Friday, October 30, 2009

I'm famous. Kind of. Don't poop on my parade.

HEY!!! Guess what?? My Etsy shop is featured on another person's blog! Cross your fingers for some sales for me. Because my kids have this quirky need to eat, and you know..Christmas is coming and Santa is b-r-o-k-e. If you know what I mean. ;)

Holly from Her Southern Heart did an interview of sorts on me and my shop is featured today. I'm super duper excited!! I'm giving away a frame, so head over to her blog to find out how you can be famous. Or at least a winner. But remember lambs- you are all winners in my eyes.

(Not that it counts or anything)

So now that Halloween is tomorrow I'm already focusing on Christmas. Thanksgiving is great for food, but it's one of those holidays that if we just stopped celebrating it, I'd be ok. I'd still have turkey and pig out, but other than that- eh. I'm indifferent. But I do love Black Friday! I hope my mom wants to go this year, otherwise I'll go alone. But the plan is to be out at 3 a.m. to get to Kohl's, then Walmart. I've got strategy people! :)

ANYWAYS-- so in past years (before Etsy) I have done custom Christmas cards for people. You tell me what you want and how much you want to pay- I see what I can do for you. I can do any size order, but obviously super huge orders need to get to me soon because you know- I have to work on them an all. I also do custom photo frames, any kind of invitation/annoucements, and gift baskets. SO..if you are in the market for any (or ALL..hee hee) of these things let me know! You can contact me through my Etsy shop: or by email, .

You can also contact me if you'd like to know what to get me for Christmas. Just in case. ;)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The reality of my life

I've had a really rough week, people. Not going into all of the details, I will tell you that a person very close to me apparently doesn't like me. I've learned through this person that many people apparently don't like me. Now at first I was obviously upset about this because who wants to hear that? But now that I've had a few days to digest all that was told to me, I realize I don't care. Obviously I want people to like me, I think everyone does. And I know that in the circle of people I have created around me- they all like me. It's mainly the people I didn't choose, the people I inherited when I was born that seem to not like me. Which is what makes this hard to digest. I have also realized when talking to some of my really good friends this week that the people I inherited don't even know me. This saddens me, but when I really look at why they don't know me- it was never because of my lack of effort. They never really took the time to get know me, see what makes me tick, understand or care how I feel. It's all very confusing to all of you, I'm sure, but in the end know that I'm ok with it.

I read the MckMama blog this morning and since I haven't been there in a few weeks, I was going through older posts. I stumbled across this post and that is what has brought this post on. Part of the conversation I had on Sunday was about my marriage. Most of you don't know about the personal struggles Matt and I deal with, and although I would never air them out on my blog, people seem to think I have. I invite you all to look through the last two years of my blog and tell me if you see a post about all of marital problems. You can, but you won't find anything. Because despite what people say or think about it, I love my husband. I really do. I don't know if he loves me the same way anymore, but we're married and I have to trust that he's here because he wants to be and not just because it's easier. Some days, I feel like I'm here because it's easier. I don't know that I could be a single parent. Some people tell me I could do it if I had to, and yes- I probably could swing it, I'm not incompetent. But there are qualifications to being a single parent that I don't know I have. Which is why I married Matt. He has the pieces that I don't have. We make a team for a reason. I didn't have kids alone for a reason. I never wanted all of it on my plate and honestly- I got married thinking it wouldn't ever happen. Because I'm an optimist. Depsite what people may think.

What you read on my blog is not entirely who I am. Am I sarcastic? Yes. Do I often judge things/people? Sometimes I do. Do I use humor to get through the day? Yes. Do I love my kids? Absolutely. Is my marriage great? Nope- and I don't believe anyone's marriage is great.

