When Sara Met Shirley, part 1

You know how sometimes the universe gives you a twin that is equally as awesome but comes from another mother? And how some people go their whole lives never finding that person? Yeah, I can't really relate to that because I finally got to hang out with Shirley! Shirley my super awesome blog friend for YEARS!

A few months ago we kind of rough planned out that she would come here for my birthday, it would be epic, and we would essentially be bad asses and hopefully not land in jail. We didn't land in jail, but we maybe saw a crime scene and a horror movie location, oogled a guy with hair plugs, ate cheese curds and drove for fucking hours to essentially see what could be on a top 10 list of worst cities of America.

All in a span of three god damn days!

So it starts on Thursday. I worked for a bit in the morning and then went to pick her up from the airport. Her husband had concerns that I might actually be a balding middle aged man with white Hanes briefs as my primary outfit. I think the fact I was late picking her up courtesy of every single traffic light, an accident on the bridge and a fucking train probably didn't help? But I got there and thankfully, she turned out to not be a balding middle aged man with white Hanes briefs as her primary outfit. Not that Matt expressed any concern, but at least 15 of my friends and my mother did. They kept texting to make sure that I was indeed alive and well and not gagged in the back of a rapist van.

But then, like a moron, I remembered I had forgotten to print out the tickets to a concert so I drove all the way back to work so we could do this. The plan was to see Kings of Leon in Minneapolis on Thursday, drive to Rockford, Illinois on Friday, do something there, then drive into Chicago on Saturday and see Kings of Leon again, then immediately after the concert drive eight hours on a virtually empty highway in the dark on almost no sleep.

At the time, this made perfect sense. We aren't old and we've got this.

So we drive to the cities and check into our hotel, which was super busy by the time we got there. I have been known to stay in questionable locations. I swear to god, no matter what the star rating is, the reviews or the pictures, if there is a shit room in the building I will always get it. I will just say from here on out, I apologize because I seriously am starting to think anyone who shares a room with me will suffer and it's my fault. I don't know what it is about me that attracts losers and filthy rooms but dammit.

Because what we though initially was mold all over the bathroom, which is bad enough, actually looks like blood. The picture isn't doing it justice because it really was a far more red/rust color. Like dried blood.

Anyways.

So we went out to eat at a restaurant pretty close to the concert venue that I usually go to, which also ended up being pretty busy. We also got a waitress who we are pretty certain was drunk. Our food was fine but when I asked for extra pickles she brought me a plate of pickles. Like a plate of pickle spears. It was really awkward and kind of weird. She also clearly wanted to be our friend. In hindsight, maybe she was actually hitting on us? Hmm..

So after that? We went to the Kings of Leon concert. Which, I don't know if you know this, but I'm a pretty huge fan. Like super huge. I will just say right now I am so disappointed that Caleb has done something to his head. He was clearly balding just a few years ago and suddenly he has hair. Which automatically makes me hate his model wife because why be judgey like that? You knew he was balding when you started dating. *sigh* Then Shirley completely busted any hopes I had to being a first wife to any one of them because Jared got married. *sigh* So now I have to be a home wrecker. Which, I don't want to be but I love me those men. I will say, I think Matthew has lost a little too much weight and needs to grow the hair out a bit because his ears look too big, but I'd over look it because if he can play guitar with his mouth, that can only mean good things, right?

After the concert, we drove back to the hotel and got some sleep. Friday was to be a big travel day driving from the cities to Rockford, which looked like a big dot on the map. We judge things by the size of dot and Rockford looked promising.

So the next day we started our drive. I think I impressed Shirley with Wisconsin's highway system being surrounded by adult superstores, firecracker superstores and cheese house places. Because dude- she's never had a cheese curd!!

We obviously stopped.

 And what a fucking disappointment to find that cheese house places don't see fried cheese curds? What in the mother hell is that?? We bought fudge instead. Mine turned out to be not edible because when I finally got home I discovered I left the back next to the heat vent in the back seat. It was a disgusting discovery. So because we couldn't get fried ones there, we stopped for lunch and she ordered some. Except she didn't understand the importance of the squeak and honestly, it's hard to explain what that is supposed to be.

But on to Rockford!

As it turns out, Rockford is a gigantic dump of a city. I don't even want to to call it a city, it's like a dirty big town, really. It's kind of disappointing. Also disappointing was the fact that as we got closer to our hotel it was becoming incredibly clear that the hotel likely wasn't going to be as described on the Internet.

BUT THEN!

Then I shouted out that there was a Beef-a-Roo!!!!

