Weight Loss Journey: Holding Steady

I haven't done a weigh-in in a few months and that's because I haven't really moved, BUT I started at like 212 and I've been holding steady at 209.

Obviously, I'd like to not be stagnant, but I'm going to take it because at least I'm not going up and I feel pretty OK with where I'm at.

To be honest, I didn't do a DANG THING at all last week and that's because of two things. One, I had done SO much activity the week we were in Missouri, and two, the big kids (all but Lucy) were gone for the entire week to my in-laws so I really didn't have anything to do.

Well, that's not entirely true.

I did clean stuff that was neglected the week we were gone, I did laundry, cleaned the suitcases because even though I unpacked I feel weird being at places so I clean them out, and Lucy and I hung out. Which was incredibly nice and quiet, and I realized this school year is going to be AMAZING because I'm going to be ALONE for like three hours every day.

I can't even wait.

But that three hours cannot be wasted and I want to do something active so I don't slide into my natural slug ways. I said when Fitbit came out that I absolutely wasn't going to jump on the fad but it's a bazillion years later and....

I need to jump on the fad.

Photo illustration credit: TechRadar and Fitbit

So what do you suggest? I've gone over a lot of articles online and I've probably read this one a solid ten, maybe even eleven times, but it's all nonsense to me. My cognitively impaired brain isn't understanding 80% of it and so I need to know what regular people suggest.

Do you have a Fitbit you love? One you hate? Tell me why you love it, and tell me why you hate the other ones.

Ideally, I'd like one that is waterproof (because kids, but also because I forget to take things off when I get into a shower and it's been a problem that I'm not getting into), I don't swim for sport so I don't need it do that. I'd like it to track my steps and my heart rate reliably. I'd like something that can connect to my phone (iPhone) and I'm on the fence about GPS (Like, what's the benefit to seeing your GPS on the thingie versus your phone? Does it even matter?)

Or does Fitbit suck completely and I should go with something even COOLER and BETTER?

HELP ME.

Weight Loss Monday: The heat is killing me.

You guys, I'm not kidding when I tell you the heat might actually kill me. It's been so hot and I'm trying so hard to not complain because I absolutely hate winter with everything in me and it's coming but holy balls.

It's hot, y'all.

I had to switch it up for this week because not only was it hot but some evenings it was absolutely pouring and while I'm game to go walking in moderate rain with my little umbrella, when it's a severe weather alert I'm just not going to do it.

Instead I used my little bike thing at home and went three miles on that. To be honest though I don't know if it's a real three miles because it took me about a half hour and my legs only felt a little wobbly. Whatever- it was something.

Other days I did walk and it was OK. I've really been into podcasts lately and I've listened to this one three times now. It's so good. So  many great lines but one that has been sticking with me, "When you avoid conflict to make peace with other people, you start a war within." And I'll be honest, I had a hard time following Russell Brand because he speaks far beyond my intelligence level but Brene Brown is really good and I'm kind of obsessively watching and listening to everything I can find of hers online during my walks and that's been good.



So other than that, it's OK. I'm trying. I'm doing the best I can. I'm going out at least three times a week but my ultimate goal if five. I think eventually I'll need to make it a seven day a week thing but I'll get there.

How are you doing? Do you have podcasts you really, really enjoy? Share them with me because I'm almost through my list!

Weight Loss Monday: Hard realizations and truths.

I won't even lie, last week sucked. Last week sucked in a lot of ways and had some bright spots too, but for the most part..... it sucked.

Good news is that we had Lucy's speech appointment and she's going to keep getting speech services during the upcoming school year. That appointment was definitely the only highlight of the week for me.

The next day I had my psychiatry appointment, which I had been looking forward to, because it had been 12 weeks since my previous appointment so I felt like this might just be a check in. Maybe just a "increase the dose of Ritalin" appointment because the dose I was on (which was variable, I had a range that I could stay within, depending on my level of exhaustion for the day- so take more if I'm WAY tired and take less if I'm only a little tired).

Instead he explained that you can't just "take more" and it'll work better. I was at the top of the allowed dosage so if it wasn't working, and I felt no change in my level of tired, and I didn't feel any more alert and I didn't have any more energy to do stuff then the next logical step would be to change my medication.

