Day three: otherwise known as that time I got sucked into the world of American Girl and Legos.

Day three was an expensive day, let's just say that. But oh do I have fun stuff for you.

We started Sunday off with walking one last time down the Magnificent Mile in search of this candy store where our bus passes got us a free bag of candy. But it was such an awesome day and almost nobody on the streets, so I got a couple of pictures over the river.

 Even Matt looked like he was trying to participate.

We never did get to the candy store because we got sucked into the American Girl store. On Friday I joked with Jen and Jon that they couldn't get their daughter Haylie the ghetto $24 mini doll because she would roll up to a play date where everyone else would have a real one and here she is clutching the ghetto cheap ass version with tears in her eyes.

It's hard out here for a pimp and all.

So here's Olivia and she has wanted an American Girl for YEARS and in Kindergarten she came home to tell me several times that all of her friends had one and she'd like one. Well Santa didn't bring it, Easter Bunny didn't, not even Grandma's, so the poor girl had all but given up. So I ended up getting her the mid-rate ghetto bitty baby, and an outfit. For a whopping $87.

 But look at her face. Completely worth it. And she carries the damn thing around all of the time and I have to hear about all of the accessories she can get because you know she grabbed a catalog before we left.

 So after that, we parted ways with our friends and got into the van to head off to Legoland, which was supposed to be the Matt/Jackson stop of awesome.

On the way there we encounter stop and go, bumper to bumper traffic on the Kennedy Expressway. Out of nowhere, I totally get rear ended by a Lexus and I hit this piece of shit Blazer in front of me. Have I mentioned that it was pouring rain? Because it was. So the Blazer and I make our way to the side of the road, not easy in 5 lanes of traffic, and I see the Lexus fly past us. Super. Thankfully, everyone was OK, no damage to my back bumper and my front only has a scrape. The guy in the Blazer didn't seem concerned because his vehicle was a piece of shit as it was and he says this happens all of the time. But what made the situation completely awkward was I had my Ludacris song "Everyone is Drunk as Fuck" playing. Something you shouldn't have playing when you know, you get into an accident on the freeway.

Finally we get back on the road and Maggie the GPS gets us completely fucking lost and apparently has no idea where she is. We end up finding LegoLand on our own and Jackson literally squealed when we went in. Let me tell you- it was fun, but not for the price we paid.

We saw a very cool, miniature version of downtown Chicago made of Legos. Jackson told me, loudly, that he could so totally make that.

 Then he jumped up and down and squealed when we saw R2D2 and hugged it. Seriously. How god damn cute is this kid.

 Then Matt took a ton of pictures of Darth Vader because he is a dork and totally embarrassing. So I made the kids stand next to dad so he didn't look like a loser getting his picture taken next to a make believe character.

 The highlight was when Jackson found Batman and wanted to show me his superhero moves, properly documented here.

Overall it was fun- they went on a laser beam ride, saw how Lego's are made and walked out of there with a cool one that says LegoLand for their sets. Then we obviously let Jackson get his own big set of Legos. He chose the Bat Cave from Batman (obviously) and held the bag/box the entire eight hour drive home.

 On the way home we stopped off in the Wisconsin Dells to get gas, pee, and have dinner. I decided that we would go to Buffalo Phil's because apparently, your food comes to you on a train. The kids love trains and this would be fun so off we went.

And your food legit comes on a train. It was pretty decent food but holy fucking expensive. We're talking just under $100 for 4 people. Sure, we had dessert, but I have never paid that much at a restaurant for 4 people EVER.

 As we were leaving, I noticed the really terrifying Buffalo Mobile and then made the kids stand there so I could get their picture.

Overall? Awesome weekend. It was a perfect trip to end a kind of lame-o summer and the kids finally got to see Chicago. They've been asking me for years to go and now they got to go. Plus I really enjoy Jen and Jon  and their kids are really awesome and I'd probably steal them if they would go willingly. Jackson already thinks Haylie is coming to 4K with him and to Disney with us next June so we obviously need to start planning a wedding.

The bus, the lamest aquatic show, the bean, and how to start a riot.

It almost sounds like a fantastical book or at least the beginning of a really great joke to tell when you're drunk but in fact, it sums up our Saturday in Chicago.

