The Last Ballad

Full disclosure, I follow Wiley Cash on all of his social media and I adore his posts. I know some people say authors (and athletes) need to stay in their lane and I disagree. I don't think there are lanes, and I really love his viewpoint. I've been a fan of his since I read This Dark Road to Mercy and I just love his writing.

The Last Ballad - Wiley Cash

 

Twelve times a week, twenty-eight-year old Ella May Wiggins makes the two-mile trek to and from her job on the night shift at American Mill No. 2 in Bessemer City, North Carolina. The insular community considers the mill’s owners—the newly arrived Goldberg brothers—white but not American and expects them to pay Ella May and others workers less because they toil alongside African Americans like Violet, Ella May’s best friend. While the dirty, hazardous job at the mill earns Ella May a paltry nine dollars for seventy-two hours of work each week, it’s the only opportunity she has. Her no-good husband John has run off again, and she must keep her four young children alive with whatever she can find. 

When the union leaflets first come through the mill, Ella May has a taste of hope, a yearning for the better life the organizers promise. But the mill owners, backed by other nefarious forces, claim the union is nothing but a front for the Bolshevik menace sweeping across Europe. To maintain their control, the owners will use every means in their power, including lies, threats, and bloodshed, to prevent workers from banding together. On the night of the county’s biggest rally, Ella May, weighing the costs of her choice, makes up her mind to join the movement—a decision that will have lasting consequences for her children, her friends, her town—indeed all that she loves.

Seventy-five years later, Ella May’s daughter Lilly, now an elderly woman, tells her nephew about his grandmother and the events that transformed their family. Illuminating the most painful corners of their history, she reveals, for the first time, the whole story of what happened to Ella May after that fateful union meeting in 1929. 

Intertwining myriad voices, Wiley Cash brings to life the heartbreak and bravery of the now forgotten struggle of the labor movement in early Twentieth Century America—and pays tribute to the thousands of heroic women and men who risked their lives to win basic rights for all workers. Lyrical, heartbreaking, and haunting, this eloquent new novel confirms Wiley Cash’s place among our nation’s finest writers.

I have to be upfront, I didn't think this book was going to be a tear-jerker for me but oh, how wrong I was. I also didn't anticipate this book to be reminiscent of current events, so much. It puts things that we look back now and say, "Holy crap- that was SO wrong!" into perspective when you think that perhaps... we haven't really changed as a society. We still discriminate against minorities, we still discriminate against poor people, and when we do right by them we expect to be applauded, pointed out and say, "They do so much for the underprivileged.", when really, that shouldn't be applauded- it should be a normal, every day thing we do without question. I really was taken aback by how awful it had to be living in this time period, in horrific working conditions, and saddled with children. I think about what I would do if that were me today and I would be truly lost. I also want to point out that it really shows how industrious people were when they had to be. Do I think any one of us would handle things like Ella May? Stretching food, money, supplies like she? I don't. I think that's a skill long ago lost.

Anyways. I've gone off track. The book starts off in present day, Lilly writing a letter to her a nephew, presumably because he's asked her about his grandmother and maybe the story of their family. In my experience working with older people, many don't like to speak of things like this and they sometimes believe you leave the past in the past. I'm also of the belief that we should all have the opportunity to know where we come from, what stories (good or bad) lay in our family tree, so right away I liked Lilly.

We're then brought back to 1929, Ella May finds herself with her husband long gone and saddled with a handful of children. She's working at American Mill No. 2, in a sea of African American workers, which makes her controversial already because while we no longer have slavery, things are still racially divided. Ella has a pamphlet about the up and coming labor movement and hears of a rally happening in a nearby town. Curious, and with nothing really to lose, she makes the fateful decision to jump onto a truck in head in. Obviously met by protesters, Ella gets her first taste at the anger so many feel towards the labor movement, thought to be Communists, and she is rightfully scared. She attends the rally and suddenly finds herself propelled on stage to speak about her story and she sings. She quickly becomes a sensation, the face of the movement in the South. Soon she's attending rallies, going to Washington, D.C, trying to rally her African American friends to join the union (though it's not encouraged by everyone, the racial divide is still alive and not everyone is willing to work alongside African Americans, good cause or not).

I loved this book so much, even more so when I finished it. It's hard to appreciate the greatness of something while you're in it, but as soon as you turn that last page and you have it's entirety to look back on- it hits you. This book is rich in American history, but it's also relevant to the current political times. A lot of the same feelings portrayed in this book are felt today and maybe that was the author's intention- make it glaringly obvious that while some things have improved, as a whole we really haven't changed as a society.

