Book Review: This Time Tomorrow

While this one is listed as a stand alone, it kind of is, but if you read book one it kind of comes together more. Book one is called Reborn Yesterday and I absolutely loved it. Would you believe me if I told you I loved this one even more? I'd give it ten stars if I could. Also the covers for this series? Stunning. I loved the cover for Reborn Yesterday and I absolutely love this one. 

This Time Tomorrow - Tessa Bailey

Roksana, heiress to the vampire slayer throne, has performance anxiety.

She’s supposed to kill Elias, but so far she’s only succeeded in maxing out his credit card. Now her failure to stake the brooding vampire has sent her back to Moscow in disgrace to face her mother’s wrath. Expecting punishment by death, she’s given a rare reprieve. She now has three tasks to complete, the last of which is to finally kill Elias. She will not fail this time.

If only the memories of one magical evening—back when Elias was human, would stop holding her back. He claims to have forgotten that night. Why can’t she? Three years ago, Elias was a SWAT team member on a guy’s weekend in Vegas. Playing poker and minding his own business, his life changed forever when a captivating blonde strolled past his table in a light-up bra. He followed Roksana as if compelled, his very bones demanding he do so, his soul resonating with the belief she would be important to him. Always. That turned out to be a vast understatement—and nothing has changed.

Roksana embarks on her mission, determined to win back her mother’s approval, but when an astonishing truth emerges in the eleventh hour, will her stake pierce the very heart that beats in her honor? Or will love triumph over duty?

You guys..... Roksana and Elias were so much better than I could have imagined. I'm not kidding. I loved Roksana in book one and all of the tension/drama brewing between those two in book one was absolutely worth it. In this book we get more of Roksana's back story and we find out how she became a slayer and why, which actually involves Elias and the day he became Silenced (which is when he became a vampire). 

Elias spent years in love with her since becoming Silenced and he knows that Roksana hates him for what she believes he did but he is convinced if she would just kill him she will feel better after exacting her revenge. She just isn't able to do it and doesn't know why. 

Well, turns out they are mates. (Just like Jonas and Ginny from book one.)

I just... I absolutely loved this story and I wanted them to succeed so badly. While Jonas and Ginny were all sweet, romantic, and gentle in book one.... Elias and Roksana are the absolute opposite. They are rough sex, dirty talking, emotional together and I loved it. 

I always try to give you what I loved about a book and what I didn't love... I can't give you anything that I wish was better. The plot line of vampires vs. slayers continues on except now we have the fae thrown in. Roksana is a hard character and I ended up seeing her in a totally different way, Elias is exactly what I expected but more. I loved the dramatic ending and I loved, loved, LOVED Tucker and who I am 99% sure is his mate. I cannot wait for book three! I love this world Tessa Bailey is crafting and I see exactly where she is going and I'm here for it. I cannot wait for this. 

A massive thank you to Social Butterfly PR and Tessa Bailey for having me on this tour! I said it before and I say it again, if I could give this ten stars I absolutely would. 

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My body is a lemon. What is the lemon law on bodies?

I had an eventful week of doctor appointments, that's for sure. Let's just go appointment by appointment then, how does that sound? 

Psychiatry: I think this may have been my last one with him since he is moving across the country and I am so damn sad about it. Truly, I can't even explain how sad I am without sounding like I'm nuts. This doctor is one of the only ones I trust implicitly. I trust my psychologist too, but she isn't dealing with my prescriptions and stuff, that's talk therapy. My psychiatrist is so damn great and I have trusted him for the last three and a half years to advise me on a lot of things. He always believed me when I said I wanted to die and I wasn't happy. He believes me when I say I really can't do it anymore and I just don't want to traumatize these kids. At the appointment, and I'm glad it was a virtual visit because I hope he couldn't tell I was straight sobbing, he said my greatest obstacle is, and will always be that I'm perceptive, honest, and realistic in understanding my limitations now. That I don't wear rose colored glasses, but I don't curl into a ball helpless. He kept saying I was worthy, I am one of the strongest patients he's had who puts in the work to get better. He said more but honestly by then I was just a damn wreck. If I was in person I probably would have hugged him for dear life and gotten boogers all over him and I'm not even kidding. 