The first thing we did was buy our tickets for the double decker bus that Olivia REALLY wanted to ride. Ever since she saw them tooling around London during the Olympics she has been set on riding on one and yay me for being an awesome mom and making it happen.

 How hilarious is this picture of her? First off, I love her old lady sunglasses. Then she just looks so big girl and all loving the big city and seriously. To effing cute for her own good.

 Jackson wasn't loving the bus as much and decided that after banging his head on the railing he was better off on Matt's lap.

 Totally unrelated, but someday I'll see a show here. It's pretty much a must.

 Anyways. So the big thing on our itinerary was going to the Shedd Aquarium. I'm a Pisces so I like fish and shit, and we always like aquarium things wherever we go, and I figured this one would probably be bad ass. Because you'd think a place in Chicago could afford some really cool stuff.

 You'd be wrong, but more on that in a bit. We ended up having to wait outside in the sun for quite a bit. I wish I had the picture of Jen and I when she chased down Ironman and Hulk so we could get our pictures. Only after we had to tip them. Which, I maybe could have gotten away with not, but these people made solid looking costumes out of cardboard and duct tape- they were resourceful and could probably beat my ass. So I gave them $3 and called it good. But the kids got to take their picture next to cardboard things too.

 So once we got in we bought the "Total Experience" pass which let you into the aquarium, the 4D Ice Age movie, the Aquatic Show and then the special Jellies exhibit. Which all sounds amazing. First up we decided to get food and it was decent food, outrageously priced. Then we all go over to the 4D movie which only lasts about 15 minutes but holy man. My kids have never been in a 4D, which basically means you'll get water sprayed at you and something will poke you hard in the back. Neither of them were loving the whole 4D experience but at least they weren't like the kids in the way front screaming to get them out of there. Poor Jackson was more upset that he thought a dinosaur really blew boogers at him and I had to explain it was just water. I seriously don't think he believes me even still.

After the movie we went over to the aquatic show and sat for 50 minutes before it started. Which, actually went faster than I thought it would. And I got all excited because I love me some dolphins and I have decided I would like one of those weird white beluga whales. Jackson agrees.

 Matt not so much. Dream killer.

 But the show was hands down, the worst aquatic show I have ever seen. First off, the woman doing all the talking sounds like a god damn dolphin herself. Her voice goes high enough that only dogs can hear it, I'm sure. Then the dolphins didn't really do any tricks. They jumped once or twice, swam fast, and we heard about how they like a good tongue tickle which Matt thinks is hilarious. He now asks me if I want a tongue tickle and thinks he's a fucking riot.

 The whales were cute and weird looking, but kind of lame. The one clearly wanted no part in it's training and the woman announced that she's feisty and resistant. Which, obviously. Then they start talking about this sea otter that was rescued by Washington state or something and how the Shedd Aquarium really loves the otter and it's doing super great. It's a two minute clip on the Today show about how they care for it, etc. Do you think we get to see the otter?

No.

No fucking otter to be had. Not in it's exhibit, not in the show, nothing. Basically, they wasted two minutes of my life hyping the prodigal otter and give us nothing.

Oh wait- I'm wrong. They bring us something.

A blind hawk.

I know. I KNOW. First off, the hawk flies from one end of the pool to the other and everyone claps. I'm sorry- but it's a god damn bird. It's supposed to fly- this is nothing out of the ordinary or outrageous. Then they tell us this hawk is blind in one eye and I'm confused. Like, who cares? It still has one good eye to see- what's the big deal? I can't see shit in the dark but nobody claps for me when I make it to the bathroom without taking everything out in my path.

Whatever. It was disappointing to say the least. Then we wandered around the rest of the aquarium which was lame. I would show you pictures but I have none. Why? Because people are rude as hell, that's why. I had one Asian woman practically following Olivia and I around and literally stepping in front of me to take pictures of every single fish. We couldn't even see the fish and she's trying to be all photographer with everything. I wanted to punch her in a family facility. That's how serious this was.

So we left and I basically feel like the Shedd Aquarium stole my money. Seriously. The aquarium in Duluth was better and that tells you how craptastic this was.

After the aquarium everyone went to their hotels, medicated for headaches, took naps, whatever. We ended up walking down to Millennium Park so the kids could see the Bean and we did the obligatory family photo.

 Olivia wanted her own.

