Divergent and Theo's lips.

Can we just talk for a moment about the Divergent movie? Because I really loved it. I think we all remember my pretty harsh review of the book, right? (If you missed it, go HERE.) It wasn't that I hated the book, I just feel really strongly Veronica Roth blatantly ripped off Suzanne Collins and The Hunger Games, and I'm not alone. There are entire online communities who are pissed about this. It's probably time for them to settle down by now, though.

I so strongly disliked the book that this is the first time I've really considered giving book two and three the middle finger and forgetting it.

But then, I saw the movie.

Not only am I now madly in love with Theo James and where have you been all of my life, but it was really good. It was FAR and above better than the book. Which, normally movies basically butcher the book, but this time it did it justice and made so much more sense. All of the loose ends the author leaves about in the book and gaps you just have to mentally fill in? Movie folks fixed them.


Let's just stare at Theo's lips because I would like to bite them. And that Adam's Apple? Can we talk about how nice my face would look up in his neck? Because I feel like it could be the best ever. Also? Why is he not god damn Christian Gray? Where was HE in the running for that? Seriously, I keep telling people I'm going to buy a Tiger Beat magazine just for the Theo James posters for my office.

But back to the movie before I say something truly embarrassing. Ignore that buzzing you hear.

It was a good movie. I got to go with a really awesome work friend who loves books just as much as we do and I appreciate that she and I have similar movie watching styles. I'm normally pretty animated (Like the time I screamed, "WHAT IN THE HELL IS HAPPENING??" super loud at the last Twilight movie and grabbed the stranger next to me. I think they were afraid.), and sometimes when things get intense I raise my leg in the air and I'm not totally sure why. I do it while playing Super Mario as well. Anyways. But her and I were in agreement that the book was not nearly as good as the movie. The movie basically makes me want to read the next two books so I can mentally prepare for the movies.

Ultimately, I know what happens to Tris and it's awful and horrible. I suspect Veronica Roth is trying to one up Suzanne Collins by giving the heroine a demise, and whatever. I don't care what the hell happens to Tris, because it's me and Theo forever anyways. It's easier without her here to make it awkward. Clearly. But sometime this summer I'll get it together and finish up the series. My to-read pile has grown exponentially which is insane considering my time to do any of it when I start school is probably close to never. We'll see though.

Breaking Dawn- midnight movie, bare feet, cup frenzy, and condom head.

Maybe you didn't know this about me, but I'm a Twi-hard. I am and I am not ashamed of it. I have been counting down to Breaking Dawn since Eclipse came out and it definitely did not disappoint. Was Kristen Stewart amazing? No, but she never is and you just expect that her happy, sad, and constipated face all look the same. Was Robert dreamy? Of course. Is this the movie where Jacob reveals himself to be a pedophile that can lick his own ass (in theory)? Why yes. Yes, it is.

First off, we got to the theatre at 4:30 like crazy people and proceeded to make friends with the first two girls in line. The strategy here is that they open the first (and largest) theatre at 10 for seating, and if you are in the front you can go sit down in actual chairs, get your pick of seats, and get ramped up to sit for another two hours... just in a different location. But while waiting the just under six hours to do that, we admired the artwork.

 We got into a cup frenzy when we realized for the low price of $6.95, you can get a large soda in a collectible Twilight cup. So I went up and got one. And got a fucking Jacob cup. I hate Jacob. I can't be attracted to someone who, hypothetically, could lick his own ass. So then I decided to make Kate go up and get me an Edward cup. Unfortunately, the theatre people are pretty hard core and would not let you pick... and you guessed it, she comes back with a fucking Bella cup. I don't think KStew has any kind of discernible talent, so I don't want that. I decided at almost 10 that I would suck it up and try for a third time (just tally up what I've spent so far). I got another Jacob cup while my friend Tammy behind me? Got Edward. Not cool, man. Not cool.

But I decided it was either not meant to be or I could hope someone throws theirs away and I would dumpster dive. Don't question my love for Edward or even for Robert Pattinson, because RPatz was my date.

 I even had my "I love Vampires" shirt on. And blood red nails. I thought I grabbed my red lipstick but I apparently didn't.

The other bonus to sitting in a crowded room for two hours is that you notice the people around you. OH! Before I talk about that- let's talk about personal hygiene. The people behind us in the lobby (group of 6 or so) smelled horrible. So horrible that when it was close to 10 and we really had to squeeze in, I could barely breathe. It wasn't just me, Tammy and Lisa also had a hard time breathing while Kate and Angie were OK, but they were dealing with a woman who came drunk. I know. Class it up, right? But here's the thing- daily showering is kind of awesome. Not just for your own cleanliness, but because nobody wants to smell your stank ass. Seriously. Combine that with them chain smoking the entire time? The fact my lungs are still inflated is kind of a miracle.

Anyways.

So once we got in, we noticed some fun people around us. There was of course, your expected teenage couple on a date too nervous to make up but being over the top touchy feely it makes you want to barf. I can say 100% that I was not like the couple in front of us. I think I told Ang that this is how that show Teen Mom came about. That right there.

Then there was the woman with an unfortunately small hat for her head... and it made her head look like a ribbed for her pleasure condom.

 Or the person who thinks it's OK to stick her BARE FEET on some one's head rest. No, it's not ok. First off, it's November and it was damn cold that day- you have no business wearing no socks you freak. Second off, nobody wants your feet grazing their hair. What if you have a fungus? Now the person in front of them has foot fungus in their hair.

Anyways. I had other pictures but they were blurry and you can't really tell what they are meant to be. But the movie was good. It was pretty much what I expected it to be. The only thing I kind of didn't like was the birthing scene- first off, kind of gross and gory for PG 13? I covered my eyes and almost threw up once. I also love it how Edward is all holding the baby as Bella is dying and I'm all, "DUDE! Put the baby down!" and that is so typical guy. A woman pops a baby out and the dad is all, "Wow-- this is awesome" as the mom is all writhing in pain or dealing with a placenta, or having to get a shot in her va-jay-jay for stitches and just you know- completely oblivious. So rude. Anyways. I was also really wanting more sex scene. It better be more graphic in the deleted scenes on the DVD otherwise I'll be stabby. Fucking teenagers ruin everything.

But overall? It was a good time with some great friends. I'm already excited for the final installation of the series... and you know I'll be there at midnight. Or more realistically, at dinner time.

And for those of you who want to know.. did I ever get an Edward cup? Yes. Yes, I did. Because you know my stealthy ninja ways totally grabbed the cup from the schmoopy couple in front of me when it became clear they had more pressing issues to deal with than the cup. Then I also grabbed another one that someone foolishly left behind. So now I have two. And a Jacob cup. I gave my other Jacob cup to Angie because she loves him and I won't fault her for that because she's young and will see the light some day.