The Black Keys. Amazing.

You know I'm a fan of live music. I have seen a LOT of concerts and I always say concerts are a hobby and it's at the top of my list. Every time a good concert comes along, I always have to scramble to find a date and I have decided that I need more friends who are music enthusiasts because nobody is ever as excited about these shows as I am and that kind of sucks.  But my mom is kind of amazing and she's up for almost anything and when I saw that the Black Keys were coming, I knew she was going to be my date. 


Let me just start by saying my mom's Facebook status says it all of this concert: "still recovering from The Black Keys concert that my fav daughter took me to Tues. night in Minneapolis! That was the best concert I have seen in years!! They are now in the top 5 concerts I have been to. And that is saying a lot because they are in the company of The Stones, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath... Thanks for the good time Sar! :>)"

Now, the fact my mom has seen all of those bands makes her badass and me jealous, but for her to say that about this concert? Huge. This concert was easily one of my top shows ever, not surpassing Kings of Leon in Chicago though. 

I was kind of worried where our seats would be, but you can see we were on the side not too far. We actually had a great view of the stage. Plus, it was ridiculously loud, as it should be. 

 I love nerdy boys, so my love for Dan and Pat are kind of unmatched. Pat is a beast on the drums and Dan's voice is like butter to me.

 One of my favorite songs, Ten Cent Pistol, was awesome to see live because they turned the lights totally down and then flashed them towards the end. Such a great song and I've had it in my head for days.

 But my hands down favorite part of the show? When they did their first encore song, Everlasting Light. That is a great song anyways, but anytime you add a disco ball to the mix? You have a winning performance. Every bad should haul out a disco ball because a disco ball is kind of awesome.

 And then add colored lights for those around us who were high with their ninja pot smoking skills.

If it were practical to have a disco ball in my house, you know I absolutely would. 

The only down side to this was getting home at 1am and having to work the next day. Then, because I am an idiot, I took a Benedryl at work for allergies and I was even more tired. But to my credit, this is the first time in my LIFE I have ever had a pollen allergy and I feel like I am getting my ass kicked by plants. Seriously. It's unbelievable to me that I can make it until I'm 30 without an allergy to speak of and the year I start I feel like I am going to die and that pollen is actively trying to attack me. So I'm kind of an allergy medicine retard, but I at least know why everyone is hard core about non drowsy. Sheesh. 

Anyways. I'm still recovering from my lack of sleep but it was absolutely worth it. And it makes me kick myself even more for not buying tickets the last time they were in town even though I would have had to pay scalper prices. It obviously would have been worth it. 

Deck, Shitty Gardening, and Matt's new motivation.

I know you want another deck progress report and I aim to please bitches. This weekend we had a massive yard sale and with our earnings, we bought some stuff for the house. This means I learned what stair stringers were. And then Jeebus gave us stairs.

Look at that four foot section of stairs!

We still need to put the stair railings on, but hey- at least I don't have to jump off the deck to take the garbage and recycle out!

But you're probably curious about Matt's solution for the gap?

As it turns out, there was no solution. So the gap will remain forever and ever. I tried not to be angry about this obvious fuck up. So I took it out on my planter.

Every year I start with good intentions on this planter and every year it's a mother fucking fail. But since the lovely Shannon is all hard core about yard care, I figure I need to give it another try. So I pulled out everything in it, put new soil in it, and some petunias.

So far, the petunias are still alive. But check back in a month, I bet they will be dead. Sorry petunias.

In other news, I have been thinking of new ways to motivate Matt to continue with the home improvement projects. And then yesterday, a crazy woman in Superior gave me the idea I needed.

On 21st Street in Superior, this bitch took it to the next level. As it turns out, her divorce that she filed last July finally became final this week. And so to celebrate, she put her ex husband's stuff out in the yard, decorated his junker truck, and then hid out in her house.

Because you know hoards of people came by to take pictures.

And apparently, the pile of shit was much larger earlier in the day and people actually were taking things off of the pile.

