumb really well (true) and YAY-- we only got a warning. Which is especially significant because Matt literally just got a speeding ticket in March or so for doing 14 over the limit. Yah. So our insurance is already going to go up so yay for no ticket today.

All in all we had a GREAT time. I adore Krysten's blog and now I can say I adore her in person without sounding like a creeper. We will definitely have to get together again. Because after all, Krysten- WE FORGOT TO MOLEST THE MUSKIE!! I can't believe that. Big sads when I remembered in Hawthorne as we got pulled over. :(

Olivia is at Matt's parents house until tomorrow, Jackson was thrilled to see us, we had a fatty supper, watched True Blood and my history show and now eating Coldstone Creamery cake...more specifically- A Cheesecake Named Desire. YUMOLA.

Bet you wish you were me, bitches. ;)