And then Jesus gave us charcoal?

Every once in awhile I see ads on Facebook for some bizarre fad and I think it's because I sometimes end up in a wormhole of weird when I'm bored, so the Internet believes I'm into this kind of thing. But lately I've had some serious insomnia and so I often find myself on Amazon. 

The Amazon app is worst than Alexa could ever be. Because I find one thing I like and suddenly I'm clicking through the "You might also like..." and all of a sudden I have a cart full of crap. I'm adding things to my Wish List. I'm debating whether or not I really need this and then I see it. 

Activated Charcoal Toothpaste. 

I remember my Facebook ads. The twenty something babies (Yes, if you are under 30 you are a baby to me. You don't even know what life is, darling.) smiling with their freshly brushed teeth, blindingly white, I remember these ads and I think yes. Yes, I do need activated charcoal toothpaste with additional teeth flossers and bamboo toothbrush. 

 I sure do. 

Then I start researching it and I start to second guess my logic on this because where the hell am I going to warrant white teeth? Like freakishly white? 

Nowhere. 

But it comes and I was scared of it for a solid two days. On day three Matt tells me I need to use it or return it. So I try it. 

 Here's what I know: it has no flavor. It's a weird texture and I think that's what gets people. But a little bit goes a long way, don't go loading up the brush.  

The stuff makes a damn mess. I have to wash my sink with cleaner every single time I use it so my bathroom always smells like bleach, which isn't a bad thing. I'm alright with that. You do need to brush your teeth following it, which makes me wonder if its really the charcoal whitening your teeth or the vigorous brushing you have do to get it off your teeth? I have no idea. 

I've used it once a day for a week now and I notice no difference. Some people say I need to do it twice a day and give it more time but I don't know, I feel like some progress should be happening. 

I think I'll stick to toxic white strips. 

Amazon Welcome Box Review

A few months ago I read on a couponing site about how Amazon has this really cool thing called a Welcome Box if you make a baby registry on their website. Seeing how I have baby number four coming in August, and there are just a few things I'd like to have but don't totally NEED, I decided I would give this a try. I figured even if I got nothing off of it, I'd at least get this super cool free box of samples and goodies.

So I made myself a registry.

Would you be surprised to know that Amazon is tricky about qualifying for the free box? Well, they are. First of all, your registry has to be very specific and you have to have one item for key groups for it to qualify. A pain because with a fourth baby, I really don't need furniture. I put a rocking chair and ottoman on there because the one I use down in the living room that I bought used for $15 is falling apart so really, I need a new one down here. So yay.

Secondly, you have to have Amazon Prime. I signed up for the 30 day trial and I did it mostly for the Amazon Prime for my TV but so far? That's been pretty crap. I really want reality TV shows and Dr. Phil yet nobody gives me that so I'm disappointed. The only perk about Amazon on my TV is that I can get Backyardigans and Bubble Guppies, which I have discovered is amazing only because Penelope will willingly eat vegetables at lunch time while watching either show. Frankly, I'm considering paying the $99 a year just for that alone.

Third, someone has to purchase something for $10 or more off of your registry. It is an absolute fluke that someone bought me a box of diapers (thanks, Ellen!) so I knocked that off of my list. Then I was able to add the box to my cart and check out. And wait for it to come.

It came in about a week, (Really two day Prime shipping? Really?) and it was... lackluster. I honestly thought it was going to be much more awesome given the reviews I read online.

Everything out of the box, this is what I got.

A small bottle (either 5 or 6 ounces, I can't remember), which is OK because that I can use. A bottle of Johnson's Baby Bubble Bath, which I'll use. A small tube of Aquaphor diaper cream which I had gotten in something when Penelope was just born and forgot about it but it worked WONDERS on her face after she was so sick and her face looked like it had diaper rash from all of the mucus coming out, so this stuff is amazing. Some prenatal pills which are HORRIBLE. They are massive and you need to take THREE for a daily dose. This bottle is enough for five days and I'm telling you right now, I have never felt worse in my life. All natural, my ass. I also got a MAM pacifier and a really gross peanut butter and strawberry Kind bar.

 A package of Avent breast pads, which I will need because I leak terribly once my milk comes in and I'm refusing to buy a full box because I know I won't use them, a sample pack of BabyGanics wipes, some kind of Burt's Bee's thing that I threw out..

and two Seventh Generation Free & Clear newborn size diapers.

Overall? I'm kind of disappointed. The box is basically half great and half junk. It's certainly nothing I would pay for, that's for sure. I also think that unless you already have Amazon Prime and you were already going to do a registry on Amazon, this isn't something to go out of your way to do. Frankly, the registry packet you get from Target is far better and at least with that you get some coupons as well and get on their baby coupon mailing list and you'll get coupons periodically. So if you were on the fence, I would go with Target because you can set it up in the store or online, and have all of the conveniences that Amazon does as well. Food for thought.