Book Review: Ride or Die

 I can't believe I didn't post at all in August. We did go on our second road trip of the summer and then the back to school prep kind of took me out. I'm back now and with one of the best memoirs I've read in awhile, a husband's journey through grief. It isn't very long but oh so impactful. 

Ride or Die - Jarie Bolander

Modern society has a warped sense of the partner-caregiver role, especially for men. Too often, men are ill equipped to handle switching from provider to caregiver, and the “just suck it up” advice so many offer up falls as flat as the Kansas prairie in the face of the reality of life and death.

Ride or Die takes its audience through the intimate conversations and thoughts of a Gen-X latchkey-generation husband—a man who has always had to fend for himself and believed that it’s up to him to solve his own problems—as and after his wife, Jane, succumbs to a terminal disease.

Jarie Bolander wrote this raw, heartfelt tribute to Jane and her handling of her illness to help men and the people who love them through the experience of loss and grief. A frank chronicle of how an intimate relationship can change and grow—even when the people involved feel there is nothing left to give— Ride or Die offers a detailed exploration of the male experience of grief, in the hopes that others suffering through it will not feel so alone.

Right off the bat, this reminded me of Matt and I. Sure, I don't have cancer and I am not dead, but it just struck me that this could have been Matt. And though I am not dealing with cancer, after having Lucy I haven't been anywhere near the same. I'm left with a multitude of ailments and illnesses and complications that are here for the rest of my days and that's meant that Matt had to change, too. Where I was once overachieving working and PTO mom, volunteering us left and right and going out of my way to help everyone while maintaining a perfect home and cooked meals everyday, I am now that absolute opposite. It is hard to get out of bed, I'm not volunteering anywhere, I'm not working, I had to quit the PTO, my house is a mess and I can't cook to save my life. But, like the author mentions, "the sickness and health" seems like an abstract thought until you're hip deep into it. 

In Ride or Die, we follow Jarie at the unexpected start of a cancer battle with his wife, Jane. We know she doesn't survive so its a real arc and you feel like you're on this journey with them. I absolutely loved this book and read it in one sitting because I couldn't stop. Jane reminded me so much of myself and Jarie reminded me of Matt, except I don't know that Matt would have even offered to keep my business afloat! 

Me, fresh out of the ICU, and Matt- August 2016

I really loved the circle of friends Jane and Jarie had and how in their own way, each one rallied to support them even in the darker days. Jane was the strongest woman battling leukemia and I'd like to think I can understand what her frustrations were maybe like having been an everything to everyone woman myself and knowing I can't do it, but I want to, that need never shuts off in your brain. You still have those expectations of yourself despite being unable to do it, which makes you feel bad and guilty. So for her to battle that, and leukemia, at the same time is just remarkable. I'd like to think she'd be proud of her husband for everything he did for and around her. 

I highly recommend this one, it's powerful and just heartbreaking, but a true testament to love. Big thank you to SparkPoint Press for inviting me on this book tour, all thoughts are my own. 

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Book Review: The Bus To Beulah

I have a crazy busy week this week, but not too busy to have books and more every day for you. Today's offering? A thriller, of course! 

The Bus to Beulah - E.C. Hanes

On her way to a new job in America, Maria Puente accidentally discovers a human trafficking ring. Fearing exposure, the American company that manages the operation—with the help of their Mexican partners—kidnaps Maria.

Maria’s disappearance triggers a desperate search, by her family and local law enforcement, to find her before the kidnappers can permanently dispose of her. As the investigation unfolds, long-time Hogg County high sheriff Will Moser confronts Albert Waters, a powerful businessman who Will suspects knows about Maria’s disappearance—but Albert and his Mexican cartel partners prove to be brick walls.

At the urging of his wife, Lana, Will calls on Elijah Kahn, a man he got to know while serving in Vietnam who now runs one of the largest international security firms in the world. The idea of working with men who are rightly known as mercenaries troubles Will, but he knows he’ll never find Maria without Elijah’s help—and when Lana reminds Will of the debt they owe to Tomas Delgado, Maria’s uncle, his hesitation evaporates.

Organized in an hour-by-hour structure, The Bus to Beulah is a taut thriller that culminates in a massive, heart-pounding chase to save Maria—before she disappears forever. 

When was the last time you've read a book that is written hour by hour? Honestly, I cannot remember the last time I read a book with that format and it was a refreshing change to the more traditional format. I also can't remember the last book I read about sex trafficking despite what a hotbed and relavent topic it is, so with both of those key points being the only the things I knew about this going into this, so I had high expectations. 

