His Name is Killian

So, this review has taken me awhile to draft because I've got some varying opinions.

His Name is Killian - Ella Adamian

Killian Stone paints harpies.

Killian Stone is not into vanilla sex.

Killian Stone suffers from mood swings.

Killian Stone has done something very bad.

The day the painter approached her on the bridge and asked her to pose for him was the beginning of a lust Melissa wouldn’t be able to bridle. When he offers her a month of submission, she’s already too captivated to turn him down. His unhinged sexuality lets her explore her own dark fantasies, but his anger outbursts are scary and devastating. As the time goes by, Melissa realizes there’s something more than just irritability and anger. He has done something which doesn’t let him rest. 

So first and foremost, you know that I will read basically anything. There isn't much that freaks me out and I've read some fairly dark material. This is maybe the first book I've read with a BDSM story line in which I was genuinely scared for the female and I genuinely felt uncomfortable. Whereas when people read things like Fifty Shades they say, "that's not a love story" whereas I see it as one. I get exactly what the author was trying to portray and I think she did it well. This book, this book very much is NOT a romance. When it says it has explicit scenes, it's not messing around. There were points in this book where I felt so uncomfortable I seriously debated on putting it down all together because it's beyond what even I am comfortable with. 

BUT. 

I really wanted to know what the hell was up with this guy. Because he goes from nice guy, c harming, and seemingly normal to incredibly angry and terrifying in no time. 

Then we have Melissa, who is seemingly naive to basically everything. She agrees to model for Killian for two weeks and once that's over, she finds herself missing him. So he comes back and basically tells her it's a D/s relationship or nothing and she blindly agrees. The first thing that struck me as odd was at no point was a safe word established so right away I'm scared for her. Because hello, you need a safe word. But she very much wants to learn more about Killian and she finds herself craving him although she at times is also very scared of him. 

I really questioned whether either one of them were right in the head but for very different reasons. I think he opens something up in her she didn't know was there and I think he clearly has disturbing things in his past that prevent him from chilling out. So Melissa starts investigating him because it's clear something isn't right and I won't tell you what she finds but I can say there is a sequel to the book coming. So the story isn't totally over. There's more to come and to be frank, I'm a little scared .

If you think you are up for a challenge, I really want to hear what you think about this. The book is available on Amazon and you can connect with the author on Google+. I am giving this book a reluctant 3 stars. Mostly because if the point of the book was to push the boundaries of what is acceptable of BDSM or to give you a hard limit of what is acceptable to read, it absolutely succeeded. If you haven't read any other BDSM books I do think this will turn you off of them all together and scare you proper. So if you know that going in, you will likely come away from it differently than I did. 

39 weeks: Fake outs and freak outs.

Well lambs, here we are. Week 39 of what feels like the Longest Pregnancy Ever. I can't even believe we are in the last few days of April, it really feels like April just got started but no. We're at the end, which means we're also at the end of this pregnancy. Technically my due date is May 6, but at every doctor visit I hear the hopeful lie of "any day now". I've basically stopped resting these last two weeks because I feel pretty exhausted and anxious. I don't want to wish for the pregnancy to be over because it very well could be my last, but I think every woman hits a point where you are physically, mentally,and emotionally done.

39 weeks. Moo. 

So this week I've been walking quite a bit. The downside of being home all day is that Twinky believes I am at his beck and call all day every day. Which is not going to happen once Penelope is born. But him having to pee all of the time means it gives me incentive to get out and not only walk around but to get some fresh air and sunshine, both of which I'm in desperate need of. So that's been kind of nice. 

The biggest excitement actually came yesterday. Actually, it started in the morning. After I dropped the kids off at school, I came home and had kind of a big breakfast. I'm on a breakfast kick right now. So I eat that, got some blog work done, book review stuff organized, checked my emails, and then Twinky began his daily whining and acting as if his little bladder is going to explode. So I decided that while I normally walk him at lunch time, I'll go a little earlier and maybe get a nap in before picking the kids up from school. So we head out. Almost immediately I realize that what has become my normal two mile walk was not going to happen, I mentally tell myself it's going to be a one miler. So we start off. I get to the point where I am about eight blocks from my house when I realize that the side cramps that were annoying but not bad were quickly turning to worst-cramps-I've-ever-had. And not contractions, but more like the cramps you'd get if you drank a ton of soda and thought you could run a 5K with no issues. So I end up sitting on some stranger's front steps for about 10 minutes all the while calling and texting Matt because I didn't think I'd make it home and I figured he works a mile away, he could take a break and come get me. 

Except he DOESN'T ANSWER HIS DAMN PHONE. Like not at all, folks. NOT AT ALL. 

