Who reads a book set on her new Nook in two days? This bitch.

So, it seems like forever ago that I got a really good deal on the Vampire Wardens box set from Lisa Renee Jones and then my Nook died. Well, it didn't die, die, but it needs a new battery and when I looked at the price I laughed a maniacal laugh and decided I would sell Matt's kidney if I had to so I could get a new  Nook.

And then as it turns out, Matt got me a new Nook HD tablet for Christmas and he still has both kidneys so yay! I can use a kidney for something else. But I immediately got into these books because they sounded good, looked like short reads, and I'm all about that right now.



So, I have only read the Vampire Wardens set, and I'll start the Werewolf Society one later. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll probably start it tonight. But here are my mini reviews for the first set.

Hot Vampire Kiss: The werewolf population is entrenched in a century long civil war, and now they are plagued by a virus that is turning wolves into killers. The Brooks brothers pursue one such rogue werewolf to Temple, Texas. It is in Temple that Evan encounters a beautiful nurse named Marissa who instantly melts the hundred years of ice running through his veins. When she is brutally attacked by the wolf, he breaks the rules of the Vampire Council and uses his blood to save her. Now, if he doesn’t kill the wolf by the next full moon, Marissa will become a killer wolf, and he will be sentenced to death.

Hot Vampire Seduction: The underground vampire population of Austin, Texas has taken to hosting orgies with human women who’ve been forced to indulge in a new aphrodisiac.The drug, Blood Red, is a mixture of a rare type of werewolf blood and that of a vampire. Blood Red creates an insatiable desire for sex in the user to the point of pain in the absence of pleasure. Sometimes that pain leads to death.

Vampire Warden, Aiden Brooks, has spent more than a hundred years enforcing the laws of his race, and life has taught him that anyone that he allows into his world ends up dead. Despite knowing this all too well, having painfully loved and lost in his past, when his search for the creator of Blood Red places coroner Kelly Riggs directly in both his path, and that of a dangerous clan of vampires, his desire for her goes well beyond offering her protection. He’s drawn to her bravery, seduced by her feisty spirit and beauty, but he is determined to resist her, fearing he will put her in harms way. But Kelly is already on the radar of the enemy, and when she gets too close to the evil vampire clan’s secrets, she is given Blood Red. Now Aiden’s hunger for her might be the only thing that can keep her alive but who will save her from him?

Hot Vampire Touch: In blood they will find destiny and the eternal bond of passion…

A Vampire Warden betrayed by a werewolf he loved, turned into something not Vampire or Wolf. The woman – the wolf – who will heal him…if he doesn't destroy them both first.

OK, so each book centers around one of three brothers who were turned into vampires against their will but have become vampire wardens. Evan, Aiden, and Troy (in order). I should also tell you that each book stands alone, you don't have to read them in order, but I really think it's better if you do. Every story kind of rolls into the next and the larger story forms and you really get into them. They are fast reads and they are all super good romance stories with the paranormal aspect to them that you know I like. All three of them have suspense and each book gives you hints on what to expect in the next one and that will keep you reading through the night while your husband snores next to you. 

I have read a few books by Lisa Renee Jones now and I really like her. You can rely on her to give you an intriguing story with a little suspense, but really great romance and sex scenes. The sex scene towards the end of Hot Vampire Seduction is hands down, the most peculiar circumstances around a scene that I have ever read. Seriously. You should read it just to see what I'm talking about. 

Overall I really liked them. I liked all three main characters with their flaws and warped guy thinking and the women that ultimately change them. I liked all of the characters and you know I'm picky about my characters. So if you are looking for a good ebook set for your new reader, pick this one up. They are fast reads that will keep you entertained. 

Never Hug a Nun (and giveaway)

Now, knowing me you are probably thinking I'm going to talk to you about a valuable life lesson. But you would be wrong. Instead, I'm going to review a book I think most of you will appreciate.

Never Hug a Nun - Kevin Killeen

From first crushes and cafeteria lines, hidden forts and secret passwords, learning the Cub Scout oath and robbing the Ben Franklin, to hanging out on the train tracks, running from the police, enduring stuffy classrooms and, of course, dodging projectile vomit, Never Hug a Nun laces the reader into the Keds of young Patrick Cantwell—a boy who really wants to be good, but who, like his hero The Wolfman, always seems to fall short.

Set in Webster Groves in 1966, the story takes readers on a laughing, head-shaking, I-remember-doing-that-stuff ride through the rigors of practicing good penmanship, the rites of spring kickball, unsupervised summer days filled with Velvet Freeze daydreams of starting a band at least as good as The Beatles, and, finally, to those dying seconds when a boy reaches out bravely to hold the 220-volt live wire of a girl’s hand.

