Dead bodies and almost muggings.

Nobody cares about anything other than my snippet that I maybe saw a dead body. And I don't know if you care that I was almost mugged or not, but I'm going to tell you about it anyways.

So on Sunday I was heading down to St. Paul for the Rhianna concert. I've already talked about this. Well it's like a two and a half hour drive from where I live so it can either be really boring and uneventful or it came be full of crazy fucking drivers who can't merge onto a highway or drive with their blinker on for 30 miles and eventually cut you off because they have no idea what they are doing.

But Sunday was different.

I was just driving along, singing along to some Awolnation, when I see this really nice, black Lexus with Illinois license plates and dark tint windows. Immediately I think, "Oh it's nice to see the recession hasn't hurt the drug dealers coming from Chicago" only to snap out of it when I see that the guy drives like an asshole essentially raping the line between our two lanes. Like I normally would do, I move one more over to my left because I am not sure if this guy realizes he's not the only one on the road. As I do that, a pickup truck pulls ahead so he's kind of next to me, but I can still see the Lexus.

AND THEN.

The trunk of the Lexus flies the fuck open and I obviously slam on my brakes because I don't know what's going on, and the truck next to me does as well. And guess what I saw?

A guy, just laying in the trunk with a jacket on and he looked like he was in the fetal position.

Now, I didn't drive up next to it to get a better look but out of nowhere, the driver of the Lexus kind of swerves and the trunk slams shut. The next thing I know the Lexus very unsafely whips into the next exit and I'm looking at the truck driver and we both have, "Holy shit, what the fuck was that????" looks on our faces.

"You called the cops, right Sara???"

NO. No I did not. Only because A) I didn't get the license plate number, B) I don't know what exit he even took and C) I can't even tell you what mile marker we were even on. I didn't look at any of these things because I was too focused on the maybe dead body in the trunk. Scary shit, peeps. Even now, I can't remember what city I was even near.

So that's my dead body story.

The next piece of action was when I pulled into the parking ramp for Rhianna. The guy at the pay booth informed me that they've had "some incidents" with stuff in the ramp so I should be careful and watchful. Creepy and weird, but duly noted.

After the concert, I was walking and I am so thankful that I parked as close to the exit, but as near to the elevator as I could. When I walked past a few cars, just as I was getting to mine, a GUY popped up between the cars I was just next to and all of the hair on my body went up. Then as I look in my rear view mirror, there are about five guys kind of scattered around the lot, crouching between cars. The whole thing is very sketch.

So I decide to not piss around with my GPS and I back out of my spot and try to haul ass to the exit. But the guy that was literally next to my car, started kind of running after me. I was totally scared. I was kind of annoyed there wasn't anyone in the pay booths otherwise I would have said something to them about the assholes clearly looking for someone to do something to. But nope, nobody around. I took off and thankfully was able to figure out how to get home without my GPS.

But all in one night, hookers. All in ONE night.

This chick needs some pepper spray and a taser.

Tuesday musings.

I've got a lot of things rattling around in my head, it's time to get them out and see if that helps me look at them differently or make a decision.

1. To tweet or not to tweet? I really hate Twitter and I'll be honest, I don't understand the point of it.  I only kind of understand Facebook. But I feel like I'm one of the last people to get on the Twitter bandwagon. Almost everybody else has one and I'm feeling like my blog and my writing could go to the next level if I got on Twitter. Thoughts?

2. I am going to start my book. It's been decided. I am such a pain in my own ass that I don't know how to start. I have three concepts of books in my head. I'm trying to decide if I should write a chapter outline then go from there. I don't think I can just write freely without structure. I'm OCD, clearly I need structure.

3. I'm going to be a legit soccer mom. Jackson is doing outdoor soccer and I'm kind of dreading it. Mostly because I know it'll be rainy and freezing on every game day. You just wait.

4. My 2013 concert season is shaping up nicely. I'm kind of excited. Right now I for sure have Airborne Toxic Event, Fleetwood Mac and Beyonce coming up. I'm going to get a few more in there before the year is out.

5. You know what I haven't done? Booked a rental car for our Florida trip. I keep going online to look for one and I start having all of this anxiety about it. Like, what if it's a piece of crap? How do I make sure I have booster seats for the kids? Why doesn't any website give me the option to pick up and drop off at the Orlando airport? Why is this so damn difficult?

6. Matt and I are going to quit caffeine in April. We're currently trying to work ourselves off it. Matt is going to struggle far more than me. His voice quivered when I said we were going to do this. The main reason for this is that soda is expensive, and I need to lose weight. Double win.