I won't say that my hopes were dashed, because I did enjoy this book, I will say that it wasn't quite what I thought. I was surprised that Will was mostly the key character and I really thought it would be more about Maria, given that she is our victim. I care more about the victim than I do the would be bad guy, and then the people trying to save her. I had a really hard time keeping track of characters, it's definitely not a skill I have anymore post-brain injury, so I can't really say if that is an issue others would necessarily feel. I did get Wiley Cash-vibes, he's one of my favorite North Carolina authors, so I was pleasantly surprised to see the similarities. Overall for a thriller, I did enjoy it, though it wasn't one that I raced through. I picked this up, read a couple of chapters, and then would put it down for the day. I wonder if I would have enjoyed this more as an audiobook, so if you're on the fence, I'd go for that. 

Thank you to SparkPoint Studio and author E.C. Hanes for sending me a copy for review! I think I would read another from this author, there was definitely enough promise in this one for me to go another round. 

Book Review: Sugar Birds

Hey, hey, hey! How is your week going? Three of my four kids have been off to Grandma and Grandpa's house this week so it has been so QUIET. Matt and I literally had no idea what to do. I read, I got blog stuff done, and then I took a lot of naps because I have not felt well, so that's my absence reason this week. I've just felt generally unwell and I don't know what the deal has been. As we head into the weekend, I'm feeling better but not great. I don't know if it's just depression or what. I'd really like to perk up. 

Sugar Birds - Cheryl Grey Bostrom

Northwest Washington State, 1985

For years, Harris Hayes has taught his daughter, Aggie, the ways of the northern woods. So when her mother's depression worsens, Harris shows the girl how to find and sketch the nests of wild birds as an antidote to sadness. Aggie is in a tree far overhead when her unpredictable mother spots her and forbids her to climb. Angry, the ten-year-old accidentally lights a tragic fire, then flees downriver. She lands her boat near untamed forest, where she hides among the trees and creatures she considers her only friends—determined to remain undiscovered.

A search party gathers by Aggie’s empty boat hours after Celia, fresh off the plane from Houston, arrives at her grandmother’s nearby farm. Hurting from her parents’ breakup, she also plans to run. But when she joins the hunt for Aggie, she meets two irresistible young men who compel her to stay. One is autistic; the other, dangerous.

I'm not familiar with the books this one is compared to (The Scent Keeper, The Snow Child, and The Great Alone) but I can tell you this one gave me Where the Forest Meets the Stars vibes. At the time when I first finished that book I was just meh on it, a solid 3 star, nothing special. But now that I'm a ways from it, I appreciate it so much. Along comes Sugar Birds and you guys... this one hurt my heart. Maybe being a mom does that to me. 

In this story we have Aggie, who happens to set her home on fire (parents inside) and she panics. She flees into the woods because she is scared of what will happen to her/consequences but also she feels horribly guilty. Never mind that nothing she does is a normal reaction to the situation, so it made me think maybe she had some kind of mental disorder going on (brother is autistic and mom was severely depressed). She feels somewhat at home in the woods, and the author does an AMAZING job describing the woods and really setting the scene. Enter Celia (who I didn't love) and she's moving to this area to be with grandma and she's got some feelings about it. She's like 16/17 and hates it. Hates her life. Hates everything. Imagine an emotional, emo teen who hates the world and that is Celia. She's just... she's so much and I didn't like her. Oh yes, and then we also have to talk about Colt who is CLEARLY nuts. He's got to be a sociopath or something, but he's the guy you'd hear about on a crime podcast later on. I did not like him and he gave me all of the bad vibes, but thankfully the book mostly centers around Celia and Aggie so never fear. 

The story is told in dual voices, and you can tell these characters are young but also incredibly immature. As someone with a 16 year old, I can tell you that it's pretty authentic. I loved all of the bird references and I loved how much research the author clearly did. This story is a clear dive into human emotions and the power of assumptions can have on your life. I also liked how the author introduces different kind of loss, but shows how different people manage loss because you can see how easy it is to go off the rails without help. 

I can't really tell you more because it ruins the ending for sure, and it's important to read the story not knowing what happened in each scenario and how it happened. I love how the author helps the characters (but us, too) learn that even when things are bleak, you can come back from everything. No matter how bad something seems, you can always turn it around. 

A huge thank you to Spark Point Studio and Cheryl Grey Bostrom for having me on this tour and sending me a copy. I highly suggest this one if you're looking for a fall read (it feels like you need to get cozy, with a blanket, on a comfy chair, with cocoa (unless you're a pumpkin spice kind of person) and dive in. 

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