I ended up asking him if he could give me a list of the drugs I've tried that didn't work because I can't find my notebook and at the end of his final note it says, "Med history: Extreme and difficult reactions to Cymbalta, Zoloft, and Lexapro. Failed Strattera, Topamax, Depakote, Nuvigil, Rexulti, Abilify, Vraylar, Modafinil, Ritalin, Adderall IR.". 

So damn. I mean, most of these I had forgotten but this is quite the journey. 

Psychology: I ended up having therapy two days later which was great because I also cried there, too. She doesn't think I'm nuts that I'm so sad and she also totally understands why every day is hard. I was telling someone the other day that being told the happy centers in your brain don't work is one thing, but really understanding what that means is a totally other thing. I thought I understood it years ago but I think I was still in the grieving stages because I was just really angry about it. Angry that people don't GET IT, and no amount of endorphins, exercise, sunshine, oils, sex, whatever is going to fix it. When your brain is busted, it is busted. Now I feel like I'm really accepting it and some days it just makes me sad again. I see photos of me years ago and I look happy. Unapologetically happy and carefree, enjoying life, and now I just feel... here. I guess. I mean, I'm here and that's something I guess. 

It was basically an hour of crying and I can't wait until I can go because I feel like I can't really let it out, you know? 

Gastroenterology: Well I saw him in the morning today and wow, that sucked. So I am still having a ton of issues since having my gall bladder out. Apparently, and none of you are going to be surprised, but I'm in the really small percentage of people who has a body that doesn't adapt well to not having a gall bladder. 

I know I'm not shocked. I'm only shocked we held out hope I'd be normal. 

With all of my issues: the nausea, almost vomiting, diarrhea, bloating, feeling full after a bite or two, etc., I get to do a gastric exit scan. He said I'd be eating a LOT of scrambled eggs with radioactive dye to see how fast I poop it out and basically its journey from eggs to poop. 

Which, isn't that grand? 

I have no idea when this adventure takes place but someone in scheduling is supposed to call me. They are basically trying to see if I have gastroparesis, which sounds awful. It would explain a lot of the issues I've had, so I guess that's something. The doctor said he absolutely wouldn't be shocked if I had it given all of the issues I've had, but also because I have a damaged pituitary gland which means I have no working hormones. Apparently, you need hormones for even your stomach to work and it sounds like it isn't. 

So just a reminder kids, your pituitary gland is important!

Weight Loss: I saw my weight loss doctor in the afternoon, and good news, I am down 31.8 pounds from end of December. I'm officially 174.2 pounds and I have 14 pounds to go for my goal weight of 160. I am pretty happy about it and I am feeling better overall. I definitely breathe easier, my back doesn't hurt at much and just the ability to walk around the entire house without getting winded and exhausted is really nice. Bad news is that he agrees, it sound like I have some kind of gastroparesis and he's concerned about how quickly I seem to be losing weight, like I'm down 9 pounds in a month. So we'll see where I am at when I go back. 

I just feel so damn defeated. On one hand, I'm grateful doctors still give a damn and are trying to figure out what is going on with me. On the other hand, I am so fed up. It is frustrating to think all of the things I deal with were kicked off with my AFE blows my mind. It's frustrating too when doctors blow that off and tell you an AFE is a one time event, it doesn't cause issues later on. Which, I guess it doesn't create havoc forever but it can certainly be a catalyst for things and doctors just don't want to go there. 

Oh well. 

So that's my medical update. If you have information about gastroparesis (or horror stories), let me know. I don't mind knowing the good, the bad, and the ugly, because it at least helps me make a list of questions when I go in. 

Have a good weekend, lambs. 

Book Review: Letters to the Lost

I've kind of been on a young adult kick this summer and I'm OK with it. I've decided I'm going to really try hard (for real this time) to work on my backlist books. I've had this on my list for awhile and I'm glad I jumped it to the top of my pile. 

Letters to the Lost - Brigid Kemmerer

Juliet Young always writes letters to her mother, a world-traveling photojournalist. Even after her mother's death, she leaves letters at her grave. It's the only way Juliet can cope.

Declan Murphy isn't the sort of guy you want to cross. In the midst of his court-ordered community service at the local cemetery, he's trying to escape the demons of his past.