At the end of the afternoon, the truck ended up being towed. The sad part is that they have kids and so that's shitty. I mean, kids don't need to know that their dad is a fucking cheating douchebag, but on the other hand- I want to buy this lady a beer. How many women have been angered and wronged... and wanted to do this? I think we've all been there and most of us didn't have the guts to do it. So good for her.

Matt feels a little more motivated, so good for me as well.

The Exceptionals (GIVEAWAY)

I have another post for you this evening, but here is a book review for something I've read recently that I think you will really like.

The Exceptionals- Erin Cashman

In a famous family of exceptionally talented people, fifteen-year-old Claire Walker is ordinary . . . or so she leads everyone to believe. Yet the minute she steps out of line, her parents transfer her to Cambial Academy: the prestigious boarding school that her great-grandfather founded for students with supernatural abilities, or “specials”. Although Claire can’t see ghosts or move objects with her mind like the other students, she does have a special she considers too lame to admit: she can hear the thoughts of animals.

Just as she is settling in, one by one the most talented students – the Exceptionals – go missing. In an attempt to find out what happened to them, Claire uncovers a dark prophecy involving a plot to destroy Cambial and a mysterious girl who can communicate with a hawk. Could she be that girl? Does the gorgeous but secretive boy she meets in the woods know more than he is letting on? After years of ignoring her special gift, Claire decides the time has come to embrace her ability . . . before it’s too late.

I am a big fan of books that have supernatural stuff in it, though I never would have thought so. I flew through this book within a handful of hours because this book was that good. It's obviously set up for at least a sequel, but I would love it if this became a three book series. But this is basically about a young girl who has to go to a school that she doesn't really want to go to and she doesn't really fit in. Everybody has a really cool special talent or ability, but she doesn't. She can hear and talk to animals but her parents don't encourage her to pursue it, but it isn't until later when Claire realizes why. I kind of loved Claire. Usually the lead character gets on my nerves, but I really liked Claire. She falls in love with a bad boy, who you know is bad but when you find out what he's involved in, it's really bad. All of the characters were developed really well and not to the extent where pages are wasted on useless information. 

This is Erin Cashman's first novel, which is surprising to me because it is really well done. You can go HERE to see the Facebook page for this book, and HERE for Erin Cashman's website. I am eagerly awaiting the follow up, that's for sure. 

But one of you can win your own copy of this book! Here are your entry points and good luck!

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Why you shouldn't get excited until something is finished.

So, you remember that time I posted about my glorious, so far free, deck that Matt is being a total rockstar on and is obviously jockeying for a blow job?

Yes, of course you do because that was only yesterday you senile lambwhore.

Well, I should know better by now than to praise for such amazing hard work before a project is 100% finished because I have never had a truly finished project in this house. Nothing has ever ended up the way it was intended and I know this. I know all of this yet I'm quick to praise. It's like premature ejaculation but worse consequences.

Matt was lounging on the couch yesterday and I was all, "HEY! How about you start putting railings on the deck you bum!" (You see that? It's called project management- it's how stuff gets done.) And he reluctantly went outside in the gorgeous weather and proceeded to do just that.

 Isn't it glorious??

So I was so excited and I may have done a happy dance.  To the left of the picture is where the four foot wide step is going to be, so he needs the stair stringers in before he can start on that side, which is totally reasonable. So I was like, "Hey- why don't you do the other side?"

To which he sheepishly tells me that he has a problem with that. You see, Matt failed to measure the railing sections before building the deck and just went ahead and made it 12x12 because golly gee, that is a nice even size to accommodate his wife's OCD. Except that now our problem is that this side here? 

Is too wide for one section, and it would look weird if he cut another section to half ass it. If he only puts one section in, it's like a sizable gap between the railing and the house. Awesome.

You see what I mean how NOTHING in my house can get done properly? Now, if this were anyone else's house? He would have measured everything a thousand times and would have had a draft drawing to go off of and it would have been home improvement show worthy. Our house? Ghetto fabulous all the way baby.