Things you wouldn't necessarily know about me by reading my blog is that:
  • I am a giver. I give to strangers, friends/family, and organizations every chance I get. Because I know that I have a lot more than other people do and I like to help.
  • I can get along with just about anybody.
  • I get taken advantage of on a daily basis.
  • I cry every night before bed.
  • I am a bitch only in the sense that I just don't feel the need to pussy foot around something. Just say it.
  • Despite what people say, I put other people's feeling ahead of my own 75% of the time.
  • I try very hard to make others around me happy.
  • I try to avoid conflict whenever possible. Sometimes, I'd rather be unhappy than start a fight.
  • Those closest to me really have no idea how much I struggle day to day with personal stuff. What I tell people is probably only 25% of what I'm really trying to handle.
  • I don't feel like I am supported by others around me.

It makes me sad that some of those around me think ill of me. But at the end of the day I guess I can't really help it. I try to do everything I can for everybody and that obviously hasn't worked for me. I'm going to continue working on my marriage, because we're in it and we may as well try. I'm going to continue being the best mom I can be. Am I perfect? No. But nobody is. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. I do the best that I can, and I struggle. I'm going through this blind but I'm trying. And that's all that can be asked of me.

I try to be the best wife I can. Anybody who says that I'm selfish really doesn't know me. I'm probably one of the least selfish people I know. I put everyone's needs ahead of my own. I do for Matt before I do for me. I put my kids first, then Matt. If he needs something, I do everything I can to make it happen. I listen to him, I try to be understanding even though I don't understand why he is the way he is, and I turn a blind eye to things I know I can't change because it is who he is. Those around me who say I'm selfish don't know how much I have given up to make others happy. So if you read about me going to a concert? Know that I gave something else up in order to do that. I need to get away to remain sane. My kids need a mother who is happy and can function- not one who is sad, depressed, and stressed out. Matt needs me to be on my best and he knows in order for me to be there- I need alone time. I need time with friends. I'm lucky if I get 5 hours away a month from kids/husband/home. I'm sorry if other people don't get that or never did. But it's crucial to me. If you can handle everything without that- you are a better person than I am.

And I apologize to anyone who feels like I've hurt them, ignored them, treated them badly, or can't do stuff with you without my kids. I'm sorry. I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I work full time. I have many irons in the fire. I'm doing my absolute best and I'm sorry that I'm not perfect and that I can't be everything to everybody. And if you see me cry- leave me alone. It's perfectly alright to feel the way I do. And I'm sorry if after knowing me for 27 years that you don't know me. I obviously failed at some point.

But I do want to say, thank you to my readers. Whether you follow or not- I know you read this blog and that is unbelievable to me. The comments you leave me all get read. The emails you send me are read. I reply every chance I get because I appreciate all of the support you all give me. Your support is what keeps me going everyday. I think of you all often in my day-to-day doings and people are probably sick of hearing me say, "I should blog that!" :) But I don't care. You all are worth it.

So no more sappy posts for me! Nope. I have some kind of quirky posts coming up in the coming days so stay tuned for that. :) AND, I will have a give-away happening again next week sometime, so be sure to come back for that. AND, on November 6 I am going to see Paramore with a good friend of mine, Tammy so I will (hopefully) have pictures and funny stories from that. And a review of the show, of course.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Vacation Pictures: Part Two

So here is part two of the trip photos. If I get more via email or something, I'll post them. The big deal of our trip was taking the kids to Magic Kingdom. I really wanted to do this before I was 30 (it's on the list, yo) and so now I can cross it off. I've never been there around a holiday, so being there at Halloween was very cool. The whole park was decorated to the nines in Halloween decor. AND, the park closed early that day (boo to that) because it was the Not So Scary Halloween Party. We didn't stay for that since it was like $20/per ticket extra.

But it was hot out- and we attempted to stay outside to see the parade. It didn't happen. We were literally burning up and getting sick from heat. But here is Matt and I before my makeup melted off. :)

We did a few rides for the kids, but since we didn't have a lot of time we missed some really fun parts of the park, so that sucked. But that just means we get to go back and spend more time, probably when Jackson is a little older.

