My brain is mush.

I know I can't be the only one who is left with a mushy brain after quarantine. I told Matt I can't even enjoy the freedom of not being in quarantine because I know enough science to know a second (or god forbid, a third) wave is coming and I know we're going to be locked in again. 

Which is fine, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to visit with folks only to get sick and die from something sharing the name of a beer when I don't even drink alcohol. Hard pass, people. 

So I don't know if I could tell you what is even happening in life because.. I'm just not sure. Maybe I can get it together for tomorrow.. we'll see. 

I guess I can do a health update, I suppose. Well, today I'm going to see my pulmonary doctor and we are going to check out my lungs and hopefully all is well there. I'm assuming it isn't a virtual visit because if it is I'm going to look REAL stupid showing up. I've got an appointment in July for Neurology for migraines. Those have made a real comeback and I'm pretty much over it all. The bummer is that my neurologist, the one who was there immediately after the AFE, has since retired so now I have to get matched up with a new one. Apparently, there are only two choices right now and I didn't even get a pick, I was automatically put with the more experienced one. I guess he is really big into Botox, and no, I definitely do not want Botox so I can already assume how this appointment is going to go. I'm also fairly sure this is the guy who did my test that they poke you with needles all over. That guy made me cry and essentially told me to buck up. 

I'm not even kidding. 

So if its him again I will have to just make a scene, I guess. I can't even say send me to Mayo Clinic because I have seen those neurologists a few time and they are just as bad, if not worse. 

I continue with therapy but I won't lie, I can't wait until I can go in person again. I have psychiatry next week and hopefully I can see him one more time before he leaves in August. It's a bummer to lose my neurologist but it's even worse to lose my amazing psychiatrist. 

Other than me, we've got a few things happening around here: 

Olivia started her first job! I maybe already mentioned this, I can't remember. She is doing office work at Matt's job so for awhile he would pick her up at lunch time and they would ride together. She starts Upward Bound this week so I'll get to drive her to work and she can ride home with him. She has been pretty excited about a job and she is actively saving for a car. Oh yeah, she turns 15 in the fall and we've already been talking about driver's education and seriously, how am I old enough to almost have a driver? Let alone a high-schooler?! 

I seriously promise by the end of the week I'll give you a tour of my craft/office/library room. Swearsies. It's been a bit of a bummer because I haven't gotten to have any real time in here. I set out a crafty thing to try and then all hell breaks loose and I have to take over upstairs. It is really nice to have a door, that locks, but it doesn't seem to matter when the only time I can come down is when everyone is in bed but then I want to be in bed too. 

One of my favorite things about this house has always been the backyard. It's pretty similar to when we moved in when I was just starting eighth grade. I don't remember a lot but I do remember thinking the yard made me think we were fancy now. It had an actual flower garden area and then all around the house had flowers and bushes. There are two huge trees in the backyard, a birch and a horse chestnut tree. There used to be a red maple but I think it was really damaged in a storm and it had to come down. But as a teen I used to lay on a blanket under the two big trees because it was always shady and perfect. I had forgotten all about it until last week when Lucy and Penelope were under there and I went over to bring them a drink and for whatever reason, the shade of the tree and the noise of the leaves reminded me of that. So I sit and stare at the trees a lot. 

I have a love/hate relationship with the wildlife here. We have rabbits, and I LOVE rabbits, and they are really quite large. There are two specifically that do their version of a cage right several times a week and last week one ran right on top of my feet. He gave zero cares that I'm standing there. Then there's THIS jerk of a squirrel. He will come up on the deck, right up to me and throw his scraps from whatever he's eating at me. I don't know if this is his silent intimidation thing or what. I was able to get a picture of the gangster squirrel. He just sits and stares at me like he's waiting for me to make a move. Or plotting my death, honestly it's still a toss up. 

Speaking of large animals, I have recently hit the 25 pound weight loss mark (I know, I kind of forgot to post all about that stuff, so I'll try to soon) so my reward was eating an entire box of Better Cheddars in one sitting. 