I have to share the very last line from Ella's perspective because I read it over and over again and just thought about how it relates to my life. It's one of those lines that's going to stick with me.

"She felt her breathing slow, something warm and comfortable overtake her. She wanted to reach up and touch one of the bolls, to feel its softness against her fingers, perhaps hold it to her cheek, but she found that she could not lift her arms, could not open her hands. Instead, she lay with her eyes fixed on the cotton, thinking, What a small thing. What a small, little thing."

When I finished it I immediately wanted to know what happened to Ella May's children, and we find out a little bit and that little bit was heartbreaking for me because I thought of my own children. How, if split up, Lucy likely would never remember Olivia, and how great Olivia was with her. Perhaps Penelope wouldn't even remember her. It's sad and yet... it was reality for so many families. It made me think of another one of my favorite books, Orphan Train, and I was so glad to see the author, Christina Baker Kline, wrote kind words about this book as well. 

Truly, if you are looking for a book that brings history alive, ties it to the present, and leaves you with feelings and thoughts, this is the book for you. Wiley Cash is right up there with my favorite authors and his books always leave you wanting more and you finish the book as a different person than you were when you started. 

Boo at the Zoo!

One of my favorite things to do with the kids around Halloween is go to our local Boo at the Zoo. It's kind of a sad little zoo that is kind of going downhill and the last few years there have been pushes to revive it, but I think unless they get millions of dollars to revamp it all over, it's not going to happen. It's a bummer because I like our little zoo and the kids really enjoy going to this every year.

It also needs to be mentioned that if you hear I'm going on a certain weekend- go when I go because we have always gone on the best weather day. It's held on two Saturdays in October and one is always really nice and the other is crap. My streak continues and this Saturday was so nice!

Costumes this year were kind of whipped together willy nilly. I don't usually go crazy with costumes anyways and it was never my thing to dress up and go big, so the kids get whatever is cheap.

BUT!! I had to spend $30 on Lucy's because is she not the most adorable flamingo you've ever seen?! Uh... I could squeeze her guts. She even walked around flapping her arms- I think she thought she was a real bird. So damn cute.

Olivia has two costumes this year, a Minnie Mouse and this... broken down baby doll, apparently. This is the one she's wearing for the Halloween dance at school and she's doing Minnie on Halloween when we go trick or treating. Auntie Kate is going to help with make up because she's pretty great at it and I can barely put my own on.

Jackson is Fantasia Mickey, Grandma Renae made his to match the hat he got at Disney with them last spring. He was pretty excited about it and he was thrilled to have a costume he can dress warmly under.. which is key because it's usually absolutely awful here on Halloween.

Oh, and Penelope. Not surprisingly, Penelope opted to be Princess Poppy from the Trolls movie, which we have seen countless times. It's her favorite. She really hated wearing the headband but I told her if she took it off they would kick us out of the zoo. 

You can see how she felt about that. I actually can't remember if this face is because of that or because I told her she absolutely could NOT eat rocks and she can't touch goose poop.

I'm the worst mother in the world.

Lucy remained chill the entire time, not a peep out of my little flamingo. She was content to ride around and was totally thrilled to get a lollipop and clung to that for dear life the entire way.

We don't get very many outings with all six of us but fall is like our last hurrah before winter comes, and I hate the cold so much so I don't leave my house unless I have to. And even then I try to get out of it.

Overall it was a good day. The kids had fun, they got some candy, Olivia enjoyed all of the Skittles she could because she gets braces next week and those will be on the no no list. Kind of sucks she's getting them before Halloween (for her) but it's a win (for me) because I get to eat her good candy.

That may or may not have been strategic scheduling.

Full Share

If you are loving my book reviews, you're in for a treat this week because I have several for you and I'm finishing up my weekend underrated books roundup, as well!

I'm starting this week off with this review because (shocker!) this isn't a book that's been sitting on my shelf, it's actually one I recently purchased. It came in a special Girl's Night Bookworm Box I ordered. You get two of everything, one for you and one for a friend, and I shared my box with my friend Andrea, who is also a big reader. I don't know if she has read hers yet so I'll have to ask what she thought of it, but here are some of my thoughts.

Full Share (Shore House #1) - Eliza Freed

Nora Hargrove’s post-grad life includes a horrific entry-level job, a cave of an apartment, and a strict avoidance of all interpersonal relationships. She knows only one thing about herself—she wants to be left alone.

Avoiding her mother’s forced family time, she seeks solitude on her own terms. In a poorly ventilated, overcrowded Dewey Beach rental, she discovers there’s no place to hide. Not from yourself, not from your life, and not from love. This is the story of Nora Hargrove’s full share.