When Declan reads a haunting letter left beside a grave, he can't resist writing back. Soon, he's opening up to a perfect stranger, and their connection is immediate. But neither Declan nor Juliet knows that they're not actually strangers. When life at school interferes with their secret life of letters, sparks will fly as Juliet and Declan discover truths that might tear them apart. 

I am a sucker for written letters and I think there is real power in writing out how you feel so when I read the description of this book I knew I had to read it. I haven't read anything by Brigid Kemmerer before this but it definitely won't be the last. She has amazing writing and you're left feeling the teenage feelings both Declan and Juliet have and you also feel the mom feelings and just want to hug them. 

In this book we have Juliet, her mother died in a tragic car accident and she feels responsible for it. Misguided, but guilty nonetheless. We also have Declan, doing community service for a car accident he caused on purpose for heartbreaking reasons. They each have trouble at home, in different ways but also similar in other ways, and they only know of each other at school. First impressions are everything, right?

In her grief, Juliet visits her mother's grave daily and she has taken to writing her mother letters. Declan, doing his community services sees a letter on this grave one day and has no idea who leaves them. 

That's how this pen-pal relationship begins. 

I loved everything about this book, you guys. I loved each character although they both frustrated me in so many ways because of their lack of communication but also because of the assumptions they make towards other people and their intentions. I loved their independent tragedies, their grief, the teenage angst which is already hard enough without tragic things happening in the midst of it. I love the road to teenage love and also learning to trust themselves again. 

The best way to describe this book is that it was one I raced to finish but also wanted to slow down because I didn't want it to be done. The author did an amazing job crafting this and for that, I have to give it 5 stars. 

 

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Book Review: The Secret Messenger

Happy Tuesday! I am so glad I have therapy tomorrow, I can always tell when I must be getting close to an appointment because it always feels like things in life all pile up right before. I've already connected with two friends this week and I am so happy about it. It's just good to connect with people. 

The Secret Messenger - Mandy Robotham

Venice, 1943

The world is at war, and Stella Jilani is leading a double life. By day she works in the lion’s den as a typist for the Reich; by night, she risks her life as a messenger for the Italian resistance. Against all odds, Stella must impart Nazi secrets, smuggle essential supplies and produce an underground newspaper on her beloved typewriter.

But when German commander General Breugal becomes suspicious, it seems he will stop at nothing to find the mole, and Stella knows her future could be in jeopardy.

London, 2017

Years later, Luisa Belmont finds a mysterious old typewriter in her attic. Determined to find out who it belonged to, Luisa delves into the past and uncovers a story of fierce love, unimaginable sacrifice and, ultimately, the worst kind of betrayal…

Today we are going to talk about The Secret Messenger, which is a historical fiction and you know that isn't always my jam. I'll also admit there are SO MANY books around WWII and frankly, I'm over it. While that was an interesting time from every aspect, I'm over it, give me any other time period, truly. 

But. 

I picked this one because I really like a good time hop book and the idea that this story is about a woman who, by all accounts, is leading a double life is what sold me. Also, I really wish I could find something cool like an old typewriter in a house but the closest I got was an electrical how-to manual shoved in a wall near (you guessed it) faulty wiring. 

Let's talk about some things that I didn't totally love:

• The description of Venice is almost too much. I often get lost in a historical romance because it becomes too much, it feels tedious, and it actually makes me sleepy. 
• I had a hard time understanding what some Italian words meant and I ended up making up my own definitions. I think though if you were reading this as an e-book you could look them up easier, so this might have been an issue with me. 
• Stella and her monologue make up most of the book but I don't feel like I every really got to know her. I didn't get to know Luisa much either, but that didn't feel like a big deal. 

With that out of the way, let me tell you that I really loved this book! I loved her radical behavior and the danger element of the Nazis finding out she is running this radical newspaper is what really kept me going. I also loved the relevancy of this book in current times; we have a female advocating change and fairness to all, but she's also a part of the honest media who the Nazi wants stopped at all costs. I feel like you can make connections throughout the book and it's great. The betrayal aspect? Wow. I think I felt the gut punch Stella must have as well. 

Overall I have to give this a good 4 stars. I really enjoyed this one and it just reminds me that we often forget to ask our parents and grandparents and great grandparents their life story. What may seem boring or ordinary to them may be interesting for us. I highly suggest you read this book and then have a cool conversation with your family, see what you find. (Also, go look for cool typewriters.)