So he assures me he "has a plan" which better not involve buying a big grill and maybe a hedge, because this bitch will lose it.

I have also decided that since he is putting a really ugly crawl space window right there (you can see the window in the picture kind of), we're going to make a patio landing in front of the window and I'm going to put a large planter (on wheels) in front of it so you don't see the window. I'm a fucking genius. SO, I have to go online and figure out how to do that myself because I'd rather Matt spend his efforts on fixing the deck situation.

Stay tuned.

Deck Progress. No, seriously.

So you remember that time where we finished our living room project (mostly) and we (and I really mean "I") got all ambitious and was like, "Onto the deck project!" and Matt gave me the side eye like I had gone mad because it's just not in his nature to be all productive on home improvement projects?

Sure you do.

Well I will have you know that we actually have progress!

I think you can all remember what my back porch used to look like. Matt tried to get the concrete stairs out himself by trying to drag them out with his Jeep. This did not work and it only resulted in HUGE tire track holes in my yard and it moved the steps just enough for Jackson to fall through only every time he went outside. Matt told me he would have to rent a super duper jack hammer and that this was expensive (lie) and it would take him at least a whole day (lie) and it wasn't worth it.

Then I ended up working a ton of hours at work for two weeks and guess what? Matt rented that super duper jack hammer for only $50 because it only took him two hours to do.

 tee-fucking-dah.

And because I have this reasonable fear that if I didn't push him to keep going, our back steps would look like that for the entire summer or longer. So I put on my bitch panties and was making his life fairly miserable when he came into the house for anything other than water or bathroom breaks. And that resulted in this after day one: 

 Obviously, I was meant to be a project manager. 

It's kind of huge, right? So then, the next day it wasn't as nice out but it wasn't raining so outside he goes again. And he put the decking stuff on. And I had him put one of the railing sections on so you could see what that will look like:

SQUEAL. 

He has to cut the last piece of decking that goes against the door, buy some stair stringers so we can put the four foot wide step landing onto the sidewalk, and then lattice so animals don't live underneath it. And something about trim? We also have to get some deck wash (???) and power wash the deck and then DONE.

Oh, and get rid of the concrete because ew.

But the best part about this deck is that so far, we have only the $50 jack hammer rental into it. Matt knows a guy who knew a guy who had this deck and then his wife decided she didn't want this color, she wanted something totally different after only having it up for a month. So they took it all apart and gave it to us for free so long as we hauled it that day. DONE. The other bonus? We have enough to do a front porch too.

I know, I kind of peed a little there too. Totally acceptable.

What isn't funny is that while Matt was digging and getting the steps out he found a lot of empty liquor bottles. We've decided that either the person who built our house or the person who did major foundation repairs to our house was an alcoholic. Either way it's bad but it does explain quite a bit.

What else? Oh, Lillian is still here with her friends. Matt will not let me smudge the house because he's certain I will fuck it up after the cat raping incident he was involved in that very much did not work. Which he probably is right because I don't feel qualified to do this. But we've noticed that if you are watching TV on the couch at night, and you've got maybe one lamp on so it's kind of dark but not too dark, you see flashes of light in the cubby hole. It makes it really hard to focus on my Basketball Wives show if this is happening.

So yay.

The Most Dangerous Thing.

It's time for a book review, ladies and gents. I have another post for you a bit later on, but for those of you who are book addicts such as I am.... I am here with another review just for you.

The Most Dangerous Thing- Laura Lippman

Years ago, they were all the best of friends. But as time passed and circumstances changed, they grew apart, became adults with families of their own, and began to forget about the past—and the terrible lie they all shared. But now Gordon (“Go-Go”), the youngest and wildest of the five, has died unexpectedly and the other four have come together for the first time in years. Suddenly each of these old friends has to wonder if the dark secret they’ve shared for so long is the reason for their troubles today . . . and if someone within the circle is trying to destroy them all.