Travis and I in Liberty Square.

We were in line orginally for Pooh and Eeyore. Well Eeyore was probably dying inside the costume, so we got Tigger and a different Pooh. Whatevs. Olivia was thrilled, and Jackson really liked Tigger.

And seriously, what kind of parent would I be if I neglected to take the kids on the Dumbo ride? For reals, yall. So we did that. Jackson was in my elephant and LOVED when we went super high up. Olivia and Rhonda did their thing in the pink elephant of course.

Here we are- like the cutest couple ever.

This one is for you, Dina. This is in the "It's A Small World" ride which is my favorite ride ever. It's got cheesy music, slightly creepy figures, but it's great. Olivia really liked it, kept getting excited as we went through each country, and Jackson fell asleep. Poor kid. I have a picture of the sign as you go in that says "The Happiest Little Cruise That Ever Sailed". Say with me people, "awww"

Rhonda and I at the Magic Kingdom entrance before leaving. I actually couldn't get up there- Matt had to hoist me. Poor Matt. I'm like 15 pounds heavier than him. :( And then I was laughing so hard- I almost fell. Thanks for laughing at me Rhonda. :) LOL!

So the next day was our trip to Clearwater Beach. I was pretty excited about it. We (Rhonda and I) spent a good 2 hours trying to convince her parents to let her go parasailing with me. I've already done it, she's always wanted to, so we decided we were doing it together. So we get up early- get to the beach before lunch. Beautiful weather. Warm, but not too warm. Sunny, light breeze. We get there- and find out parasailing is closed for the day because of the wind. I mean, yay for safety but boo for crapping on our day.

Who are those hotties? Just me and my cousin Rhonda. And how much are you LOVING my swimsuit?? I totally loved it. It never got wet, but that's a whole other story. But at least I looked awesome on the beach!

Since we weren't parasailing, Rhonda and her parents had to leave to drive back to Tennessee. So that sucked. But I am hoping she can come up to visit us this spring because my kids ADORE her. Plus I just love her to bits so it'd be fun for me to hang out with her. :) She's like a little sister to me.

Olivia being all adorable and cute.

Jackson LOVED the sand. He ate a lot of it too.

Me and Jackson at lunch

So after having lunch on the beach, which was marginal, we decided to take the kids on a dolphin cruise. Matt and I did that on our honeymoon, and Olivia was really excited to see a real dolphin, as opposed to my tattoo of dolphins. $75 later (no joke- if you live near dolphins, get yourself in the dolphin cruise business- you make good money) and we were on the boat.
Matt and I on the dolphin cruise
We saw a bunch of dolphins, but I actually got a picture of one jumping out of the water. Those bastards are fast and I took almost 60 pictures to get this one.
So after the cruise we ended up walking around Clearwater Beach to get the usual touristy things. I love shopping on the beach. I love the smell of the beach. I love the beach air. OK- already missing the beach. :(
But on our little walk I happened across the gem of a sign. This was kind of disturbing. Because doesn't everyone want to get their flu shot in a bar while listening to a band?
So that's my vacation in 2 posts. I have a ton of pictures, so I just picked a few to highlight the trip. Enjoy!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Vacation Photos: Part One

OK, so I obviously have a ton of pictures and because I have a life I can't post them all on here. I would be here for hours, and I've got roughly 20 minutes. Because I'm tired. Jet lag sucks. And it's been a rough day in general.

