Six Years. And nobody has turned into an alcoholic.

So today is my six year wedding anniversary. Six years ago at this very hour, Matt and I were whooping it up at our wedding reception at a casino. Lots of people were drunk already, some were having sex in the bathroom, and I was a dancing fool. (fun fact: click play on the playlist to hear our first dance) (also fun fact: lots of compliments on our music since I had pretty much picked out everything that was to be played and in what order. Why we paid for a DJ I will never know since I did 90% of the work for him.)

Here's us literally after we got married. We were waiting for the photographer to set up. Can we say "boobies"??

And during our photos I could not stop laughing. Which is the customary thing when I get put on the spot. I think Matt was embarrassed. Whatevs.

But our six years hasn't always been fabulous. Actually we have been together for eight years and I will say maybe only half of those years, if that, have been good. But we started strong so I think that's something to remember. When we first started dating we had both had some baggage but it didn't seem to matter. We loved each other almost right away and we were a super cute couple. Obviously.

And we knew right away we were going to get married. We started dating in January, moved into our apartment in July and were engaged in October of 2002. It was a busy year.

And we got married June 12, 2004.

We don't do anything on a slow pace so in December of 2004 I got pregnant, we bought a house five months later and four months after that we had Olivia. Which was the turning point in our marriage. Everything was fine and happy up until then. I had post partum depression and honestly? I don't think either of us have ever reconciled what that did to our marriage.

We have had good times but lots of bad times. There have been times where I feel like walking out of the door. There are times where I am sure he's questioned my sanity and whether he made the right decision. There have been plenty of days where I wish I could just go back and do everything over because I think I'd do it differently.

While I have stayed true to all of the vows I pledged, he has not. While my love for him has wavered, his for me has not. And I think that is what keeps us together. I think at the end of the day, we know we're young. We know that we did everything too quickly. All of our adult milestones we have done together.

And I know we both love each other. Every time I question whether or not I should just say fuck it and leave I remember our vows. And I believe there is a reason vows say "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, for good times and bad, in good health and in sickness, in happiness and sorrow." I can honestly say that in the six years we have been married we have gone through each of those things. We have been so broke that splitting a can of spaghetti o's over two dinners was a luxury. We knew eventually things had to get better we just weren't sure how that was going to happen. We've had to go through bankruptcy. But we did it together. We have all of our good memories from our road trips we used to take and just all the time we used to talk together. He handled me like a pro during pregnancy and never batted an eye when I came up with a new demand. At 2 a.m. In a blizzard. He helped me tremendously when I felt like killing myself after Olivia. I hated every minute of mommyhood and he did the best he could. When he has had some mental health issues I have done everything I could to help him through them. I know he struggles every day and every day I wish I could do more. But I'm here and I think that's all I can do.

And no matter how bad it gets, something always happens and turns it around. I can't lie and say I have no regrets, because I have plenty. There are things I wish I didn't do and things I wish I never said but I can't change that. And neither can he. We try very hard and marriage is a job. I never realized how much work was necessary for our marriage until I quit my job. And now I see what all of the drama and stress did to me and in turn, did to our marriage. No amount of money is worth the sadness I would feel if I didn't have Matt with me.

But, being real, there are days I wish I could smother him with a pillow. There are days where I wish I could run away from it all and start all over. A brand new person in a place where nobody knows me. The happiness and freedom would only be temporary but I do think about it. This feeling might change if he stopped snoring so loud neighbors across the street can hear him. I'll keep you updated. I think we're both surprised that he's not only lived to tell the tale, but also that I'm not an alcoholic by now. If that isn't a miracle I dare you to show me one.

So with that, Happy Anniversary, Matt. I love you as much as I did on our wedding day. Thank you for dealing with me and my crazy because nobody else could do it better than you. I hope we make it another 6. You know I'm all about even numbers and such. :)