I still don't know what is in a Beef-a-Roo, and that I am admittedly nervous about eating here, but this one looked far classier than the one Matt and I saw in northern Michigan. So I promise you all now, the next time I see one, I'll eat something from there and document it all.

I'm going to tell you about the nightmare hotel and the second half of the trip tomorrow. But what you need to know for the closing of this post:

• Shirley + Sara 4 Eva
• Shirley = Team NeYo, Sara = Team Usher. We broke up on the Illinois border because of this. 
• But made up when we realized we pretty much are identical and like all of the same things because this would make kidnapping famous men a little easier. 
• Especially if we had a human trafficking van over a rapist van. 
• So long as we had enough quarters to drive on the roads because toll booths are everywhere. 
• Which doesn't feel as wrong as people from Arizona having to pay for air for their god damn tires. 
• Plus Shirley didn't die from the cold though she came close on her last day. 

More tomorrow. Swearsies. 

Eye cream and bras with extra lift? Welcome to 32.

Well. Today I am officially 32. I actually celebrated with an epic weekend out of town which I'll dutifully report on at some point this week, probably tomorrow. It was easily the best time I've had in a LONG time with one of my favorite blog friends ever. Today I worked and when I came home we went out to dinner and then had cake at home. I got a few presents, all of them awesome, and overall? It's a great birthday.

I just hate to be such a downer. I have always been that person that totally loved their birthday and believed in fully celebrating another year of life and thoughtfully looked forward to the next year and what it might bring. I am typically not that girl that obsesses over aging and I don't consider myself to be vain at all. I like to look pretty, but it doesn't take precedent over my day and I am totally that girl that will go makeup free into the world because sometimes I just don't care enough to make the effort.

But today?

Today felt different. Maybe it's because I've been sick for the majority of this year so far, maybe it's because I feel like I'm falling apart even though I'm not, I don't know. I just feel meh about my birthday. And that alone? Is kind of upsetting. I don't want to be meh about my birthday. I want to party hard. I want to have a tiara, cupcakes, balloons, the whole works. I feel like such a downer on my own birthday today.

I know in the large scheme of things, 32 is nothing. This is an age I'll look back on in 10 years and remember how good I had it. I won't lie though, knowing I now need eye cream for droopy eyelids and bras with a lot of extra lift because things are going a little more south than they should be at this age? Is really hard. And I hate to even say that because ugh, I'm not that girl. I have never been that girl to care really about what I look like and I don't know why all of a sudden I'm staring at myself in the mirror and noticing things changing. Again, years from now I'm going to watch to bitch slap my 32 year old self for being a whiny brat, I know this.

Even Matt commented about how I'm not really fired up about my birthday. Usually I demand there at least be a balloon involved. I wouldn't say no to crepe paper streamers and party blower things. My birthday also kind of creeped up on me this year and being sick I didn't really feel like planning anything out with local friends. I feel like maybe I'll plan a night out and whoever can come should and worst case scenario, at least my super close friends will come and I'll have a little night out. We'll see.

I also recognize that this might actually be a cross of daylight savings time, being exhausted, having a lot on my plate and the fact winter is dragging its ass and I feel like it won't ever end. I just want sunshine, grass, and capri pants. I don't feel like that is asking too much, right?? *sigh*

Sins of the Fallen

When seventeen-year-old Maximillion Taylor and his best friend, Jones go to a house party, he doesn't expect to get kidnapped—much less by a succubus—and she's not the only one on the hunt. Thrown into a world of angels and demons, where nothing and no one is what they seem, Max ventures to find his true identity and learn to fight the demons who pursue him. When his origin is revealed, it's a race against the clock for a battle that will determine whether he can protect the ones he loves or succumb to his true nature. Through lies, betrayal, love and pain, Max must prepare to face the demons before it is too late…

A perfect YA novel. Seriously. We have some romance, we have the paranormal aspect, we have a bizarre mystery to basically piece together, and it's not a long book. Win everywhere. 

Basically t his is the story of poor Max. Mas gets kidnapped by a really pretty girl who isn't a girl at all, all while his friend Jones watches on. He gets rescued by the girl of his dreams and it becomes the start of a nightmare. Max finds out his dad isn't just a human, super beings are essentially out to get him, his friend also isn't who he was assumed to be, and somehow, Max has fire throwing powers he hand no idea about 24 hours earlier. 

I can't really tell you what happens because this is book one in a series and everything else is essentially a spoiler in some way. I will tell you that the beginning is a little odd, but it definitely picks up once Max gets kidnapped and rescued and starts his training. I'm excited to see where Karina goes with the rest of this series. I definitely recommend this if you like YA with a paranormal twist. And fallen angels, come on. Who doesn't love that??