So after 10 minutes I decide I can't sit here all day and now I had to pee, so I start hobbling. And by hobbling? I mean I looked like one of those Weeble toys (weebles wobble, but they don't fall down) making my way down the street. It takes me almost a half hour to go eight blocks. By the time I get home I think to myself I might actually be starting labor. 

But I wasn't. 

So I decided an hour later to go shopping with my mom and run to the bank. Nothing notable or exciting happens, no cramping, all is well. 

I get home and realize I have zero energy. I have literally done nothing all day and the act of getting up to pee feels like it's just too much. To the point where I wonder if peeing my pants is acceptable. I went to pick the kids up from school and I feel basically like crap. Like every ounce of energy I had was gone. 

By 6pm, I started getting those weird cramps again though I was doing nothing but laying on the couch. They progressively got worse and I could feel them in waves and I think- holy shit, I'm having actual contractions. So I start timing them. They end up being an average of 4 minutes apart, lasting anywhere from 45-60 seconds. But they aren't horribly painful, I can talk through them, I'm not feeling like I really need to take action. But I manage to fold some laundry, move my bag to the door, start the dishwasher, and I figure I'll take a shower and lay down and rest. I knew that they'll either go away or get exponentially worse. 

Well I fell asleep and they apparently went away. I woke up at 4 am to pee and it was then that I realized that nothing had happened and they were gone. Cue disappointment and irrational rage, and possibly some swearing that wakes Matt up. 

I ended up going back to bed and I woke up at 6 and when I went to pee again, my pad had a brownish goo in it and when I wiped it was a light brown. Like the color of a tan crayon, but no blood. But I haven't had anything since. I have had super random contractions and I'm now debating on taking Twinky for a short walk around a block or two or just resting. I did manage to eat breakfast, so I'm waiting until my orange juice needs to be peed out, which should be any minute. 

So that's the fake out portion. 

The freak out portion is where I realized last night my floors are in a terrible state so I also have plans to mop it today. I figure between that and a short walk, if that doesn't get labor going I don't know what will. I'm scheduled for my 39 week appointment tomorrow.... so we'll see if it's an office visit or her delivering baby Penelope. 

Keep your fingers crossed! 

Narvla's Celtic New Year

I've been on a roll with reading, can you tell? Lots more to come!

Narvla's Celtic New Year - Therese Gilardi

Narvla’s life is as precisely choreographed as the routines that have made her a national step-dancing champion. She has a loyal best friend, a devoted boyfriend, and a lock on admission to her dream college, the University of Notre Dame. Until her mother is named U.S. Ambassador to Ireland, and her life unravels. First Narvla receives a disturbing picture of her boyfriend and her best friend. Then she struggles to qualify for the Irish elite step-dancing squad, and her grades plummet.

But the biggest obstacle in Narvla’s new life is Dublin Boy, a cheeky musician with a disdain for academics and a distrust of Americans. Although Narvla is upset when she’s paired with Dublin Boy for the most important semester of her life, her real concern is the growing attraction she feels toward him. As the Celtic New Year unfolds, Narvla is pushed to abandon her lifelong need for control and embrace the charm of the unexpected. 

When I started reading this book, I wasn't totally sure how much I was going to love it. It starts kind of slow for me, but it does pick up, so don't give up so quickly on it. Narvla basically has the perfect life. She's a dance champion, she has great friends and an even better boyfriend and she's super smart. Then it all basically goes to crap when her mother's job forces them to relocate to Ireland, which let's be honest, not the worst place to be relocated to. At least you have a rich culture and history to take it and countless opportunities to be a tourist where you live. But the move is the catalyst for everything previously great about her life going to crap. And it does. In big ways. But then she meets Colin. Who is a bit of a jerk. He's that kid in high school who is too cool for school and comes off as an arrogant asshole because that's basically what he is. He is the complete opposite of the boyfriend she had at home, but since that's clearly not working out, she develops a romance with Colin, though reluctantly .

The really great thing is the author does a great job with character development because we obviously see Narvla growing into the young woman she's meant to be and we see all of these internal changes in her, the real challenge in this story is Colin. He is introduced as a character that is VERY hard to like or even root for, but the author really does a bang up job developing him. He goes from asshole to someone you find endearing once you realize how his start in life sets him up for shutting others out. And I really did not want to like him, I didn't want to root for their relationship and then I was forced to agree, it's kind of adorable. 

Dammit. 