I have read a lot of books recently that are serious undertakings with lots of pages, but this is under 200 pages and was hilarious. Seriously- I haven't laughed this hard reading a book in awhile. I think the reason I loved this book so much is I remember the hijinks I participated in without my parent's knowing what was going on. Like that time my brother and I got our best friends and we had a crab apple fight in the park. But then Travis's apple hit Jessica REALLY hard and she had a bruise. Which turned out to be hilarious as adults because when I found out Jess had to have a heart transplant, I told Travis it was because of that apple and he fucked her up. I think he believed it for a second but then realized I was just being an asshole. 

Or that time we stole all of the Sheet Rock out of the neighbor's house, busted it up, and discovered it's like chalk on the road. Travis and I decorated pretty much all of Balsam Avenue with it and then totally lied about it when our parents asked. But stupid criminals we were, we wrote our names all over the road. It's like leaving your ID at a crime scene. We spent an entire Saturday washing the road. As an adult I don't know how that other kids' parents didn't kill us now that I know how much Sheet Rock costs. 

But that's why I loved this book. We all have hilarious childhood stories that are really some of the most formative experiences of our lives. Good or bad, we all have one story that will end with, ".. and I never did that again!". One of my favorite lines from the book was this one (this is after the jumped onto a train): 

"The bridge and the fort and the golfers and the boredom of the hot summer day slipped away behind them as they rolled toward downtown Webster- afraid, excited, yelling SHIT to each other with lady cigar breath, holding in nervous pee, going places at seven miles an hour." 

I don't know why I love that line so much but I totally get it. You know how as a kid you are such a bad ass in your own mind but as an adult you realize what an idiot you really were. But it didn't matter because it's what life was about back then. I also love that the book is set in the 60's and there are so many Catholic school references that you just really love Patrick. You know he wants to be a cool kid, fall in love with Ebby, and just not piss off a nun. 

Oh I loved this book. I really needed something to remind me of the stupid things I did as a kid, the good times with my brother, and just not be so serious and stressed out before the holidays. Totally the perfect remedy. I seriously encourage you to read this book especially if you're older than me because I bet a lot of the social references will make more sense to you or you'll at least totally know what they are better than I. But even if you don't, don't let that deter you. You will really like this one. 

So let's give one away! YAY! Open to US/Canada only.. sorry lambies from other places! 

• Must be a follower through GFC. 
• Leave a comment with your email address. I'm not psychic, peeps. 

But in case you don't win because you probably won't, you can buy it HERE. You can read an excerpt of it HERE and then see what other tour stops are saying HERE.  

Kiss of Surrender

OK, full disclosure. When I signed up for this book I did it solely because the main character was hot on the cover and it was a weird concept of vangels, which are vampire angels. Right? You're intrigued, aren't you? I knew you would be.

Kiss of Surrender - Sandra Hill

It’s not easy being a Vampire Angel.

No one knows that better than Trond Sigurdsson. In the centuries since he last went out drinking and wenching with his Viking buds, Trond has been a gladiator, a cowboy, a ditch digger . . . even a sheik. But now he’s the baddest of them all: a kick-ass Navy SEAL kicking butts of terrorist immortals with the help of his hotter-than-Hades female partner, police officer-turned-Special Forces operative Nicole Tasso—whom Trond dearly hopes to “partner” with very shortly in a whole different way.

The “cop” part of Nicole tells her there’s something bizarre about her gorgeous godlike teammate. But her “all-woman” side can’t help wondering how great it would be to have a virile Viking in her bed. Trond has secrets galore, but Nicole feels certain she can dig them out—and really get to the heart of this powerful, unnerving stranger whom she may be risking her soul to love.

OK, so first off I have to be honest and tell you I'm not loving Nicole. She's kind of a know it all bitch. I immediately liked Trond and knew how the story would end up with Trond and Nicole but who cares- it's such an interesting take on paranormal romance. 

I will say that the first entire half of the book was very tedious for me to trudge through. You get a lot of background information about vangels, how Trond become a vangel, some information on Nicole, and then a LOT of military lingo that was almost too much for me. I really almost said forget it when I felt like it wasn't moving fast enough. But fast forward they go on their mission and bam- I am all in. It goes fast at that point I thought and that was OK. I also realized at an early point that this must be book two of a series because Trond referred to his "brother" being married already so I had to look this up and yes, this is book two. But don't worry! You can totally jump in at this point and not feel like you have no idea what the hell is going on. It just makes you want to read the first one and the third one that is coming soon. 