Throwback Thursday.1

I'm totally on the boat for this Throwback Thursday business. Mostly because as of late I've been sorting pictures on my computer and I found some that I totally forgot I even had.

But because my birthday is happening on the 10th, I decided maybe I should do one of me being adorable. That turned out to be really hard because man, I was super adorable as a little kid. So I picked a couple.

 I'm clearly like, two years old here? I don't have a weird thing on my face, it's something on the actual picture. But dammit- I'm so adorable

 My sailor outfit! I so loved this outfit! I remember it zipped down the front and I vividly remember zipping my stomach skin in it. That wasn't awesome but I totally loved this outfit.

 I kind of want to bite my own cheeks here.

Aw... me sleeping with my beloved Rainbow Dash pony and not far from me was my very best friend, Smurfette, who I affectionately call Furfy. I still have my Furfy and when it's a particularly rough patch in life, she's always with me.

Enjoy!

Orphan Train

I feel like I hardly have time to do fun reads right now, so while being sick I finished one so I'll share it with you now.

Orphan Train - Christina Baker Kline

The author of Bird in Hand and The Way Life Should Be delivers her most ambitious and powerful novel to date: a captivating story of two very different women who build an unexpected friendship: a 91-year-old woman with a hidden past as an orphan-train rider and the teenage girl whose own troubled adolescence leads her to seek answers to questions no one has ever thought to ask.

Nearly eighteen, Molly Ayer knows she has one last chance. Just months from "aging out" of the child welfare system, and close to being kicked out of her foster home, a community service position helping an elderly woman clean out her home is the only thing keeping her out of juvie and worse.

Vivian Daly has lived a quiet life on the coast of Maine. But in her attic, hidden in trunks, are vestiges of a turbulent past. As she helps Vivian sort through her possessions and memories, Molly discovers that she and Vivian aren't as different as they seem to be. A young Irish immigrant orphaned in New York City, Vivian was put on a train to the Midwest with hundreds of other children whose destinies would be determined by luck and chance.

The closer Molly grows to Vivian, the more she discovers parallels to her own life. A Penobscot Indian, she, too, is an outsider being raised by strangers, and she, too, has unanswered questions about the past. As her emotional barriers begin to crumble, Molly discovers that she has the power to help Vivian find answers to mysteries that have haunted her for her entire life - answers that will ultimately free them both.

Rich in detail and epic in scope, Orphan Train is a powerful novel of upheaval and resilience, of second chances, of unexpected friendship, and of the secrets we carry that keep us from finding out who we are.

One of my most favorite things is when I read a book that talks about something that really happened, and the book is so good it makes me want to learn more about it. This book does that for me. I honestly didn't think the "orphan trains" were real but they in fact really were real and it's both horrifying and fascinating. Essentially, if you were a child back in the early 1900's and your parents, for whatever reason, couldn't care for you, you would end up in an orphanage. The orphanages would run the orphan trains and load children up in them with very few belongings and almost nothing of personal value. Then they would parade the children out at different stops and people could just cherry pick a child. As long as you say you'll do right by them and give them a good life, you're good to go. Never mind these people could essentially use the children for slave labor on farms or do god knows what to them. Some children probably went to legitimate homes but most children didn't and would be bounced around, much like present day foster care. 

Which is where this story begins. It's the shared story (kind of) of Vivian, who was a rider of the orphan train and Molly, a foster kid who is misunderstood and hates the world. Molly attempts stealing a book from the library and as a consequence, she is to do 50 hours of a community service. Her boyfriend's mother is a housekeeper for Vivian and reluctantly agrees to introduce the two. Molly is to clean out Vivian's attic but what begins as a clean out project quickly morphs into a trip down memory lane. As Molly says at the end, it's more about Vivian seeing everything she's saved one last time. 

You hear far more about Vivian's experience on the train as well as the several families she is with before finally finding one that kept her until adulthood. You hear about her first love (which I so badly want to tell you how I feel about the ending of that but I can't because it's a huge spoiler- just know my heart broke and I cried), the daughter she had (and what happened to her), and the wrap up of her story essentially. But you also learn about Molly and you instantly feel terrible for her. You want to smack her foster parents and you just want to take her in yourself. 

I finished this book in a flash and it's one of those that I will likely read again. Christina Baker Kline is an absolutely wonderful writer and I am so glad I picked this one up on a whim. Absolutely does not disappoint, I cannot praise this book enough. 

Not all of us are pill poppers.

Remember my whole post about being sick and having dental issues and maybe starting as a hooker? Of course you do. Well things have taken a turn for the worse and it's really just annoying at this point. I'm on the cusp of 32 and my body is all, "LOL- NOPE" and has basically decided it's over it. It's over everything.