7. Also starting in April, and I'll document about this for you of course, but we are taking on the no-yelling parenting challenge. I have read so much about this in the last few months and it's basically parents who don't yell at their kids. Which I know what you're thinking- what if they start the house on fire? Do you still not yell?? Apparently you do not. Now I am going to struggle., I won't even lie. As of late I have almost no patience and Olivia's sass would turn me into an alcoholic if I even drank. But I'm realizing that it's not working. I need to switch up my game and I think I'll make it. I've taken enough parenting classes, I read a lot of useful information online and I have some books to turn to. I'm worried for Matt though who refuses to  utilize any of these things.

8. My new favorite show? Ridiculousness. I can't even explain why I like this show but I cannot stop. I need to get rid of satellite before my brain totally wastes away.

9. So I have a friend who is offering to be my personal trainer. I'm equally excited and terrified out of my mind. Not going to lie, the first thing that pops into my head is every gym teacher I have ever had who screamed at me for sucking at everything having to do with athletics. I did make sure to tell her I suck at physical activity but I want to get better. I also need to lose weight and do I know I have to do this. But again, I'm kind of scared.

10. Tomorrow I'm going to blog about the Rhianna concert, how I was almost mugged, and how I'm fairly certain I saw a body in a trunk on the highway. SUSPENSE!

Shaky legs, urine, and meth addicted zombies.

You all need to be proud of me, bitches. NOT ONLY did I make tonight's dinner when I would normally give up when A) I'm missing ingredients and B) fail to realize that it needs to simmer for 1 1/2 hours and I'm starting to cook at 4:30. It just seems so daunting and usually I'm all, "fuck this, get me some pizza" and that solves that.

BUT NO.

I made dinner while simultaneously making tomorrow's dinner which required me to like mix shit and brown some steak in a skillet and then get it all together in a crockpot so it can marinate over night. BAM, bitches. BAM.

Even Matt was all impressed and optimistic I could maybe kick my french fries at 9pm habit. Seeing how it is only 7:40, I'm hungry and I just finished day one of 30 Day Shred? That is yet to be determined. I see him getting all presumptuous and getting his pajamas on. Silly, silly husband.

Which brings me to urine. While doing the 30 Day Shred I remembered that Jillian is a fan of jumping jacks and jumping rope and literally kicking your own ass, which means the whole "my bladder isn't what it once was" comes back as I pee myself.

Yeah, I peed my own pants in my own living room while doing jumping jacks.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I keep doing my fucking Kegels and Matt tells me things are as good, if not better, than they were pre-babies so I know I'm doing those often enough. Like twice every day for the last five years yet I cannot get through 20 jumping jacks without peeing my pants. The doctor basically said before that there isn't anything I can do short of a bladder sling or pelvic mesh which not happening because you always see those lawsuit commercials warning about collapsed bladders and snapped slings. No fucking thank you.

But I need to figure out what the eff to do about this. It's kind of disgusting. I'm just saying.

Oh but guess what I saw today? My first ever legit meth addicted zombie. From the sunken cheekbones, scabs and sores literally covering this person, patchy hair, yellowed and missing teeth and the slumped walk? I wanted to take a picture but that's how they get you- they distract you with your camera phone and then eat your brains.

I saw it on the internet. And the internet does not lie.

New Stuff... and stuff.

I'm going to promote myself just a bit (because I can and I will) and then tell you about stuff happening.

So today I got a few Etsy shop things done and listed because I hadn't had time the previous week so here they are.



From left to right: The Tangerine Friendship set of 6. I totally love this paper and the flowers so I made a set for myself. I have quite a few notes to write to some friends and so these will be awesome. Then my new thing is doing card duo's, so instead of a set of 6 and the lameness of only buying one... you get TWO cards. So I have my With Sympathy ones because I seem to be using a bunch personally, and then the Easter Duos. I know not everybody is into sending cards for Easter, but I totally am. And the reason I did Easter duos is so I could send Easter pictures of my kids to the grandparents.. genius, huh? I might not get Easter cards to everyone this year but I never forget the grandparents and great grandparents. And $3 for two homemade cards is a steal, people.

So go to my SHOP and buy stuff.

In other news... I have the My Chemical Romance/Neon Trees/the Architects concert happening on Tuesday. I don't know if I'll have a post for you or not since I'm leaving Superior way early. We'll see.

Saturday we had Jackson's birthday party at the Children's Museum, and I'll share pictures of that soon. He had an awesome time. I was kind of bummed out that over half of the people I invited didn't come. Now, on the RSVP I specifically put "regrets only" on there because I know people hate to RSVP. I don't know why because it's RUDE AS FUCK NOT TO (and any person who's ever hosted a party should know that). The other thing was that I am basically paying for these people to get into the museum... so if nothing else, it's a free day for you and your kids. Like... take me up on that offer homies. I don't know. I'm just getting annoyed with people not RSVP'ing. So when I say "regrets only" I assume that you are coming if I don't hear from you. It's just really annoying to plan something and then have people not show up when you think they are.