I will also say that I liked the humor infused in the book. Trond is kind of cheeky and I like it. The "almost sex" scene in the book is kind of steamy and I kept having to flip back to make sure I didn't miss the almost sex turning into actual sex but no, I did not and the almost sex scene is just as good as any full sex scene. Well done, Sandra. But can I just say that I hope things turn out well for Zeb? Zeb is kind of a bad guy, but trying to not be a bad guy and secretly hoping for redemption. I like Zeb.  I liked Zeb from the beginning and I really hope things turn OK for him. 

Check out Sandra's website HERE to see all of the other books that she has. 

Whisper of Crows

What a fantastically weird, and creepy ass book. How's that for a beginning sentence?

Whisper of Crows - Jameson Hesse

Kanaan James is a disturbed teenage boy obsessed with his childhood friend Abigail Caulfield. A horrible car accident leaves Abigail stricken with amnesia and Kanaan, desperate for her attention, convinces her they are soul mates, running from the law. In the midst of a passionate love affair, while hiding in an old abandoned house deep in the woods, Kanaan is forced to test the boundaries of his own humanity.

Can I just say that reading this right before bed was an absolutely terrible decision? Because the first three chapters are creepy, bizarre, scary and tragic all rolled into one. You will have some bizarre dreams and you will be a little hesitant to pick it up again. 

But do pick it up again because you won't be disappointed. 

This entire story was all over the damn place but it almost has to be because Kanaan is a really messed up kid. He starts off being anally raped with a stick, and his stepfather rapes him and yeah. It's a really twisted story about this kid who is abused in pretty much every way and it makes you wonder how the hell is he NOT a nut job? Then the love of his life, who doesn't know she's the love of his life, dies but not really- turns out she just has amnesia, but then she really does die and it's just like, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE??? 

I was literally on edge for the entire duration of this book because I didn't know what the hell was going to happen next. Would Kanaan just go completely nuts? What the hell is up with Abigail? Why is he surrounded by so many pedophiles and most importantly- what kind of ending is this? Do they die? You just leave me hanging on a cliff here. I also felt like maybe this is a little like the movie Inception where it's a dream inside of a dream. Maybe none of it was real or maybe only part of it was. I read one of the quotes listed in the beginning of the book and it kind of sums up the entire story: 

"Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein

Does that make sense? It's kind of fucked up if you really think about it. 

And my god- the whole father or stepfather thing? WHAT?! 

I feel like if this were a movie it would make you leave that theater thoroughly scared and confused. I think you should read this just to give me your take on it. OH, but what else was intriguing was the concept of when you make one really bad decision, is it really just a fast skid into the depths of evil? Is redemption even really possible when you've gone down the wrong path far enough? And is what happens to Kanaan in the end karma or just another tick of bad things that happen to a person? I don't know. I still don't know three days after reading it. I feel like I have to re-read this to get my brain to fully wrap around it. This book sticks with you. 

Check out Jameson's website HERE as well. And then read the book and tell me if you are absolutely as creeped out by it as I am, in the best way possible. 

Phoebe Pope & the Year of Four

Holy crap balls, do I have an AWESOME book for you to buy. And buy for all of your favorite friends. Seriously. Grab your credit cards and come back. 

Phoebe Pope and the Year of Four by Nya Jade

The students of Green Lane Academy roam their halls unaware that below their manicured campus exists a prestigious school of an entirely different kind . . .

Sixteen-year-old Phoebe Pope has enrolled at the Campus Below: a spy academy for shape-shifters hidden deep beneath the grounds of a boarding school whose humans unknowingly protect it. There, thanks to a carefully planned schedule, she leads a double life: spy trainee Below and normal teenager Above. As if two course loads, concealing a secret power she alone wields, and coping with her father's recent death weren't enough, Phoebe finds herself developing major feelings for actor and teen heartthrob Colten Chase, who attends the Campus Above and appears to be majoring in winning Phoebe's heart. But when officials learn that Phoebe may be at the center of a startling prophecy, she becomes the target of shape-shifting assassins who will stop at nothing to suppress the truth. Now Phoebe's lessons about Shaper's enemies and spycraft take on great importance as a menace stalks the campus, with Phoebe as its target. Meanwhile, what began as an unlikely relationship with Colten, quickly morphs into heartache when she suspects that something sinister lurks beneath this movie star's glitter and fame. Suddenly, Phoebe's caught in a mesh of lies, betrayals, and danger where she doesn't know who to trust, and needs to rely on herself-and her secret power-to get to the truth and to stay alive.

