Beneath Still Waters

It isn't often that a book hooks me on the first page but when it does, you better believe I'm going to rave about it.

Beneath Still Waters - Cynthia A. Graham

The swamps and bayous around Cherokee Crossing, Arkansas have always been dark and mysterious, but on this summer day two boys stumble across the remains of a baby girl, headless and badly decomposed. Hick Blackburn, a reluctant sheriff with a troubled past is called to the scene. With nothing to go on except the baby s race and sex, the task of discovering who she is and how she died challenges all of Hick s investigative skills. But Hick faces a deeper challenge. The vision of the infant has left him shattered, a reminder of a war crime he has tried to lock away, a crime that has begun to eat away at the edges of his life, destroying him one relationship at a time.

With the aid of his deputies, Hick will begin to piece together his investigation, an investigation that will lead him to question everything. As he is forced to examine the town he grew up in, he will come to terms with the notion that within each of us lays the propensity for both good and evil. His investigation will turn up lies and ignorance, scandal and deceit, and the lengths a mother will go in order to hide her shame."

It only has 215 pages but inside those few pages is one of the best stories I have ever read. Right away on page one we meet town sheriff, Hick Blackburn, on the scene of a crime that just doesn't happen in Cherokee Crossing. Two boys fishing stumble across (literally) the body of a headless infant. Nobody knows who she belongs to or how she got there, but this crime has catapulted Hick back into memories of his time in Belgium fighting in the war.

While it doesn't shift perspective (just a couple of times, but not every other chapter like most books do), it really feels like two different stories happening at once. We have current Hick trying to solve the murder of this innocent baby with almost no clues at all except for a genetic anomaly in the babies hands. He needs to find the mother of the baby, possibly the father, but ultimately the murderer. The baby was alive when it went into the swamp because it had sand and water in it's lungs so right away, any mother is horrified and you're hooked- who could or would do this to a newborn baby? Then we have war time Hick who too young to understand the long term ramifications of war, finds himself in the middle of a horrific battle with no experience and he makes a mistake out of fear rather than logic. It haunts him to this day and the murder of this baby brings it all rushing back.

And then... we have a love story. Because before Hick went to war, he was engaged to his life long love, Maggie. When he came back, obviously suffering from the mental anguish war gives a young man, he breaks it off with Maggie, leaving her heartbroken. She doesn't give up hope and she keeps trying to break through what is eating at Hick, sure that if she could, she'd have her old love back where he belongs.

This book hooked me immediately when I started and I absolutely could not put it down. It captures everything right about the south, it gets you in the head of a war returned soldier, and you ache for this baby. Once all of the puzzle pieces come together the story becomes even more tragic and you find yourself, like Hick, at odds of what is right in the law and what someone believes in their heart to be the best decision. I cannot praise this book enough- it's such a fast read and I know you'll absolutely love it. It really reminds me of a Christina Baker Kline novel, actually. Just a masterfully done weaving of the story lines so you never feel lost or like you're having to keep too much straight in your head for it to make sense. Absolutely one of my top ten books of 2016 so far. Easily.

You can get your own copy of Beneath Still Waters on Amazon, it's a worthy buy.

Hitting the rock bottom of caring.

It's no secret I have had a really rough few months. I've tried my go to anti-depressant and that made things really awful so I've now weaned off of that successfully. But I'm back in a funk and the only bright side is that it's given me a different perspective on a lot of things in my life.

Yesterday was really bad. It was bad from the word go when I only got two and a half hours of sleep. For some reason, morning sickness flared up again and the fact I even made it to the kids' school at 8 to help with the book fair is a miracle all on its own. But then I'm there and I'm really blown away at how kids are essentially trying to barter for books. Which, on one hand, I'm so excited at their enthusiasm for reading. The little bookworm nerd in me is over the moon. But then on the other hearing kids talk about how easy it would be to steal a book, how their mom/dad told them to just ask if they can pay half (yes, parents actually told their kids to ask that), and then watching one kid for sure steal a pen but do it so quickly I didn't get a good look at his face. Then, just as I was leaving, Olivia comes up to me in tears because she forgot her recorder at home, apparently her "third strike" in a month. She wants me to go home and get it so she doesn't get in trouble.

I tell her no and she really starts sobbing, running down the hall saying I'm so mean to her.