 

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The start of summer 2020

Honestly, it feels like it's been summer for months already, right? We've been home for so long we aren't even feeling that summer freedom this year. 

Since moving to the new house we've been slowly setting up fun stuff for the kids to do since we really can't go anywhere, and the stuff we'd like to do isn't even open yet. Every time I want to say screw it and book something, a rash of COVID-19 positive cases goes up and then I get nervous. I'm getting weary, folks. 

Anyways. 

Matt set up the pool for the kids. I'm just grateful our pool from last year has no holes from the move and works great because the chances of buying a new one this year is slim to none! 

The pool isn't very deep (like 30 inches, or 33 inches) so even the little girls can get in it and move around well above the water. Of course they can't go in it without someone watching them, but they are pretty good about it. We haven't had too many pool worthy days but they seem content to go out even on chilly days (to me). 

Poor Olivia hardly gets to play between Upward Bound and her job, but Jackson usually waits to go in until she can. Some days I can get him to go in early and the little girls love it. On that day the water was FREEZING and I don't know how any of them lasted as long as they did! 

I haven't done a medical update in awhile because its easier to add a lot of little things up for one post. For the last 8-9 months my hair has been falling out at an alarming rate. It isn't medication related, it isn't thyroid related, several doctors have checked various things, it's a mystery. (Honestly, I'd be more alarmed if someone had a reason for it, I'm just used to everything having no real reason.) To put it into perspective, I could only brush my hair (or wash it) (or touch it in general) once a week because it would just come out in huge clumps. My hair normally is extremely thick with a wave/curl to it and if I used a hair tie, I was lucky if I could get it wrapped twice without the tie snapping. By mid-June my hair tie felt loose with 4 wraps around. I would run my hand in my hair and have a baseball size clump. 

To be frank, if I had cancer and was on chemo, this is the point I'd consider shaving my head. 

I'm not on chemo so instead of shaving my head, I cut my hair. My hair was down to the middle of my back and I cut it to my chin. My hair is still falling out but not nearly as much so I'm hoping losing the weight of hair helps a little. I do miss my long hair though, and I decided I really don't like my hair this short. 

Oh! I forgot to share my June TBR stack! Not a very big one, but I was trying to be realistic. I have two of them done already (First & Then and Creole Kingpin), I'm working on Roomies, and then I'll squeak Haven in next week. Or maybe this week still, we'll see. 

Also, for those who asked if I was still doing the weight loss thing, I AM! I'm actually doing really well. I see that doctor again on Friday, and I'm excited to maybe get some official numbers! I've been having to go by my scale with I know is 4 pounds off but might be more, but at my last doctor appointment they told me I was 179, which is around 30 pounds less than where I was in December. I started around 212 pounds. I'm not doing anything more than curbing my diet and walking. Totally serious. I'm supposed to get 140 minutes of exercise in during the week and I've been diligently tracking how much I do. Most nights I walk with Matt and some days I get to walk with a friend, so its nice. 

For the rest of the week I have book reviews (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday) and I hope to have some more photos for Thursday to share with you all. How is your summer starting? Do you have any plans? 

Book Review: Creole Kingpin

It's Friday, I've made it through the week, and I am so grateful. I was supposed to have a doctor visit, but that got switched to Monday and I'm on edge, folks. Yikes. My plan is to read, I have a few more books on my June TBR list that quite frankly, I need to get a move on. 

Creole Kingpin - Meghan March

The thing about ghosts is they’re supposed to stay dead.

That’s exactly what I am, but I can’t stay away from Magnolia Marie Maison for one more day, let alone another year.

We’ve already got fifteen of those between us.

As it stands, she’ll want to kill me as soon as she lays eyes on me. And knowing her, she’s completely up to the task.

But I’m a man on a mission, and I’ve got everything riding on this.

So, here I come, Magnolia. This ghost is ready for whatever you got.

After all, there’s only one way I want this to end—’til death do us part.

First thing first: this is my first book by Meghan March. Now would be an appropriate time to shame me and I'm here for it. I have three more on my shelf so I'm going to add those to either July or August's TBR list and for sure pick up more before I enjoyed this one a lot. 