I mean, the people who came are awesome and they are SO good to my kids and they are great friends of mine. They really are. And I think everyone who came had a great time and I know my kids did so that's all that counts. And my brother took his lunch break at a weird time so he could make a quick appearance- and Jackson was thrilled.

With that being said, yeah. Matt and I spent an HOUR trying to open his new things. He got some new little trucks, this interactive map toy, a cool truck that talks and he can "fix", bug catcher stuff, superhero flying plane thing, and our friends gave him a $15 gift card towards a big boy bike. So yeah. We couldn't afford to get him one (even though I really tried hard.. it just didn't happen) so this will help. I'm hoping in the next payday or two we can swing it.

Um.. what else. Oh. So last week was his 3 year old checkup and I sent Matt because I had to work. Well it turns out he hasn't grown (at all) in the last YEAR. Yeah. Here I was just thinking he's short and little. Um, no. He hasn't grown. He's in the 3rd percentile for height, 4th for weight and nobody knows why. He eats like a little pig for crying out loud. So what is happening is that he is going to the hospital on Thursday for lab work because his doctor wants to make sure that we don't have an underlying problem. So.. I'm sure it's all going to say he's normal and that in fact, he's just a little guy. But then in the back of my head I always worry something else could be happening. I'm sure it's not, but I'm a bit irrational like that.

OK. That's me and my Sunday ramblings. OH! Before I forget- I'm a guest blogger today for Kate and you should check it out.

I? Was a busy beaver.

*And that title is true for not only what I'm going to post but stuff I won't post about. ;)

If you haven't entered my GIVEAWAY, then you are kind of sucking right now. And I'm not talking about sucking candy, I'm talking sucking sweaty man balls. Just sayin.

Anyhoodles. So this weekend I was busy. Like busier than I thought I was going to be. So let's run it down so you can marvel at my awesome.

Friday. Well, I had like one million and three errands to run, so in the end I'm glad I didn't work. Extra hours would be good, but these were all things I hadn't gotten to during the week. Anyways. So, because Olivia has school during the middle of all my running around, I had her go to my mom's for lunch and she was thrilled. She told me later she was glad to have alone time with Grandma. So while I felt bad ditching her and taking Jackson... I'm glad she had fun. So I ran all of my errands and then had lunch with my bestie, Lisa. Who's going on Roadtrip 2012 with me and other friends of mine. Anyways. So we usually don't exchange Xmas gifts, but she got me this Retro Mama desk calendar. HILARIOUS. She's one of those people that just get me. Anyways- one of the calendars said:

"If you so much as flinch for a nano-second when doling out discipline, you can kiss your Imperial Rule goodbye."

Um.. how very true. So the rest of the calendar looks hilarious. AND I ordered a stamp set for DIRT CHEAP online that I thought would make a cute set of cards for her.. my favorite little cat hoarder to be friend. :) Anyways.

So after lunch Jackson and I went to toddler school. And he was SO effing excited. I'm kind of "meh" on it because I'm not like the moms in there, and since the parents separate for parenting class type stuff I kind of just go with the flow. And I left there thinking that if Jackson didn't love it so much I wouldn't go back. But more on that a different day.

Oh- and I'll post about the potty training sitch with Jackson tomorrow, so part of my story from Friday is going on there. Trust me- hilarity ensues.

Anyways. So after toddler class we picked up Olivia and I started cleaning my house. You know when you work all week and all of a sudden the filth hits you? That's where I was at. So Friday before dinner I'm cleaning the bathroom and decided the mop didn't do a good enough job and I scrubbed the bathroom floor with my hands and sponge/towel combo. Needless to say my back hurt the rest of the night.

But then I got my crafty on. Like MAY-JAH. I got 8 scrapbook pages done and two cards sets. Here's one variety set: (and it's in my shop already)

 And the other from that night I'm using as my own stash.

On Saturday, Matt & the kids went out to his parents and they took Batman & Stumpy. A vet was holding a outreach clinic so we brought them there for their booster shots to save us an office visit charge. Which GREAT because the shots were still $52 total. Um, yeah. There goes some of the window money I set aside. FML. But it had to get done and we saved ourselves another $50 at least in what would have been an office visit PLUS the gas to drive to Ashland, over an hour away. Yes, our new vet is in Ashland because the one in Superior are being motherfucking whores and I hate them. Anyways.

But while they were gone I had to go to the craft store to get stuff to finish a custom frame order for someone and I found this bird stamp in the $1 bin. So I made a set of 6 cards. It'll be in my shop... either later tonight or tomorrow.

