Book Review: More Than A Mom

If you're like me, you're already trying to plan out how you are going to keep your kids entertained all summer, but also not lose your mind. Don't get me wrong, summer is my absolute favorite, but I always feel so much pressure to make it fun, memorable, but also take time for myself, too. When I saw this book was up for review, I absolutely jumped at it because I think as moms we all need a good reminder on self care and why it's important in all areas.

More Than a Mom -Kari Kampakis

What if taking care of yourself was the first step to helping your family thrive?

If you’ve parented long enough, then you’ve learned firsthand why your personal wellness matters. You’ve felt the pain (or consequences) of devaluing yourself. Whether your wake-up call came from a diagnosis, a breakdown, an issue with your child or spouse, anxiety, or simply feeling depleted and numb, it most likely unveiled this truth: 

Mothers are humans too. We require love, compassion, rest, and renewal. Taking care of our needs strengthens us and equips us for the road ahead. In More Than a Mom, bestselling author Kari Kampakis offers a practical, approachable, and attainable framework to stay on a healthy path. You can take your kids only as far as you’ve come–and since their strength builds on your strength, you must take time to focus on you. More Than a Mom is about unleashing God’s power in your life and standing on timeless truths that will help you know your worth and embrace your purpose, build strong, uplifting friendships that you can model for your children, quit the negative self-talk and make peace with your body, and learn to mother yourself by resting and setting boundaries.

The world shaping your children is more callous and complex than the world that shaped you. Kids need to be stronger, smarter, and more rooted in what’s real. Empower your son or daughter by tending to your heart, soul, body, and mind. Give them a vision of a healthy adult–and know that as they launch into the real world, they will build on what you started.

Full disclosure, this book is written with a God-centered focus, so if that is an issue for you, know that going in. Though I don't consider myself especially religious, I still felt like I gained so much from this book and it really is a worthwhile read. 

Everything you would expect from a book like this is covered: handling stress and anxiety, resting, know your worth and making peace with your body, purpose and hope, and of course... building friendships. Every single parenting forum I have ever been is full of women saying they need friends, but honestly, how do you even make friends as an adult? I always hear that dating and meeting new people can be hard, but I feel like making friends as an adult is so much harder. Our instinct is to compare ourselves to other moms and then spiral into negative self talk, and we all know what that's like. In the chapter about friendships it talks about why it's important to maintain our friendships (but how, as well). It goes into learning what prevents friendships from forming, which we are all guilty of. I also like that it mentions the lost village, how having a village to raise our children in is so important. 

I also loved the chapter on making peace with your body and how crucial this is as a mom because how we treat our body shows our children how to treat their body (and everyone elses). As I enter my 40's, I am noticing changes in myself: my hair is changing colors, my skin is wrinkling and changing texture, I'm sagging in areas I never did before, my joints hurt, and I make noises as I climb stairs because my knees, man.... ha! The book talks about the importance of taking care of yourself but it doesn't say it is solely based on your weight and how that is just one piece of the puzzle. Our airm needs to be feeling good, not necessarily what we look like. 

Overall, I really liked this book. I know that I know all of these things, but it is so hard to remember it, especially when things get hard. I feel like this is one that I'm going to pull out when things get hard because sometimes we can't reach out and ask for help, so this is a little self-help... you see how this comes full circle? I highly recommend this, it would even make an excellent baby shower gift because what better time to learn how to care for yourself than the very beginning? Let's normalize welcoming women to ask for help without shaming her. We're all in this together. 

A massive thank you to TLC Book Tours and Thomas Nelson Publishing for sending me a copy for review, it really could not have come at a better time, my heart really needed it. 

Book Review: Love Her Well

If you aren't interested in a book review with a personal tie-in, this is not your post. If you are a mom of a daughter and you feel like you're riding the struggle bus (or driving it) with parenting her, this is a really interesting book to look at and maybe use for some guidance. 

Love Her Well - Kari Kampakis

For many women, having a baby girl is a dream come true. Yet as girls grow up, the narrative of innocence and joy changes to gloom and doom as moms are told, “Just wait until she’s a teenager!” and handed a disheartening script that treats a teenage girl’s final years at home as solely a season to survive.

Author and blogger Kari Kampakis suggests it’s time to change the narrative and mind-set that lead moms to parent teen girls with a spirit of defeat, not strength. By improving the foundation, habits, and dynamics of the relationship, mothers can connect with their teen daughters and earn a voice in their lives that allows moms to offer guidance, love, wisdom, and emotional support.

As a mom of four daughters (three of whom are teenagers), Kari has learned the hard way that as girls grow up, mothers must grow up too. In Love Her Well, Kari shares ten ways that moms can better connect with their daughters in a challenging season, including:

choosing their words and timing carefully, listening and empathizing with her teen’s world, seeing the good and loving her for who she is, taking care of themselves and having a support system, and more.