All before 9 a.m.

I ended up having Matt run home to get it and while I was still at school, he went to her classroom with it and I'm pretty sure she peed her pants when her dad pulled her out of class and several kids started asking who it was. (Mostly because Matt is usually M.I.A. for all school or kid related things so most of her friends have no idea what her dad looks like.) But she started sobbing even harder when he told her he could get in trouble at work for having to deal with her irresponsibility.

But, silver lining is that she will likely never forget the damn recorder ever again. I told the music teacher to absolutely, 100%, give her a referral next time and let her sit in the office because you've got to learn how to be responsible for yourself at some point.

Anyways.

So then all afternoon I was dealing with emails I didn't want to deal with, pissy people left and right, Penelope was a bit of a bear (she's even worse today, YAY), and then Matt got home late and I had to run to a meeting before I could eat dinner. I explicitly asked that someone please save me something to eat, seeing how I hadn't gotten breakfast and I didn't get lunch. All I had yesterday was a questionable granola bar and a bag of fruit snacks that I'm pretty sure were expired because they were super hard.

By the time I came home, I walk through the door to find that not only was no supper saved for me, but the kitchen was a freaking mess. Laundry hadn't been switched over, the rest hadn't been folded. Nobody showered or bathed. Homework wasn't checked and reading calendar wasn't signed. The good news is that everyone was in bed at least and Matt was ready to bolt out the door to walk the dog.

So I quietly cleaned everything up, got everyone's homework squared away and into folders so it wouldn't get tossed by Matt on accident. I answered some emails, returned two phone calls, and lay in bed until 4:45 a.m. when finally I fell asleep for a whopping two hours.

But as I lay there in the dark when everyone else in my house is asleep, I thought about how very little I'm appreciated. Yeah, people say it periodically but that's just talk. That's to save face for looking like an ungrateful asshole. I volunteer my time to a LOT of different groups and places, friends, etc and I'm at the point where I'm getting nothing in return. I get zero joy from almost all of it. Maybe I've done too good of a job being competent and organized all of these years that it has back fired on me. Maybe people actually have zero idea that I spend every single free moment doing things for other people. Then when I do take time for myself, a whopping hour to read, I get, "Wow- must be nice to have THAT kind of free time!". You know what?

Fuck you.

Seriously, fuck yourself.

If I hear one more suggestion on how things should be done, what I should be doing, or what I could do better I cannot be held accountable for my actions. I am literally at that point where I will actually lose it. I really want to be one of those people who just do nothing and hope everyone else will pick up the slack because they have better things to do. I really do. Some of the people who have the most complaints have a fraction of what I have on my plate yet cannot possibly do any more.

But it's totally OK if I do it?

Right.

So no. It's done. I'm done. I'm mentally done. I will be systematically checking out of things in the next few weeks and I can tell you right now- this summer? I do nothing for anyone. Nothing. I refuse. I'm going to enjoy my summer, I'm going to spend time with my kids, I'm going to enjoy the end of pregnancy, I'm going to start next school year with a fraction of the stress I've had several years now, and I'm just... done. I am mentally done.

Some of my best qualities have always been my selflessness, empathy, and giving nature. Those are all things I've really liked about myself and I've always been proud to be that person that is there in a jiffy. You need something? I'm on it. I never want someone else to feel burdened by something I could be doing. And I really hate that volunteering for so many different things has left me hating all of that and looking at those qualities as negatives. Because I may as well have "walk all over me, I'm cool with it" written on my head.

I can only hope the rest of the week gets better. I'm not even optimistic about it. I keep hearing I should look at all of the things that are good, I wouldn't feel so down. I've resigned myself to having zero expectations from anyone because then I can't be let down. If by god someone actually pulls through and does something, it's just a small blip of good. Who knew doing good things for others would turn you into a depressed pessimist?

*sigh*

Fighting Dirty (and giveaway opportunity!)

I won't confess to this being true for me, but let's just say I think a lot of babies are made because of Lori Foster books.

Fighting Dirty - Lori Foster

He's the hottest MMA fighter in the game, but one woman is ready to try out a few steamy moves of her own in an unforgettable new novel from New York Times bestselling author Lori Foster...