Travis and Uncle Danny went to see a Tampa Bay Buccaneer game. That was Sunday. Unfortunately, they lost but it wasn't for lack of spirit I'm sure.
Then later that evening I heard the sound of a childhood favorite of mine. That's right folks- an ice cream truck. Whoever thought of marketing ice cream to small kids in little white trucks pumping out the tell-tale tune is a freaking genius. I haven't run that fast in my life. Olivia was SO excited, and I was thrilled we actually saw one. They don't have anything like that up here. If I become desperate for a job, at least I know driving around with music and ice cream will make me some money.
Jackson and Demi eating their ice cream
Danni and Olivia chowing down
These are from our visit on Monday to Madeira Beach and John's Pass. It's actually where Matt and I honeymooned- so it was fun for us to see it again.
My brother and I on the boardwalk
Jackson checking out the water. Wasn't too thrilled with it chasing him.
Olivia didn't care for the water either, but she really liked looking for shells.
Me, my mom, and Olivia
Olivia carrying shells on the beach.
Jackson just standing here. He looks like such a big boy.
The beach was great. It was nice to be out there as the sun was setting. We ate dinner on the boardwalk at a place called The Hut. Matt and I ate there before on our honeymoon. Of course Matt had seafood. That was his only seafood opportunity, so he totally grabbed it. The place was cool considering there were seagulls at our feet. Well, Travis and Jack's feet. I think they were hoping Jack would throw most of his food down, but thankfully- he was so hungry he ate all of it.
Mom and I also went into a few of the shops and bought some touristy things. She got these cool wind chimes, and I got our Christmas Ornament for the year. The drive home was tiring, but the kids did awesome. Well, the fell asleep shortly after we got going, so that was nice.
Tomorrow I will post pictures of Disney-Magic Kingdom and Clearwater Beach. But for now I'm off to bed. After I clean up the kitchen. Now that vacation is over, my regular life resumes. Yee-haw.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Day Three of Vacation: We Made It!!

Yes we finally made it yo. Our flight actually left at 5, and we actually made our connection in Minneapolis (wonders never cease) and we arrived in Tampa at 11:30 p.m. We were tired but both kids actually fell asleep on the plane. This will be a short post because today we didn't do much, did a family BBQ which was awesome just to see and talk to everyone. Only a few pictures to post from that:

Jackson cleaning my Grandpa's sidewalk

Matt and I at the airport for our first attempt at flight.

Me and my cousin Rhonda

So far the vacation is going really well, and that's mainly because yah- we finally fucking made it after all of that. And I wasn't molested, groped, or had a boob grab at the airport (as opposed to my daily run to the bagel shop) so I consider that a success, but I won't get too cocky about that because who knows what the trip home holds for us. Let's just hope that we get there. HA!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Day Two of Vacation: Still Here, part 2

Yes bitches, I am still here. We were at Duluth International Airport at 4:30 a.m in the hopes to board a 6:30 a.m. to Detroit where we would enjoy Detroit's finest for 3 hours until our flight to Tampa.

Well, it was overbooked. (anyone surprised??) But we boarded. Sat in the seat for approximately 3 minutes before being taken off. The plane was a hoopty and was busted up or something. We proceed to wait....6 the secured gate until the decide they just can't fix it. SO, we can't try for another plane until 5. Which would send us to Minneapolis for approximately an hour, where we'd leave at like 7ish, getting into Tampa at 11:35 p.m. Just like what was supposed to happen yesterday. Is this some sick joke? Am I going to end up on that A&E Show with irrate air travelers?

If you hear of a woman losing her shit in an airport- you'll be able to say you know that person. Because it will be me.

Day One of Vacation: Still Here

Oh yes lambs- I'm still in Superior! We went nowhere!

NO, my vacation isn't in Superior. At this point, 1:19 a.m., I should be arriving at my uncle's house in Springhill (just north of Tampa...where we SHOULD have been flying into). But guess what? I'm not there. I'm here.