Honestly I wasn't sure because when I started this one Magnolia is almost too much. I've always felt like the women who were alpha clearly had poor self worth (which Magnolia does and demonstrates it throughout the book) and its all a false bravado. As a person, that's the last kind of person I want to be around. In this book? I'll take it. 

Magnolia is a madam, trying to organize and clean up her life, but also put herself on a new course. She still pines over Moses, a man from her past who suddenly reappears after 15 years. And yeah, she's pining over him even though she fights it tooth and nail. It was almost too much and I wanted to just roll my eyes and set it aside, BUT! We've got murder and a nut job on the loose, and Moses is determined to keep her alive but keep her, period. 

Of COURSE this ends on a cliffhanger and I hate cliffhangers, so I have book two on the way. Just a piece of advice, have book two at the ready because having to wait a few days sucks. I want to know how this is going to end. 

It's a fast read and I think if you like a very strong female and male character battling it out for control, you will really like this one. I love the Louisiana setting, I love the secondary characters we meet, I love that Moses becomes a partner for her and that's what Magnolia had always wanted. Too often in romance novels we have one character barreling over the other and that isn't the situation here. Lots of secrets throughout, I'm anxious to read book two!

Have you read anything by Meghan March? What is your favorite?!

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Book Review: At Her Command

Don't let the lack of reviews lately fool you, I've been reading up a storm. I'm going to try to space my reviews out a bit though, because I have a ton of cute pictures of the kids to post as of late, so we'll see. 

I did finish this one about a week ago but today is review day, so let's chat. 

At Her Command - Joey W. Hill

Ros doesn’t accept excuses for falling short. Particularly not from herself. As CEO of a successful New Orleans marketing firm, she knows how to bring quality to the top. The same way she knows how to get it from the men who serve her in the bedroom.

Lawrence has been a SEAL since his teens. He doesn’t know how to be a civilian. So when being a SEAL is no longer an option for him, he accepts a security job at.

Thomas Rose Associates to keep his edge. But from the moment he sees Rosalinda, his deep need to serve gets redefined.

He’s never belonged to a Mistress. Ros is about to change that.

I am going to tell you the only reason I picked this one for review is because I can't honestly tell you when the last time I've read a BDSM novel with a female as the dominate figure. Truly- when was the last time you have? It's not unheard of, but it definitely isn't the norm. I went into this thinking I was going to love it just as much as I would if the male role was reversed and you know what? 

Not the case. 

I didn't love this one but I learned that I actually do have a preference and apparently that makes me a sub. Which, alright, I guess. 

My other issue was I just couldn't drum up any interest for Ros, she came off as a little too much for my taste. It wasn't sexy or enticing at all, and I couldn't find it believable. I also did love our guy, Lawrence. I think it was the name because all I could think of was Larry the Cable Guy but with a full shirt on. AND THEN, he was short. Not short but definitely not 6 foot or more. I'm 5'3 and he might not be much taller than me. And that I can't get into, I don't know. So I already felt a little let down and like this was an uphill climb. 

This one begins with Ros needing security (she doesn't think so and is kind of convinced after a conversation and then it turns out YES, she needs it) and Lawrence is the guy. He's got a military background (liked that) and he "needs purpose" so hey, let's make him a sub. The premise was a little far fetched for me and I think this might be completely on me for not really understanding the purpose of a BDSM relationship and how it can fulfill someone. 

At best I can give this one a 3 and I think the majority of my waning interest was just not feeling any kind of connection with our main characters. The sexy scenes were good, some a little more drawn out than I'd like, but overall were fine. Was this enough to bring me in for book two? I'd have to say no. I think I've learned that in a BDSM book I really prefer the male to be the domme, and don't come at me feminist movement. 

So while this wasn't a hit for me, if you're looking for something that is basically a unicorn in the land of romance novels, this is something to really consider. Of the people I know who have already read this, I feel like I'm maybe the only one not loving it. The reasons I didn't love it might be the reason you're going to love it, so take that into consideration. 

A huge thank you to Social Butterfly PR for having me on this tour and sending me an ARC for review! 

I want to know if you've read, or would read, a book with the woman in the dominant role, and if you have, which one? Have you read others by Joey W. Hill? I definitely want to try another! 

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