Thursday, December 27, 2012

More pictures of stupid shit from my phone.

Because if I could find my camera right now, I'd give you a post on Jackson's ridiculous cuteness. But until that happens, you get to see the shit I see when I'm out an about.

So.. I got a lot of books in the mail to review. Here is my current stack. This doesn't even include e-books. So stayed tuned to those because they all look good and interesting.
 I drove behind this guy. It's fuzzy, but his sticker says "Not A Republican" and I thought it was hilarious. He doesn't know what he is, but he knows for damn sure he is not a Republican.
 Can you spot the spelling error??
 So, about a month ago we had family pictures done at JCPenney as part of a Christmas present (and I'll show you those eventually because my hair looked awesome) and I saw this gem on the wall.
 Is that seriously not the scariest fucking picture ever?? Would you ever put that shit on your living room wall? Looks like god damn Cujo up in there.

Oh man, I can't believe I forgot about this. OK, so I was driving this summer and I see this red Jetta with "Just Married" on the back window and all of these hearts and crap and I'm like- loser. Then I pass it and see that the guy (and let me mention that this couple? Looked maybe 12.) painted the hood of his car black and has this Jesus cross thing on it. I had to take a picture. You know I had to.
 Oh, so I have milk caps to count/sort for Olivia's school. *Barf*
 Can I just say that Michael Jordan was cool in the 90's? It is almost 2013 and it's just not bad ass anymore. You look like a dumb ass.
 This was awesome and sad at the same time. College favorite, Five Guys restaurant, has a board that you can write comments on. Yeah, tell me if you see the blatant spelling error. Yay for the public education systems! See, even if you're stupid? You can get into college.
 Ladies, if your husband is wearing flip flops, in December, to the home improvement store? He probably had no idea what the fuck he's doing and you should hire a professional.
 This lady was at Target on Saturday. I'm really sad that the picture isn't awesome, but not only would I like to highlight she has antlers on her car like an asshole, but she was chugging a bottle of DayQuil. I'm talking, drinking it straight from the bottle. Her husband looked passed out in the driver's seat and their kid who was maybe 10-12 was playing on his DS in the backseat. Quality family time.
I'm sure I have more but this is what I'm sharing for tonight. I went to Zumba with terrible cramps and not only am I know hurting ten times more than I was before, but I have an epic headache. YAY.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Who reads a book set on her new Nook in two days? This bitch.

So, it seems like forever ago that I got a really good deal on the Vampire Wardens box set from Lisa Renee Jones and then my Nook died. Well, it didn't die, die, but it needs a new battery and when I looked at the price I laughed a maniacal laugh and decided I would sell Matt's kidney if I had to so I could get a new  Nook.

And then as it turns out, Matt got me a new Nook HD tablet for Christmas and he still has both kidneys so yay! I can use a kidney for something else. But I immediately got into these books because they sounded good, looked like short reads, and I'm all about that right now.


So, I have only read the Vampire Wardens set, and I'll start the Werewolf Society one later. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll probably start it tonight. But here are my mini reviews for the first set.

Hot Vampire Kiss: The werewolf population is entrenched in a century long civil war, and now they are plagued by a virus that is turning wolves into killers. The Brooks brothers pursue one such rogue werewolf to Temple, Texas. It is in Temple that Evan encounters a beautiful nurse named Marissa who instantly melts the hundred years of ice running through his veins. When she is brutally attacked by the wolf, he breaks the rules of the Vampire Council and uses his blood to save her. Now, if he doesn’t kill the wolf by the next full moon, Marissa will become a killer wolf, and he will be sentenced to death.

Hot Vampire Seduction: The underground vampire population of Austin, Texas has taken to hosting orgies with human women who’ve been forced to indulge in a new aphrodisiac.The drug, Blood Red, is a mixture of a rare type of werewolf blood and that of a vampire. Blood Red creates an insatiable desire for sex in the user to the point of pain in the absence of pleasure. Sometimes that pain leads to death.
Vampire Warden, Aiden Brooks, has spent more than a hundred years enforcing the laws of his race, and life has taught him that anyone that he allows into his world ends up dead. Despite knowing this all too well, having painfully loved and lost in his past, when his search for the creator of Blood Red places coroner Kelly Riggs directly in both his path, and that of a dangerous clan of vampires, his desire for her goes well beyond offering her protection. He’s drawn to her bravery, seduced by her feisty spirit and beauty, but he is determined to resist her, fearing he will put her in harms way. But Kelly is already on the radar of the enemy, and when she gets too close to the evil vampire clan’s secrets, she is given Blood Red. Now Aiden’s hunger for her might be the only thing that can keep her alive but who will save her from him?