The only gripe I have with the book is that some of the conversations are a bit too teenager for me. Which I understand sounds ridiculous considering this is a YA geared book. I know. But I wonder if because I've read quite a few YA books that sound more adult that it was hard for me to look past that? But overall? Solid book. You can pick this one up on Amazon. But as always, if you want to learn more about the book and the author, head over to Therese's website. 

Re Jane

I'm kind of on a roll with books considered to be "re-telling's" of classic literature, aren't I? Well this one is a re-telling of Jane Eyre, which I realize is going to make you love it or hate it.

Re Jane - Patricia Park

Journeying from Queens to Brooklyn to Seoul, and back, this is a fresh, contemporary retelling of Jane Eyre and a poignant Korean American debut
 
For Jane Re, half-Korean, half-American orphan, Flushing, Queens, is the place she’s been trying to escape from her whole life. Sardonic yet vulnerable, Jane toils, unappreciated, in her strict uncle’s grocery store and politely observes the traditional principle of nunchi (a combination of good manners, hierarchy, and obligation). Desperate for a new life, she’s thrilled to become the au pair for the Mazer-Farleys, two Brooklyn English professors and their adopted Chinese daughter. Inducted into the world of organic food co-ops, and nineteenth–century novels, Jane is the recipient of Beth Mazer’s feminist lectures and Ed Farley’s very male attention. But when a family death interrupts Jane and Ed’s blossoming affair, she flies off to Seoul, leaving New York far behind.

Reconnecting with family, and struggling to learn the ways of modern-day Korea, Jane begins to wonder if Ed Farley is really the man for her. Jane returns to Queens, where she must find a balance between two cultures and accept who she really is. Re Jane is a bright, comic story of falling in love, finding strength, and living not just out of obligation to others, but for one’s self.

I'm going to be honest, the first group of people I think that will enjoy this book are people who are Asian and have family who identifies with the old country more than they do America. Because the entire book kind of circles around that with Jane being half-Korean and half-American, but living with her very Korean uncle and his family since her parents are long gone. I also have to be honest that I am not a huge Jane Eyre fan and I can't even lie and tell you I finished it. There was a summer a few years ago where I planned on reading several classics to say I did it and I failed miserably and decided maybe it was a good thing I didn't go to college to study literature after all. But this book? I enjoyed. It's funny, there are a lot of one-liners in it that made me laugh and I kind of felt sorry for Jane. 

Her uncle is kind of a jerk to her but it's hard to tell if it's because he doesn't actually like her and only took her on in his family out of familial duty versus wanting to make sure she grew up OK, or if his personality is such that he's just that way with everyone. She's kind of like Harry Potter in a sense. Sure, they take care of and provide for her but they don't really want her there and they hold her mother's indiscretions against her, though her mother has been dead for years. So it comes as no surprise that as soon as an opportunity to leave her uncle's house comes up, she takes it despite not being totally sure she wants to do it. 

Which is how she becomes an au pair for a Brooklyn family who recently adopted a daughter from China. Her "interview" and the discovery that not all Asian looking people hail from China, is kind of hilarious and then you immediately feel bad for laughing because it feels like you're laughing at a minority. But I wasn't! I promise! 

The book itself is very chick-lit and modern, something that would appeal more to a younger generation versus the original Jane Eyre. I can't draw comparisons between the two obviously, but I think even if this wasn't being marketed as a re-telling, it would be a great read for anyone. It's engaging, it keeps you wondering what's going to happen to Jane, and the family dynamics of her uncle's home versus the Mazer-Farley family (who she is an au pair for) are so completely different and seeing Jane navigate the two is kind of hilarious. I mean it's like being in two totally different countries though you're only really in different boroughs. And of course, Jane meets a guy. I can't tell you what happens with said guy because it's a major spoiler, but it really is refreshing for an author to say, "You know what? I'm not going with the obvious, and I'm not going the easy route because every one else does." and ends up doing something that makes you want to high five her. THANK YOU for not going the obvious route. 

You can get your very own copy of Re Jane either on Amazon or Barnes & Noble. And of course, if you want to know more about Patricia Park, head over to her website! 

Still Pregnant. Maybe she's stuck.

Oh yes, with only nine days until my due date, each and every day feels like it should be a "Yes, I'm still fucking pregnant." post. Clearly, it's a good thing she's still incubating if she feels she needs to do so a little bit longer. Obviously I don't want her born before she is fully baked. But I do know that my pelvic region hurts a whole lot right now and that third babies are no joke.