 AND while they were gone I cleaned the house. I also want it noted that I changed the dirt holding bag thingie on the vacuum cleaner by myself and without mess. I know. It's the first time EVER and I was so proud. I didn't even have Stumpy and Batman to brag too. But it was very exhilarating to suck up more stuff knowing that the bag isn't on the verge of exploding. UNTIL I sucked up something weird and broke the belt. Whoops. But I can't do that and so Matt assures me he'll get to it. Right. I totally believe him, too.

BUT I also swept/mopped my other floors with a vengeance. It's ridiculous how accomplished I feel cleaning floors. I also did SEVEN loads of laundry. My basket still isn't empty. BUT on the other hand, I have clean socks and underwear. Win.

Then today we ran around and I returned some things I decided I didn't need (mostly because I just shelled out $52 for the cats to get injections in their ass and hi- we need bread & milk), and I had to use part of our Menards gift card to get batteries so I can take pictures of stuff for Etsy and put it up. Kind of sad, eh?

But then while I was cooking the bestest sloppy joes EVER, I made this set:

 which will be in the shop soon. Oh, and Olivia helped me make these:

Jackson... well he's sick. He was Mr. Grumpy Pants at lunch and just about lost it when I asked him to put his jacket on. I put him down for a nap and he woke up with a fever. Swell. Then all afternoon he laid on Matt on the couch watching stupid shows and I cooked. Well, after dinner I got him in his jammies and gave him some Tylenol and started reading one of his favorite stories and he fell asleep. Poor guy. He rarely gets sick so this is going to suck. I'm hoping it doesn't turn into puke because at 2 1/2 he has never puked. And if you don't know about the dramatics of toddler puke... it's not pretty. Everybody is crying, gagging, and alternately screaming. It's just gross.

Anyways. So I was productive. I'm glad I got stuff to put in my shop, got my house cleaned, and laundry done. It'll be nice to wear clean pants again.

So I wasn't a complete lazy ass...

Well I don't know about you... but my weekend was pretty damn productive. I really needed to buckle down and get a bunch of stuff off of my to-do list because it was threatening to go to two pages and I can't function like that.

I'm participating in an Ornament Swap this year and because I'm all about even numbers, I signed up to swap two. And MY swap partners are UBBER lucky because they got a fun ornament I bought, one I made AND a set of cards. Lucky whores. I had one package done and ready to go, but the other package just needed a set of cards. So I made these. And wished I had kept them for myself.

 Then I got the thank you picture Olivia made for my Grandma into an envelope (only a week late), my two ornament swap packages and two gifts for out of town friends all ready to go. Now I just have to get it all to the post office. And I have three out of town packages yet to make. Eventually.

 But then yesterday I got my Christmas cards about half way done. I had to just stop because doing huge orders bores me. Oh- and I got a TON of cards done for my personal stash.... which I use as freebies when people buy stuff out of my Etsy shop. Speaking of my Etsy shop, go there NOW so you can see what else is new.

I wish I knew how to get video off of my cell phone and put it on here for you. Yesterday I was teaching Jackson to say all kinds of things, but probably the cutest was him saying "Go Broncos"... which I did for my friend Matt. Matt thought it was cute and it really was.

But even cuter was Jackson today- insisting on wearing a princess dress. At first Olivia said he could and he pitched a damn fit. So I found him this one and he was thrilled. He wore that thing almost all day. You'll notice his bracelet- which is a piece to some toy but he's telling me it's a bracelet.

But I haven't done much today. Yesterday was my real productive day. But I did get some baking done and just finished muffins for breakfast tomorrow. I'm eating peanut butter cookies for dinner and wearing the pajamas I never got out of today. Whatever.

This week is going to be hectic. I work every day except for Friday, so I'm hoping my paycheck is good. I have to go down to the vet and explain to them they need to stop calling me every day about the bill. Our bill was $1200 and some change and we're down to just under $700. Lay the fuck off- I can't pay you any faster than I already am you fucking scam artist whores. *sigh* It's just really annoying because I gave them everything extra I have. My checking currently has a little over $10 in it, my savings is around $40 and I'm eating peanut butter cookies for dinner. Matt's currently eating a hot dog bun. Quite frankly- I'm not sure where else the money can come from. He doesn't get paid until Tuesday and that is already spent.

I also got my tax escrow check in the mail which I want to spend SO EFFING BAD but I know my property tax bill is coming. It almost always comes the week of Christmas which just kills the spirit faster than your tree going up in flames. The check is for $1900 and I hope to GOD we don't owe more money for property tax. So I have that all set aside so we can just pay the bill (hopefully all) as soon as it comes.

And Matt's Grandma is pretty much going to pass away any day. She's in Northfield, MN which means that very soon we're going to be making a funeral trip. Which is easily $80 in gas, plus at least one meal, and not to mention- we both need funeral clothes. Neither one of us have anything even close to being appropriate for a funeral so we need to get some.

You know things are bad when you're too broke to even play the lottery. :/