With the life he's led and the muscles he's gained, Armie Jacobson isn't afraid of anything. Except maybe Merissa Colter's effect on him. It's not just that she's his best friend's little sister. Fact is, she deserves better. Women pursue him for one night of pleasure, and that's all he wants to offer. Until rescuing Merissa from a robbery leads to the most erotic encounter of his life. 

Good girl meets bad boy. It's a story that rarely ends well. But Merissa is taking matters into her own hands. No matter how he views himself, the Armie she knows is brave, honorable and completely loyal. And as past demons and present-day danger collide, they're both about to learn what's truly worth fighting for… 

I am a HUGE Lori Foster fan. HUGE. I have so many of her books and I'm a little disgusted that I am just now getting to this series because I was missing out. It's a complete fail on my part and I hope Lori forgives me. Because god knows I'm ordering all of the other ones to rectify that immediately.

This book.

Sigh.

First off, I am in love with romance novels that have a military leading man in it or boxer/MMA lead and this one has Armie (hate that name) and he's on his way to becoming a huge MMA star. Then we have Rissy (Merissa) who has been in love with him for years. Well, he's been in love with her too but he took time to be a total man whore while Rissy essentially waited for her chance at him. I'm going to tell you the scenes with them are great and I could not have asked for more. What's even better?

THE LEAD FEMALE IS NOT A MORON.

Thank you, Lori, for writing an intelligent, non-clingy, non-crazy, drama free woman. Thank you. She's not irrational, she fully understands Armie, his moods, his reluctance, and she goes at his pace. It's total proof that there are some of us who are not emotional nut bags.

The drama element of this book was pretty solid. We have Rissy's ex, Steve, who is nuts for whatever reason and then we also have Armie's mysterious past that he has chosen to ignore/run from instead of dealing with it. When it all comes to a head, it really works out well and I hated to finish the book. I wanted so much more because this was such a well written couple, and I loved all of the characters. How often do you hear me say I loved the characters? It's rare. The sex scenes in this book were good, I found myself smiling at Armie and Rissy's playful banter, and I really identified with Rissy. She's a little insecure but wanting to please Armie despite his colorful sexual background but not in an annoying way. She really wants to make sure she's not holding him down or back, and she wants to be enough, and not in a way that it snubs it's nose at feminism.

Overall? I loved this book. I flew through it, I am eager for my other Lori Foster books to come because I anticipate flying through those as well. If you are a fan of romance, you need to be a fan of Lori Foster. You can find Fighting Dirty on Amazon as well as Barnes & Noble.

There is a huge giveaway happening for your chance at the series! Go HERE for your chance to win! Good luck!

Bookworm Box: January

I know, it seems like I'm super behind on these and it's because these boxes are showing up more and more late every month. It's kind of absurd, really.

The only promising thing about this box are the books and I say that every month, don't I? This month the books looked especially on point and I've already read and reviewed Dirty English and I'm going to start the other one soon.

The swag was a bunch of crap bookmarks I threw out, a sticker, a pen, a guitar pick (also thrown out), and a tote bag that BROKE after one trip to the library. The handles ripped right off and I only have 4 kid books, 2 movies, and 2 paperback books. I also see they have an online store where you can buy some of the Bookworm Box swag that they have been giving out and I'm telling you right now, the prices are so high that having worked in jobs where I had to get promotional items- you are being ripped off by your vendors, Bookworm Box. Just putting that out there.

Anyways. These are the two books we got and I read Dirty English first because the cover is really great and I really liked the book. Yes, it had some annoying things about it but overall it wasn't a bad book and I'm excited for the upcoming sequel, which will feature the other British twin. The other book has a great cover and it's in my to-read list. I'm actually reading a book from the December box right now, Whisper If You Need Me, because that book had a pretty cover as well and so far it's a pretty good little book, but I'm only a third of the way through with it. Stay tuned for the review.

Remembrance (Mediator Novel #7)

You know how a few months ago I was super out of it and feeling like I was losing my marbles? Yes, we all remember this, especially my family. But in that daze, I was also signing up and organizing all of my early 2016 book reviews and I totally signed up for this.

Which was dumb because this is number seven in a series I have not read. At all. In fact, I haven't read any Meg Cabot.

I know.

You're like, "What's wrong with you?!" and I can't even defend myself because truly, sometimes I'm a really dumb person.