Hot Vampire Touch: In blood they will find destiny and the eternal bond of passion…
A Vampire Warden betrayed by a werewolf he loved, turned into something not Vampire or Wolf. The woman – the wolf – who will heal him…if he doesn't destroy them both first.

OK, so each book centers around one of three brothers who were turned into vampires against their will but have become vampire wardens. Evan, Aiden, and Troy (in order). I should also tell you that each book stands alone, you don't have to read them in order, but I really think it's better if you do. Every story kind of rolls into the next and the larger story forms and you really get into them. They are fast reads and they are all super good romance stories with the paranormal aspect to them that you know I like. All three of them have suspense and each book gives you hints on what to expect in the next one and that will keep you reading through the night while your husband snores next to you. 

I have read a few books by Lisa Renee Jones now and I really like her. You can rely on her to give you an intriguing story with a little suspense, but really great romance and sex scenes. The sex scene towards the end of Hot Vampire Seduction is hands down, the most peculiar circumstances around a scene that I have ever read. Seriously. You should read it just to see what I'm talking about. 

Overall I really liked them. I liked all three main characters with their flaws and warped guy thinking and the women that ultimately change them. I liked all of the characters and you know I'm picky about my characters. So if you are looking for a good ebook set for your new reader, pick this one up. They are fast reads that will keep you entertained. 

Dancing Queen and Singing Sensation

I can't believe how far behind on updates I am for you, but that shit is about to change. Hold your panties because I am going to flood your feed with awesomeness.

First up, have I ever mentioned my uterus produces really great kids? Sure, Matt helps some, but because I do most of the work making the baby, I get credit for everything great about them.


So a couple of weeks ago, Olivia had her Holiday Dance Recital. She absolutely loves dance and wishes she could go to dance more than one night a week. She's been stressing out about the routine insisting that she really didn't know it but was going to try anyways.
 Seriously, is she not adorable?
 Do you see her? Back left corner, with the knobby knees.
 Dancing the entire time.
 Totally knew her routine and nailed it. She was so freaking adorable, dancing her little heart out. She was so proud of herself and I almost started to cry watching her. What a change from even last June when she danced. I have a feeling some of her friends from dance aren't going to continue next fall, but I'm trying to tell Olivia that if she likes dance she should continue, even if her friends aren't going to. It'd be sad to see her friends not continue because Olivia would be bummed, but I would be bummed too- I like hanging out with the dance moms.

Then last week she had her Holiday Sing Along at her school and I knew she had been practicing because I could hear her courtesy of her karaoke machine in her room.
 Since I was at the school pretty much all day, I got to see both performances.
 And dammit she was adorable.
It was all I could do not to go up there and squeeze her guts out and totally embarrass her in front of her friends.

She was so happy that we all came to watch her, and some of us twice. The morning show was a little more eventful with someone pulling the fire alarm during her group's set which meant we all had to evacuate outside into the freezing air, and most of the girls had sleeveless dresses. So I run out there to offer my jacket to her classmates who were freezing and she was a little shaken up. Between her and I talking about the recent school shooting, and increased police presence at her school and then a fire alarm? She flat out asked me if it was because of a bad person. That was probably the most gut wrenching moment as a parent because while most adults think it won't happen at their child's school, children just assume it will.

Not to mention Jackson and his preschool class had walked down because most of them had siblings at school singing, and they have never had a practice fire drill because they are in a daycare building. Needless to say, Jackson was scared so when I found him in the group he wanted a hug and then didn't want to go back to school. I convinced him that he'd have more fun at his school then he would sitting with me at Olivia's school so he went and then ended up being fine.

Tomorrow we'll talk about Jackson's holiday class party and how I need this shit to not happen while I'm PMS'ing because I am prone to crying. A lot.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Bad Ass, Ghetto Easy, Stupid Proof Truffles. Your ass will thank me later.