Nope, totally not good for you. And nope, I don't actually care. I remember these tasting way more cheesy as a kid but I don't care. They are still good and I want all of them. They are super hard to find though so when I do find them, I have to buy them. #noshame

How is your summer starting? Do you have any plans? We officially cancelled our road trip and I think we're all really bummed out about it .

Book Review: When the Walls Come Down

I think this might be the only book review this week for you guys. As of right this second I don't have anything lined up but you know, things could happen. 

If you're a long time reader you'll recognize Aly Martinez because I'm a big fan of hers so when I saw she was attached to this book I had to get on board and I'm so glad I did!

When The Walls Come Down  

M. Mabie & Aly Martinez

Did you ever hear the joke about the guy whose wife cheated on him with his best friend? So he quit his job, moved into his parents’ basement, and gained fifty pounds?

No? Because that wasn’t a joke. It was my life.

Four years later, I'm back with a dream job, a killer apartment, and a set of abs that are better than ever.

So, when Maggie Light, a stunning, snarky blonde moves in next door, and we spend the hottest weekend of our lives together, I think this could be the greatest comeback story ever.

That is until I realize Maggie has moved to town to do one thing—steal my job.

Maybe this isn't a comeback story after all. Maybe this is war—one I intend to win.

What I never anticipated was that maybe I’d rather win her.

Perhaps, if I’m lucky, the universe has finally run out of jokes and I can somehow win both.

You guys. I can't remember the last time I have had great sarcastic banter in a book, a romance one, and this book DELIVERED. I also have to tell you that I flew through this one in just a few hours and loved it so ridiculously much. 

In this one we have Maggie, a 20 something from Atlanta, the youngest of five children. All of her siblings are settled and have their own families but she always thinks about the mom she never knew (died when she was four). She always thought that her mom must not have had a fulfilled life since she had her children starting at age 19 and by 31 she had five of them. She died not long after and so whatever dreams and goals she had, she likely never got to them. Maggie is determined to not follow her lead so she decided to take a job all the way in California, she's leaving all alone to take the world by storm. 

Once she gets there, she quickly realizes it isn't what it's cracked up to be. As it turns out, the world doesn't come to you, you actually have to go to it. Her sister convinces her to go out one nice and see what happens. 

Enter Shane. Divorced but alone. He works as a marketing director for his brother-in-law's company, or he did until he was effectively fired in the nicest way possible. Their intent was for him to get out on his own and take the world by storm. He's wallowing in self pity when.... 

.... in walks Maggie into the Two Ships restaurant. Instead of walking out and going home, he takes his totally awkward self over to her and so starts the story of Maggie and Shane. 

They end up being neighbors in the apartment complex. It turns out she was hired to replace Shane, and they find this out after a relationship is basically started. It all gets dicey and they start to learn what they each want out of life, what is the most important, and how to navigate life with someone else. 

OK, the sarcastic banter throughout this book is so perfect and it reminds me so much of myself and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also really loved Shane and it is long overdue that we have a male character in a romance who isn't oozing with masculine confidence. We have a guy who has self confidence dips from time to time and is honest and vocal about it, he used to be overweight and has lost the weight over time and he doesn't let it define him, and he's a romantic, good guy. I'm never going to turn down a character that is sexy and confident and you know is going to rock your world, but in real life the majority of guys are not that way. They are worried they aren't going to make it past a few minutes, they want to rock her world and just isn't sure, etc. 

Secondly- when it got to a part where they were sending each other gifts that are sarcastically the best, I have to know, what showerhead did he order?! Does such a thing exist?! I mean, for research purposes, I'd like to just... check it out. Ha! 

If you are looking for a romantic book with some sexy times thrown in, this is the one you need to grab! I loved every second of it and this is definitely one I'm going to pull out again and again. 

I am so glad I was able to be on this tour, a huge thank you to Social Butterfly PR for sending me an ARC. Please read this one and we can all search for the magical showerhead together and maybe if we buy in bulk we can get a deal, OK? 

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Book Review: Fractures (Echoes #2)

I am really struggling and this week definitely was tough. Not even just the events in the world, which were bad enough, but my legs are killing me. I am so incredibly tired and just every day I feel run down and awful. I hit a real wall with reading and I think I might take a few days off just to see if I get back into it. 

