Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Why my porch smells like rotten milk.

Some of the people who know me in real life visit me often and drop by my house to borrow books, movies, kitchen shit, and sometimes I think they come because they know Matt will go get us ice cream without asking. Which is totally fine because I love having company and I think some of them secretly try to bust into my house to see it messy.

Which it rarely is, so I'm always on my toes.

But recently I've had a LOT of comments about the putrid rotten milk smell up in here and I know. I totally know it's rotten and rancid and bad. I KNOW. But there is a reason for it and it's a good one, so there.

Some of you know that I recently became the PTO President a few months ago. The job is pretty stressful so I completely understand how our previous President had to step down because it is a huge time commitment and she is hecka busy with her regular life. After I got my bearings about me and had someone of a vague idea of what I should be doing, it was time that we tackle... the milk caps.

Now, around here we have a semi-local milk company called Kemps that runs this super great program called the Nickels for Schools and it's basically we turn in specially marked milk caps, they give us a nickel for each one. It's simple for parents and the PTO gets the benefits. We also do the Box Tops for Education and the Labels for Education on select Campbells' products. (Do you just throw these out? DON'T! Our school could definitely use them!) Anyways. So the previous president told me she had a few bags of milk caps that needed to be counted and so we arranged for a time for Matt to pick them up after skiing one day. No problem.


Matt got home. Holy shit he was PISSED. Because I failed to ask how big the bags were... and there were five lawn sized trash bags. *gulp* Now, I didn't think it would take us long to count them because I had recently counted what was collected on the front table and I got through 2019 caps in about 20 minutes.

So after Matt dragged them into the house, we started counting them when the kids went to bed. We got through 4000 and had to quit. Our eyes were bugged out, we were both exhausted and it's hard to count when you're watching Hoarders at A&E because you look around yourself sitting in a pile of milk caps and think perhaps you aren't the person to be judging these folk. So we went to bed.

The next morning, I stepped in a HUGE fucking puddle on my living room carpet. Guess what happened? Some of the bags collected moisture and the caps had frozen into huge blocks of ice (they were stored in a garage, so this happens) and yeah..... overnight they thawed. On my stank ass already carpet. It was right around then that the smell of rotten milk wafted across me and I almost threw up right then and there. I had to go to work that morning and get the kids to school and to my mom's so I didn't have time to deal with it. When I came home, I was cleaning up a really disgusting mess.

Matt, obviously, was so pissed off he wouldn't look at me.

Rightfully so.

Because in the midst of the milk cap counting we were dealing with the hole in the wall in the living room situation. I feel bad that I didn't take a picture of all of the caps when they were in the massive pile because it was five times the size of this- no lie.
 Each box fits 2000 caps perfectly and I ended up with ten boxes total. So.. add more to this pile which is in my front porch. It all goes on Thursday so THANK GOD because my front porch now smells like rotten milk.
 Our school is also doing a classroom contest to see which class can collect the most milk caps, box tops, soup labels, etc so I had to come up with some collection containers. I ended up taking 20 empty coffee cans from my work and making them not look like coffee cans. But they made the other half of my porch look ghetto as well.
 But the cans aren't half bad. It's just awkward carrying twenty coffee cans into school.
So I've been busy. It's a good fundraiser for the school though so I'm happy to do it. I'll just be really happy when the milk caps are gone. And I'll have to just stay on top of the counting and boxing them up. Which I will be, no big deal. But I will say that Matt is kind of a milk cap counting rock star. He had a total system going and really counted more than I did, so fist pumps and booty shakes for him.

In other news, I'm fucking EXHAUSTED right now. Today was shit hole Tuesday which means I've only peed once and eaten none today. It is now 8:05pm and I am making Matt go get me something because I feel sick. And if you're wondering? I made it to everything without his help. Matt came to 4K registration, which was a stinking ZOO, and I ended up doing all of the paperwork while he sat and had pizza with the kids. I'll share more about that (with pictures) tomorrow.


Julie H said...

Sounds like some great fundraisers! you should get some kids to count them, good "skills"

Life Love & High Heels said...

Lol... you deserve a very long vacation. Good lord I don't know how you do it all!

Anonymously, Mine said...

Holy eff that's gross. You are a super mamma.