I'm not one for food traditions but every Christmas I make two things: caramel corn Chex mix and my super easy truffles that a really stupid person could not fuck up. 

And every year I have blog followers, neighbors, friends, etc ask me for the recipe. And every year I give it to them because these bastards are to fucking die for AND they are easy. AND you can put them in cute little containers and give as gifts and people think you put all this time and effort into them and no. They are so easy. And delicious. 

Sara's Super Bad Ass, Ghetto Easy, Stupid Proof Truffles. 
1 - 8oz package of cream cheese, softened. 
2- boxes of Baker's Semi Sweet chocolate melting bar thingies. 

Beat your cream cheese so it's not a lump in the bowl. 
 If you want to add flavoring other than chocolate, do that. This year I added these faux-Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies to it. Beat the shit out of them if you are too lazy to haul out your un-used food processor.
 Add to your cheese.
 Melt 8 squares of the chocolate in the microwave, add to cheese. Then stir together SUPER good with a spatula. Seriously. Make sure you see no white from the cheese. That makes it look like you did truffles the really difficult way.
 Put this bowl into the fridge for a few minutes just so it gets hard. I fell asleep and mine was in there all night. While waiting for shit to get hard, get out a cookie sheet and line that bitch up with wax paper or something so your balls don't stick. Nobody likes sticky balls.

Take your bowl out, shape the poop like mixture into balls. Make them bite size because you will get more and they are easier to eat. Work fast so your hands don't end up in a melty cheese mess. It will look like diarrhea on your hands.
 Put the tray back into the fridge so they get hard again.

Pet your cat that is demanding love.
 Pull your balls out. Melt a shit ton more chocolate in the microwave. I seriously did 8 more bars but 10 maybe would be better. Rolls your balls into chocolate, put back onto tray. Now is the time to sprinkle non pareils or some shit so they look fancy.
 Put tray back into fridge so the chocolate coating sets.

But you know I got extra fancy up in here because I knew I was doing this tutorial. So I made myself some super thin icing using some powdered sugar, color flow mix, water, and green coloring.
 I drizzled those fuckers with my icing and then Olivia added the green sprinkle sugar shit.
 Let them set in the fridge because the icing doesn't want to set immediately because it can be a bit whorish. When they are done, I pull them off my tray and put into the mini baking cups because it's something Martha would do. Obviously.
Tee-fucking-dah bitches. 

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Swap and Christmas Prep

OK, so before I get into the post I will answer a question I got SEVENTEEN times today. 17, hookers.

Sara, why the fuck are you still mailing Christmas cards? Are you really 80 years old and wearing a diaper??

No, lambwhore. I'm not 80 and I don't wear a diaper, but I am a proud Christmas card sender. Why? Because I feel like society as a whole are lazy, inconsiderate, impatient, and ungrateful. That's just a fact. And I feel like if you can't even get your shit together to send Christmas cards to a few people once a year you are a selfish asshole. That's right. I'm most likely calling you a selfish asshole.

Sure, it costs a lot in stamps. Sure, I make it harder on myself because I hand make mine. And then I spend a whopping 20 minutes typing up a little brochure and inserting pictures to share with you all what we did this year, how awesome my kids are, and some highlights you probably missed. I can't afford to buy a gift for everyone but the fact you get a card from me? Feel special. Seriously. I limit my list to 100 of my nearest and dearest, and if you bitch about it hardcore, I'll send you one too.

All year long all we get in the mail are bills, magazines we don't remember subscribing to, and shit that doesn't even belong to us but if you have a drunken mail person like I do, you get it anyways. Is it going to kill you to send a Christmas card and maybe make someone's day?

Every year I get less and less cards and that's bullshit. I hate how lazy people are. And don't give me your stupid ecard shit. That's like sending me a Facebook message and that is bullshit. I also feel like photo cards are just a bare minimum because literally  no effort goes into that. No personal note, nothing. Lame as shit.