I absolutely could not pass this one up though! 

Fractures - Alice Reeds

They survived a plane crash.

They survived life on a deserted island.

They survived being hunted.

Now they must survive the truth—they are not who they think they are.

One minute they’re in Poland, subjected to gruesome tests they keep failing. No friends to support them. No family to claim them. No hope of ever living a normal life again.

Then suddenly, they’re trapped on an abandoned freighter in the middle of the ocean and forced to fight for survival. No food. No drinkable water. No way to get home. And strange memories of another life they don’t understand.

But how can they be living two separate lives, trapped in two separate places, at the same time? They’ll have to find the connection and uncover secrets that someone went to great lengths to keep hidden...if they’re going to survive long enough to find out who is behind it all. 

If you haven't read the first book, Echoes, you absolutely MUST. Immediately from page one of this one you will be completely and fully lost if you haven't read the first book. I didn't know that this was the second book so I ended up ordering the first one so I could understand why they were on a boat, not moving, in seemingly the middle of nowhere. I'm so glad I did. 

Odd thing though, is that Echoes is written in Fiona's point of view and I somehow missed the switch because Fractures then goes on to be in Miles's point of view. Which, is fine I guess, but I wonder if it wouldn't have been better to have them switch on and off depending on the chapter. It was hard for me to mentally remember that I'm with Miles mainly versus Fiona. 

My next issue is Fiona. I didn't really feel any particular way about her in Echoes, though I did like Miles but mainly because his character reminded me of others I've read in different books. Fiona though, she isn't a very nice person in Fractures. Alarmingly so, and the flip flop reminded me of Peeta in Hunger Games. Remember when one minute he's in love with Katniss and the next he wants to kill her? Maybe it isn't quite the same degree here but the sudden shit threw me for a loop and I had a hard time liking her. 

I think a great dystopian book has to have great secondary characters to push our main characters forward, and we have that. I also can't say this is strictly a dystopian novel, which I am usually 50/50 on, I'll either love it or not like it at all. I actually loved this because this book gave us the thriller element, lots of suspense, a solid dash of mystery, a little bit of romance, but lots of action. This is a book you basically put on an end cap because it could fit in so many different specific genres than the blanket of young adult. 

I have to say another reason I really enjoyed this is it focuses on past lives. Once Fiona and Miles reach Poland, and are supposedly learning about what the heck has happened, they are told they have different names, that they were never really Fiona and Miles, and it's confusing for sure because the memories they have feel real. So do you just go with what these people are telling you or do you believe what you remember, trust your memories over evidence that contradicts them? If you've been reading my blog long enough you know that I have short term memory loss but I also have long term memory loss as well. It's a really strange thing to see photos of yourself getting married, for instance, and you have zero memory of it. Obviously it happened because here are the photos but what if? What if  you didn't and it's all smoke and mirrors? 

So that thread in the story interested me the most. I highly suggest reading them back to back because that is what I ended up doing and I think if I had more time between books I would have forgotten some smaller details. 

I have to thank NetGalley and Entangled Teen for getting an ARC to me for review, all thoughts are my own. I highly suggest keeping an eye on Entangled Teen's books because I've read a few this year so far and they have all been really great and unique. I've got my eye on a few more coming this year, so stay tuned! 

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Book Review: The First Score

If you're like me, the events in the world the last week or so (oh hell, this entire year, lets be honest) have been a lot to deal with. And they should be, because hard discussions need to happen and we need to see actual change happening in the country, not just lip service. As a mother, I try so hard to do the right thing and have these conversations with my kids, not just so they know and do better than I do, but I also want them to be able to have a tough conversation, and not back down from it no matter how uncomfortable it makes them.

I also know that my own mental health isn't in a great place. If we're being honest, and you know I always am, it hasn't bee in a great space in years. Even before my birth trauma. I try very hard to push past it and help others and do what I can to make this a less crappy world.