And I knew this. I knew this, and I knew that it might come to this. The next stop on this track is Adderall. Now, do NOT misunderstand me- I understand the need for medication in the treatment of mental illness. I get it, I know it, I'm OK with it. I'm no longer in the "I don't need or want medications" camp because I'm not an idiot, I know that I need these. I am far beyond what nature, exercise, essential oils, chiropractors, yoga, CBD oil, etc can do. I have actual brain damage and I understand that now. I'm OK with it.

But Adderall always scared me. It's always been on the list of medications on my ladder. I have exhausted all of the other options that are in my "OK" list on my GeneSight test. I have done everything right and gone through the side effects and withstood the really horrible days where I wondered why I'm even doing this. But Adderall feels like a failure. Like I'm admitting defeat and I don't know why. I don't know why this one bothers me so much.

Matt picked it up on Thursday and I haven't taken it yet. I will. Probably not this week, if we're being honest.

On Thursday I had to do labs for endocrinology to see what's what. Most of my levels were pretty OK and that's good and normal. A couple of them were a little high.... indicating that I am close to the diabetes fan club and that is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I will stave myself if I have to but being diabetic is not going to happen. Also, I have too much chloride and something else which indicates I'm not getting enough oxygen. Common causes are sleep apnea (have that, but I also have a CPAP machine) and obesity. Which.... guilty. He reiterated that I have to lose weight. It will help the diabetes thing and now the breathing thing.

So that's fun, being told that great, you're walking and that's awesome but also DO MORE RIGHT NOW AND TRY HARDER. So I continue walking. The heat is killing me and I am really struggling with fitness in the heat. I'm going to have to increase myself to two miles because obviously one mile isn't doing the job even though I feel like a sweaty mess after it. I'm going to have to try doing home work outs too. Maybe I can do something in the morning and walk after dinner. I don't know. I'm stressed out and over it all.

Walking Queen... young and sweet... only 37....

So... that didn't flow as well as the original but close enough. I don't know where you live but where I live (the very tip of Lake Superior) it was hot as balls all week. But you know what I did? 

 I walked like 5 times. I didn't take pictures every time because I forgot but! I took a picture of me on Monday holding my umbrella because it was sprinkling and looked like it  might downpour but I brought an umbrella because I am only kind of a wussy. I didn't end up needing it because it was still like 82 and I was so warm so the rain actually felt pretty alright. Tuesday was an OK day to walk. Wednesday it was even warmer so as soon as I got home I had to shower because not only was I sweaty and gross, but I couldn't cool down fast enough. Which, I'm finding I'm having a harder and harder time doing so that's inconvenient. Thursday I walked in the morning and promptly came home and ate two Bomb Pops for breakfast because I am a champion. Friday I ended up skipping my neighborhood walk and instead walked around Walmart for an hour with Olivia trying to find a birthday gift for her friend. I put in easily more than a mile and left there irritated to boot because she is the worst shopper. Never has any ideas, never knows what people like, it's just the worst. Saturday I walked around Glensheen Mansion and I was actually pretty tired when I was done so I think in all I did maybe a mile and a half? 

Sunday was rest day because I'm not a masochist. 

This week is going to be kind of stressful and a lot busy. 

Monday I have therapy (THANK GOD) and Lucy has speech where we go over her latest assessment. Tuesday we meet with the school district for an IEP/see-if-you're-bad-enough-to-qualify-for-services meeting. It's pretty bad that I hope Lucy scores low enough to be able to receive services as school. So... cross your fingers. Wednesday I see my psychiatrist to talk about my medications and I like that doctor so that will be fun. Lucy has speech again on Friday and then on Sunday we go to the parenting hell hole also known as Day Out with Thomas the Train! 

Matt is super thrilled. He remembers when we took Olivia and Jackson way back in 2011. 

I actually had to find it in a scrapbook because I didn't remember it and apparently it was hot, it was loud, people were rude, and we got suckered into buying two hats that cost me almost $60. 

So. Should be a good weekend. Ha!

Also, if you're on Instagram, you should come and enter my giveaway. It ends August 1 and I'm probably going to mention it every day until then to be annoying. 

Enter the super cute giveaway HERE!! 

Are you walking? Running? Squats? Eating ice cream on the couch for two meals a day? 

Weight Loss Monday: Walking with maybe predators. And the sun is trying to kill me.

I feel like I'm finally getting my groove back. Matt said I used to be super crabby if I didn't get my nightly walk in every night years ago when I was in my weight loss kick. I'm starting to get that feeling now but I am also really very tired so it's been a struggle to go.

