Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Dogs masturbate. <-- life lesson.

So the other day I posted a short video on Instagram of Twinky essentially humping a stuffed dog. He is not neutered yet, but he will be once Christmas is over and I can afford it. But since we got him back in July, it actually hasn't been a problem. Once, months ago, he tried to hump this same dog and he clearly was inexperienced.

But now that he has gotten a little bigger, and clearly practices a lot when we are gone, things have come to a new low. Or high, depending on who you are in this house. The only thing I can be appreciative of is that at least he isn't humping our legs, it's just this particular stuffed dog.

OK- and he occasionally tries to sit on our only girl cat's face. Poor Lola has resorted to just laying there and taking it. It's like they are a married couple or something.

The worst part about this is trying to explain it to the kids. I think Olivia knows what's going on because she made the comment that it's a good thing the stuffed dog can't have puppies. I chose silence as the appropriate response here because anything else would have prompted a larger conversation about sex and reproduction than I was willing to have with an eight year old right now. Jackson response has been a bit more animated. The first time he saw it he just stared. The second time he saw it, he tried to take the stuffed dog away but Twinky growled at him so he dropped it. The third time he saw it he started crying and wondered why our dog was broken.

Keep in mind that all three of these times happened within one hour.

Twinky is a machine. But he's a sensitive machine because he will snuggle with the stuffed dog, lick it, hump it like mad, sometimes lick it again, and then walk away for awhile. Then he comes back with a vengeance.

Matt says we should discourage this but I say, if we take the stuffed animal away he'll start on our leg. I'd rather have a sex toy on the floor than be a sex toy.

Then someone who has a sibling of Twinky says that even after her dog was neutered, it has not slowed his roll. Basically- I believe my dog is a chronic mastubater.

Because why wouldn't he be??


Julie H said...

Yep, usually they still do it and girl dogs do it too. My friends Yorkie loves to violate stuffed Easter bunnies.

Carrie said...

1) So glad that my dog does not do this.
2) I did not know you were on Instagram. Going to follow you now.
3) Yes, I am an asshole because I have not emailed you back.

Unknown said...

it's not always him being a "horn-dog" (haha bad pun). He'll keep doing it whenever afterwards when he tries to establish dominance. my in-laws freak out when their fixed dog does this and of course i'm all, "he's not sexxing it up y'all, he's just reiterating his place in the pack and that stuffed bear is his bitch". then they need a fainting couch b/c i've said sexxing and bitch in the same sentence.