So when I say I'm mentally not capable right now, it means I'm not capable right now. It doesn't mean I'm putting blinders on and wishing you all luck. It doesn't mean I care for you any less. It doesn't mean if you show up at my house I'm not going to let you in and feed you and we can watch the dumb zombie show Matt is watching. It means I'm going to jump in and fight for you, for everyone, but I can't help anyone if I don't put my own mask on first. I'm trying really hard to keep myself going. You can see that in the amount of books I'm reading, the less frequent family posts (because honestly, we're doing nothing and I'm sleeping half the day away because I just can't keep going), and I'm not visiting all of you as often. I'm still here. Stick with me.

The First Score - Amie Knight

There was something about that first score, and not just on the football field.

I loved all of life's firsts, which was why I’d been saving mine for one girl, my older sister’s best friend—Hazel Jones.

She was tough and sarcastic with walls around her heart as tall as a football stadium, but I knew she was the one for me.

Desperate times called for desperate measures and I’d have done anything to make her mine.

Like create a fake online persona.

Lie about my age.

Pretend I wasn’t some naive virgin.

And catfish the hell out of the love of my life.

I am a huge fan of Amie Knight so I will read anything and everything she puts out there because they are always fast reads, with great characters, genuine feelings, and lovely stories. I will tell you that not only do I not own a lot of football romance, I have zero books on my shelf that involve our lead male character being a virgin.

I know, right? I can't even think of another book that I've read that the man has been a virgin, let alone him a virgin and the woman not. Then let's add in the fact that Oliver and Hazel have been best friends forever because Oliver's sister Scarlett has been Hazel's best friend forever. So we've got this like best friends trio, and while Oliver is totally OK with it, Hazel... well, she's got some commitment issues.

*Here is a great time to let you know that Hazel self harms. Well, she did as a kid because her childhood was traumatic and chaotic.If this is a trigger for you, please be aware of that. There is no text in the book describing her actually doing it, and I feel like that's important to mention because there are different levels and reactions to triggers.*

Oliver knows that Hazel is IT for him and he basically waits all of these years for her and he kind of catfishes her, which blows up (obviously) and that was the catalyst for things to move. Which... they do but at an alarmingly slow rate and you just want to shake Hazel and beg her to stop being stupid already.

I loved Oliver. I was a little afraid that he would be kind of wimpy emotionally for me but he was anything but, he's the epitome of a solidly great guy. Hazel says so many times that she doesn't deserve him (she totally does), and there were a few times that the sentimental sucker in me was doing the gasping clutch of my chest because UGH. If just once in my life I could get that I could die happy.

And you're right, I'm married and it hasn't happened and I know I'm going to likely die without that romance and it is what it is.

Sigh.

I really loved this book. I'm excited to read about Scarlett and Luk's story even though we get a bit of a head start on it in this one. Oliver is the swoon worthy guy we all need. Hazel reminds me so much of myself in a lot of ways and I'm just as awkward and uncomfortable as she is so I could really identify with those parts.

Just... you'll really like this.

Thank you to Social Butterfly PR for having me on this tour, I'm a super fan of Amie Knight, and I can't wait to read what comes next!

   

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Book Review: Intrigued by Love

OK, this was kind of a banner day for book reviews, right?? This is my third one for today but this entire week is crazy busy with reviews so I'm pretty sure I'm going to fill up your summer reading lists!

Intrigued By Love - Sienna Snow

I knew I was in trouble as soon as I read my horoscope.

Dear Gemini,

A blast from the past will force you to confront your dual nature.

Love is in the air, but only if you are open to it.

Remember, your heart can't heal if you don't examine the wounds.

Only one man fit that description. Jackson Burton. Libra. Breaker of hearts, my ex-boyfriend, and the best man for my sister's wedding.

When he ghosted me, I ran as far away as I could, to this island paradise. Now, I was also trapped here for the wedding.

With him.

With the memories of our life together.

Our chemistry was more than just a memory. It was a live wire.

And he planned to spend the next month reminding me exactly what I was missing.

If you are looking to fill your summer with short books so you can get through a bunch, or you're behind in your Goodreads goal and need to catch up, this one is right around 150 pages so you can get this done in an afternoon with no problem.