Apparently, after our flight being delayed until 5:25 p.m., only a half hour later than scheduled, we got bumped to 6:05. Still doable. We go through security, which most of you know involves practically undressing and scanning everything. (Damn you, terrorists!!) Olivia had to put Glowy-Bear through the scanner. Us, being the super smart parents, bring the only stuffed animal we have with batteries and wires, and for those of you who live with your head up your ass, will know these two things are frequently ingredients for a bomb. SO SMART WE ARE. Thankfully, I think the security people realized that the threat of a 4 year old bomb carrying child was nothing compared to the wrath of a 4 year old screaming toddler. They let us go, with Glowy-Bear, so we could all re-dress ourselves. Jackson, meanwhile, is screaming because Olivia is, and Matt is trying to quit cold-turkey from smoking which isn't going so hot. PROBABLY because I'm forcing him to do this, so the success rate isn't as high, but damn. Those things are expensive. So to pay for those AND future cancer treatments? One or the other, asshole because you aren't getting both. Don't be a selfish bastard, I say.

So we get into the secured fishbowl and are promptly told "Flight to Minneapolis delayed until 8:18 p.m., bus information coming." WTF?? Bus? You think we're getting into a bus? We'd never make the connection. OR...we could spend the night in Minneapolis. In an airport. Eh..not so much fun.

So Matt goes to the counter. 40 minutes and two screaming children later (still, they never stopped. Their lung capacity is amazing= second hand smoke hasn't gotten to them yet, yall!) Matt informs me our flight=cancelled. We'll be going home. So then after explaining to Olivia that we aren't flying today, more screaming happens. I'm losing it. We wait another 40 minutes for my parents to come back to the Duluth airport to get us. Jackson cries virtually the entire way home. He's had it and is letting us know. As if this is just fun city for us.

Our next flight is out of Duluth at like 6:30 a.m. Which means we need to be there at 5ish, leaving Superior at 4:30ish to get there at 5ish. Which means that everyone is getting woken up at 3:30ish (we're all dressed and ready, though----we'll look SO hot all wrinkled and baggy eyed. Sweet.

AND, the topper? We're in Detroit for like a 2 1/2 hour layover. Which has got to be in the top 3 of most dangerous/dirty/most likely to get mugged airports in the U.S. YAY us!! And maybe I'm wrong. But I doubt it. The last time we were in Detroit (on our way to the sex-less honeymoon), the pilots AND flight attendants told us not to go anywhere alone. Have a buddy system. Don't go to the bathroom unless you really can't hold it. Don't talk to anyone. Stay against the wall. And no eye contact.

Yah- totally can't wait for Detroit. If you never hear for me again, check Detroit Airport dumpsters. We *might* be in there. Broke, naked, and hungry. Save us! :)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Back to my Jet-Setting ways..

Well not really. I am the furtherst thing from jet-setting but I AM flying out today to Florida. Yes, yes- be jealous. It's ok- I won't judge you.

(maybe a little)

But yes- it's my first vacation in FIVE YEARS and for those of you trying to think back on what I was doing five years ago...honeymoon. That's right- Matt and I were having a virtually sexless honeymoon in Madeira Beach, FL because our room was super nasty and gross. Luckily, I wasn't a virgin so I wasn't disappointed. Because the beach was RIGHT THERE and we were having a ton of fun doing beach stuff. Well, swimming wasn't one of them because it was sting-ray mating season and all, and they were EVERYWHERE in the water. So yeah- no swimming here, but I did get to like...look at the water. And lovely it was.

But this time we are going to be in the water, hurricanes or not, and we're going to Disney for one day, again, hurricanes or not. The kids are pumped. They have really no clue what's going on but they see luggage (well one piece people, because I? Am a mother fucking packing champion. EVERYTHING is in one suitcase. It's ok to bow down now..) and they know luggage=trips. It also means mommy calling daddy stupid because he's gotten us lost again, mommy having a nervous breakdown from all of the screaming and kids getting as much shit fed to them to get them to stop crying. All in all, it's a win-win for them.

Wait? Are you crying? Oh it's ok love- I won't leave you completely for 9 DAYS, I will periodically post pictures of our wacky travels. Because guess what? They are guaranteed to be insane with us arriving in Tampa at midnight and all. (Oh yea, at some point I will detail the retardedness that is our itinerary)

Anywho- let's fill you in on this week. Guess what? I'm 80% sure I have H1N1. Yes! It sucks. I'm on day 3, and can move without my skin hurting. I went to work for two of those days to finish up what I had to do, and went to bed at 7 each night loaded up with NyQuil. Coincidentally, NyQuil no longer makes me sleepy. I've noticed that since having Jackson I've required what amounts to horse tranquilizers to get me to get drowsy. Which is why my oral surgery after Jackson was a nightmare.