I can't even tell you how many times I've searched Google for ways to induce labor. We've done sex, I've done copious amounts of walking, I've eaten spicy foods, and I even tried raspberry leaf tea. I had two sips and called it good because I don't like hot drinks in general and tea is foul anyways. I also didn't do castor oil because that sounds horrific and then I think, meh- what's a few more days? The only promising thing at this point is that I can tell things are happening. Kind of. I'm a teensy bit dilated (as of last Wednesday, maybe I'm more now?), I've lost my mucus plug and one evening it was streaked with brown so I got hopeful. Yesterday I had ONE drop of blood. I mean, nothing major but at this point I feel like anything is something and worth getting excited and anxious about. Then Saturday and Sunday evening I had some light cramping. To the point where I thought I had better get to bed early in case I'm awoken at 2am with real awful contractions, but nothing. It's totally disappointing to get up in the middle of the night to pee and realize the cramping is totally gone. Lame.

So at this point, I'm cursing my mandated "rest". My doctor made it seem like I absolutely had to make it to 37 weeks and t hat she wanted me to take it easy. And I hate taking it easy, so I really struggled but then I thought well, I don't want a premature baby if I can  help it. But now here we are and nothing. It's like she's decided she's just fine in there and who cares if I feel like my pelvic bone is going to shatter. No big deal.

In the meantime, I'm just making sure everything is ready. The house is as clean as it gets. I could and should mop the kitchen floors and the bathroom ones as well. Maybe I'll do that this evening once the kids are in bed. A lot of the projects I wanted to get done are done. I just didn't get to do my South Dakota vacation scrapbook, but that's because I haven't had money to get the photos printed. So that'll get done when it gets done. I am caught up with book reviews and that's always a good feeling, for sure!

This weekend I had the kids help me pack the hospital bag for Penelope. Here's what we came up with:

1. A package of wipes. 

2. A couple of newborn diapers. 

3. Two receiving blankets. If she's anything like her siblings, she'll be a spitter at every feeding. YAY. 

4. A thicker, fluffier blanket to cover her up in the car seat. 

5. Jackson gave her his blue dog toy. That was his car seat toy when he was a baby, loved it. 

6. Olivia insisted we bring two cute rattles in case Penelope gets bored and wishes to be entertained. 

7. Her going home outfit, of course. It's hard to see, but it's a cream outfit with little gold hearts all over it, with a mint green cardigan and mint green headband. And of course, super cute warm booties. 

That bag is in the van, ready to go, along with her car seat. My hospital bag is far less exciting, but that also is ready to go. We even have a third bag ready to go full of kid activity things should we have to go and don't have a sitter readily available. Olivia and Jackson will have snacks and things to do in the family room until someone is able to come sit with them or take them home. 

So we patiently wait. Still. 

*sigh*

Pleasures of the Night (Dream Guardians #1)

It's always fun when you find clearance books at Barnes & Noble. This was one of my more recent finds, totally buried underneath lame yoga books. So it pays to dig, folks.

Pleasures of the Night (Dream Guardians #1), Sylvia Day

There are sensuous pleasures that can only be tasted in the night . . . 

He comes to her in the twilight between sleep and consciousness to fulfill her secret desires. Lyssa Bates has never experienced such ecstasy, brought to her by a man whose deep, soul-penetrating blue eyes hold the promise of tempting intimacies and decadent pleasures. But this stranger, this lover, this immortal seducer is only a dream—a phantom of her nocturnal fantasies—until he appears, inexplicably, at her door in the flesh!

Lyssa aches for the reality of him, but there is grave danger in surrender. Because Captain Aidan Cross is on a mission, and the passion that consumes them both, body and soul, could have dire consequences in a world of dreams . . . and in the waking one as well.

I didn't even realize this was going to be a series until I was maybe 50 pages from the end and I realized there wasn't a chance in hell the author was going to finish this story up in those few pages. Which, can I just say? I'm getting tired of. Does EVERY book need to be a series? What ever happened to crafting a story to fit into one volume? I keep complaining of this and nobody listens. Jerks. 

Basically, this is about Aiden, who is a Dream Guardian. He comes to people in their dreams, usually engages in a sexual fantasy, in pursuit of keeping the Nightmares away. And the Nightmares, for me, are basically like demons from other paranormal novels. At least that's how I pictured them as being. But Aiden meets his match when he is sent to Lyssa, who has built a formidable door that most Guardians can't get to. Something about Aiden's voice convinces Lyssa to reluctantly open the door, and in walks in a hunk. He's walking sex and she doesn't give a second thought to the fact that she's going to indulge in a sexual fantasy with a stranger. But Aiden soon realizes something about Lyssa is different, and that's alarming. 

