I'm not dead! But my mouth is being a bit of a brat.

So, surgery went well. I guess. I wouldn't totally know because I was unconscious for it and Matt never asked questions like, how did it go, and the such.

So we assume all went according to plan.

What I did not fully anticipate was how shitty of a recovery it was going to be. I knew having a molar being pulled sucks, because I have had that done before. I did not fully understand the process of getting a bone graft done. Apparently, parts of bone are sawed out, stuff is shoved in and basically your head is just flopping everywhere. Which, knowing that now, I am so incredibly thankful I opted for being totally put out. Had I been awake for any of that it would have been far more traumatic.

The kicker was it took them awhile to get me out. They tried the gas first and after 20 minutes, and telling me to huff it more than I already was, they needed me to sign the waiver to do general anesthesia via my IV. So I did because obviously I want to be out. Then when the doctor came in and was a bit incredulous that I wasn't out yet, and wasn't even foggy because I was able to talk, make a fist, and was coherent, he did the IV to get me out himself.

And then I woke up totally out of it and not even totally sure where the hell I even was. But then there's Matt, saying he'd like to go so if I could just hurry up and show them I can sit, then we can go. I remember sitting up, but I have no memory of getting out to the car. I do have a vague memory of a drive through and as it turned out, we apparently stopped at the gas station for Matt to get a snack for later, Burger King for him to get lunch, and then the pharmacy.

Because I'm sure I looked awesome drugged out and drooling on my window. Nice, Matt. Nice.

So I get home and he's trying to get me to read my care pamphlet and eat and I'm all- just let me sleep, I feel like I have just been given a roofie. So I slept. For hours. It was glorious.

Then I woke up to my face being covered in blood so I decided that was as good a time as any to change my gauze. And then I saw how many stitches I had. I looked like Frankenstein. It was kind of brutal. So I change my gauze and see what I have for pain medication. Which turns out to be what was on my "does not work on me" list I told Matt to give to them. He swears he did, but the fact that's what I'm prescribed makes me doubtful. But it's Ibuprofen 4 which is the equivalent to taking four Advil's, and I take a minimum of six every four hours and it does nothing, and some Hydrocodone which doesn't do anything. I don't even get sleepy or whatever. Nothing. I may as well take a vitamin. Strangely, no antibiotic.

So fast forward a few days. I'm still in pain, the refuse to give me anything else for pain management, and my mouth feels swollen. I assume this is normal. The care pamphlet I got was for wisdom teeth and basically not helpful at all. Fast forward to a week after surgery and honestly, by now the pain should be minimal at worst and gone at best. So should the swelling, but it feels swollen on the inside of my gum, if that makes any sense. I call the surgeon and I'm told to come in immediately. They'll stay open for me. I drive the kids up there thinking I'm walking out with antibiotics or something.

Oh no.

As it turns out, my stitches are infected AND I have dry socket. The surgeon tells me he's going to change my stitches and shove medicated gauze in the hole to cover the exposed bone. My poor kids are in the waiting room but he assures me this won't take more than 5 minutes. Fine. He gives me Novocaine and a local, both of which I told him wasn't going to work because it never does.

It, of course, does not work and I find this out as soon as he starts pulling the stitches out.

And I scream. Oh, do I scream.

But not nearly as much as I do as I did when the new stitches went in. The poor nurse shut the window because I'm sure the joggers on the path thought I was being murdered, and she had to sit on me. By the time I'm done, I'm literally dry heaving and crying for pain. I can't even breathe because it's just not naturally to be in that much pain, ever. I then have to go out to the desk to get my next appointment card. And there is Jackson, crying, and Olivia hugging him and telling him, "It's OK, she'll come back out." which is just.. .so sad. Then the receptionist gave me a hug and tells me hearing me scream like that almost made her lose her lunch and she thinks I'm brave.

Whatever.

I had to sit in my car for ten minutes just to gain some composure to drive home. All the while, Olivia is asking me if this is where she'll come for braces. So, obviously I'm making Matt take her to that appointment.

But on Sunday, three days after my ordeal, I yawned and I swear it felt like some of my stitches ripped. Not all of the way out, but enough that the gauze felt droopy? Then yesterday, I sneezed and bam- all of my stitches and gauze came out.

Needless to say, I am not pleased.

