Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Hypnobirthing is hard. Unless you're single and live alone, of course.

I am trying so hard to learn how to hypnobirth on my own. I have ready a few books. I have downloaded and listened to a few CD's and play lists. I'm trying different techniques and it's so hard. I can't take an actual class because they are so grossly expensive, I can't justify that cost.

What I've learned in the last few months is that hypnobirthing and learning how to do it on your own, is really incredibly difficult.

I firmly believe that if I lived alone, or at least had no children and no pets, I would be far more successful. Typical things that happen while I'm trying to do my breathing exercises and relax would include:

  • children arguing over who is louder
  • children running up and down the halls
  • one child falling down the stairs because the other one breathed on them 
  • one cat scratching the door to the room I'm in
  • another cat yowling like he's being tortured
  • Twinky whining at the door
  • one cat starts puking out of stress because I won't open the door
  • Matt asking me what I'm making for dinner
  • one kid asking me when I'm coming out
  • Jackson telling me he went the "good kind of bathroom"
  • only to be followed up with Olivia telling me she clogged the toilet
This is my life. I can't relax when any of combination of this happens within a thirty minute span. 

I think my other problem is I really don't know how to relax. I'm always going. I never feel comfortable doing nothing. I feel so unproductive. All of this, obviously, is really making me scared. I really want to have a natural birth because I am not confident that it will work this time around. I'm much more worried about how an epidural will affect me post birth. I am so worried about post-partum depression like I had with Olivia and I'm certain that part of the problem was that my epidural was too good and I didn't get those natural endorphins after your baby is born. So my goal this time around was to try really hard to have Penelope all on my own. 

I felt so empowered after watching The Business of Being Born, reading all of these books that reassure me that this is totally normal and natural, people can birth by freaking trees for God's sake, so there is absolutely no reason I can't do this. 

Except you know, it hurts. It hurts a lot. I also don't like being in pain. I can cope for awhile but eventually I just say no more and I wave the white flag demanding an epidural. 

So rightfully, I'm a little nervous. I'm more nervous for the labor and delivery of Penelope than I was with either Olivia or Jackson. I wasn't nervous at all with Olivia, which is strange because she was my first, you would think I'd have been nervous. I was a little nervous with Jackson, mostly because I was being induced and I wasn't sure what that was going to mean for me. I turned out to be just fine both times, though Jackson's delivery was harder on me because my epidural had worn off. I think now in hindsight it hadn't completely worn off, I think it will certainly be worse this time around and I'm scared. I think it's normal to be scared. I know my body will do its thing and this baby will come out come hell or high water, I just hope it's a good experience for both her and I. 


mypixieblog said...

Awwww, sweetness. I can understand being scared and obviously wanting the best experience ever for you and her. In the end, you have to listen to your body and what you need because we are born with that maternal instinct and you'll ultimately know what's right for Penelope (PS: I love this name. SO MUCH). I wish you all the best. I wish I had life lessons to impart on you, or even just a pregnancy/birth story, but I've never had children. That said, it sounds like you are a great mommy and like all great moms before you, you'll do what's best by listening to your instincts.

XOXO and I love the way you write. And how thoughtful you are in your comments :) Wanted to let you know.

SpiritPhoenix said...

You're going to be fine. It's a stressful time here with all the unknowns and it's driving you up the wall.

Just breathe. Everything you need is already somewhere inside your head/heart/body. It'll come out when it's time.

You've got this!

thotlady said...

When I learned to meditate, I read the book this book: Minding the Body Mending the Mind by Joan Borysenko.

The book talks about many things, but I really liked the way she explained how to meditate.

One thing she wrote was, she puts a sign on the closed door where she is meditating so the family knows not to disturb her.

The other thing she said was, I had a talk with my family and told them "The only thing you can disturb me with is 'blood'. She meant it too, if there is no blood involved you are not to disturb me when I am meditating.

I liked this.

I don't know if it would work for you but you might want to give it a try.

Ruth said...

I am not really good with relaxing, but you can do it.
I did labor with no epidural and I survived. You will be fine.