I learned the healing power of a good bloody Mary and a dip in the Atlantic. I kayaked in the dead of night and witnessed the only shooting star I’ve ever seen. I fell in love on a bed made of pallets. I lived.

Life is deep. Dive in.

I'm going be upfront and tell you that at best, I can only give this book 3/5 stars and it's saved only by Jack. I really, really did not like Nora. I thought she was an idiot who needs extensive counseling. The book begins with readers finding out that Nora's mom is a bit of a hussy and is having sex on Nora's bed with Nora's French teacher.

Awful? Yes. Traumatizing to the extent this book brings it? No.

That act alone paralyzes Nora so not only is she apparently incapable of forming meaningful romantic relationships, she becomes socially awkward, seemingly stops maturing after the age of 16, gives up on life, and has no idea how to function as an adult. I know I'm kind of a "buck up and deal with it" person but this was almost fully ridiculous.

Nora decides to avoid her parents for the summer and instead become a full share in a beach house her roommate from college is organizing. She only knows this roommate, none of the others, so when she arrives and finds out she doesn't have a room to herself and instead sharing a porch with someone else, she isn't thrilled. But the money is spent and she needs a break from her job so she sticks it out. Originally she's meant to share the porch with twin girls but they somehow switch for Jack, a handsome, outgoing, really nice guy who immediately decides Nora is going to be his and he's going to try to convince her of that. Frankly, I don't know why Nora would be so rude to someone who expresses interest in her but, nothing about this book is making sense to me.

It goes on to be a really full summer- a friend overdoses and goes to rehab, she makes some new friends, one of her favorite friends dies, and a relationship blossoms. The book left me with some unanswered questions but honestly instead of reading the rest of the series, I'm going to let this be a one time thing.

I'm kind of bummed I didn't love this book but I'm clearly in the minority because so many people have given this book 4 and 5 stars... I'm just not there. If we didn't have Jack's character I would have certainly rated this book lower but I really liked him and I felt like he was too good for Nora. Far too good.

Weekend shopping: Underrated Books (part 2)

I am having a lot of fun coming up with this list so I hope you're enjoying reading them. The three books I'm featuring today are some of the first books I reviewed as an official book reviewer.

An extraordinary debut from a talented new voice, Up from the Blue untangles the year in Tillie's life that changed everything: 1975, the year her mother disappeared.

Tillie Harris's life is in disarray—her husband is away on business, the boxes in her new home aren't unpacked, and the telephone isn't even connected yet. Though she's not due for another month, sudden labor pains force Tillie to reach out to her estranged father for help, a choice that means facing the painful memories she's been running from since she was a little girl. 

Anytime I'm asked about a book that shook me to my core, or one that I identify with, I will ALWAYS pick this one. Not only is it profoundly sad for Tillie, but when you find out what really happened to her mother, your heart breaks in a thousand pieces. At the core, this is about mental illness and when you think about the 70's, people just weren't educated on it and it was taboo, hidden. I read this years ago but when I think about it now, I relate to Tillie's mother so much and Tillie herself reminds me of my Olivia. Just so much about this book pulls at my heart. 

Prudence Burns, a well-intentioned New Yorker full of back-to-the-land ideals, just inherited Woefield Farm—thirty acres of scrubland, dilapidated buildings, and one half-sheared sheep. But the bank is about to foreclose, so Prudence must turn things around fast! Fortunately she'll have help from Earl, her banjo-playing foreman with a family secret; Seth, the neighbor who hasn't left the house since a high school scandal; and Sara Spratt, an eleven-year-old who's looking for a home for her prize-winning chickens.

I so enjoyed reading and reviewing this one because it involves a sheep with maxi pads stuck to it. That alone should make you want to read it. If I had to run a farm, I guarantee you this would be exactly how it would go.

Everything I Never Wanted to Be by Dina Kucera is the true story of a family's battle with alcoholism and drug addiction. In many ways, it is a cross between Mary Karr's The Liar's Club and James Frey's A Million Little Pieces. Dina's grandfather and father were alcoholics. Her grandmother was a pill addict. Dina is an alcoholic and pill addict, and all three of her daughters struggle with alcohol and drug addiction, including her youngest daughter, who started using heroin at age fourteen. 

Dina's household also includes her husband and his unemployed identical twin, a mother who has Parkinson's Disease, a grandson who has cerebral palsy, and various other friends and family members who drift in and out of the household depending on their employment situation and rehab status. On top of all that, Dina is trying to make it as a stand-up comic and author so she can quit her crummy job as a grocery store clerk. Through it all, Dina does her best to hold her family together, keep her faith, and maintain her sense of humor. 