Right now, I'm stitch and gauzeless, but I'm not really in pain? It's uncomfortable, but it's not like it was pre-new stitches. I also got an antibiotic at my last visit and I feel a lot less swollen. I also am not sounding like I'm drunk. For awhile there, my mouth was so swollen I sounded totally intoxicated. It was kind of embarrassing.

I have to go back this Thursday for a check on my new stitches. Honestly, I don't feel like I should have to pay for this new set. Then I go back again in October for a "plan and scan" to  make sure my bone has healed and then figure out when I'm doing my next surgery.

I can hardly wait. I'm told the recovery for that is worse than this one usually. Super.

Sloth & Surgery

So, right up front- I'm having the surgery tomorrow. I called the doctor and they told me basically they don't care what I do, it's on me. I then called the oral surgeon who didn't seem to care either way but mentioned they'll add another waiver form to my packet that I fill out in the morning, which is a bit alarming.

Part of me wants to wait another four weeks just to ensure nothing crazy is going to happen because with my current run of luck, I'm admittedly more than a little nervous. The other part of me says that I cannot handle the pain in my face another day. I told my friend Shirley yesterday that at this point, my fear is that in another four weeks I'll look like Sloth from the Goonies.



And that's a real concern because sometimes it feels like my face is falling off. The entire side of my face hurts and this morning it was visibly swollen as was the gum near my loser tooth.

The best part is that I've been searching online for more information about having a bone graft done and here's what I've concluded:

• I will never, ever, EVER get another root canal in my life. I would rather them just pull the damn thing and give me a fake tooth. Seriously. Logically, I know that once you get a root canal you are essentially leaving a dead thing in your mouth and leaving a dead anything in your body doesn't sound like sound medical advice anyways. I just assumed that dentists and oral surgeons knew what they were doing. 
• As it turns out, I really feel like root canals are a total scam. I think they do this to get you in the door knowing you're going to have issues and will need further work. 
• Hey- when you pull a tooth out and don't replace it? Your body is all, "Oh, you don't need this bone anymore, let's get rid of it" and systematically like, dissolves it, which is where I'm at now. So if you pull a tooth, I don't care what they tell you- REPLACE IT. 

I am assuming I won't be in the mood for blogging tomorrow but I'll try to post something on Facebook to say hey- I didn't die. If you don't hear from me by Saturday/Sunday, assume the worst? I'm also creeped out that I'll have dead people bone in my mouth. I'm an organ donor so I'm grateful obviously other people are, but this feels different than an organ. Mostly because they took someone's bone out of their body, put it in a Ninja Bullet or something and bone dust will then get shoved into a hole in my face and stitched up, and then we hope my body doesn't say, "oh hell no, get this out NOW" and all heals nicely. 

Just so I can drill a giant hole in it in about 4 months and put what looks like a screw anchor into it. 

Then I get a fancy new tooth that screws in. 

The whole thing is weird and makes me feel like I'm on the fast track to dentures or something. *shudder*

Ugh.... feeling like poo and 26.99%?!

With my surgery coming up in June, I'm trying to get as much stuff done ahead of time so I'm not worried about being an absolute lump on a log once I have it. I'm fairly certain I won't want to do much for at least a few days, so I'm planning accordingly basically.

Because I have a bone infection right now, the oral surgeon put me on an anti-biotic (Augmentin) to take from now until then and probably a little beyond. Augmentin is no joke. I know there are even stronger antibiotics out there but hot damn. I was on this earlier this year because of my face and I got sick for nine weeks after that, not related. Except now I'm thinking that maybe my bout of vomiting for three days wasn't just the flu, I think it was the medicine. I'm back on it and I swear to you, I feel like death. I feel like I'm on the verge of getting full body flu and I have non stop nausea. Within minutes of taking it I will either throw everything up from the day or feel like it.

Cue cold sweats, feeling like I have a fever coming on and let us not forget- the yeast infection from hell. In which I can't take anything for. It's going to be like this for all of May and most of June.

Also I get to deal with my never ending period and my ultrasound for that is next week. I just hope all of these weird symptoms is from the medicine and not something worse.

But in order to prep for my surgery, I have to figure out how to pay for it. It's just shy of $4000 for both surgeries, and I don't have that kind of money. So my next option is Care Credit. Which is great, I qualify, but holy HELL, the interest rate? 26.99%. Good god. I can't even fathom that. Here's hoping we win the lottery between now and oh... June 19.

And then he says, "bend all the way over"...