Also, I went to the doctor for my annoying wrist pain. Guess what? I have arthrites, tendonitis, AND carpal tunnel. In both wrists. Left is worse than right. Super fucking duper yall! So...I am *supposed* to wear these ridiculous braces on both wrists 24/7 if possible. Yah..not doing that. I'll wear my left one when it really hurts but I can't fucking function like that. You should see me trying to eat, go to the bathroom, or work with these on. Seriously, I become DD and feel like I should have a helper with me. Because god knows what would happen to me. It's terrible. And driving?? I had to get them off with my teeth while driving on the highway back to work from the doctor because I couldn't steer. At all. I had to use elbows, and let me tell you- driving at 90 mph (I know...the limit is 70..shut up.) with your elbows? Kind of makes me a road hazard. But oh well.

So that's it lambs. :) I'm checking out until my next post, with pictures, and you will all get to marvel at my $103.99 swimsuit. It's lovely, I promise. It's all retro and cute. PLUS, I don't look like a fat whale in it, which is always a bonus.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

How Dumb Am I?

I had to jack this post from my blogger buddy Sourav because I laughed. And knew my result would be terrible.

How DUMB are you?
The more [x]’ s the “dumber” you are.
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door
[ ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle
[x] You have thought of something funny while walking by yourself (I do this a lot actually)
[x] Laughed, then watched people give you weird looks
[x] You have run into a tree/bush. (which is why I walk on the road now)
[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow
[ ] You have tried to lick your elbow… a few times
[x] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little star have the same rhythm. [x] You just tried to sing them.
[x] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit .
[x] You have seen the Matrix and still don’t get it. (My dad is disappointed that I still don't get it)
[ ] You’ve never seen the Matrix.
[ ] You type only with two fingers.
[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.
[ ] You have caught yourself drooling.
[ ] You have fallen asleep in class and fell outta your chair
[x] Sometimes you just stop thinking
[x] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you
[ ] You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
[x] You use your fingers to do simple math
[x] You have eaten a bug
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
[x] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand
[x] You have ran around naked in your house. (this is because I almost always leave my underwear downstairs when I have to shower upstairs)
[ ] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t.
[x] You break a lot of things.
[x] Your friends know not to use big words around you. (I actually have a list of words I look up at home because I just don't get it)
[x]You tilt your head when you’re confused
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before
[x] When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling or wall
[ ] The word “ummmmm” is used many times a day.
I am (26/37)*100 = 70% DUMB !!!

But I'm funny and cute. That counts for something, right??

Citizens of Superior. Not so Superior. Not living up to our name.

In case you don't know I happen to live in a town named Superior. Our motto happens to be "Living Up To Our Name" or that's at least what the sign says when you drive into town. The other sign says we're "Pedestrian Friendly" which I can attest to that being an absolute lie. Because crossing the street from my work to the bagel shop is like playing Frogger with your life. Nobody stops despite the fact we're next to the courthouse, police department, several law offices, and we have bright green/yellow signs that say "STOP for pedestrians". This leads me to the conclusion that:

1. Our citizens can't read road signs
2. Our citizens don't know road laws
3. We're not pedestrian friendly

You make the call.

But there are a lot of things about Superior that bug me but because I own a home with a mortgage that requires me to live in this home for the first 9 years, I'm here for at least 5 more years. And let's face it- I hate moving so you know my ass isn't going anywhere.