I hate to end this post with a heavy book but what can you do? Especially given the drug epidemic in this country, this book is just as relevant now as when it came out. It's a memoir about a woman who is surrounded by addicts and alcoholics. It makes you question whether addiction is hereditary (I believe it is), and essentially it's a cycle of addiction. Dina has humor and tries to make light of the serious situation her and her family is in, and it's a glimpse into middle America. Low end jobs and how they cope. Fascinating book.

Again, here are the buy links so you can start your Christmas shopping early. Some jerk put a meme up on Facebook about how many Fridays there are until Christmas and it's like, NO. No, stop it, I can't handle that kind of stress! So I'm helping YOU out.

The Gatekeepers

I had to go into the vault for this one to show you how much I love Jen Lancaster:

WAY back in 2011, my friend Amy and I drove to Milwaukee for the sole purpose of attending the book signing for Jen's book If You Were Here. You see me complete with my baby pink polo and pearls. We were the last people to get our books signed, but it was worth it. It also needs to be noted that Milwaukee isn't just a quick drive up the road- it involved me driving 2.5 hours to Amy and her driving us another 5.5 hours from there. It was such an exhausting trip, but I had a great time.

I mention this so you know that I am a Jen Lancaster all the way back to her Bitter is the New Black days, so when I found out that she was dipping her toe into teen fiction, you had to know I would be all over that.

The Gatekeepers - Jen Lancaster

Anyone passing through North Shore, IL, would think this was the most picture-perfect place ever, with all the lakefront mansions and manicured hedges and iron gates. No one talks about the fact that the brilliant, talented kids in this town have a terrible history of throwing themselves in front of commuter trains, and that there's rampant opioid abuse that often leads to heroin usage.

Meet Simone, the bohemian transfer student from London, who is thrust into the strange new reality of the American high school; Mallory, the hyper-competitive queen bee; and Stephen, the first generation genius who struggles with crippling self-doubt. Each one is shocked when lovable football player Braden takes his own life and the tragedy becomes a suicide cluster. With so many students facing their own demons, can they find a way to save each other—as well as themselves?

Inspired by the true events that happened in the author’s home town. 

I have to comment on the length of this book, coming in around 450 pages, it's a bit excessive. Easily a quarter of this book could have come out... if not more, even. I had a really hard time getting into it because the high point in the plot really doesn't even come until the middle the of the book, the entire first half is spent establishing the cast of characters and getting a feel for each of their voices. Secondly, there are a LOT of characters to keep track of. They each have their own issues, their own  connection to the larger issue of academic pressure, and then their own connections to the students who ended their lives, ultimately because of academic pressure. We learn early on of two earlier suicides, one after another, but we don't really find out the why for those until much later in the book; in fact, you put it together yourself once the third student dies and you're seeing the pattern with the deaths and the struggles with the students we're following in the story. Those are my primary complaints.

OK, I have to admit, if you didn't know who the author was and were a long time reader of Jen Lancaster, you'd know it was her immediately because of all of the John Hughes mentions and references, which doesn't feel relevant to today's youth- how many teenagers do you know even know who John Hughes was and what movies he made? None. On top of that, the book is actually a really heavy read so the intended humorous quips throughout the book leave a sour taste. You can't make a book about teen suicide fun or funny, you just can't.

All of that aside, the draw of the book is obviously the struggles of today's youth to achieve, be better, do better, push themselves, excel, all of that. On top of that, many students are suffering, privately, with other issues while at the same time trying to talk each other off the ledge so to speak. I feel like if we didn't spend so much time developing the characters and more time delving into the students who ended their lives, this book could have had more of an impact.  I didn't care so much about the majority of the characters, I wanted to know more about the ones who died. I guess that's maybe true of everyone who ends their life, we always want to know why. What didn't we know? What could we have done? How can we prevent the next one?

As a parent, this was a fascinating read because we look at the pressure we put on our kids even from a young age. Be good, don't do that, stop being so loud, play nicer, try harder, listen to all of the things we say without a second thought all day long. We'er all guilty. It's definitely a generational thing and it's really too bad because a lot of kids no longer get to be kids. We push expectations on them, we give them access to social media and technology, and then we wonder why they are failing? We aren't helping them, we're ultimately hurting them.

Overall? I'm giving this book 3/5 stars. I didn't hate it, I was genuinely interested and invested in these characters, I wanted to know how they would turn out. The deaths that come in the book are sudden and you truly don't always see it coming, so they hit you hard just as they would if these were real life people you see everyday.

Medical Update- can you hear me now?

