Marie Kondo scares me.

I don't know if you remember but a couple of weeks ago I talked about watching Marie Kondo's show and then starting on my office/scrapbook area. I got rid of a lot of stuff and I'm still in the processing of getting rid of things. I have a stack of books yet to go to their new home, one to mail, some school supplies I need to organize into their new home so I can better see what I have before I buy like crazy in August. For the most part though, my room is done. I really cut back on craft supplies and books, I changed up my work area so it's more efficient and I can pull things out when I need them. I'll admit, it was nice to get rid of so much stuff.

So naturally, this made me think we should move the purge upstairs. I mean, why not? I know my makeup was a hot mess, the cabinet in our bathroom was a mess, the linen closet was a mess, things were out of hand. And our clothes? Hot mess. It was bad. So I thought I'd just start.

It's kind of hard to work on stuff like this because none of it brings me joy. I need it though, so I don't look like an ogre when I leave the house, so you know.. its a need. I did downsize it a lot because I haven't used lip liner in YEARS and frankly, I don't care enough about any of you enough to wear lip liner.  Glitter eye liner? Let's be honest... there comes a time where you need to put the glitter and the shimmer away. That goes away and your various anti aging creams and aging specific makeup comes in and you need to make the transition. If you think I'm parting with my Unicorn bronzer/highlighter you are WRONG, ma'am. I refuse to get rid of that. Refuse.

Then I moved to my closet. This is literally just my closet. I decided I was going to do my closet and then do my dresser because that is two very different sections. Closet is clothes that I wear every day. Dresser is weird things like tanks, pajamas, socks and underwear, long underwear, bathing suits, etc. None of that seems like stuff I would sort with regular clothes so I made it two different jobs.

You know what doesn't bring me joy? Making the decision to get rid of all of the clothes that don't fit. I can't hang onto these for "someday" because it's making me depressed every time I go to wear it and realize yet again... it doesn't fit.  I allowed myself one small stack of jeans that are the next size down from where I am now and a couple of t-shirts that are amazing and hilarious and I just can't get rid of. Those ended up being folded on a shelf in my closet.

I did work on my dresser that same night because I was kind of on a roll. I did her fancy folding thing. As much as I didn't like it when I was doing it, when I pull stuff out I kind of love it. 

I did my t-shirts and ended up getting rid of a LOT of them. I only have a drawer of them versus two now. 

I have my solid colored tanks rolled (lower left), my printed tanks folded (top left), extra t-shirts that didn't fit in the drawer (middle), and my pajamas folded (top right). 

I had a hard time with this drawer because this is all weird random stuff I use rarely. I have two bathing suits (two different sizes), my long underwear, sports bra, lacy tank/bra thing that goes under a shirt I have, and a petticoat and belt. 

I missed her episode on pants so when I looked it up I didn't like that method at all. So I have my workout pants folded (lower left), leggings rolled (top left), maxi skirts folded (middle), capri leggings (top right), and other pants folded (lower right). This is actually working really well for me so I'm going to stick with it. 

I did finish the bathroom. This cupboard was chuck full of stuff. So I've got my towels folded (I cannot handle them folded any other way. Sorry, not sorry.), my makeup was transferred to the blue drawer thing, and face lotions/cleansers/face masks, etc in the tray. Underneath is the toilet paper, spare diaper and pull up, and then basket of lotions. 

It's dark in here but this is my linen closet that is right outside of the bathroom. We have the laundry hamper in here and we store beach towels, extra blanket (for sleepovers), and my CPAP machine bag in here. This bottom shelf was a catch all for junk. So now we have boxes organized with stuff: one for first aid supplies, one for shaving razors/cream, one for dental care, and this box for nail polish stuff. That box was full of CD's that I got rid of (after making sure I had them in my iTunes because I still listen to them.)

I made Matt do his dresser and part of the closet too because I said I would do it if he didn't. He did it one night I took Olivia to dance. 

 He got rid of a TON of his gross t-shirts. He has nice clothes, he dresses like he owns nothing.