I know I'm going to get a lot of grumbling, but I don't give a damn. This book, for me, felt a little Harry Potter to me. I'm not saying that this is as epic as Harry Potter, but I'm saying I felt like there were a lot of similarities so just shut up and put down your weapons. Between Phoebe's dead parents, her going to a special school to harness her skills, the professors with secrets, the drama between specific students, and the uncertainty of what the hell is going on, I read this while a movie of it played in my head. And I loved it. 

I love Phoebe- she's smart, she's cautious, it's like she knows something just isn't right and while she doesn't know what it is, she's playing her cards close to her chest because essentially- she doesn't know who to trust. Phoebe is kind of a freak because she's not a full shifter- she's a Hypha. Hypha's are half human, half shifter. Basically nobody knows what she'll be when she goes through Conversion (when they find out their shifting creature) and so you have that plot line throughout. I love how Phoebe's secret power is a kind of a mix between mind reading and being able to pick up on emotions and know whether they are genuine or not. At first I felt like that was the dumbest secret power ever UNTIL the book starts rolling and then it totally makes sense and I can see how the Vigos (bad guys) would want to harness that. TOTALLY GET IT. 

I absolutely could not put this book down and found myself reading it when I really should have been you know, helping my kid with homework or sleeping. I didn't sleep for an entire night because this book is consuming. 

I still don't know how I feel about Colten and his little secret, but I feel like as much as I want to not like him... I'm going to reserve judgment for the sequel. Because I'm just putting it out there, there better be a sequel because there are too many loose strings. I need answers, dammit. 

But I absolutely think you should pick this book up if you are at all a fan of YA paranormal. I really think you'll like it and I hope that when the sequel comes (because I'm being an optimist, just one step below of demanding one while waving a pitchfork) that I get to review it. 

Jingle Ball. And why Psy is a diva.

So last Tuesday I drove down to St. Paul to hang with my friend Amy and then go to the Jingle Ball concert. One lesson we learned is that we were hands down some of the oldest people there without children we were in charge of.

Second is that children can't dance. I mean, I'm not saying I was a dancing dynamo when I was 15 but I can tell you I could dance better than someone who appeared to be epileptic.

So the Jingle Ball had a ton of acts, each playing four songs each with the exception of Ed Sheeran, but more on him in a bit. First up was Conor Maynard.

Conor Maynard needs auto tune like Lindsay Lohan needs crack. Girls were losing their crap and I don't get it. I really don't. But fast forward to know and I hear his one song on the radio and I find myself loving it and itching to buy it on iTunes and I need to stand strong.

Oh, and can I just say, parents of America? It is never OK to let your daughters under 18 leave the house in silver stripper booty shorts and elf socks under the surmise that it's cute and holiday like. It is, but your daughter looks like a hooker on a lunch break.

Next up was Ellie Goulding who I love. She was excellent even when the sound people for whatever reason screwed her music up during her last song. You know a good artist when they can sing their song a capella and it's still great. So we had an a capella version of Lights and it was really good. Plus she's British and she just has the cutest accent and you could just eat her up.

X factor contestant Cher Lloyd was next. Admittedly, I really liked her on the show and would watch her recap performances online but I'm not feeling the white girl rapper route she's got going on. I do like her song Swagger Jagger but everything else is just meh for me.

Oh good god I had to sit through Owl City. I don't understand why girls were losing their shit over Owl City- Owl City sucks. They suck hard.

But YAY! One Republic played and I saw them open for Maroon 5 awhile ago and I thought they stole the show then and did a thousand times better than Maroon 5 did and I feel like they are great live. They put on an energetic show. I am super excited for their new album and I really hope they tour alone because I will be there screaming my face off like I was a 12 year old at a Bieber concert.

Ed Sheeran. I don't get it, bitches. Sure, he's a ginger and that automatically makes you feel sorry for him because you know the ladies aren't chasing him down until they realize he writes sappy love songs. Then you're all over him and wondering if he could dye his hair. But no. He only sang three songs because he rapped for a really LONG time to the point where I had Amy check to see if my ears were bleeding. Gingers shouldn't rap. <-- lesson.="lesson." life="life" nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

Then Train came on and here's something random- who knew Train was popular with the tween and teen crowd? Because I think Train and I think people my age and older. I'm not even a Train fan but dammit- you can't not sing along with Meet Virginia and Drops of Jupiter no matter how hard you try. Cool thing about Train though is that they throw out a LOT of autographed stuff during their set. They also pull people on stage and Pat (the singer) sounds exactly the same live as he does on an album. Which, I really have to give props to that because that's respectable. Most artists can't do that which is why they don't sing live.