Oh lambs. I've had some fairly interesting medical things happening and it's just so... it's frustrating. I told my therapist that I just want a label, a diagnosis, and a treatment. I'm just shuffled from one place to the next and nobody knows what to do for or with me. We wonder why people get discouraged and just kill themselves- I'll tell you why:

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT TO DO FOR YOU.

So here are my updates:

• I'm being referred to OT/PT for an evaluation. It's the consensus that I should have seen them immediately after my AFE because early intervention is an important thing. I'm not totally sure what to expect from that but I'm told it is going to be a long appointment. 
• Things they are going to look at are things like Auditory Processing Disorder. I've mentioned to several doctors that I can't handle any noise. I used to be a huge concert goer, I loved being in crowds, I could tolerate loud things. Now? I can't even handle hearing my family talk. Honestly, the sound of their voices make me so angry I can't stand it. I can't handle being in this house. I hear every single thing and all at once (if that makes sense) and sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I just shut down. It's like my brain gives up and I can't understand anything. So if someone is speaking to me, after awhile my brain just stops. I'm legitimately not listening to you. Apparently auditory issues are common after traumatic brain injuries, so who knows if this is a forever thing or not. 
• I am counting down the days until I go back to my psychiatrist- I need something other than Wellbutrin. I'm so on edge and angry all of the time, I'm screaming at everyone for everything. 
• The biggest thing? I got approved for disability! On the first try! The bad news is that my doctors and the Federal government have deemed me "unfit/incapable" of handling my benefits and all paperwork, so I had to provide them with the information for my "representative payee". It's one thing to lose my independence, but now I'm basically an invalid. There is no dignity in any of this. I'm just hopeful this helps me with my medication costs because I'm really worried about how I'm going to pay for them. I figure I have enough on my credit card for five more grocery shopping trips until the end of the year. Sigh. 
• I took a TON of labs for the rheumatologist and so far, those have been kind of disappointing. The tests for rheumatoid arthritis and lupus both came back negative. What came back high is my C-Reactive Protein which means I basically have inflammation. It can be from an infection (I don't have any) or a "long-term disease", she said. It can mean I have inflammation around my heart, which means I'm a heart attack or heart disease risk. She said I'll have to have more labs at my next appointment, four weeks away, to see what direction I'm heading in. 

It's starting to sink in, like really sink in, that things aren't going to get better. That I have to figure out a new meaning to my life, a new purpose. I have to think about how I'm going to fill my days when Penelope and Lucy go to school. I feel like I have a lot more wrong with me that we don't know about, that the AFE/stroke/major blood loss did more damage than originally thought. Sometimes I wish I would just be admitted and a doctor from every department could just give me a head to toe evaluation. 

I need Dr. House, basically. 

And not just find a problem, but give me some kind of coping thing because how I'm living right now is awful. It's just getting worse and worse. 

Making a list AND checking it twice. Sometimes three times.

Normally by October 1 I have my Christmas card list done, I have cards almost done, and envelopes addressed and ready for stamps. And when I say "normally", I really mean every year other than last year, obviously. Last year I somehow managed to make and mail 85 cards, get a family letter in there and get them out before Christmas.

Fine, I'll admit some cards didn't get mailed until the day after Christmas, but at least I got them out, right?

Christmas cards are kind of a thing for me. I spend a lot of time thinking of what card I want to make, not to mention the time it takes to make the card, then I take an evening to write out a family letter highlighting all of the good (and bad) during the year. A lot of our family isn't on Facebook so doesn't necessarily see stuff, so I try to share relevant stuff but not bore people who do follow me.

Every year though, I get fairly annoyed at how few cards we get back. I know it's not everyone's jam but I really miss the days of holiday cards being a big deal. Is that weird?

So this year I'm trimming our list. I've trimmed a little bit the last couple of years (we used to mail out 125!) but I think this is the year I really cut back. I think ever since I had the AFE, it's really become a priority to only put energy towards people who give a damn. We have some family who never called, sent a "so happy you didn't die" card (Hallmark DOES make those because we got some!), and lots who didn't ask what they could do to help. So I think this is the year we cut them. Yeah, I'm cutting family. Sometimes it just needs to be done, ya know?

Now I'm trying to decide what am I going to do for a card? Do I continue making them? Do I say screw it and settle on a (significant pause to clutch my pearls) photo card?

You know I hate photo cards. Nothing says, "I give up" like a photo card. That's essentially the only cards I get in the mail and that's cool if that's all the effort you're putting in, but I just... I can't. But I also know I don't have the patience or attention span required to make my own cards. I feel like I have to make a decision soon, like by the end of the week, so that I can make myself a plan to do this.

What are you doing for Christmas cards this year? Do you have a favorite holiday tradition?