You know I'm never shy when I review a book and those I love I tell everyone and their cousins about it because I feel like authors are undervalued. More people should be absorbed in books and the value of a good book in under appreciated. Unfortunately, that's not the case so much here. 

What makes this hard is that technically speaking, Laura Lippman is a great writer. She isn't addicted to adjectives, her writing flows and it's easy to read. The problem with this book is that after every single chapter I was irritated wondering when the story would start. She spends CHAPTERS on character development, switching from present to past tense so you know the dynamic between the characters, and it was just too much. It felt... melodramatic. I was so frustrated by the time it got to what the "dark secret" was and when I read it, I was disappointed. It basically left me wondering "really, that's it??". 

One of my biggest pet peeves with real life people, but also fictional characters, who let things from their past dictate their future. I am a big believer that everything that happens to you in the is meant to shape your future but it shouldn't hinder it. I think people are too afraid sometimes to make a wrong decision so they rely on what is comfortable. Why go against the grain of life when it's just easy to do what you've always done? So when I read books with characters whose entire life are based on a moment in time so far in the past and they chose not to deal with it? I feel kind of stabby and I instantly dislike them. 

So, overall I didn't love the book. I was left feel underwhelmed and disappointed. Is that to say you won't read it and just love it? No. I thing if you really like books that have the thread about history dictating your future and what poor choices over a life time can do, then you will love this book. I am only the second blogger on this tour, but go HERE to see what other blogs are reviewing this book as well. You can also go to the author's website HERE to learn more about the book, her previous works, and author information. She also has a Facebook page HERE if you want to check that out. 

Happy reading!

Boob-pocalypse averted.

Well lambwhores, today was the big day. My poor D's/DD's (depending on the day because I'm apparently a freak) were squished into a really intimidating twirly whirly machine. Let me just start by saying that I should absolutely know better than to assume anything will go according to plan for me because it never has. Why would this be any different? So, let's break it down.

I got off of work at 2 and thought I should just head over knowing I had to get over to Duluth, go through some construction, find a fucking parking spot, and go to my OB to get my actual order, which I then had to go across the street to the Breast Center. I figured I'd get there early, have time to read, and all would be good.

Not so. The problem with only going to my OB once a year is that I forget where to turn because I turn based on landmarks, not street signs, and so when all of a fucking sudden there's a Walgreens in the middle of my route I'm all like whoa. I figure it out and am pleasantly surprised they also paved the road because it was pretty bad before. I park into the first lot which is free, but now has all these special signs saying physical rehab parking ONLY or you'll get towed. I parked, had a mental argument with myself for a minute, and then decided I'll get towed because that's my luck, and so I had to leave that lot (tricky when everything is a one way street) and get into the paying ramp.

I walk over to the OB office and I see they've also re-decorated and it no longer looks straight out of the 80's, which probably explains the price hike in services. But whatever, the front desk lady is WAY nicer than the old one so I'll take it. She gets me an order and I see her hesitate when she writes "baseline" on it and she was going to ask, but decided not to, and gives me the form.

I take it and hop on my merry way across the street to the hospital where the Breast Center is and go right on it. Super nice lady at the desk there, obviously new and she's older (like maybe in her 60's), and she's getting me all squared away. It takes her 40 minutes to get my insurance card scanned in and my address entered but she's really nice and is trying to reassure me it'll only hurt for a second. I know she's lying, but she's already struggling with the scanner so I don't want to kill her buzz.

After we're done, I sit down and this nurse comes out to tell me that yeah... they don't do baselines for people under 40. (Something the fucking scheduler could have said on Monday when I called because she asked my date of birth) This meant I had to go back to the OB office to see a nurse practitioner to verify that I indeed, should be getting a mammogram. So I run down the hall, across the street, down the street, into the building and down to the lower level. Fortunately, I get in almost immediately with an NP I've never seen and she turns out to be absolutely amazing and hysterical. We get on perfectly and she thinks this whole thing is nuts, which I agree. So, she does the whole health history thing and then proceeds to feel up my boobs. I learn a few things:

1. She says I have really amazing boobs. Normally this would be awkward, but she seemed genuinely in awe of them. They are as symmetrical as boobs can be on the outside.