Remembrance - Meg Cabot

Fifteen years after the release of the first Mediator novel, #1 New York Times bestselling author Meg Cabot returns with a deliciously sexy new entry to a fan-favorite series. Suze Simon—all grown up and engaged to her once-ghostly soulmate—faces a vengeful spirit and an old enemy bent on ending Suze's wedded bliss before it begins.

You can take the boy out of the darkness.

But you can’t take the darkness out of the boy.

All Susannah Simon wants is to make a good impression at her first job since graduating from college (and since becoming engaged to Dr. Jesse de Silva).

But when she’s hired as a guidance counselor at her alma mater, she stumbles across a decade-old murder, and soon ancient history isn’t all that’s coming back to haunt her. Old ghosts as well as new ones are coming out of the woodwork, some to test her, some to vex her, and it isn’t only because she’s a mediator, gifted with second sight. 

From a sophomore haunted by the murderous specter of a child, to ghosts of a very different kind—including Paul Slater, Suze’s ex, who shows up to make a bargain Suze is certain must have come from the Devil himself—Suze isn’t sure she’ll make it through the semester, let alone to her wedding night.

Suze is used to striking first and asking questions later. But what happens when ghosts from her past—including one she found nearly impossible to resist—strike first?

What happens when old ghosts come back to haunt you?

If you’re a mediator, you might have to kick a little ass.

I want to tell you that this is a totally stand alone book but I would be lying because as I mentioned before, I haven't read any of the previous books, and I was a little lost with the back story. Does that mean I didn't like the book? No. It just means I was a little lost, I felt like I wasn't in on the inside joke and this would have been a far better book for me had I read all of the previous ones. Secondly, if you haven't gotten caught up on this series, apparently, the book description alone is a spoiler for you so... sorry. I will say I have a friend who LOVED this series a whole bunch and she was a little confused why there was going to be a seventh novel, but once she wrapped her head around it she pre-ordered it right away. (She really enjoyed it and is a bit disgusted I am a Meg Cabot virgin.)

Here's what I really liked about the book: the mystery aspect was really good. I don't know who "the gang" really is or why they are bad ass, but the characters in this book were really good. I think I would be freaking out more about this if I had been following along, but I liked the characters. Enough where I kind of feel like I should start this series right at the beginning. I liked the general story line once Suze arrives as a guidance counselor, things move pretty quickly and I appreciated that. What I didn't like? I kind of assumed this was basically a romance novel with a little bit of fun action tossed in, but the romance part is just meh for me. Also, Paul seems like a bit of an asshole and I didn't like him at all.

Oh! My other super awesome like was the supernatural aspect of it. You start talking demons and ghosts and I will practically throw all of my money at you.

Overall? I'd give this a solid 4 stars. It's enough to make me want to read the books from the beginning, it almost seems like a watered down YA Twilight/Vampire Diaries/cue every other teen series but without vampires, but the characters are grown up and they seemingly haven't changed. I really enjoyed this, I was able to fly through it in one afternoon. I really liked the Suze and Jesse couple story line and I think if you were a die hard for this series you are going to eat this book up and love every page of it.

You can order your copy of Remembrance on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. In the meantime, check out Meg Cabot's website, Facebook, and Twitter.

In Another Life

I promise you that very soon I will have non-book review related posts for you, but today... it's a book review post! I've gotten some serious reading done in my insomnia plagued evenings so I've been on a roll.

In Another Life - Julie Christine Johnson

Historian Lia Carrer has finally returned to southern France, determined to rebuild her life after the death of her husband. But instead of finding solace in the region's quiet hills and medieval ruins, she falls in love with Raoul, a man whose very existence challenges everything she knows about life--and about her husband's death. As Raoul reveals the story of his past to Lia, she becomes entangled in the echoes of an ancient murder, resulting in a haunting and suspenseful journey that reminds Lia that the dead may not be as far from us as we think.

Steeped in the rich history and romantic landscape of rural France, In Another Life is a story of love that conquers time and the lost loves that haunt us all.