So I signed up for a Christmas swap over at Linny's Vault and YAY. I get the best swap people EVER over there. Seriously. I'm a lucky lady. This time I got Tamara and she is like the Texan version of me. Quite frankly, I don't know how this country can handle two of us. We could run for office and we'd get shit done. I forgot to take a picture of what I sent her but she got a pretty kick ass package. Plus, I ate some of it and then had to replace it. *burp*

But here's what I got!
 I got some hand towels, puffy paint, a picture frame, a new massager (which mine literally just broke so YAY) and a shirt from Vegas. Which, ended up being a win because when Matt and I went to Vegas he said I couldn't get a shirt because we were being frugal. Well now I have one, he doesn't, so there. So THANK YOU, Tamara. I hope someday we can sit in jail and do our nails for being pig haters. Because that would be kind of awesome.

But it's Christmas and my house is ready. We put our tree up the day after Thanksgiving and as tradition, we watch The Grinch Who Stole Christmas because I love that movie.
 My collection of snowmen get themselves out. Matt says I need to cut back because I had a legit snowman problem, but this is all I have so the ban on buying snowmen is officially over so says I.
 Olivia thinks my ornaments in the table vase look like snowballs, so the snowmen place mats are out.
 We went to Bentleyville. Did we go on one of the 7 warm nights? Oh of course we didn't because again, we are morons. Nope. We go on a cold night and I froze my thighs and ass off. You know when you no longer feel your thighs you have a problem.
 We saw Rudolph and Jackson was impressed that his nose for real lights up.
 We saw Santa where Olivia asked for a Barbie Dream House and Jackson wants a puppy. Both are things that I cannot afford. I might get crazy and the Dream House because if I hear about it one more time I might go crazy. I can't do the dog. I want one, I think Jackson would be the happiest boy ever, but winter in Wisconsin is not when you want to be potty training a dog and walking it.
 We made our Santa letters and Jackson refused to cooperate with a picture.
 And because his handwriting isn't great yet, I wrote out what he's asked for. And he signed his name just in case Santa isn't 100% sure which Jackson is asking for these things.
 Olivia is all about Santa letters.
She is big on phonetic spelling so sound out the words.

But I'm set for Christmas. I have everything done present wise, I just need to go grocery shopping for food. I'm pretty damned excited- my kids are at a super fun age where they still have Santa alive in their hearts and eagerly wait to see where our Elf on the Shelf will be the next day and are counting down the days until Santa visits.

Tomorrow I'll post my recipe for Ghetto Easy, Fucking Delicious Truffles and maybe my Caramel Sauce recipe. Both delicious, both awesome, both make good gifts for your neighbors. Because you know I give gifts to the neighbors.

Never Hug a Nun (and giveaway)

Now, knowing me you are probably thinking I'm going to talk to you about a valuable life lesson. But you would be wrong. Instead, I'm going to review a book I think most of you will appreciate.

