Monday, August 8, 2011

Weight Loss Monday... or that time I didn't research enough and almost died.

I know you all want a major update on my weight loss and I have no numbers for you. In fact, it's been MONTHS since I've weighed myself, and I'm OK with that. Mostly because I've been eating shit and so I'm sure that will only reaffirm I'm a fat ass. But I *am* exercising. In fact... I ran a 5K bitches.

Yeah, that's right. Your lambwhore leader is a BADASS who ran (almost all) of a 5K. In under an hour.

Bow Down.

So basically, my friend and coworker Emily and I are training for a half marathon that happens in June. In order to train for this, we're working on our running skillz and figured it we run a series of smaller races, we'd be better prepared for our half marathon. We'd kind of understand the rules, etiquette, and just general feel of different races so we A) don't make assholes of ourselves or B) hurt ourselves and/or others. We're good girls. The race on Saturday was our first, it was a 5K so that makes it 3.1 miles, and it was the Run Like An Animal race.
 Pre race, just happy to have numbers. We feel super official. And I wore my "Fainting Goat Whisperer" shirt for you, Jen!

When we looked up the race it clearly said it was a run "through the zoo", and having been to the zoo I know it has paved sidewalks that are generously wide. I also know it has some hills that suck ass pushing a double stroller up, but it's not horrible. So when they have us line up facing the forest... I was kind of taken aback. The gun goes off and the runners start, they gave us a 15 minute lead before the walkers got to go. We start off strong thinking we've got this shit.
 Meanwhile, Emily's husband and her sister are lounging in chairs. Matt and my kids are playing in the park.
 Completely unaware Emily and I are getting our asses handed to us. Here are some facts about the race course we did not know:
  • It was mostly a TRAIL run. Trail = hard. Trail running really means you should have special shoes with say.... traction on them.
  • The race is almost entire uphill.
  • Having the ability to hurdle giant areas of mud and/or puddles as well as tree branches is a plus.
I basically felt like this was some kind of sick relay. Emily and I were running and running and running, almost dying as we hurdle over things in the completely ungroomed path. There are steep grassy hills we're going down that are completely slick as shit because it's wet from morning dew, the other steep embankments are just loose gravel so you kind of slide down it. And as we're heading toward the start/finish area, I'm like, "praise baby jeebus" because we thought FOR SURE we were almost done. Um, no. The lady was like, "You're almost half done!" I'm sorry- jigga say what? "Almost" half done? So we decided we were going to get to the half way and then walk a bit.
 So that's us getting to the half way point.
 And me trying to look like I'm not going to die.
 And this is me swearing that I am going to die. But back into the bowels of the forest we go for *yay* another 1.5 miles.

That leg of the race was even worse. I'm not kidding you when I say that a good mile of it was completely uphill a mostly dirt/gravel/mud/uneven surface area. At this point we were doing the run/walk alternating and that was going fairly well. She's a much faster funner than I am, but I was able to keep up pretty well and in all, I'm glad I had her with me because I would have said "fuck this shit" at the half way point.

We got passed by old people. And kids. But we passed the bridal party (yes, there was a bride and her bridesmaids running) and we stayed ahead. We also finished before a bunch of skinny bitches who looked like they knew what they were doing, so that's kind of awesome.
The important thing is that we finished. We finished that bitch in 47 minutes (though Matt believes it may have been closer to 45), and our goal was to finish in under an hour. And considering that the race route was everything we had not trained for I'm thrilled that we did as well as we did. I'll tell you one thing, running in a skort is SO much nicer than shorts. Except this one was spandex-y and I was sweating so bad that I literally could not tell if I was just sweating and it was pooling or if I peed. But I'm like 99% sure it was sweat because I peed a lot when I got home. So.. win. The other awesome thing is that the first people to finish were done at 20 minutes and they were all hard core runners who said the route was brutal, so that made me feel even more badass. Like we should have gotten more than a damn shirt.
So thanks, Emily- for not letting me give up even though I felt like dying. I promise to actually call the race people and specifically ask if we're on 100% paved road or not the next time!

Our next race is the Minnesota Mile in September, and then the Gobble Gallop in November.

But you should know that my badassness was short lived. Mostly because after I got home to shower, we were supposed to go to a family picnic but yeah. I could barely move. Horrible planning. I fell asleep and wasted the ENTIRE day sleeping and being in pain. Yesterday was even WORSE because I felt like my hips were completely out of their sockets. My shins and ankles hurt like bitches today yet. But.. no pain, no gain? The daunting thing is knowing that Saturdays are going to be my long run days and ugh. Am I going to feel like this every single Sunday? Because that kind of blows shit.


Unknown said...

Congrats on finishing! That's HUGE by itself!

And 45(ish) minutes no less. Shattered your 'hour or less' goal...

Keep on keepin on. Oh, and I just got the book I won. After I'm done reading, and review (and proper pimping) will be done. YAAAAAY!!!

Julie H said...

Wow you are so awesome!! WTG!! I read Finny's trial race she did one time and that shit is scary!

Jennifer Kay said...

Fainting Goat Whisperer...AWESOME!

I totally give you props dude because I get winded taking the trash out. I feel like it's a good thing I wasn't there because I might have just flashed you Katie's boobs to keep up your motivation.

You rock.
My socks.

Oilfield Trash said...

I already told you on FB, but I am really proud of you for completing the race.

Steff said...

Yay, congrats on finishing a gnarly trail!

Shirley said...

That is pretty much awesome! And yay! for not dying.

Anonymous said...

That's amazing Sara! I will definitely bow down and kiss your feet...once you've washed them.
But seriously, I commend anyone who's run anything more than a 1k. Running is punishment to me and more than a mile I'm heaving next to the treadmill/road asking for a shot. Congrats!

Anonymous said...

You guys look great! And yay for being all "official" with the number on your shirt! :)

Cherie said...

You beat your goal and finished! And you passed the bridal party, which I will never understand..

Cherie @ Refractions

Ruth said...

Good for you! That is so great.
There is no way I could do that. Walk it yes, run no.

middle child said...

Am proud of you baby girl!

Anonymous said...

You know I think you are awesome and I think that is a GREAT time considering the obstacles. That is about the same as my time for a 5K on FLAT ground so yeah Im supa dupa impressed.. and very very proud..

Ang said...

Congrats Sara - way to kick major ass!
I'm sure you'll hurt less as you get used to running - maybe...

melissa said...

OK Sara - you are now officially my inspiration! Keep it up beotch!

____j said...

Proud of you!

Dana said...

I'm almost caught up with your blog posts so I'm sorry this is so late but Congrats! The way you describe it sounds hard. One race under your belt. Hopefully it will get easier! Good luck!