Last week though I walked Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. The goal this week is to go every day. I'm not kidding. I am finding that walking in the morning pushing a stroller is really tough and it makes one mile feel like I'm walking to my death. In the evening, after dinner, I've been walking a mile and getting the itch that I could go further so I'm going to try. Two miles with the stroller is an absolute no-go because Penelope and Lucy are heavy. It's almost pushing 60-70 pounds and I know that's nothing to most people but for me? It's something.

I also discovered after really looking back at my notes and putting information together on my OWN that I think I have heat intolerance. Which, I know it sounds like I'm one of those crazy people using Dr. Google and diagnosing themselves but that's not the case at all. The last three summers have been kind of awful and full of days where I'm sick (vomiting, diarrhea, migraines, fatigue, and flu like symptoms) but they are sporadic and I didn't think there was any kind of pattern.

Oh but there is!

They always happen the day AFTER I've been outside for awhile on a moderately warm day. Just this summer alone I've had a few of these events (and they are the worst, no joke) and they have all started while I'm outside. I'll start with a headache, then I have to run to the bathroom, then I feel like I'm going to throw up everything I've ever eaten in my life, then I get unbelievable fatigue (it feels like I'm going to pass out because I am that tired) and I start to hurt all over. It'll last for an entire day, sometimes two. Nothing helps other than a ton of ice water and sleep.

I sent a message to my rheumatologist and my endocrinologist and I got varying information. Rheumatology didn't seem to care even when I point blank asked if it's possible I have lupus. I guess I'll have to bring it up at my next appointment again and see. Endocrinology was a little more forthcoming with information and while he didn't seem concerned or surprised, he did let me know that where I have brain damage and pituitary damage is where your body regulates your body temperature. So when you get warm your body tries to regulate it, same as when you get cold. Apparently I cannot do that so I'm at a significantly greater risk for heat stroke, so that's really fun. The only solution he has for me is to wear a hat, always be under shade, where loose fitting, breathable clothing, drink obscene amounts of water, and do whatever I can to not be hot.

I also realized on July 3 when I was sitting, in the shade, in the yard watching kids play and chatting with Olivia and her friend, I had drank 150 ounces of water that morning between 7-11 a.m.

And I didn't pee. Not once. Didn't even feel like I had to.

In fact, I drank more and more water all day.

I peed before I went to bed for the first time that day at 10 pm.

So clearly, something isn't normal.

**
Next up is my walks. I do the same loop every walk because it's easy to know when to turn around and it's easy for me to find my way home in case I get confused or disoriented.

On Saturday though, as I was almost to my turn around spot, a man was walking toward me and I didn't think anything about it. As he walked past me I just..... I got that feeling. You know when your gut is telling you something isn't right? You get that urge to run and look for help? That's what I got.

I turned at my normal spot and he kept walking the direction I had just come from. As I got around the block I just have an uncomfortable feeling and I actually feel unsafe. Something about this doesn't feel right and I'm not sure what to do. So I keep walking. I realize he's matching my pace but we're walking on parallel street. I slow WAY down mid block to let him get ahead of me. After was more than enough time for him to get ahead, I start going only to realize he stopped and was waiting for me.

I actually felt like I was being stalked. I'm not kidding.

I realize I'm maybe three blocks from my house now so I decided I'm going to risk injury and start jogging to get ahead of him. I'm clipping along at a decent pace and I just... I have a really uneasy feeling. By the time I got to my house (I live on a corner) I realize I have screwed up because now this guy knows where I live. He must have heard or seen Matt, who was working in the garage but had his saw pulled out into the drive, because he basically started booking it. I tell Matt what happened and he doesn't seem concerned, but I didn't see the guy again.

Not going to lie, I didn't walk yesterday because I'm mildly afraid I'm going to run into this guy again.

But it made me wonder, has a man ever felt that way? Like he's being stalked and followed, and been scared about it? I can imagine it isn't as frequently as women have. My entire walk home I kept running scenarios in my head, like what are my options? I can maybe run through some yards, maybe start banging on doors. I had my phone and I could have called for help but what if he grabs me and I drop my phone? How would they know where I was dragged off to? If I started screaming would anyone be home and willing to come out and help me?

My priority this week is to seriously get pepper spray or something to take with me. Even if I never need it, maybe just having an option would make me feel better. I don't know.