Can we all just take a minute and marvel at the cover and admit it's absolutely stunning? This is one of those covers where you have facing out on your bookshelf because it's just so pretty and beautiful. The great part is that the cover is only the tip of the iceberg for this book because the story itself is equally as beautiful. Normally I have a hard time getting into books that have a setting in another country (this one is set in France) but the writer does such a good job at describing everything so you really feel like not only have you been there before, but you're there right now in the middle of it all.

We have Lia, who finds herself back in France after the death of her husband. Struggling to rebuild but also to identify who she is as a widow, she meets Raoul. Unexpectedly falling in love, Lia tries to reconcile these feelings alongside of her feelings of grief by her husband's passing and I think it's a really great inner struggle that we would all feel. You don't want to betray your chosen life partner, but you know that life is going on without them and you want to be happy, but it's this back and forth. Well, it would be easier if she wasn't thrown into the puzzle of a long ago murder, and as a historian, she finds herself compelled to figure out.

There are so many interesting elements to this book that I think could appeal to many different readers. It's a historical fiction, it has themes of the afterlife and are they ever really gone, you have the murder mystery, you have a romance going on, and you have a really terrific writing style pulling every genre together expertly. It was so well done that it makes up for the semi-slow start to the book. Once you get through that and get to the meat of it, the rest of the book more than makes up for it and again, the writing is really well done.

As of this morning, it appears that In Another Life is on sale on Amazon for under $10, so this is really a good deal for a book I think you're going to enjoy. In the meantime, you can find Julie on her website, on Facebook, and of course, on Twitter. Happy reading, lambs!

No Ordinary Life

I seem to be on a kick of books with a parenting theme this week, huh? That's OK because we all need to get out of the norm once in awhile!

No Ordinary Life - Suzanne Redfearn

Suzanne Redfearn delivers another gripping page-turner in her latest novel, a story about a young mother's fight to protect her children from the dangerous world of Hollywood. Faye Martin never expected her husband to abandon her and her three children . . . or that she'd have to struggle every day to make ends meet. So when her four-year-old daughter is discovered through a YouTube video and offered a starring role on a television series, it seems like her prayers have been answered. But when the reality of their new life settles in, Faye realizes that fame and fortune don't come without a price. And in a world where everyone is an actor and every move is scrutinized by millions, it's impossible to know who to trust, and Faye finds herself utterly alone in her struggle to save her family. Emotionally riveting and insightful, NO ORDINARY LIFE is an unforgettable novel about the preciousness of childhood and the difficult choices a mother needs to make in order to protect this fragile time in her children's lives.

I will tell you that if you are looking for a book that you will fly though, this is your pick. And for me to say that about a book with about 400 pages is really something. I was engaged and hooked from page one because I really identified with Faye. She's got three children, her moron husband has seemingly picked up and left and doesn't seem like he's ever going to return. She works a dead end, low-paying job, she has a teenager being a teenager, a son who has "selective mutism" and she can't afford the therapy to fix it so the school has called CPS, and she has just a little toddler who doesn't understand the world around her because she's busy being a toddler. She reluctantly packs the children up and moves in with her mom who makes it very clear she knew that guy was a loser and if you'd just listen to your mom (and stop having babies) you wouldn't find yourself here.

But alas. There Faye is, in Hollywood, barely making ends meet with her three kids and unsure of where life is going to take her next. All of a sudden, her super cute toddler is seemingly discovered online and all of a sudden she becomes the key to the family getting out of their rut. But of course, nothing is ever as easy as it seems and Faye is quickly learning about the dark side of show business and her family's happiness and normalcy is at stake. Every single stereotype you can think of in Hollywood is represented in this book and you cringe when you can see them coming but Faye can't. She's too nice, too naive, too trusting, and in her case, it's basically her being confronted with every fear she has. She has to go against everything she has ever done for her family to pull through. And then of course we have the dad, Sean, and he's a serious piece of work and you really hope Faye just pops off at him and really gives it to him.

I won't tell you if she does, of course, or how it winds up for the family. But it was a really great book that I sailed through on the weekend. It's just a really great book of a mom who doesn't think she's good or strong enough for her family but deep down she can do it. She's so easy to identify with as a mother.

You can get your own copy of No Ordinary Life on Amazon as well as Barnes & Noble.  While waiting for your book to arrive, check out Suzanne Redfearn's website, Facebook and on Twitter! She has another book out that you may also be interested in called Hush Little Baby.