Oh lambs. It's been a rough day and if I were a drinker, you'd be getting a much different blog post right now. I am not, so buckle up Betty because here's a recap of my oral surgeon consultation from this afternoon. Honestly, I have no idea where to start.

First and foremost, Mr. Pissy Tooth has to come out. Not because there is anything wrong with it, the tooth is totally fine. What is not fine is the bone that all of your teeth are held in. Apparently, and this is a real large pill to swallow, when I had the other molar removed in 2008, the orthodontist should have strongly suggested that I get an implant put in then.

Why?

Oh so you know, your bone doesn't think it's job of holding teeth in is done. Apparently, your bone can erode and thin out if there is no tooth in that spot. What happens when this happens is that you either start removing teeth or your fix it.

How do you fix it, Sara?

Oh, well it you were a totally normal person you could take bone from your jaw area and shove it in where your tooth was and then you get endosteal implant and then you get a fake tooth that essentially screws into said implant.

BUT if you're me, you'll know immediately you can't be easy or normal. Which means I can't use my jaw bone chunk. Nope, not me.

I get bone chunks from a dead person.

100% dead serious.

(Heh, you see what I did there?)

But this is all after I can get rid of the freaking bone infection I apparently have on top of it. As of right now, if everything goes absolutely smooth as absolutely possible, I have for sure two phases of surgery.

Phase 1: Remove tooth and do bone graft with dead person bone. All for the low, low price of $1229.00. He also told me that that weekend? I will be doing nothing and it may feel like I'm going to die, or at the very least, like all of my teeth are going to fall out at once. I may get sick and if my body is all no, no, no to the bone chunks, I'll have to call immediately because then we have a whole other "situation" and I'll get a pamphlet about it and he didn't want to worry me today. Generous of him.

See? Just like that.

Phase 1.5: Approximately three months later, I go in so they can scan my face and make sure I'm healing, the dead person bone chunk is happy, and the rest of my bone is happy. Hopefully two become one, just like the Spice Girls said they should.

Phase 2: Assuming the bone graft was successful, sometime this fall I will go in for the second surgery which will be them drilling a hole into happy new bone and putting in an implant a future tooth will sit in. All for the low price of $2,768.00.


See? Exactly like this.

Phase 3: Go to regular dentist and get fancy new tooth that can screw into there. If I understood correctly, it doesn't come in and out. Like, I get it and then there is an adjustment period for size and how it's in there, just like you would with a partial or even a denture. That cost is unknown because it will depend on the size of tooth I'd need, but I was told today that could be anywhere from $800 to $3000 for just the tooth. Then I have to pay for it to be adjusted so it fits, so add to that.

The worst part about this is that this is just for one tooth. The oral surgeon suggested I look into getting this same thing done for where my other molar was. Not because I need it to eat or function, but to help the integrity of my bone in general.

Oh yes, and the even better part? He can't even guarantee that this will be it. In fact, because it appears I have a "persistent degeneration of bone", there is a good chance that I will either A) need this done on other teeth and/or B) have this tooth "adjusted", which is a nice way of saying do this all over again on the same damn tooth.

I also need all of the money upfront. Well, I need all of the money for each phase up front at the time I do that phase. So right now, it's a race to save $1229 in oh, a few weeks. Then I have 3 months to save up almost $3000. Which I can tell you will not happen. I don't have a choice in removing this tooth, things are bad, I have the bone infection and bone is angry. I don't have a choice on the implant situation either, and he told me the longer I wait between procedures, the worse my recovery is going to be and the more difficult it will be to do.

I am not looking forward to any of this at all. Like not at all. Every time I hear people complain about the dentist I want to shove my entire leg up their ass because this is ridiculous. I don't know anyone who has had as many surgeries on their mouth as I have. It's awful. I seriously hope neither of my children inherit any of this, but I fear for Olivia. She's so much like me I feel like it's inevitable at this point.

So poor Matt. His reaction was, "I'll just be seeing you then?" because he plans to just work until he collapses. I told him he can't die because I can't afford to get life insurance on him on top of all of this. *sigh* The bright spot is that my first dentist scared me and said this might not be a surgery that can be done in the oral surgeon's office and I might end up in the hospital for it and then my costs quadruple, easily. Which is exactly what happened the last time. This time, he's pretty sure he can do it in his office. Oy vey.

Phlegm for days and I might start hooking.