This weekend I felt great. Like, really great. Sure, I was still coughing like a maniac and phlegm was still coming up but it was the first time in weeks (Friday marked five weeks of plague) that I didn't feel weak, tired, feverish, etc. It was kind of grand. So on Saturday I went out with my friend Tammy and had a great day out celebrating my birthday a week early. (Huzzah!) By the time I came home, Matt was in a good mood, I was feeling frisky, and we went on an impromptu date of shopping and a late dinner. When we got home, I won't lie- I was preparing for sexy times. Because when you have the plague for five (!!!) weeks, you got none during that because it's hard to get into something when you are coughing and reaching for Kleenex.

Anyways.

So I'm in the shower. I had a tickle in my throat so I cough. Then I felt something in my side snap. Literally like a twig snapping. Seconds later, pain like nothing I have ever experienced radiates from snapped twig area and I can no longer stand up straight and basically anything I do at this point is excruciating. I managed to get out of the shower but that was about it. Matt had to come help me dry off, get dressed, get into bed and pop Advil. I thought I had broken a rib. Of course, never having done that before I wasn't sure, but what I was sure of was that it was awful pain. But I attempted to get some sleep thinking that if I lay still with a heating pad, it'd just get better.

But then it did not.

Fast forward until 2:00 a.m. and I woke up in extreme pain. Like, child birth felt less painful than this. Matt ends up getting up to help me down the stairs because it's clear laying on my back is not going to happen. I had hopes that if I could just prop myself up on the couch that maybe then I could get a few hours of sleep.

Except that it didn't help either.

By 3:30 a.m. I was googling whether or not this was an emergency room worthy visit. I decided it was not when I looked at my insurance card and saw that I would be liable for most all of the costs incurred. I figured I had made it this many hours, surely I could make it until Urgent Care opened up. And by George, I did.

Only to get an incredibly asshole doctor. I can count how many times I've been to a doctor in the last six years on one hand. I wait until I literally cannot handle it any longer because I hate thinking I am wasting some one's time or that I could just treat myself and save the cost and again, someone else's time. I had to have Matt drive me because I could barely get into the car, I couldn't buckle my own seat belt and I couldn't even turn my body so I clearly was not fit to drive.

When we finally see the doctor, he starts pushing on my side and that prompts me to scream and cry, both of which I do not do at doctor's offices. Not even during the delivery of my children did I scream out like that or cry. But it was brutal. The doctor sighs and says to me, "Don't you think maybe you're being a bit of a baby?" No lie, that's what he said.

He sends me for an x-ray which confirms I didn't break a rib (YAY!!!) but I did tear the cartilage that essentially connects your ribs to your sternum. He's going on about 6-8 weeks recovery, no exercise, no heavy lifting, obviously nothing vigorous to make that cartilage angry, etc. For pain? I get Advil. I tell him flat out Advil isn't going to do it and that I don't feel comfortable taking ibuprofen every 6 hours every day for pain management until this lets up. He then gives me Prilosec so that I don't develop an ulcer with the ibuprofen.

Then he starts saying things like, "I do my own unofficial studies, no woman likes to take Aleve", or "You've got a bit of a low pain threshold, don't you?", "I bet you had an epidural with your children. I can just tell.", etc. Complete asshole. So then I ask what does he recommend for sleep? Because I got none the night before and at this point, I can't even lay down without pain in my side. He gives me a muscle relaxer which I knew wouldn't work. And it didn't, I didn't even feel drowsy.

By the time we left there, I basically didn't feel like I got my money's worth for treatment. Even Matt said, "Is it just me, or did he basically treat you like a pill popper??". And it's true. I felt like I was basically told to stop being a baby and just take the Advil, never mind the fact that when you do take it your stomach screams and you cramp for days afterwards.

For good measure, I called my doctor's office today to let them know I was in Urgent Care so that they could update my file. And again, their response was, "What difference does it make??". Um, I don't know- so you have a record of an ailment? So then I ask if I could get transferred to the appointment desk because I would like to talk to my doctor about my high blood pressure (consistently hanging around 146/91) and their response? "Well, that's not a priority visit so you're looking at a few months out. But if you have chest pains or have alarming symptoms, go to the emergency room."

Now, is it just me or is it just the medical field giving up on life? Does nobody even give a fuck anymore? Good grief.

I need to find a new doctor, clearly, but now people tell me not to because then I really will look like those sketchy doctor hopping stay at home mom's that are pill poppers and stuff. *sigh*

In other news, I have my appointment with an ENT specialist on the 12th to have them look at the sinus cyst situation. Olivia's orthodontic consultation is scheduled for this month so we can get a first opinion on what to do with her mouth. And the first of all of the bills have come in and we're almost at $600 with three more yet to come in.

