Friday, March 6, 2015

Sometimes it's hard to mask disappointment.

I'm finding that between school activities and me feeling like crap almost all of the time, Matt and I hardly see each other at this point. He came home with dinner around 8 tonight, after taking Olivia to volleyball and working all day. That was really glorious since we are basically out of food I can shape into a meal at home and haven't had the gumption to grocery shop. But I'll have to do that tomorrow because this is just getting sad at this point.

So tonight we sat down and talked about what's going on this week, he unloaded about work, I talked about what is going on next week and there feels like such a disconnect. So I say, "Well, just think, a few more weeks and you can take some time off of work and we can just relax with Penelope and almost all of the after school activities will be done."

That's when he drops it on me.

He is 75% sure he can take a week off of work. He may have to answer calls and walk people through things over the phone, but he shouldn't have to go in unless a machine breaks down or something. The second week I had banked on? Yeah, probably not going to happen. Which is really crappy. I'm not that wife who is dependent on her husband and I don't consider myself needy. I know his job is very important and he is the breadwinner so we need him to be at work. I get all of that.

But sometimes a girl just wants her husband after she has a baby.

It's not going to be the end of the world. First of all, it's not my first, so I'm not totally clueless as to what I'm in for. Secondly, worst case scenario, I can always call my mom if I really just need to shower and Penelope won't stop crying. I have friends I'm pretty sure would be able to help on their days off. The only concern I have is hauling the kids to/from school. The thought of bundling up a newborn just for 10 minute drive there and 10 minute drive back seems kind of nightmarish. I'll obviously do it if I have to, and it's not the end of the world. I'll probably just go in my pajamas anyways and be that annoying mom who can't do anything to get herself ready for the day.

It's just kind of a bummer. I'm hoping that by some freak chance his employees actually show up and get work done so it's not all on him. I'm not super optimistic since he's telling me how getting anyone to work 20 hours a week, never mind 40, is becoming increasingly difficult. People don't come in on time and have no concept of being a responsible employee but then throw a fit they don't get a raise. Or they go get totally trashed and then call into work the next day. It makes me want to bang on their doors and ask them what right do they think they have to be that much of an irresponsible asshole so Matt has to pick up their slack? Jerks.

So there's that.

Then I realized, after Olivia pointed out, that I haven't been to one of her volleyball practice/games. Which is true. It's not this huge thing, she's on a learning team for the YMCA and it's more of a "try a sport out" type thing. But it's held in a gym, with no chairs, so I'd have to sit on the gym floor for almost two hours. I know I can't do that. There is no volleyball next week, and I think the following week we have to skip it in lieu of a dance recital, so maybe I'll make the one after that, which I think is maybe her last? Back pain be damned, I'm going.

Oh, and so spring break is next week for my kids. Kind of lovely, it's supposed to be gorgeous weather. I had promised the kids we could do one fun thing over break, knowing that my lack of energy is sucking the fun out of everything. So I suggested the Science Museum in the Twin Cities, which is about 2.5 hours one way from us. It would obviously be this whole day event, and it's actually about $106 for us to get in for one day. Plus food and gas. So it's not cheap, but they've never been and they are at the age where they would totally love everything there. Matt tells me tonight he doesn't know if he can go. If I can move my doctor's appointment on Thursday to any other day, then he can maybe take Thursday off. If I can't... then I can take the kids alone on Monday. Which is such a bummer because it'd be nice for him to be with us for a fun family thing. So we'll see.

I feel like this week is such a downer. I'm hoping next week is better. Crossing fingers.


Shooting Stars Mag said...

That's awful Matt has to take up so much slack for other people. Messed up. I hope he can get some time off to be around for you and the baby. You might know what it's like, but it would be still be nice to have the extra help.

Random ideas that you've probably thought of -

do your older kids have anyone nearby that could bring them to and/or from school? maybe a friend's parent or something? Just for a bit at least...I'm sure people would understand about not wanting the newborn out in the cold at first.

volleyball game- can you bring your own chairs like for an outdoor game? I mean, you're pregnant! They should allow you to have some sort of seat instead of sitting on the ground!


Unknown said...

you definitely need a bag chair for the game!

Unknown said...

I agree on the take your own chair to volleyball idea. Even for someone who's not pregnant, sitting on the gym floor is super uncomfortable!