In here we have Kailani, working at a resort and having to take care of her sister's wedding and make sure it goes off without a hitch. As soon as she sees her ex Jackson, she knows this isn't going to go off as planned. She ended things abruptly two years ago and he never knew why. Its clear he's come back to pick up where they left off but Kailani isn't sure she can do that because she isn't willing to be second best in his priorities.

While this one isn't going to give you the in depth character development, or some real angst, it does deliver in the romantic department. If you're into kink and safe words, this is like BDSM-lite. You know going into this that you're going to end up with a happy ending (all around), but it actually feels satisfying to see them work things out like normal people, even though Kailani's first instinct is to run as fast as she can.

I'm becoming a big fan of the shorter novel, but longer than a novella, this perfect middle ground length novel. I loved these characters, I also enjoyed the Hawaiian cultural references and traditions, I can't remember the last book I read that featured that and it was a great change of pace from the regular. It definitely makes me want to read more by this author because like the other ones today, this was my first from Sienna Snow and it was worth my afternoon.

Thank you to Social Butterfly PR for sending me an ARC for review and having me on this tour! All thoughts are my own of course, and if you have a book you loved from Sienna Snow you think I need to read, let me know!

   

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Book Review: Jackson

Hey- it is book review number TWO for today! Keep an eye out because I have one more up my sleeve for today.

Jackson - Siobhan Davis

Rydeville Elite #5

The devil came to me in disguise. Too bad I didn’t notice until it was far too late.

Vanessa:

The devil doesn’t always wear an evil mask.

Sometimes, he appears in the most beautiful form.

Like the super-hot bad boy with the dirty-blond hair and a wicked glint in his blue eyes who swept in out of nowhere, stealing all the air from my lungs.

I thought he was my savior.

But he’s my ruination.

And he’s just taken a machete to my heart.

Jackson:

For years, my rage seethed under the surface. Hidden behind a cloudy haze of my poison of choice.

But now, the fog has cleared.

And I’m out for blood.

I will annihilate those responsible for taking my sister from me.

Except he’s not here, so I go for the next best target.

The woman he abandoned.

Until it suited him to drag her into this messed-up elite world.

Sucks to be her.

Because when I’m done with Vanessa, she’ll wish she was dead.

OK, right off the bat I'm going to tell you that you absolutely HAVE to read books 1-4 before you get to this one. I did not do that and while it didn't hinder my enjoyment of it, I really didn't understand a lot of the elements going on. Also, there isn't a whole lot of character development because its assumed you've read books 1-4 and I think this is a series that if you read one book now you have to read them all because I'm already wanting the next one.

Second, I know it mentions it on Goodreads, but if you are triggered by sexual assault, incest, and/or sexual abuse by a parent/stepparent: FIND A DIFFERENT BOOK. Don't put yourself through that even for a good book.

OK, so please remember that as I describe this book that I did NOT read books 1-4 and so I was putting the pieces together and this is messed up, you guys. This book centers around these 20something adults, who go to Rydeville University, by all appearances a snooty university basically for rich kids. We have Jackson, who is still reeling from his sister Dani's death (which this is part of the backstory I kind of wish I had known), and he has decided to exact revenge on his nemesis: Christian Montgomery. Enter, Vanessa. Vanessa is the daughter of Christian Montgomery and Jackson's plan is to get close to her, make her fall in love, and basically manipulate her in order to get information on daddy dearest.

Except he hits a bit of a brick wall because the Vanessa he knew growing up, the girl who was always causing trouble, high and/or drunk, and sleeping with anything that walked is nothing like the Vanessa he meets. This Vanessa is tamer, sober, meeker, and clearly has terrible self esteem.

I can't really give you anything more because it kind of gives away what is going to happen, but I'll tell you I flew through this book in a few hours because it was GREAT.

I loved Vanessa. Once you realized her back story, everything about her made complete sense. The best part about her was she was like an onion, we just kept getting more and more information about her and everything starts clicking for Jackson once he realizes what a colossal asshole he was. OK, that's your only hint. Jackson was infuriating. On one hand, we of course knew his motives here but I loved how those kind of morphed and he started feeling things, but then he would do stuff and I'd want to scream. Maybe about half way through I decided I hated him. But then at 3/4 of the way I decided I loved him again.