Oh! So here's our closet all done. My dresses are hanging on a hook but I did get rid of half. Matt's clothes are on top (honestly, I feel like he could have/should have gotten rid of more but I'm lucky he did it at all so I'm not going to push it). My clothes are on bottom. They are all pushed to the middle, there is nothing in that black hole to the left or the little to the right. For perspective, my section was SO full, I could hardly squeeze things in there. It's really weird to not have much to choose from (some of this is summer only so my winter selection is... like 5 tops at best) but I guess it's nice to not be depressed every day when I get dressed.

Are you doing any purging? Is Marie Kondo bullying you into feeling joy? Honestly, I realize how very little brings me joy in my house and it's mostly all because I need it, not because I like or want it. I'm curious if others are feeling the same way or are totally into the feeling joy thing.

Purge, baby, purge

If  you're a Netflix junkie or mildly curious what people are talking about, you've likely watched an episode (or binged them all while eating popsicles in your sick bed) of the Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. It's all about minimizing what you own, keeping only what sparks joy, and freeing up the spaces in your home. Lots of research says that too much stuff or clutter around you increases anxiety, and I know that's true for me. I think I was able to always keep my anxiety in check by obsessively organizing and cleaning. Post AFE I am not able to do that so oftentimes I find myself staring at a counter in my dining room, often referred to as a "command station" area, which has become a catch all. Everyone throws things on it and apparently I'm the only one capable of doing anything about any of it. Which is annoying because what would they do if I was dead?

I digress.

I decided that I really have to do this. I started a few months ago and I focused on one specific area, like a closet. I emptied out, went through each item one by one and had a ton of trash, mostly because it was a linen closet, and when I put the few things back in, it was really nice. Interesting, I've been very reluctant to put anything back onto the empty shelves so I have been really good about keeping it up.

I know Marie has a method of doing all of the clothes at once (which I will do this weekend or next, I'm not sure yet), doing all paper, all komono (everything else), etc. It's a whole process. But for me to do this with toddlers under me, that's not really practical. I did Lucy and Penelope's room as one process and got rid of things that were too small, stained, things we just don't use/wear. It was really nice to just get one entire room done and close the door and know I'm done. For now at least.

I know my room is going to take awhile because Matt and I both have a LOT of clothes, mostly that we don't wear and it's always been easier to put them in a drawer and worry about it later. Get rid of three or four shirts when we are donating other stuff just to fill a bag. But the time has come... we need to really do it. But knowing that is going to be a joint process and probably not an enjoyable one, I decided I would start on my office because that's 100% me and my problem.

My office is kind of great, I spend a lot of time in it. It stores toys, all of my books, all of my scrapbooking, my recumbent bike, and a closet that is literally the biggest catch all I've ever had. I don't know what's even in there aside from purses and extra school supplies. It's a hot mess. But I decided putting it all in the middle of the room is not practical for me so I would go section by section.

I have these cubes I got from Michaels, but you can also get them on Amazon,  and they are GREAT. You can different kinds, some with doors or drawers, modular compartments, some with shelves, the possibilities are endless and it's perfect for any kind of crafter but also for someone who just has a lot of smaller things to store and you don't want them out in the open. They stack, you can move them around, they are really the best investment I've made in my office. Anyways. I have scrapbooked a lot since I had Lucy so a LOT of my supplies have been neglected. I decided I was going through each drawer and really make a decision- is this something I will realistically use knowing I don't craft much anymore, or is this something someone else could use? As you can see, that box is all of the ribbon I got rid of. Almost 75 rolls.

I decided to keep just this. Huge improvement because I had four of these drawers stuffed full of ribbon and now I have one drawer not even half full. I have nothing in my other drawers so I might just move these somewhere and downsize a cube or two. We'll see. 

This looks terrible but truly, I had stuff everywhere in my office. Matt looked a little overwhelmed and left me alone for the most part. 

I emptied out my scrapbook supplies from the closet, those are all gone. ALL gone. I didn't keep anything. I narrowed my stamp collection to half. I went through every pen, pencil, marker I had and only kept 40, just enough for one of each major color. All of my paints are gone (except the craft pain the kids use), I got rid of punches and tools, adhesive I don't like, cards and envelopes I don't use, so much stuff. I ended up donating a LOT to Penelope's preschool because I knew kids would love to tinker with this stuff at their art table and it's out of my house. 