Once back "home", Aiden is starting to think Lyssa might be The Key, someone the Elite (a team kind of like Special Op's in modern  military terms) was created to kill. They believe whoever The Key is, they would be the ones to unlock the door that lets in the Nightmares and it would end the world as they know it. So though Aiden is trained to locate and kill The Key, he's skeptical of the entire premise, even more so when his gut tells him Lyssa is The Key. So he basically risks his life keeping her alive when it becomes apparent that everything is not as it seems and there's an ulterior motive going on. I can't even give you any hints on the ending because there really wasn't one. We have no real conclusion in this book, we just know that both Aiden and Lyssa are willing to risk their lives for the other in the name of love. 

But let's talk about two things that I took away from this book, in comparison to other Sylvia Day books. First, she writes a damn good sex scene. She just does. I liked Aiden and Lyssa as characters and I liked how she doesn't paint Lyssa as a totally helpless heroine with no personality. She's funny, she's sarcastic, she's mindful, and she seems like a totally normal person. And Aiden is walking sex, which I believe I've covered. Secondly, this is the first book outside of Sylvia Day's Crossfire Series that I've read and I have to be honest, I see why she is riding the coat tails of Fifty Shades of Grey  there. Nobody can say that Fifty Shades and Crossfire share no similarities when the stories are nearly identical, which is a huge issue I have with the Crossfire series, though I love Gideon. But this book is a paranormal romance, no getting around that, and maybe she's gotten better since (this was published in 2007), but you can tell this is out of her comfort zone and she really struggled. I think she tried to get on the paranormal romance bandwagon as it became hugely popular. I honestly don't know how interested I am in reading the others in this series, but I suppose if I found them in the discount bin at Barnes & Noble, I'm not going to skip it completely. I just don't know that I'll go out of my way to find book two. 

Overall? It was a good book. It's a fast read, and it's pretty solid if you are looking for a paranormal romance with solid sex scenes in it, along with a budding relationship. So don't dismiss it entirely. 

Running Fire

Guess who all of a sudden is on a hunt for Lindsay McKenna books because I was a Lindsay McKenna virgin, and now I'm not, and I am probably going to end up a super fan?

This chick.

Running Fire - Lindsay McKenna

He was a haven in the midst of Hell…

Temporarily assigned to the Shadow Squadron in a troubled region of Afghanistan, Chief Warrant Officer and pilot Leah Mackenzie is no stranger to conflict—even if most of her physical and emotional scars are courtesy of her vicious ex. Still, she's got a bad feeling about picking up a team of stranded SEALs. A feeling that's all too justified once enemy fire hits their helicopter and all hell breaks loose…

SEAL Kell Ballard's goal was to get the injured pilot out of harm's way and find shelter deep in the labyrinth of caves. It's a place of dark intimacy, where Leah finds unexpected safety in a man's arms. Where prohibited attraction burns brightly. And where they'll hide until the time comes to face the enemy outside…and the enemy within their ranks. 

If you know nothing else about me, you need to know that I am a romantic suspense JUNKIE. When I say junkie, I really mean it. If the book also has a super hot military guy as a lead? All in. The plot could be 100% ridiculous and so far fetched and it doesn't matter because I am all the way in. (I could make a super inappropriate sexual pun here but I won't because I'm trying to keep it classy.)

The only thing that could be construed as negative in this review is that Leah is super annoying. I mean, I appreciate that when things basically go tits up, she can do what needs to be done. She's not falling apart during a crisis. But when it comes to her personal life? Oy vey. Kind of a hot mess. And yes, she has legitimate reasons considering her ex-husband was a total abuse douchebag. Understandable. But I think even if she hadn't been married, she'd still be kind of a needy mess when it came to Kell. 

And Kell. *swoon* Kell sounds delicious. I'm just putting that out there. I like how despite his own divorce, he's not this hardened nobody-can-love-me guy. He thinks there is someone out there for him he just doesn't know how to reconcile that with his career as a SEAL. Which is understandable. 

The story overall was good. It was everything I wanted out of a military romantic suspense novel. Sure, the story seems a little not plausible with a romance going from zero to sixty in a matter of days given the stressful situation, but who cares. That's part of what I love so much about books like this. I also love the side drama with Leah's ex-husband. Yes, we have them weaving their way through Taliban infested territory, dealing with Leah's intimacy issues, but then we have Leah's ex-husband basically trying to ruin her life for his own benefit and that has it's own super great ending. I also love that we have some follow up/ending with Leah and Kell. It feels like their story is squarely finished and you're left wanting to pick up another book by Lindsay McKenna, which is what any author can hope for. 

Running Fire can be purchased on Amazon, and I highly suggest you pick it up. It's pretty yummy. But you can also connect with Lindsay McKenna through her website, Facebook page or Twitter!