Honestly, I felt like Vanessa through the whole damn thing. HA!

The book ends on a cliff hanger, but not so bad that you're foaming at the mouth to get the next one. Instead, this is a story that is a hugely spread web of crazy. Members of this Elite club are involved in some of the most heinous acts you can imagine and its basically ignored and honestly, it feels like it could be real. Hell, it probably is somewhere.

For being my first book by Siobhan Davis it absolutely will not be the last! I am so grateful Social Butterfly PR invited me on this tour and sent me an ARC for review! I am ordering the other four so I am fully ready for book six!

   

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Book Review: Titan

Today is going to be bananas because I have not one, not two, but THREE reviews for you today! I know, it's crazy. Even crazier? I read them all this weekend, plus I went on walks, and helped Matt do more gardening. It feels like it has been the longest weekend of all but nope.

Anyways. Let's start with this book and then keep an eye out all day for my other two reviews!

Titan - Shantel Tessier

TITAN

I know I have a black soul. Bloodshed and danger are what I live for.

A King is supposed to rule his Kingdom using any means necessary to demand respect.

I’m not a weak man… A King kneels to no one.

I’ve only ever cared about one other person in my life, but the thing is, she never belonged to me. And before I could tell her how I felt, she left.

Now she’s returned, needing someone to save her.

Emilee York was always meant to be mine, and I’ll see to it that happens. I always get what I want, even if that means I have to take it.

And she’s no different. She’ll be my queen, one way or the other.

EMILEE

When I left Sin City behind me, I had no plans to return. I avoided everyone, even my friends, to stay in my bubble. I’ve always been the kind to pull away and run when things get difficult.

But one phone call changed everything, and I was racing back. If only I had known what was waiting for me.

Titan reappeared like a ghost haunting me.

One look and I knew he recognized me. I never forgot him or what we shared. Those feelings that no one else knew existed between us.

I ignored them back then, but now they are more intense than ever.

“Get on your knees…” He demanded I kneel for him.

I tried to act like he didn’t affect me, but he knew. He remembered the way I reacted when he would touch me. And just like he was taught to do—he used my weaknesses against me.

He staked his claim, and I became his queen to use how he saw fit.

What makes it worse is that I crave him, and when I kneeled, it was willingly.

But was it for nothing? 

Good news, this is book one in what I assume is going to be a four book series, and what an introduction it was!

I'm going to start off by telling you I really didn't like Titan or Emilee for a good chunk of this book. I knew going in that Titan was going to be definitely a DOM-like character so I assumed Emilee would be more submissive... and she was.... but she also wasn't. I honestly don't know how to describe her without it sounding like a dig to the book. How about this- the dynamic between Titan and Emilee definitely doesn't scream "romance book were conflicted characters finally come together". While it is that, I really was confused how either of them felt for each other until the very end. But even then... I'm not real sure?

Emilee has a history with fellow King, Bones, because she was basically his fuckbuddy whenever he wanted, though later in the book we were supposed to believe it was more of a relationship? It did not come off like that when we learn about them, and given how much animosity seemed to be coming off of him, I expected to have some revelation of a major blowup between them, so that kind of left me confused.

Overall though? We have domineering sex, not in a Fifty Shades kind of way but more of a, if you want your cell phone back you better give the blow job of your life, kind of way. If you like sweet nothings whispered to you, you are absolutely not going to get this. I'm going to give this one a 3, only because I wasn't sold on the characters, but the story line with Emilee's messed up family kept me wanting to know what the heck was going on. Also, this was my first book by Shantel Tessier but it definitely won't be my last. I'm not sure if I'm going to come back for the next book (I'm assuming it would be about Bones?) but I want to try some others to see if they are a better fit for me.

A huge thank you to Social Butterfly PR and Shantel Tessier for gifting me a copy of Titan in exchange for a review! Of course, all thoughts are my own. If you've read a book from Shantel Tessier that you think I should pick up next, let me know!

   

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