The MOST daunting thing? Going through paper. I have thousands of sheets of 12x12 paper. Thousands. Easily. I went through so much and got rid of 3/4 of it. Did you read that? I hardly have any paper. (Not true, I have a lot but even Matt wasn't sure if my give away pile was the smaller pile and was VERY impressed that it was the larger!) That all went to the preschool too. I realized I've had paper for YEARS just because it was pretty. Like this stuff from SEI. I kept it because I literally could not part with it but I am going to use it on a page this year. I keep saying I'm waiting for the "right" photos for it but no- I need to use it. So my scrapbook area is DONE. It's kind of amazing and I feel not as overwhelmed to do more pages. I don't have as many choices to think about, it's back to being simple and easy.

My next project? Books. 

This is a before of half of my shelves. I do a purge every few months so I'm not THAT bad. Marie Kondo says you should keep less than 30 and that's not a world I want to live in. I just cannot. A person can't even ask that of me. A lot of my books I've read so many times so it's not like they just sit there.

I am going through one area at a time. Young Adult will be first, then non-fiction, and then..... everything else. I'll offer them to friends first, then I'm going to try to find teachers or organizations that would want them, and then donate. I already have a stack of books I'm going to mail to people so I need to work on that this week.

I have so much work yet to do in my office but having the scrapbook area done is a huge accomplishment. I just need to make some tough choices on books. I feel sick already.

One step closer to the loony bin... or prison. Thanks, family.

Before I get into today's post, my latest post for Duluth Moms Blog is live! It's Meal Planning for Dummies and I think you'll like it. 

I know many moms are going to relate to this post because we've all been there. It happens to all of us. I know it used to bother me before but I was able to take this kind of thing in stride a little easier, but post AFE I give absolutely no craps and I'm just done. 

I'm physically, mentally, emotionally done with it. 

I am so close to losing it on my family and I don't even think they care. Maybe I have to go ballistic on them for them to get it? My poor psychiatrist always asks if I feel rage and I have to say every day. I always get the blank stare because he's not sure what to think about that but it's true. Every single day I am brought to the brink of rage and it's my family. It's not anyone else, it's the people who live in this house. 

 The recycling. We have a paper bag that we collect our recycling in and then when it's full, someone takes it out. As of late my family have given that up and they now leave it on the windowsill. I'm not sure who they think is going to take care of it, but it drives me crazy. The bag is RIGHT THERE. But you see, that makes the bag full and logically they'd have to take it out. Nobody wants to take it out so they do this creative bit and wonder why I get angry. 

 I don't actually eat a lot of food. If I eat once a day I'm doing pretty good. Sometimes all I want is a small bowl of cereal. But I can't even have that because everyone leaves the box open and it goes stale. It's so infuriating. 

 Alright, this was Lucy. Lucy colored on my brand new, expensive grown up lamps. I mean, if the light is on you can't see it but once you turn it off there it is. Thanks, Lucy. 

 This was no help from my family, this was ALL ME. I worked all weekend doing laundry, folding it, putting it away (or in people's rooms). I had to take a picture to document the fact that it happened. It actually happened. A family of six and an empty laundry basket. 

It didn't last long. Actually only until the morning when Olivia filled it. She filled it with stuff I told her to put away early in the week and I know damn well she hadn't worn. I swear to god that girl is going to send me to the brink because of her laundry. 

 Someone didn't even have the decency to put a new roll on top. I mean, I have no expectations a roll would be changed but you could at least get us halfway there with a roll on top. 

Not my family. 

I sweep my floors every day. I mop every other day. I am so physically exhausted from doing both of these things so frequently. It's not like I can skip it because I have this pile of dirt on my kitchen floor EVERY DAY. 

I tried to sweep it into a heart to boost morale. 

It didn't work. 

You guys. 

I'm not like I once was, I can't keep this up. I talk to people, explain how over it all I am and we're good for a day or two. Then people just stop and wait for me to lose it on them again. It's not a matter of just hiring someone, I literally cannot handle the stress of having someone in my house, touching my things. I just can't do it. I so badly want a one level home but the reality of that is that it isn't going to happen. I have to make what we've got work and I'm not kidding- I'm struggling. 

I am so, so grateful I have therapy on Monday. It feels like I haven't been there in forever and it's only been two weeks. 