Never Hug a Nun - Kevin Killeen

From first crushes and cafeteria lines, hidden forts and secret passwords, learning the Cub Scout oath and robbing the Ben Franklin, to hanging out on the train tracks, running from the police, enduring stuffy classrooms and, of course, dodging projectile vomit, Never Hug a Nun laces the reader into the Keds of young Patrick Cantwell—a boy who really wants to be good, but who, like his hero The Wolfman, always seems to fall short.
Set in Webster Groves in 1966, the story takes readers on a laughing, head-shaking, I-remember-doing-that-stuff ride through the rigors of practicing good penmanship, the rites of spring kickball, unsupervised summer days filled with Velvet Freeze daydreams of starting a band at least as good as The Beatles, and, finally, to those dying seconds when a boy reaches out bravely to hold the 220-volt live wire of a girl’s hand.
I have read a lot of books recently that are serious undertakings with lots of pages, but this is under 200 pages and was hilarious. Seriously- I haven't laughed this hard reading a book in awhile. I think the reason I loved this book so much is I remember the hijinks I participated in without my parent's knowing what was going on. Like that time my brother and I got our best friends and we had a crab apple fight in the park. But then Travis's apple hit Jessica REALLY hard and she had a bruise. Which turned out to be hilarious as adults because when I found out Jess had to have a heart transplant, I told Travis it was because of that apple and he fucked her up. I think he believed it for a second but then realized I was just being an asshole. 
Or that time we stole all of the Sheet Rock out of the neighbor's house, busted it up, and discovered it's like chalk on the road. Travis and I decorated pretty much all of Balsam Avenue with it and then totally lied about it when our parents asked. But stupid criminals we were, we wrote our names all over the road. It's like leaving your ID at a crime scene. We spent an entire Saturday washing the road. As an adult I don't know how that other kids' parents didn't kill us now that I know how much Sheet Rock costs. 
But that's why I loved this book. We all have hilarious childhood stories that are really some of the most formative experiences of our lives. Good or bad, we all have one story that will end with, ".. and I never did that again!". One of my favorite lines from the book was this one (this is after the jumped onto a train): 
"The bridge and the fort and the golfers and the boredom of the hot summer day slipped away behind them as they rolled toward downtown Webster- afraid, excited, yelling SHIT to each other with lady cigar breath, holding in nervous pee, going places at seven miles an hour." 
I don't know why I love that line so much but I totally get it. You know how as a kid you are such a bad ass in your own mind but as an adult you realize what an idiot you really were. But it didn't matter because it's what life was about back then. I also love that the book is set in the 60's and there are so many Catholic school references that you just really love Patrick. You know he wants to be a cool kid, fall in love with Ebby, and just not piss off a nun. 
Oh I loved this book. I really needed something to remind me of the stupid things I did as a kid, the good times with my brother, and just not be so serious and stressed out before the holidays. Totally the perfect remedy. I seriously encourage you to read this book especially if you're older than me because I bet a lot of the social references will make more sense to you or you'll at least totally know what they are better than I. But even if you don't, don't let that deter you. You will really like this one. 
So let's give one away! YAY! Open to US/Canada only.. sorry lambies from other places! 
  • Must be a follower through GFC. 
  • Leave a comment with your email address. I'm not psychic, peeps. 

But in case you don't win because you probably won't, you can buy it HERE. You can read an excerpt of it HERE and then see what other tour stops are saying HERE.  

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Assholes and Losers.

Oh, what's Christmas without a bitchy post from me? Lucky for you the worst of society come out in full force and provide me with some great material.

Let's all thank them now.

 So.. I saw this guy awhile ago and I keep forgetting to post it. The sticker says, "The only Bush I trust is my own". Ha.

My cats are fucking pigs. They are out of control binge eaters. This was the scene on Sunday:
 I will also have you know that Stumpy then pulled himself across the floor to eat, wouldn't even stand up. It's shameful.

Today was Olivia's Holiday Sing-A-Long at school. This was my view for a good portion of it.
 I'm sorry, but how do you not feel the draft? Or the cold of the floor when you move around? And why aren't you wearing underwear? What the fuck is wrong with you??

So I saw this on my way to work on Monday. This is the second time I've seen this old guy on his adult tricycle with full Packer fan gear on.
 If that were my dad, he'd be in a nursing home immediately.

So I saw these at Sears and Olivia and I both agree we need the purple hippo. Obviously. I want the Abominable Snowman, but I feel like he should be huge. At least bigger than the hippo, right?
 Oh and I also want the rubber duck as well as the Snoopy mailbox. Matt has no idea that the plan is to get these the day after Christmas.
 And because it's December you know what the means? The big post office trip. Do you think I could get any help on a Saturday from my husband? No. No I could not. Not even the asshole smoking his cigarette outside of the post office door helped me in any way, not even opening the door. Nope. Instead, I carried this stack of boxes that when on the floor come up to my waist. So when I carry them? The top one teeters over my head, threatening to fall over and I can't see shit. So I get into the post office and do you think anyone would be like, "Hey- let me move my fat ass off the table so you can set these down!". No. No, they do not. I swear, the quickest way to kill the Christmas spirit is by visiting the post office.

I appreciate that the post office is busy and they probably deal with the worst the city has to offer who are always stupid and rude. I get it. But when I try to be cheery, and helpful, and patient? I would appreciate it if you at least pretended that you didn't hate your job. You know? When I say, "Hi! How are you?", you can do more than grunt. It's just common courtesy, bitch. So I had to mail these four boxes and buy enough stamps for 100 cards.

Ignore this shitty photo. I don't know why it's shitty. 
Because you know I hand made my cards and started printing our family brochure. We're so much better than a Christmas letter, lambs. So I buy all of this stuff and guess what my total is? 

