Monday, September 2, 2019

Weight Loss Journey: Bring on the professionals!

Admittedly, I didn't do a damn thing last week. I am really struggling with the season change and I always forget how tough the fall is for me until I'm in it. I feel my depression getting worse, my stress level going up, my anxiety going up, and everything on my body hurts. You know that feeling when you feel the flu coming on? You're achy, it's like your insides start to feel warm but you're actually cold, and you get that dull headache?

That's my every day.

It just progressively gets worse and worse until summer. So... that's a long haul. But it's true, I feel like I have the worst flu of my life for nine months of the year so that's really exciting and super fun to work through.

I have kept my diet pretty good and I haven't been overeating, or over snacking. I actually eat much smaller portions at meal time (I'm becoming notorious for eating half a sandwich and people are making fun of me but truly, even a half is just... too much.)

I do need to do more exercise but this week the kids go back to school and I will have about two and half hours of kid free time (not as much as I was hoping for, but I will absolutely take it!) and the plan is to absolutely do some kind of exercise. Whether it's a walk, a BeachBody workout, something.

Since having Lucy and losing huge chunks of memory, the first thing that I do every morning is check my Facebook memories. I know some people roll their eyes and think that's dumb but it's actually been so helpful because I get to see stuff I know I've forgotten. (Which only reminds me that everything I share, good and bad, on Facebook will be helpful for me later. Every time I post a status that worries people- oh well, because I know in a year from now, I'll be able to know where I was at the previous year.)

The other day, this picture showed up.
It blew me away. It's from a trip to Chicago in 2012 with a blogger friend at the time and our families. I don't remember the trip at all, but Olivia and Jackson do and they said we had the best time. But I look at this and think, holy hell- I look amazing. It's weird to think at the time I was running two to five miles every day and I was so unhappy with how I looked. I felt like I had so much further to go.

I'll tell you what- I wish I was that fat now. Honestly.

It also is startling to see me so happy and glowing and know this person would be dead in a few years. It's stuff like that that always freaks me out.


So when I was at my rheumatology appointment last week we're going over my lab work and she tells me my inflammation markers are much higher than they have been even though my methotrexate should be bringing them waaaaaaay down. She's increasing my methotrexate to the max level and I'll need tons of lab work for awhile and if this doesn't work I'll be on injectables and that's a whole other thing I'm upset about but that's another day.

She asks me how I'm doing with exercise and I tell her what I've been doing and how I'm really upset that I'm not losing weight. She is putting in a referral for a doctor locally who is a bariatric doctor that doesn't deal in surgery, but is also a family practice doctor. He essentially looks at ALL of your diagnosed issues, looks at all of your medications, and helps come up with a plan to lose weight.

A requirement for this is to read his book (and yes, this feels weird to me too but whatever- I want to see this doctor:
It was only like 76 pages or something so you know I flew through this in a day and there was some interesting information in it and I have a better idea where this doctor is coming from and kind of what to expect when I meet with him. 

So I'm just waiting to hear back and make an appointment. But I'm kind of nervous. The information I got says you meet with him monthly until you hit your goal weight and then every one to three months for maintenance. He sounds really in depth and thorough and I'm really, really hoping this helps. 

Cross your fingers they call this week to set this up! 


jn said...

Hey Sara.....I really feel for you. This seasonal depression sucks. I feel it coming on, a little at a time and yet when it finally hits, it knocks my socks off. You'd think after 20 something years I've have it together.....I don't. I will say, it doesn't last as long as it used to, but when it hits I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel for nothing. It doesn't help that I get it several times through out the year, and of course we can't forget the anxiety issues. I do a lot of reading, praying, and crying. The crying is really medicinal for me. I know you have a much fuller plate than me and I respect that. Just want you to know that there are lots of us in the same dam boat. You take care of yourself and I hope your new doc. can be of help to you with the weight loss.

Shooting Stars Mag said...

That's really cool about the new doctor, since they will take into account all of your issues and meds. It's not always as easy as eat well and exercise. Some people really need specific help, so I'm hoping this will work well for you and you'll like him!! I'm still struggling with losing more weight. I'm a bit up and down at the moment, so I'm working on it.


Anthea said...

Wishing you all the best with your new Dr and hope it all works out well for you.
I'm most definitely not rolling my eyes at looking at FB memories - I do the same and it is lovely looking back and seeing old photos. The only time it makes me sad is when photos of my late Gran pop up and I am reminded she is gone(even though I know this every single day). Sometimes it takes my breath away for a moment :(
Good luck with your appointment.