Don't do it if you are easily disgusted.

I'm big into buying things used to save some money. Totally all for it. I seriously wish I would have had listened to people tell me not to spend a lot of money on baby gear when I was pregnant with Olivia. I learned by the time I had Jackson and thank god I had the brains to not buy girly pink everything with Olivia because everything she had, Jackson used. And it was glorious, perfect and smart.

Then Matt declared we were done with babies. Sell all of the stuff, he said. You don't need to keep any of it for any reason, he said.

Fast forward seven years and here we are, on the cusp of Penelope's arrival and we had saved NOTHING. A few people have been like, "Whoa- you've gotten so many gifts, it's like it's your first born!" and truly, it is. Mostly because these people know we had literally nothing. I mean, not even clothes. I sold everything at yard sales because Matt was SURE we were totally done. The only thing we did still have was the crib my mom used at her house when she watched our kids. Yes, it's "older", like ten years old. But you know what? I don't give a damn. No kid ever got a limb stuck in it and quite frankly, I think some parents take things far too seriously. It's going to be just fine. It just is.

So this time around I was all about finding anything for free, or as low cost as possible, and making it work for us. Fortunately, most of our friends are done with babies so we've gotten a lot of really great stuff from them at no cost. The level of gratitude for all of that can't be measured, that's for sure. But not everything has been that way so I have been looking at the Facebook garage sale sites for months and getting things here and there.

One thing I acquired was a pack and play with changing table thing for $20. Now, we are those hard core parents that don't co-sleep and we don't do the bassinet bullshit. The kid has a crib and it's best you learn to use it because I'm not doing this sleep transitioning crap more than once. (Same with potty training. I'm never, ever, ever going to do the potty seat bullshit again either. Did that with Olivia and going from that and then to toilet? WHY? Why are you essentially training twice? Ludicrous, I tell you.) But the pack and play was always super nice when they were way little because they'd cat nap while I'd try pumping, or sometimes I was allowed to pee and I'd stick them in there. Or when they first came home and I couldn't change their diaper on the floor because I had so many stitches keeping my vagina in tact (level four tear, both times, HUZZAH), I used the changing table part. Super handy.

So anyways.

I bought this sucker for $20 and put literally zero thought into cleaning it. So a few weeks ago I found this pin on Pinterest about cleaning a pack and play and I was like, is that a thing? Are people that fanatical? They actually are. And because I love to clean and I've got time, I thought- why not? Why not fill my bathtub up with chemicals and clean this sucker?

Like a totally terrible blogger, I did not take a "before" picture of the pack and play. But I will say that honestly? It didn't smell weird and it looked totally clean. But I figured I had already carried the son of a bitch upstairs to my bathroom with a tub (the downstairs bathroom is a shower stall only), so we're already committed.

I filled the tub about half way with scalding hot water and put the pack and play in. The bottom portion of the pack and play is on the bottom of the tub, pretty much all of the components are in.

Oh, for the "cleaner" I used about a cap full of laundry detergent and then a scoop of OxiClean. Every tutorial I found had varying ingredients and measurements and I don't do math so I winged it with that concoction.

After about an hour, I went back up. And holy fucking DISGUSTING, people. That was what it looked like after soaking. I had to rotate it so all of it got clean.

After about another 45 minutes, I drained the tub and rinsed everything off with hot water. But then you have to dry the damn thing. The instructions I saw had people drying these outside in the sunshine. I do not have that luxury because at the time, it was still freezing cold and it would just freeze. So Matt said my best bet was to do it in the basement. But that meant carrying this dripping thing down to the basement from the second floor and that's a nightmare. Thankfully, he's such a good sport and used my brilliant idea to use a huge plastic tote to carry it down. So we did that. It took basically a full week to air dry out. The bottom of the pack and play had a weird board in it, so in order for that to not warp, we had it set up on sawhorses in the basement and I'd rotate twice a day so it was drying evenly.

Ta-da! We got it all put together (mostly) and it looks (and smells) great. And is totally freaking clean. I mean, who knew this was a cleanable thing?! Even though we likely will only use this for a few weeks, knowing I only spent $20 on it doesn't make me feel so bad. But now I'm looking around my house wondering what else I can clean?!