This book isn’t a guide to help mothers “fix” their daughters or make them behave. Rather, it’s about a mom’s journey, doing the heart work and legwork necessary to love a teenager while still being a strong, steady parent. Kari explores how every relationship consists of two imperfect sinners, and teenagers gain more respect for their parents when they admit (and learn from) their mistakes, apologize, listen, give grace, and try to understand their teens’ point of view. Yes, teenagers need rules and consequences, but without a connected relationship, parents may never gain a significant voice in their lives or be a safe place they long to return to.

By admitting her personal failures and prideful mistakes that have hurt her relationships with her teenage daughters, Kari gives mothers hope and reminds them all things are possible through God. By leaning on him, mothers gain the wisdom, guidance, protection, and clarity they need to grow strong relationships with their daughters at every age, especially during the critical teen years.

When I was approached by TLC Book Tours about this one, I absolutely jumped at it because at the time, my oldest daughter Olivia and I were fighting a lot. As teenage daughters and their mothers do. A common topic in my therapy sessions is how I feel like a terrible mother who is consistently short changing my children because I can't get myself together and be the mom I was before my AFE. I can be told I'm good and my kids loved me until you are all blue in the face but I don't believe it. 

I have so many insecurities as a woman so I don't always feel like I'm equipped to even be raising children, let alone daughters. Then I feel inadequate compared to other moms, I know exactly what I don't want to be as a mom, and I just don't know how to line any of that up with good parenting that doesn't require her to be in intense therapy the rest of her adult life. 

I think I struggle with Olivia the most because she IS my first and I legitimately have no idea what I'm doing with her. I make the most mistakes with her. It has to be confusing to her because it has to be like being hired at a new job and learning quickly your boss has zero idea of what needs to be happening so you are dodging bizarre requests all of the time. I mean, I'm trying. I don't know what to do and SHOCKER, the What to Expect books basically stop at toddler age and even then its pretty vague and not at all useful. I do remember bits and pieces of my pregnancy with her but the two highlights were the day I found out I was having a girl and I was devastated. I don't know why I thought having a boy would be easier because that's nuts. I'm glad she was a girl though because somehow now she is really the kid I needed in the future because I can't imagine not having her right now. My other memory is the moment she was born and it was like someone turned the page and it was nothing except post-partum depression for me for the first year of her life. I struggled, hard, and I feel like her and I didn't even really get to know each other until she was almost three. She is just about 15 and I feel like I'm always behind getting to know her. When I saw this book, it felt like it was coming to me at the exact moment I needed it. 

First of all, this was an incredibly fast read. I found myself knowing some of this already and while that might feel like a waste for you, the author does a great job expanding on them and adding some more perspective so you find yourself reflecting on them differently. The book is faith based so it does include her faith, and if I had to knock points for something, I would have to say it was almost too overpowering for me. I think if I wasn't so ready for some advice, it might be off putting.  

My FAVORITE chapters are easily "See the Good, Loving Her as She Is and Where She Is" and "Be Her Emotional Coach". The chapter on finding good friends would have been SO great in fifth and sixth grade, and even seventh grade for awhile because girls that age are the absolute worst. The worst. It is so hard to make them understand the drama they are drowning in is going to eat them alive if they let it, so if you are in that age, YOU NEED THIS. 

Of course, there is information about encouraging her to have high standards for boyfriends, having self confidence, treating her like she is the person she could become, etc. I found myself taking notes and thinking about a few points, and asking my friend what her thoughts are. I was able to see I have a LOT of areas to improve on, but I also have a lot of areas I'm doing it right and that's kind of a good affirmation to have. It makes me feel like I can definitely do better, I've got good momentum. 

My other quip is that there is something in it that says daughters grow up to be a burden, which.... no. I don't think any child grows up to be a burden. Well, maybe if they end up living in your basement until well into adulthood, but that's kind of on you, right? 

The other great thing about this book is that it is comprised of a lot of lists so if you aren't a deep reader, but more of a skimmer, you can get something out of this. I also really liked the reflection questions at the beginning. My favorite? Is a line at the end that says, "Nobody loves a daughter like her mother", and I think that is really true. I always question that with my mom but then I look at my daughters and think that has to be true. (Disclaimer: I love my son just the same!)

A huge thank you to TLC Book Tours, Thomas Nelson Publishing, and Kari Kampakis for having me on this tour and sending me a copy for review. I know this was maybe the longest review of all time, but if you got to the end (yay!!), tell me what YOUR biggest challenge is with raising a daughter OR your biggest challenge with your mom growing up. I'd love to hear them.