 Then Jackson wanted his. Right after this he turned around and slammed his face right into the bean. Then that was the end of our adventures there. Poor kid.

 So we decided to wait for the bus to catch up with Jen and her crew so while waiting I made them take their picture in front of a fountain.

 Oh, and no trip to Chicago is complete without getting a picture of the Crazy of the Week.

 So we all meet up and head to Navy Pier. On the weekends in the summer Navy Pier has fireworks and it's just a good time. We planned to eat dinner down there and honestly- when I went to Navy Pier for the first time I saw this restaurant called the Billy Goat Tavern. I have a love of goats even though the only real ones I've ever seen have been the cute baby ones at the zoo that all loved me. Anyways. So we ended up eating here on Saturday and what a god damn experience.

 First up, they have this goat head on the wall that is smiling at you. I kind of want this. I mean, who wouldn't want this in their home? How does this not scream "Home Sweet Home"? Anyways. So Jen points out that this basically looks like an old VFW inside and I take her word for it since I've never seen that. So we get food and I ended up ordering a cheezeborger. I have to be honest, I can't say with 100% certainty that what I ate was beef. I hope it wasn't goat because that would make me kind of sad. But it left a weird aftertaste in my mouth so who fucking knows. It could have been the no-name brand of chips they gave you as well. I mean, we just won't ever know.

After dinner we head down the Pier with the intentions of going to the Ferris Wheel.

 Oh, and Matt was a mermaid too.

 So, we're waiting in line and in front of us there is this group of 8 or so. We already have our tickets, they do not. They kind of debate about the tickets and one guy wanders off. The lines moves ahead a lot, and they kind of just stand there. So I ask the one woman if they have tickets, and she gets this "caught me" look on her face and says no. So I say, "Well then we're going ahead of you" because hello- we have tickets. All I hear is someone say, "How do they know we don't have tickets?!" and someone from our group let them know that we heard their entire we-don't-have-tickets conversation. Idiots.

 But the wheel was pretty.

Completely love this picture of these three.

And nobody puked on the wheel! I was afraid because my kids don't like rides in general but they did super well.

So afterwards they had this really great fireworks show and they had a radio station blasting music and there were so many people down there, it was just really great. I would definitely do that again.

The buses weren't running anymore at that time, but these free trolleys were. So we all walk down to where the trolleys pick you up and seriously, we're like the second and third families in line. We wait there for almost 20 minutes by the time the trolley comes and as we stand up to get in line, like EVERYONE cuts in front of us. So I do what any over exhausted, hungry, dehydrated mom does: make a complete scene. Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with people? If it were just Matt and I and I see a group of people with small kids I would absolutely let them go ahead of me because hello- those kids probably need to get to bed.  They've probably had a long day. But no. These assholes don't do that, they just cut in line.

We ended up walking for what seemed like forever through questionable neighborhoods to the hotel. We had to split from Jen and her crew when we got to Michigan Avenue because our hotels were in opposite directions and yikes. Poor Jackson had to pee but won't pee outside, Olivia had stomach cramps (probably from not pooping for two days..yay), I have to pee and we're dodging homeless and drunk people. THEN we get to our hotel and end up having to go around the block to the other side because a bunch of people were getting arrested and we couldn't get through.

Needless to say, I was pretty god damn tired when we got back. I gave the kids showers and got outfits ready for the morning and most of our stuff packed since we were leaving the next day. I don't think I got to bed until around 1 am. *yawn*

But on Sunday... we had even MORE adventures.

Beans, Spit, and the Road.

Ah.. the third day of Chicago. Equally as gorgeous in weather which was too bad because it was of course, freezing as fucking hell at home. The good thing about it being so obscenely wonderful in Chicago was that it really felt like a vacation because it was such a change from home. But you want to see pictures!

On Sunday we walked from our hotel down to Millennium Park where daffodils and tulips were in bloom, and that was amazing. This is the outdoor amphitheatre and it's a piece of art itself. The arches are like sound barriers so surrounding buildings aren't bombarded with noise.

 And of course, we saw Cloud Gate otherwise known as The Bean.

 I had to take the obligatory dork in the bean picture.

 The bean from the other side is just pretty because you get the gorgeous skyline reflected into it.

 The group of us being equally dorky and waving at ourselves in the Bean.