Lambs, I have not died. It's been forever, but I assure you it's because I have been sick. And by sick I mean, barely functioning. This is the first day in FOUR WEEKS I have been awake past 7 p.m. I now have severe bronchitis and when I say phlegm is coming out of every hole except for my ears, I am not lying. Let's just say if I was pregnant, I would think I had lost my mucus plug.

But enough of that. Let's talk about why I might need to be a hooker and soon.

Remember the super traumatizing story about my dental history from hell? Yes, well it hasn't ended. In fact it's only just begun. About 6-8 weeks ago I noticed that my face, specifically the sinus area that was originally completely closed off and rendered "non-functioning" after a major surgery in 2001, was hurting. Like, a lot. So instead of going to the dentist, I went to the doctor in the hopes that anything they do my health insurance would cover. Because in the first pony show, health insurance didn't pay for the surgery because an oral surgeon did it while cutting the roots off my molar and inserting rods to hold those molars in. So, because I am not rich, I'm trying to go the other route.

The doctor had no clue what to do so put my on a ridiculously strong anti-biotic that gives you the yeast infection from HELL for ten days. And by "from hell" I mean you want to claw your own vagina out. It was horrible. I also got really sick in the middle of all of this so that was not awesome.

But I'm four weeks beyond that visit, have been sick the entire time, and my face hurts. A lot. So I went to the dentist on Tuesday for my regular cleaning, along with Olivia. He does an x-ray and immediately tells me my last molar on the top on that side? Has to come out. The metal rods in my tooth have cracked it. This sucks because it's partner, the far back molar, has been gone since 2008 because of a similar thing. My only option for chewing capability on that side is a fake tooth which is roughly $5,000. Which is not going to happen.

More alarming is that in the x-ray he can tell that the cyst that was in my sinus before? Has made it's triumphant return. He can't tell me how large it is, but there is clearly something there. So now I am being referred back to my oral surgeon to map out a game plan. We did a quick phone chat and they told me to plan on about $15,000 up front.

UP FRONT.

*insert manic laughter here*

Bitches, I don't have $15,000. I currently have $186 in my savings. I have about the same in my checking. The likelihood of me having this at my disposal ever? Slim to none. Even if I got dental coverage through the state on my own, it would not cover this. I can get Care Credit, but it only goes up to $5,000.

So now tomorrow I have to call the doctor and see if I can get that ENT referral immediately and go that route before my face blows up. I also now need to schedule to have that tooth removed which is going to be brutal. It's not like a regular tooth because I have four metal rods holding it into my face. I can't even speak of the pain I experienced the first time around with the other molar, and I am not looking forward to this at all. I'm also not looking forward to having to have sinus surgery, AGAIN. The first go around was horrific. I was in pain for months afterwards. You truly have no idea how crucial your sinuses are until you've had this done. I couldn't eat for weeks, it was straight broth (which is why I'm not a fan of soup anymore). I couldn't drink out of a straw for a YEAR. A full year, folks. I had stitches in my nose, the roof of my mouth and my gum line. I had to lay flat for weeks. It hurt to move but eventually you have to pee so bad (and shower) that you have no choice. I really don't want to do this again. This isn't just a clean out of my sinus, before it was a large mass removed. They had no idea what that mass actually was, but it wasn't cancerous so they never tested further. This time I'll have to have it biopsied again, obviously, so who knows. I'm sure it's not, I'm sure I'm just a freak that grows random things in her body for no good reason.

But that's not all, because it never is. It gets better.

Olivia? My dear Olivia is eight and needs braces. Which we knew. Except I had assumed, foolishly, it'd have to wait until all her permanent teeth came in. Which is true. Except they did an x-ray and lordy lordy, her permanent teeth? Well no wonder no more baby teeth haven't come out. The permanent teeth are so crowded they are going sideways, not down. So her dentist gave us a referral slip for the pediatric orthodontist to see what he advises: do we wait and chance it, or remove four or five baby teeth now, wait for the adult teeth to come in and then do braces right away? Either way, I'm looking at around $700-950 per tooth.

I'll let you do the math.

I'll also need that up front, but don't worry- the consultation is free.

And I can't not do it. I don't want her to have teeth problems as she gets older and I don't want her teeth to get crooked. So somehow, some way, I'll make that happen if they think that's best.

I told Matt to tell his boss to either get dental insurance for employees or build him an on-site apartment because he'll never be able to leave. We'll see what he chooses.