Oh goodie.

Phlegm for days and I might start hooking.

Lambs, I have not died. It's been forever, but I assure you it's because I have been sick. And by sick I mean, barely functioning. This is the first day in FOUR WEEKS I have been awake past 7 p.m. I now have severe bronchitis and when I say phlegm is coming out of every hole except for my ears, I am not lying. Let's just say if I was pregnant, I would think I had lost my mucus plug.

But enough of that. Let's talk about why I might need to be a hooker and soon.

Remember the super traumatizing story about my dental history from hell? Yes, well it hasn't ended. In fact it's only just begun. About 6-8 weeks ago I noticed that my face, specifically the sinus area that was originally completely closed off and rendered "non-functioning" after a major surgery in 2001, was hurting. Like, a lot. So instead of going to the dentist, I went to the doctor in the hopes that anything they do my health insurance would cover. Because in the first pony show, health insurance didn't pay for the surgery because an oral surgeon did it while cutting the roots off my molar and inserting rods to hold those molars in. So, because I am not rich, I'm trying to go the other route.

The doctor had no clue what to do so put my on a ridiculously strong anti-biotic that gives you the yeast infection from HELL for ten days. And by "from hell" I mean you want to claw your own vagina out. It was horrible. I also got really sick in the middle of all of this so that was not awesome.

But I'm four weeks beyond that visit, have been sick the entire time, and my face hurts. A lot. So I went to the dentist on Tuesday for my regular cleaning, along with Olivia. He does an x-ray and immediately tells me my last molar on the top on that side? Has to come out. The metal rods in my tooth have cracked it. This sucks because it's partner, the far back molar, has been gone since 2008 because of a similar thing. My only option for chewing capability on that side is a fake tooth which is roughly $5,000. Which is not going to happen.

More alarming is that in the x-ray he can tell that the cyst that was in my sinus before? Has made it's triumphant return. He can't tell me how large it is, but there is clearly something there. So now I am being referred back to my oral surgeon to map out a game plan. We did a quick phone chat and they told me to plan on about $15,000 up front.

UP FRONT.

*insert manic laughter here*

Bitches, I don't have $15,000. I currently have $186 in my savings. I have about the same in my checking. The likelihood of me having this at my disposal ever? Slim to none. Even if I got dental coverage through the state on my own, it would not cover this. I can get Care Credit, but it only goes up to $5,000.

So now tomorrow I have to call the doctor and see if I can get that ENT referral immediately and go that route before my face blows up. I also now need to schedule to have that tooth removed which is going to be brutal. It's not like a regular tooth because I have four metal rods holding it into my face. I can't even speak of the pain I experienced the first time around with the other molar, and I am not looking forward to this at all. I'm also not looking forward to having to have sinus surgery, AGAIN. The first go around was horrific. I was in pain for months afterwards. You truly have no idea how crucial your sinuses are until you've had this done. I couldn't eat for weeks, it was straight broth (which is why I'm not a fan of soup anymore). I couldn't drink out of a straw for a YEAR. A full year, folks. I had stitches in my nose, the roof of my mouth and my gum line. I had to lay flat for weeks. It hurt to move but eventually you have to pee so bad (and shower) that you have no choice. I really don't want to do this again. This isn't just a clean out of my sinus, before it was a large mass removed. They had no idea what that mass actually was, but it wasn't cancerous so they never tested further. This time I'll have to have it biopsied again, obviously, so who knows. I'm sure it's not, I'm sure I'm just a freak that grows random things in her body for no good reason.

But that's not all, because it never is. It gets better.

Olivia? My dear Olivia is eight and needs braces. Which we knew. Except I had assumed, foolishly, it'd have to wait until all her permanent teeth came in. Which is true. Except they did an x-ray and lordy lordy, her permanent teeth? Well no wonder no more baby teeth haven't come out. The permanent teeth are so crowded they are going sideways, not down. So her dentist gave us a referral slip for the pediatric orthodontist to see what he advises: do we wait and chance it, or remove four or five baby teeth now, wait for the adult teeth to come in and then do braces right away? Either way, I'm looking at around $700-950 per tooth.

I'll let you do the math.

I'll also need that up front, but don't worry- the consultation is free.

And I can't not do it. I don't want her to have teeth problems as she gets older and I don't want her teeth to get crooked. So somehow, some way, I'll make that happen if they think that's best.

I told Matt to tell his boss to either get dental insurance for employees or build him an on-site apartment because he'll never be able to leave. We'll see what he chooses.