I'm about to get all Blair Witch in this bitch.

So, if you are my friend in real life you have heard my stories about Lillian. I don't know Lillian personally, and I bet she was a nice and feisty woman in her day, but the bitch is creepy me out. And before I get into this, let me just be clear- I'm a fan of old people. I like them, they are all right in my book. I'm not even against dead people, I mean- we all die, I don't think death should be something that makes you not like a person. But Lillian is creeping me out and now I think she has some friends.

First off, who is Lillian? Lillian is this lady who owned my house a long time ago. For whatever reason (she either died or she went to a nursing home to die), she sold the house to some do-it-yourself Menards employee who absolutely should not be a home improvement store employee because based on his work here, he is incompetent and maybe mentally handicapped. Anyways. So, she sold the house and when we were at the house closing as we were buying it, we had two conversations with the guy:

1. The toilet apparently "fell through the ceiling" at some point, though he is pretty sure he had fixed it. I almost shit myself because A) I had eaten Taco Johns right before and I was five months pregnant and B) not only did we not know that before we just signed our lives away but we had a very thorough home inspection because of the obvious things we knew that were wrong with the house. (Update- it turned out he was wrong, he just never installed the toilet correctly, which is why it was uneven. Idiot.)

2. Oh yeah, the house is haunted.

Now, when we moved in we really didn't notice anything. Everything was FINE. Then we started putting the addition to the house on and things got weird. We'd hear someone walking around upstairs, we'd actually see her in the living room at the base of the stairs, we have seen her sitting in a chair (the chair was like a ghost too, not like she was on our chair) looking out the window in the living room, etc. We've see cupboard doors do weird things, you get a weird feeling in the house sometimes, all kinds of stuff. Now, as far as we know only Matt and I have experienced these things. It always flares up when we do any kind of work on the house, except when we did the cubby hole- but I think that's because we were restoring a part of the house to how it used to be.

When Olivia was two we moved her into her "big girl room" because I was pregnant with Jackson so we would need the smaller room for the nursery. It made sense because then I wouldn't have to rearrange furniture, etc. Well, the room Olivia went into was our old room which was previously the master bedroom. Also, Lillian's room. I would put her to bed and hear odd things on the monitor but really, thought nothing of it. Now, Olivia has always been scared of the dark and really a shitty sleeper since the day she was born so I just assumed it's an Olivia thing. I have a freak daughter and this is something that will be endearing to her future spouse someday. I remember her telling me once when she was two or three that the "old lady sings" to her or talks to her and that's why she doesn't sleep. Again, we had a plan for her to tell the old lady that it was her bedtime and she needs her beauty sleep. For awhile, this seemed to work.

Until tonight.

At bedtime, Olivia was kind of hysterical. She doesn't want her door shut, she wants her mini blinds open, the closet shut, a flashlight and a night light. Basically, it comes down to the fact she sees "big white blobs" and they are scary. So I ask her how big they are (thinking maybe it's a light shining from the street, a shadow, a reflection, something) and she says they are like people. She said yesterday she woke up and there were people in her room. So she's asking me if I lock the doors and could I hear if someone came in the house or not.

Not even kidding you, I'm fucking freaked out.

Never mind the fact that I am terrified of the dark (not so much when I'm sleeping, but I don't like walking around in the dark no matter where I am) myself. The last few nights I have been up later than usual reading books while Matt snores and after I'm done reading, I have to pee. So I get up and have to turn all the lights on as I go to the laundry room to pee, and on my way back? I run as fast as I can and jump into the bed. What makes the last week or two different is that on my way back to my room (which is not a long distance at all), the back of my neck goes cold and the hair on my body stands up. I am now terrified in my own house. But I think about it, I was in Chicago and walked around our room in the dark and I was fine. I've walked around my mom's house in the dark and I'm fine. But every time I am in my house alone, dark or not, I feel creeped out. Oh!!! And I should make mention my cats are even more dysfunctional than usual. Batman especially, he keeps slinking around the house and making weird noises. Stumpy is kind of lazy and extra stupid, but he hissed at absolutely nothing yesterday.

So.

What do I do? I need to tell Lillian it's time for her to go. And take her homeboys with her. Do I have any Ghost Buster readers? Do you have any suggestions for me??

What do the 4 food groups and the food pyramid have in common?

They are all contain things I won't eat.