 The park also has these two huge glass tiled columns. According to our trolley tour guide, over 100 Chicago residents agreed to have their faces used on the columns. Their faces fade in/out and they are expressive- the smile, blink, and pucker their lips into a kiss. When they pucker their lips, the fountain turns on and water shoots out of their mouth as if they are spitting on you. It's kind of disgusting but fun at the same time.

After we got our caffeine fix we were able to check out of the hotel and get on the road. What a long fucking drive. It was long on the way there but the anticipation of a fun weekend makes it go by faster. We left Chicago right around 11am and I found myself having to stop several times along the way to wake myself up. I did get to stop at a Cracker Barrel and buy 8 more sugar suckers and you know I've eaten every one of them already. We stopped in Wisconsin Dells to do a little outlet shopping and I got my kids some outfits for summer at cheap prices so that was kind of great. By the time we got to Amy's apartment it was about 10:30 pm and we still had about two hours to drive to get us home.

I sat on my own bed in my own house at 12:34 am and I fell asleep with my clothes, shoes, jacket and keys in hand only to be promptly woken up at 5am by two overly eager kids. I was exhausted. I had work that day and I won't complain too much because Emily had to be there at 8 and I had to be in by 10. But still, I bet she wasn't up at 5am!

Green with envy.

OK, so I fell off the planet for a few more days. Spank me. In reality, I have a lot going on in my own little world and so I am having to carve out time for other things just to keep it all moving. With that, blogging may be sporadic but no less sassy. With that said, let's talk about Chicago, day two.

Right away when we came out of our hotel we saw a religious crazy. You know I love me some religious crazies because they are a good time and it makes me feel more secure in my own mental issues. The last St. Patrick's Day I was at in Chicago we had Scientologists with scary masks on, and so I was glad that Chicago didn't let me down this time.

 And the river was GREEN. Like bright ass green. Fun fact- the chemical they use to dye the river green is actually orange and it was only by accident that the river turned green. It was originally used so they could see if the water was leaking into surrounding infrastructure but since it's green- why not party? Also cool is that the tradition of dying the river is passed down through a Chicago family through multiple generations. I thought that was kind of awesome.

 So one of the first things we did was purchase our tickets for the 5:30 pm water taxi because Emily wanted to do it and I had never done it. The bonus is that it was fairly cheap at $29 a person because it was great. More on that in a bit. Then after buying those tickets we walked down to the Water Tower Place and bought our tickets for the trolley. Keep in mind at this point it's almost lunch time and nobody has eaten. This tour is typically two hours long if you don't hop on/off anywhere and it's a pretty substantial loop that you go on. The plan was to get to Navy Pier, get off and have lunch, look around and then get back onto the trolley.

 This didn't happen because guess what? There are a lot of fucking people in Chicago walking around half drunk on St. Patrick's Day.

 Three hours later, we get to Navy Pier. But not before I had to hold in vomit from having ridiculously low blood sugar, a migraine coming on and basically breaking out in cold sweat because I felt like I was either going to puke all over the trolley or pass out.

 (side note: tell me this isn't post card worthy??? I took that myself!)

Anyways. We get to Navy Pier and almost immediately, the smell of warm garbage (it was in the mid 80's and gorgeous outside) and fast food made my mouth feel tingly. We all had to pee by this point so we get into the bathroom and I puke. Obviously. Afterwards, I felt confident I could eat something. So I get into line with the girls to get food and just as I'm getting to the register, my mouth feels tingly again. You know that feeling- your mouth gets warm and tingly and saliva pools in there, yeah. So I ask Amy to get me a Pepsi and I run like a ninja to the bathroom. The line was ENORMOUS and no way was I going to make it. So I do what anyone would do.

I go to the men's room and puke in a urinal.

Thankfully, there were no guys in there and even if there were I don't know that I'd care because we had an emergency situation and I didn't want to puke in the family pavilion with the little girls who were doing Irish dances or whatever performing right there.

Afterwards, I was not eating lunch. I got my Garrett's popcorn (which was as delicious as the trolley person said it would be) and drank my Pepsi. After about an hour I started to feel OK, so we got on the trolley and headed back to the water taxi place.

 We snapped a picture before we got on the taxi.

 And I took some more of the river as the sun was almost ready to go down.