Those who follow me on FaceBook have read some zinger status updates about my neighborhood. I have started my little walking fitness routine which is lovely but now as it's getting colder I'm deciding that shedding body fat probably isn't a good idea. I might need it in January and all. But when I do walk I primarily walk around a 20-35 block radius of my house so I've learned amazing things about my neighbors. Such tantilizing tidbits like:

1. We have crack dealers 3 houses down from me. (the crack heads)
2. We have pot dealers on the other side from me in the other direction. (the pot heads)
3. We have what I believe to be meth dealers (not cookers, just straight up dealers) a little further down the street. (the meth dealers)
4. We have what I've referred to as the "mexicans" (and as a side note- I have no idea if they are mexican. They don't look like it, I just needed a name for them and this is what I've thought of) who ship prescription drugs like internationally. Major stuff.
5. I have a pedophile behind me who's on disability for an injured shoulder yet he can chop wood with an ax. So manly he is. He's also abusive to his kids and calls them his "little whores". Nice.
6. Across the street from him we have the Nazi's- who have a beat up piece of shit car with spray painted swastikas on it. Classy. And they are bald. Even better.
7. We have a guy that has confederate flags in all of his windows.
8. I have another drug house but I don't know what they sell. Whatever it is it's lucrative since they have a lot of cars stopping. It's like a drug drive through or something.
9. And let's not forget all the fucking punks without parental supervision being little assholes all over the neighborhood.
10. Sprinkled in between are what I refer to as "Bible Bangers". By this I mean the people who are so hard core religious that they tell you on Halloween you are going to hell with Satan because you are handing out candy therefore you are obviously supporting Satan. I don't agree, I feel like I'm supporting the neighborhood dentists. It's a recession- they need business too. I'm simply doing my part. Bitch. And get off my lawn.

Where are the police you say? Well I can't be 100% sure, but I *believe* some of our city's finest are customers of various drug dealers. They seem awfully chummy. And when I've called about suspicious activity from any of the 10 above, nothing happens. Nobody ever comes, nobody contacts me for further information, nothing. So I wonder where exactly my tax dollars are going. BUT, what I have *heard* on the street (which means pretty credible people I talk to in the "know" here) is that our city's finest partake in sex parties. Which are apparently RAMPANT in Superior. Who freaking knew?! AND, I've *heard* that if I got chummy with some people from the mom groups in town I'd get the low down. But I don't want the low down. Gross. I don't want to hear about partner swapping and diseases and who's on top and bottom, ew. It's just all very gross.

BUT. I have to say that I myself have had some really interesting things happen to me since being out in the world. AKA Superior.

1. I've had my ass slapped in the bagel shop (just this week yall!!)
2. I've been offered the job of a stripper 3 times. Once in the post office.
3. I've had 2 guys (separate occassions) ask if they could touch my boobs.
4. I've been asked out several times in gross ways.
5. I've been asked if I wanted a "walk on role" in a handmade porno movie.
6. At a bar I was asked if a guy could just have a quickie with me, and he'd be willing to pay me if that helped.

And if any of you are wondering, I never let a guy touch my boob, film me, or pay me. GROSS. And it's like basically- these are the kind of guys I attract. My favorite moment by far would be when I was visiting Matt and my mom at work. Matt was helping a guy about 10-15 feet from where I was when I heard this conversation:

Guy: "Shit- look at the chick up there. She's got some amazing fucking tits, huh?"
Matt: "Yeah. I'm lucky because that's my wife."
Guy: -silence-

The guy later came up an apologized to me when he walked by and I said, "Hope you liked what ya saw". I don't think he knew I could hear him, but he did come back and profusely apologize so I mean- what else could I say.

But yeah. Welcome to Superior. We're living up to our name. :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My Hair. Again. I'm Sorry. But hey- I'm a Winner. Again. I'm Sorry.

I'm just going to apologize because I know I'm a freak and I obsess over really dumb things. But look at my hair...

