Thursday, January 27, 2011

One step away from hypothermia.

Well folks, 2011 is continuing to be a horrible year. 2011 is nothing if not consistent and last night it proved that YET AGAIN it has something against me.

Let me set the scene for you. It's approximately 8pm.. the kids are in bed (Jackson is sleeping, Olivia is not), Matt and I are on the couch. I feel chilly so I put a sweatshirt on top of my long sleeved, double layer shirt and put my slippers in addition to my thick socks. Matt puts more clothes on, and we conserve body heat on the couch with two blankets. At about 8:45, Matt asks, "Is it just me or is it cold in here?" as we both sit there shivering like fashionable homeless people. I agree so I toddle off to the thermostat. I don't go over there enough to see what the temp was, but I say, "it's set for 70". Matt replies with, "There is not a fucking chance it's 70 in here."

So I go back over to actually see what the temp is. Well... it was 53 degrees. Awesome. While shivering on the couch we hear the furnace turn on and it's just a noise you hear in the background and don't give it much thought. Unless you're freezing and hear the noise.

So Matt goes to investigate. It seems our furnace, an approximately 7 year old generic piece of shit meant for southern states and not the rigorous use of northern states, decides it's kind of over working. Like, it just feels like it needs a break. So it just refuses to blow. (Which I can understand. I'm not a fan of blowing either but sometimes you just have to take one for the team, ya know?) The furnace knows to turn on, the flame ignites... but then nothing starts blowing.

So there's Matt, sitting next to the litter box on a little kid's step stool in the cubby of our laundry room trying to read the furnace manual and figure out what the eff is going on. Or not going on as it were.

He is like 60% sure it's the flame sensor. The thing that tells the furnace "Hey- I've got a flame- blow me". The 40% chance we're REALLY hoping it's not is that the entire thing is malfunctioned. Like...requiring a new one. A new furnace is a couple thousand dollars. To install said furnace puts us up around $3,500. If we're lucky. BUT the kicker... is the venting.

You see.. when we bought the house Matt thought the vents looked whack. What you don't see in this picture that is to the left, is that the vents are a giant mash up. So, whoever installed it (probably the dickweasel who had the house before us) just put it in, half assed the vents, and called it a day. Which explains why the kids' bedrooms have no heat (seriously- they have NONE. I have to heat their rooms up with a space heater and then turn it off at bedtime), why the bathroom has heat and is hotter than the 3rd ring of Hell, and why there are heat vents under windows in our living room. Oh, and one in the middle of the floor in the kitchen. Basically- it was done all wrong.... which is why we're always cold anyways.

AND... it's why we can't get on what is called "secure heat" here. You see, secure heat is a fun feature that you pay like $20 a month for on your utility bill. So let's say, oh.. that your furnace decides to stop working.. you call and they come to fix it. For free. That's right- it's like furnace insurance. But to get on that, your furnace and venting needs to be code. Which ours isn't. And we just don't have that kind of money laying around.

Matt tinkered with it enough to get it to kick on, but he's very adamant that it's a temporary fix and that if we make it another month like that it'll be a miracle.

So. Let's cross our fingers, toes, and dick/balls and hope it's the flame sensor. Which we have to order because tee-dah... nobody carries that part around here. And let's hope that Mr. Furnace can work a little bit until NEXT Friday. Otherwise we might all die of hypothermia.

So yeah. But fun fact- it's really bizarre to wake up seeing your breath. In your bedroom. It's like camping..but indoors. It's kind of weird.

Anyways. So that's my plight this coming weekend.

Tomorrow is my Dear Sara post... and I need a few more questions. So email them to: sarastrand9438(AT)hotmail(DOT)com.

Also, starting Monday I'm starting a weight loss challenge. So eat like a fat whore this weekend bitches because I want you to get on board with this shiz. The hope is that I shame you enough to not want to be a fat ass. Sound good? No? Good. It's not supposed to be fun. Losing weight is not fun. I don't care what Jillian Michaels tells you- you are not going to like it and you will feel like dying and eating a bunch of Taco Bell. Even if they are using faux-cow meat. Whatever. So just get on board. Details coming Monday. :)


kimberrleigh said...

That sucks and I think you should just kick the shit outta 2011.
But on another positive note, I shall being my weight loss with you. Because legit I need to lose weight. I'm beginning to feel like a giant ass whale.

Jennifer Kay said...

When we called to have our furnace looked at a few months back the guy came and put a fricking red tag on it and locked it out! We had a crack in our core or something because it was too small and overworking. So I'll cross my dick and balls like you said...damn 2011 for you!!!

middle child said...

Just gotta say, the idea/pic of Matt sitting on kids step stool by litter box reading manual is about the cutest thing ever. Also,..could it be you need a new furnace fan? Let us know and in the mean time,...cuddle up! *hugs*

middle child said...

Oh,..I forgot to impart this bit of wisdom which I learned from experience,...It never gets better, it just gets different.

Julie H said...

If it weren't for bad luck you wouldn't have ANY LUCK lately girl!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Ugh I so wish you guys lived closer, I would totally let you stay here till that crap gets fixed, that's horrible.

I'm sending Dustin to the store for cookies. Weight loss challenge. Ugh.

Oilfield Trash said...

Fingers crossed it works for you.

AmberLaShell said...

that really sucks, makes me glad i still rent.. good luck getting it fixed!

Anonymous said...

I may get on board with the weight loss thing too... I have the 30-day shred DVD but have barely done it and feel like a lazy ass. Need some motivation!

Unknown said...

Ooh man that is cold. I would die. On another note I just saw an article about how keeping your house a bit cooler might help with weight loss haha.

Good job on the weight loss challenge start up. Let me know if you need any personal training/nutrition tips :) I am freaking bored out of my mind. <---Army Wife

Just Plain Tired said...

As someone who looks for a silver lining; does shivering help with weight loss?


This year has got to get better for you... soon I hope.

Sara said...

That sucks. I hope it is an easy fix.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I thought our heater was dying a horrible death last winter, but turned out to only be the fan. ONLY $500, instead of $8000. (we have super fancy 'green' heater that does something with hundreds of feet of tubes buried in the yard. I put it at the top of my 'damn hippy stoner shit' house issues list. Because you can't just replace it with a regular heater, all those tubes have to be dug up)

SY said...

wow.. that sucks.. I hate the cold and I am a native northerner (detroit). but good luck
- SY

Lorraine said...

I'll be crossing my fingers for the flame thingy thing instead of the whole thingy being broke. Obviously I know lots about furnaces.


Ang said...

that's completely retarded. hella retarded. Sorry you're cold and I hope Matt's fix works until the real piece comes!

ps - can I start the weight loss challenge AFTER Hawaii?