 And then we got on our little water taxi. Which was amazing and maybe the most relaxing thing we did. It was so nice to be on a boat, with cool people, learning about this awesome city, waving to the locals and having them wave back, and watch the sun set over Lake Michigan. Like, can you really end a great day any better?

Emily and I were boat buddies and if it were not for her suggestion, we would not have been on that awesome water taxi!

After the water taxi we went to the Cheesecake Factory to get some food. Um, WORST SERVICE EVER. I've eaten at that location before and it was delicious, but this time it was bad. The food was bad, we had three different employees wait on us (kind of), we were there for what seemed like forever but was just under two hours because that's apparently how incompetent they were, and then Amy and Tammy got yelled at for having to pee because they were trying to close the bathroom down 45 minutes before the place closes. Um, rude. And THEN, the waitress (the last one we had) got kind attitude when we asked for her to split the bill up. Bitch, we're each paying with cards, don't give me an attitude. I was also pissy about my drink having no ice. Like, who gets fountain soda with no ice? The ice makes the drink. Everybody knows that. Assholes.

Anyways. It was a long walk back to the hotel, I was exhausted and knew I would have to be up early on Sunday so we can make the horrifically long drive back. I ended up getting no sleep at all either night, but overall it was worth it. Tomorrow I'll show you my Sunday pictures and wrap up my Chicago posts. :)

Mice, Moose, Yogi and Pizza. All related, I swear.

Yes! The moment you've been waiting for--- posts about my trip to Chicago. I have to break this up into a couple of posts because I have a lot of pictures to share and stories to tell. So let's start with Friday- day one.

We left Superior at like 6am (me, Tammy and Emily) and drove to Bloomington to pick up Amy. Then we headed towards Chicago and the weather was perfect. I'm talking mid 70's in MARCH. The drive was fairly uneventful until our lunch stop in Black River Falls, Wisconsin. There, you will find probably the most hick version of a Perkins restaurant ever. Outside you see the cheese store and creepy sign:

 A random orange moose. Not to mention the other moose who is missing half of his horn thingies.

 A large deer statue humping a faux log.

We had what I thought was the worst restaurant service (which was later trumped by the Cheesecake Factory, but more on that tomorrow) because our waitress was, I'm pretty sure at least, mentally handicapped. Which, good for Perkins. Really, good for them. But this girl was clearly not meant to be a waitress. Not only did our food take forever to get there, but lots of stuff was screwed up. Not to mention she never did help the table of four old people next to us the entire time we were there. The hostess and then the manager kind of half assed it for them. But the best part of this Perkins was their used book shelf you could buy books from. Now, if it wouldn't have been so blatantly rude of me to take pictures of these books I would have. The books all ranged from either super crazy religious, instructional manuals on how to be a good homemaker and other random shit, to the obscenely racist title called, Who'll Vote For Lincoln? with an African American boy on the cover. Um, yeah. Welcome to back country America, folks. Considering we're well above the Mason Dixon line, I was a bit surprised to see this.

Then a little further down the road we stopped at a Road Ranger gas station. Mostly because anything called Road Ranger instantly sounds like a fun time compared to BP. Not so fun? The $4.19/gallon of gas. Seriously, rape me with the pump shall we? Anyways. While pumping gas, we all laughed when Yogi rolled in.

 Because you just don't see that every day. FYI though? Even though Road Ranger has 64 ounce fountain soda for $.49- DON'T DO IT. It tastes like shit. Total shit. With bubbles. Kind of. Just pass it up.

Once we got to Chicago and settled into our hotel, we decided that we would take a quick walk around the area since it was still 79 degrees out at 6:30 at night, and we were on the search for Chicago pizza. We went to Giordano's because it was close and I had never eaten there before so I figured I'd try something new. (I know, I shock even myself sometimes.)

 The pizza was really good but the appetizers were kind of a joke. I should have taken pictures. So, skip the appetizers and hold out for the pizza. We got the classic stuffed crust pizza which was so damn good.

 Tammy and me kind of matchy matchy.

 Amy and Emily!

After pizza we decided to call it an early night because the next day was the big St. Patrick's Day celebration and the river was going to be green and we wanted to be super well rested and energized! I was exhausted from being up so early to get us to Chicago and so I really had hoped that I'd get all of this sleep. That did not happen.

Part two tomorrow.