Friday, July 14, 2017

Day 2: More Illinois, but also Kentucky, Tennessee, and Georgia!

I underestimated how long of a state Illinois is. I also had no idea what a shit show of driving this day was going to be. I decided I was going to drive all of this day as well and I assumed that it was going to be fairly uneventful because it was going to be straight highway, nothing to see here.

I would be completely wrong.
First of all, this is the day that the kids started to lose it in the car. And by lose it, I mean the younger two. The older two have done road trips plenty of times with us and frankly, at ages 12 and 9, if I tell you to shut the hell up and entertain yourself, that's mom speak for take a nap and be quiet.

Everybody knows that.

The younger two haven't learned that yet so this was the day that Penelope decided to test the full strength of my medication that I was weaning off of by screaming at the top of her lungs for no reason
Lucy, for her part, screamed in unison because that's just what you do with your sister apparently. This is a fun thing she does even still and it's a real treat.
There were so many times on day two that I thought I was going to legitimately lose it. At this point, it was dinner time and I think we were firmly out of Kentucky and we had entered Tennessee, decided to stop at a Sonic for dinner. Treated the kids to slushies and we all wondered why everyone raves about Sonic because it was over priced and pretty gross. But we had also been trying out milk with Lucy because it's easier to do than formula in a moving vehicle and at this particular moment we had to air the van out because the smell of her poop was so incredibly bad not one of us, except her, could stand to be in the damn van. Honestly, the van still has a faint odor of Lucy poop.

After our lame dinner we got back on the road and that's when it was basically all winding down to shit show proportions. First, we discovered a few things about Tennessee drivers that set them apart from everyone else: they drive with their hazards on when it rains and they brake for no reason on the highway. I'm talking, come to a complete stop. This wasn't just a weird one time thing because it happened on the way home too, which I'll tell you about later. But we'd be driving along and BAM! Everyone is coming to a full stop, no reason. And of course, you have people who aren't paying attention so they are so close to rear ending others (accidents everywhere in Tennessee) so to avoid that, they veer off into the ditch at full speed.

It was terrifying
I also have to say, I am really disappointed that the two things I wanted to see as road side attractions (Ruby Falls and Rock City)? I didn't get to see because they were either closed because we got there too late or Matt didn't stop (on the way back). I was bummed. But props to Tennessee because Ruby Falls is basically their Wall Drug as far as road side marketing goes.

But it got really dicey once we got into Georgia for me because it started to rain. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal but I'm driving in an unfamiliar area and by the time I recognized that I was struggling, I wasn't in an area that I could pull over and switch with Matt. We were in a construction zone, it was torrential rain- you literally couldn't see anything at all, and all of the cars were doing 40 in the 70 mph area. I was terrified. Combine this with two screaming kids in the back and I was on the verge of tears myself, if we're being honest. It was like this for almost two hours and by the time we drove out of the storm my blood pressure was such a mess I am so surprised I didn't stroke out or something.

At this point, we were just outside of Atlanta and our goal was to get to Macon, Georgia for the night. As soon as we were driving through Atlanta, it was pretty clear we weren't going to get to Macon. We'd get close, but not all the way there.

You know that part in every classic Chevy Chase movie where he starts losing it and he starts laughing like a maniac? That was me as we struggled to find a hotel that night.
That night we ended up in a really sketchy motel under a highway overpass in between Atlanta and Macon. It was literally the only option and this place was dirty. Keep in mind, we're a group of six people, we smell, we look like hell. We've got two crying kids who absolutely need baths because they reek of poop, and two older kids who look road weary, me with my diaper rash boobs and toilet paper now shoved under my boob because the cream wasn't doing it, and Matt- who was trying to keep it all together. He asks the lady if they have a pack and play, and this lady says to him, "People usually travel with those."

I don't know WHY, but it maybe has something to do with being punch drunk, the smell of the van, being deliriously tired, or the fact that we had been listening to crying for hours at this point, but I started laughing. And when I say laughing, I mean, I lost it.  I almost peed my pants. The look on Matt's face, it was absolutely blank like he wasn't playing around, he didn't care if she was joking but it was clear to this lady that he was absolutely no mood for jokes or attitude, he just wanted the freaking pack and play. But it was hilarious.

What was not hilarious was the fact that six people got to share two full size beds. It's bad enough to share a bed with your kid, and it's pretty awful when you have to share a bed with two kids, but when you have to share a full size bed with two kids? You cannot apologize to your organs enough. Matt got to sleep with Jackson and I had to sleep with Olivia and Penelope, which wouldn't have been awful if I didn't have a pee diaper in my face for half the night and then when she rolled over, she decided she needed to use my hair to rub in her ear. But we can snuggle up to me, oh no. She has to pull my hair. I swear, my scalp is still sore because I endured having my hair pulled the entire trip because that was the only way I could get her to go to sleep.

Day 2 was rough. But we knew the next day we would be getting to our destination: Florida.

1 comment:

Julie H said...

lol on the losing it laughing. I can just see it!

I had that horrible rain in Tennessee and had to pull over because I was a nervous wreck.