Life lesson teens- do not leave your cell phone and purse in your seat in a large arena. Amy and I both wanted to take your stuff and teach you a valuable lesson about theft. Especially when you had boys texting you for boobie pictures- you're lucky we didn't text back asking for pictures of himself first.

Psy. Oh god damn, where to start with Psy? First off, I bop along to Gangham Style just as much as the next person. I can't speak Korean but who cares, it's fun to drive to. He was slated to close out the show and we figured he'd sing it once and we could get on the road.

Dead wrong. Oh, were we wrong.

He sang it once and everyone danced and had a good time. Then he wants to sing it again. But with the lights on so he can see us dancing. So he starts yelling at the lights people to turn on the lights like a total asshole. So finally, they do it. Backup dancers come back on stage and here we go.

Only for him to stop MID SONG because the crowd wasn't dancing enough. Which, no kidding dumbass, it's well after 11 and people are trying to leave. So he does the song for a third time and it's just like, we're over it. Go back to Korea.

I don't remember what time we left but I do know I didn't leave that parking ramp until 11:45 and I felt like that was kind of unbelievable.

On the way home though, I was speeding. Very obviously doing 87 in a 70 and I thought I was the only car on the road. Until a State Trooper very clearly does a U-turn through the trees and pulls me over at 1:30 in the morning outside of Moose Lake which is like 45 minutes or so from my house. If you're speeding. Maybe closer to an hour if you were doing the speed limit.

So I got myself a happy little $125 speeding ticket, my first ever. He kept flashing his light in my face because my eyes were clearly bloodshot from exhaustion and I wondered it he was going to give me a field sobriety test. Which I always fear because A) I can barely walk in a straight line as it is and B) I can't recite the alphabet backwards. I also worried that my engine would spontaneously combust while being pulled over for speeding. At least it'd be caught on camera, right?

So YAY! My Christmas gift was a donation to the State of Minnesota courtesy of a speeding ticket. 

Shuffle Up And Deal

An unexpectedly great and funny book. YAY!

Shuffle Up and Deal - Susan DiPlacido

When Izzy and Nick meet in embarrassing fashion at a Las Vegas poker tournament, Izzy's secret dreams turn into a public nightmare. But despite her humiliation, she may have finally sparked Nick's interest in something other than cards. Before long, Nick takes a gamble on Izzy and raises the stakes when he offers to help her sharpen her game. But Izzy's convinced that Nick is bluffing and will fold his hand after he's had her on the flop. But a string of outrageous proposition bets and steamy trips on the poker tour, from Los Angeles to Miami, make these two fierce competitors realize that it may be time to put all their chips on the table. Will Izzy and Nick pair up? Or will they lose it all if they go all-in for each other? Sit down, ante up, and hang on, as Nick and Izzy get ready to Shuffle Up and Deal.

Can I just say that I absolutely love Izzy? Because I feel like her and I would be good friends if she were you know, a real person. I wasn't sure if I would like this book considering I know nothing about poker but as it turns our, I totally loved the book. And I laughed a lot, mostly at Izzy because she is just the least graceful person ever. 

The only thing I didn't love about the book? The poker terminology, puns, and euphemisms. Sure, you kind of expect a few, but there were actually a lot of them and I feel like that would maybe turn off a reader. 

But don't let that stop you! Seriously, don't turn away. 

From the beginning of the book where her boyfriend of the moment walks out on her, to the retainer, to her bitch of a step mom, to Nick, to her in a tournament, all of it- it's good. It keeps you going through all 417 pages because you are rooting for Izzy and hoping that Nick doesn't turn out to be a too-good-to-be-true-douchebag. Which, I can't tell you if he does or not, but let's just say I was satisfied with the ending! 

It is an erotic romance so you can clearly expect sex and I actually kind of loved those scenes. Sure, some is a bit... much, but in others it's kind of how I guess I would react if I were Izzy. There's a part in the book where they are with another couple and I was equally curious, horrified, angry, and laughing. That's a testament to Susan's writing and I really enjoyed it. I really want you to read it and then tell me what you think. Just ignore the poker references. HA! 

This book is another one I'm reviewing for Pump Up Your Book and I have to say, some of my favorite books this year are either self published or published under very small publishing houses and that's kind of great. I had a reader ask me the other day why I do this and it's simple- because there is a LOT of talent out there that should be recognized more and Susan is one of them. I am really excited to see what she's working on next. Check out Susan's website and her blog!

If you go HERE you can enter to win a Kindle Fire HD!