It's lighter, right? Like am I losing my mind? And although it doesn't look like it here, the blond is evenly distributed so I don't look like a striped freak or something. And it's even more drastic in the daytime. Or maybe my eyesight is better in the daytime. Weird. Anyways..
Sidenote: I'm totally giving fierce lip action here. Top model material? No. But lip model? Maybe.

Anyways. I have to give props, appreciation and humble thanks to my blogger buddy Deeps (check out her blog!!) who is bestowing onto me an award.

So there was a whole whack of rules and let's face it: I don't like rules. But I am going to spread this award love to my original internet buddy, Jen of It's My Life. I have "known" here for oh many years? I don't know, but it's been awhile. We exchanged holiday cards, I feel old watching her kids age, I like her blog, and she's just a great gal. So check her out.
And I would be remiss to forget Nikki from Whimsy Love and Theresa from The Treadler. Nikki has a great blog and puts my craftiness to shame. Plus, she's funny and we shared a love of the Twilight Series over the summer. And Theresa actually works down the hall from me, but her and I exhange blog excitement. Like when we actually get followers. Plus you MUST check out her blog- she's growing worms yall! I'm not even kidding. Do you have extra toilet paper rolls? She needs them. She's got 500 of these worm things needing play equipment. :)
And of course, my fans. :) I'm swooning for you, but I'm kind of tired. And in need of eye makeup remover (see above picture). And some food. And a nap. But the fans- YOU are why I continue writing.
See tomorrow's post about the sexual misconduct of weirdos in Superior. :)

Monday, October 5, 2009

My New Hair, Jackson's New Hair...all very traumatizing.

So I'm going to start off with the killing of Jackson's babyhood, a.k.a. his first haircut. Now for those of you who have met Jackson you will recall he has very blond hair (much like my brother and I when we were still living in Florida) and it's kind of curly in the back. Adorable. My baby could have been a Gerber baby. Especially with his big blue eyes...ok. So back to the haircut. He's 18 months (as of yesterday yall...holy shit!) and I was basically bullied about his mullet. And I am not ashamed that my baby had a mullet. He is damn cute and can totally rock the mullet. But it was getting in his eyes. So I decided that Saturday was the day- his first haircut. I figured I was going to cry and needed backup. I actually planned that Jackson would fight and scream and I just can't hold my kids down. I can't. I'm a pussy mother. Sorry.

We took his to Great Clips because I *heard* first haircuts are free. Well they aren't. They are $10 without a tip. Bastards.


Let's just say here before I show you the "after" picture that I cried. I thought I could handle it because he was being really good on Matt's lap and the lady was awesome and I think the 4 Dum-Dum suckers helped...but when I saw how much hair was coming off, and then the pile of curls on the floor...I cried. :(

AFTER...he freaking aged with a haircut. He finished crying because I gave him the sucker back..which is why his face is all blotchy.

So then on to me. I struggle with my hair. My #1 problem is absolute laziness. The #2 problem is not being good at styling and dealing with my hair. My hair is really thick, naturally wavy, curls on it's own and is basically shit brown since we have like no sunlight here. I have had hair long (mid-back) to hair super short (pixie cut ala Halle Berry when she won her first Oscar). I like them all for different reasons...but pixie cut was super cute on me. So on Saturday I decided fuck it- I'm cutting my hair. I need low maintenance. And fuck it- I'll color it. GASP!! I know..I said color. So I do have it on my 30/30 list... so why not.


Do I love it? Not really. The cut isn't exactly what I gave her (I had a picture of what I wanted). And granted, she sucks at styling it, so I may be able to do a better job- but this is my hair after work. I think I will grow it out more, let the front section be long, and shorten it up as it goes to the back. Make sense? No? Yah I know, I don't get it either...but I have a vision. And a dream is all you really need, right? But I am going to for sure dye my entire head a blond color. Fuck the highlights. I like those..they are nice..and they blend well in my hair. But damn...I think I need more dramatics. You know me- all about the drama.


So what do you think?? Give it a few days and I'll probably post another picture once I figure out what the fuck to do with it.