2. I have very dense boobs and I'm very symmetrical on the inside as well. She said it's really kind of unusual how completely even my boobs are. I crack a joke about how I have a thing about even all of the time and how I can say my OCD is literally through and through. She bursts out laughing.

3. I also have what is labeled as fiber cystic breast disease. Which... is kind of nothing to panic about it just means that the reason my boobs are sore ALL of the time is because they literally are very dense. These suckers are solid. She also said, "Well, your next stop should be less fun. Good luck." Which is kind of alarming?

She sends me back to the Breast Center.

Once I get there, the front desk lady is much more efficient getting me in. I get called in fairly quickly (it's about 3:45 at this point) and i get the whole run down about undressing from the waist up, cleaning your armpits so you have powder or deodorant on, and then waiting.

I had a good hair day and the gown makes me look fat. Unfortunately, I tried to get pictures of the machine but literally, it's DARK in there so nothing turned out. Sad face. But at least you got a picture of me, right?

So we go in and the lady who does the actual mammogram is in her 50's and is remarkably nice. Actually, every person in the Breast Center was so unbelievably nice. I must have looked petrified and she tried really hard to calm my nerves. Then she sees my file and sees the whole "her boobs are dense and sore all of the time" note and flat out says, "Oh honey, I'm sorry to be the one to do this to you. Just take some Advil when you get home." Guess what? That's the worst possible thing to say to a person who's about to pop the boob crushing cherry.

I step up to the machine and she tells me they take three pictures per boob and I'll be hugging the machine. She flat out says normally people just feel a slight pinch but mine is probably going to hurt more because it'll take more pressure to flatten my boob, and to just do the best I can. To be honest, I came at it with the approach that I pushed two babies out my vagina, I've got this shit. I also realized I have no problem being topless. Maybe it's the setting, but I realized I have never gotten squeamish having to take my shirt and bra off at any doctor visit. Even the tech was taken aback at how I was like, whipping my boob out eager to get this done with. She probably thinks I'm some Girls Gone Wild slut. Awesome.

We start the test with my left boob and squishing it down from top to bottom. No problem. I'm wondering at this point why people tried to scare me. Fucking asshole jerks. Ten seconds, and we're on to the side picture number 1. This one pulls in some the muscle around your boob. Let me be clear- this hurts like a mother fucker. I'd rather be gang raped with a spatula than have that happen again. I made the mistake of looking down and to see your boob get THAT flat? It is horrifying. I hear the beep and start breathing again, not realizing I had even stopped. The tech eyes me up and reminds me I actually cannot pass out in here, so to keep breathing. Side boob picture number 2 is not as bad, but it's painful. Then I get to switch boobs and feel more comfortable with how to hang onto the machine. Again, the top to bottom squish? No big deal at all. Side pictures? I yelped with my right boob. I also teared up and hyperventilated. The second side boob squeeze was worse on this side and I may have swore. The poor lady looked mortified but it's not her fault my boobs are so fucking dense.

The radiologist assistant tech looked at them quick and said nothing obvious jumped out at him. PHEW! I got to get dressed and leave. I pretty much ran out of there. Even a few hours later, you'd think I'd feel at ease but I don't. In fact I feel more stressed out now than I did before and I was fairly stressed before. I should get a letter in about ten days with more detailed findings. I also have to go onto a new birth control to help alleviate boob pain but was told basically, learn to live with it or have boobs removed. I'm going to live with it, in case you were worried about my boobs.

So.. your brave Lambwhore Leader did it. I am now wearing a sports bra because my boobs fucking HURT. Jackson jumped onto me when I got home and I know I teared up. Then I banged my right boob into the door frame, which hurt like a mother. So yeah. It's done. The girls were photographed in all their glory and they are apparently just about perfect. Which, obviously. Look at their owner.