It's here yall- the post that details everything I will and will not eat. I am a picky eater and have been since birth. Some of these may shock you. You may wonder how I have survived this long. You may try to stage an intervention. You may want to hold a tasting party for me. But don't worry lambs, I'm alive. I may have horrible cholesterol and a BMI over the charts but I wouldn't know. Because I? Am 27 and don't care. Ask me in 10 years when I'm approaching 40 and freaking out. (Sidenote: That last sentence?? Panic attack inducing. At least I'm aging well).

So let's do this shit, shall we? Giddy up.

Things Sara Will NOT eat:
Vegetables (except cucumbers, lettuce, and corn but not corn on the cob)
Fruits (except red apples, and seedless grapes- preferrably purple/red ones)
Roadkill
Lamb
Anything that comes out of the water (except tuna. Sometimes. Only prepared with a TINY amount of mayo)
Taters (except french fries, which I consider a vegetable...obviously)
Mustard
Barbeque sauce
Mayo or Miracle Whip
Anything orange
Ramen noodles (no matter how broke I get I will NOT resort to ramen)
Chili
Any kind of casserole/hot dish
Soup (except chicken noodle- but no veggies)
Hot drinks (except semi cooled down hot chocolate)
Bacon
Sausage
Eggs (except scrambled eggs, slightly burned, but not the whites)
Yogurt
Cottage cheese
Most juices
Bananas (I know it's a fruit- but eating bananas is the same texture as stepping into dog poo)
Funky bread (which is anything aside from white or regular wheat)
Filled donuts
Chinese food (well I have one thing I'll order from there if I must)
Pork (pretty much anything from a pig is out)
Hot dogs (have you ever seen how those are made?!)
Bratwurst
All condiments (except ketchup)
All dressings (except my specific french dressing...but I can be flexible on this if I must)
White sauces for pastas
Anything with alcohol in it (I don't drink, yall!)
Any candy flavored cherry or grape


Things Sara WILL eat:
Ketchup
Grapes
Apples
Lettuce
Cucumbers
French Dressing (but only the Lighthouse Sweet Red French kind)
Pickles (dill only, not those funky flavors. If I'm at a restaurant with good pickles, I order a side of them. In a bowl. Yum.)
Hamburger(s)
Cheese
Chicken (but not grilled in sandwiches. Grilled if I do it)
Chips (except BBQ, dill pickle, or other disgusting flavors)
Popcorn
Crackers
Salt
Pretzels (I love pretzel rods, and I basically suck the salt off first. Now THERE is a visual for ya)
Spaghetti
Noodles
Jelly/Jam (only grape, strawberry-no seeds-, and apricot-only on english muffins)
Peanut Butter
Pizza (only with pepperoni, but I usually pick those all off anyways)
Butter (only if it's completely melted. I can't eat it if I see like unmelted butter)
Candy
Ice Cream (except strawberry or other fruity flavors)

Now as you can see, I'm barely surviving. Virtually nothing on my "will eat" list is healthy for you. Most people laugh at me. I'm a huge pain in the ass when I'm trying to figure out what to eat. Except I don't make people conform to me. Nope. I'm the freak, they shouldn't have to suffer. So if we go out to restaurants, I'm the one who is pissing the waitress of with the "hold the.." and then I add every ingredient off except for one or two. Like if I order a salad (when in a pinch) I say, "Hold everything except the lettuce and cucumbers". Snickers across the table ensue.

I have become fodder for people when it comes to food. One friend said I have like the OCD for food because nothing can touch. Everything has to be specific. I usually don't eat dinner because I make normal food for Matt & the kids.

The kicker? I like to cook. I'm a pretty good cook, actually. I like chopping, dicing, slicing, frying, baking, the whole bit. BUT...I usually don't eat what I make. I also can't taste try stuff to see if I'm fucking it up. I have to rely on Matt's "Don't make that again" or "Do we have some for lunch tomorrow?" That's how I know if it's good or not. I love watching Food Network.

And there is a reason why I don't eat the things above. I have a reason other than being picky. I am such a freak that I really can't even try stuff. I will gag like it is nobody's business. I've tried. I have been trying to do the Sneaky Chef route to sneak veggies in and I cannot eat it. I can't see it, but knowing it's there....can't do it.

Are you wondering about a specific food? Leave a comment and I will let you know. :)