Oh, just guess. 

Well over $75, that's what. 


So then I get home and realize my printer is out of ink so not every brochure got printed. I can't buy ink because I have to buy gas for my rental which oh hey- is a 21 gallon tank and I get maybe 15 mpg if I'm lucky on this piece of shit rental so I spent almost $75 on that. Fucking rental. I tell you what, if you own a Dodge? You are getting ripped off and driving a glorified piece of plastic on wheels. It's like a piece of Tupperware with wheels with shit options. Today it's making a weird noise, windshield wipers don't work and it rattles. Awesome. No word on when I get my car back. 


So the rest of my Christmas cards are going out this weekend. They'll be late and it'll be OK because the mother fucking season technically goes through New Years so just deal with it. 

Monday, December 17, 2012

Kiss of Surrender

OK, full disclosure. When I signed up for this book I did it solely because the main character was hot on the cover and it was a weird concept of vangels, which are vampire angels. Right? You're intrigued, aren't you? I knew you would be.

Kiss of Surrender - Sandra Hill

It’s not easy being a Vampire Angel.
No one knows that better than Trond Sigurdsson. In the centuries since he last went out drinking and wenching with his Viking buds, Trond has been a gladiator, a cowboy, a ditch digger . . . even a sheik. But now he’s the baddest of them all: a kick-ass Navy SEAL kicking butts of terrorist immortals with the help of his hotter-than-Hades female partner, police officer-turned-Special Forces operative Nicole Tasso—whom Trond dearly hopes to “partner” with very shortly in a whole different way.
The “cop” part of Nicole tells her there’s something bizarre about her gorgeous godlike teammate. But her “all-woman” side can’t help wondering how great it would be to have a virile Viking in her bed. Trond has secrets galore, but Nicole feels certain she can dig them out—and really get to the heart of this powerful, unnerving stranger whom she may be risking her soul to love.
OK, so first off I have to be honest and tell you I'm not loving Nicole. She's kind of a know it all bitch. I immediately liked Trond and knew how the story would end up with Trond and Nicole but who cares- it's such an interesting take on paranormal romance. 
I will say that the first entire half of the book was very tedious for me to trudge through. You get a lot of background information about vangels, how Trond become a vangel, some information on Nicole, and then a LOT of military lingo that was almost too much for me. I really almost said forget it when I felt like it wasn't moving fast enough. But fast forward they go on their mission and bam- I am all in. It goes fast at that point I thought and that was OK. I also realized at an early point that this must be book two of a series because Trond referred to his "brother" being married already so I had to look this up and yes, this is book two. But don't worry! You can totally jump in at this point and not feel like you have no idea what the hell is going on. It just makes you want to read the first one and the third one that is coming soon. 
I will also say that I liked the humor infused in the book. Trond is kind of cheeky and I like it. The "almost sex" scene in the book is kind of steamy and I kept having to flip back to make sure I didn't miss the almost sex turning into actual sex but no, I did not and the almost sex scene is just as good as any full sex scene. Well done, Sandra. But can I just say that I hope things turn out well for Zeb? Zeb is kind of a bad guy, but trying to not be a bad guy and secretly hoping for redemption. I like Zeb.  I liked Zeb from the beginning and I really hope things turn OK for him. 
Check out Sandra's website HERE to see all of the other books that she has. 

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Whisper of Crows

What a fantastically weird, and creepy ass book. How's that for a beginning sentence?

Whisper of Crows - Jameson Hesse
Whisper of Crows
Kanaan James is a disturbed teenage boy obsessed with his childhood friend Abigail Caulfield. A horrible car accident leaves Abigail stricken with amnesia and Kanaan, desperate for her attention, convinces her they are soul mates, running from the law. In the midst of a passionate love affair, while hiding in an old abandoned house deep in the woods, Kanaan is forced to test the boundaries of his own humanity.

Can I just say that reading this right before bed was an absolutely terrible decision? Because the first three chapters are creepy, bizarre, scary and tragic all rolled into one. You will have some bizarre dreams and you will be a little hesitant to pick it up again. 

But do pick it up again because you won't be disappointed. 

This entire story was all over the damn place but it almost has to be because Kanaan is a really messed up kid. He starts off being anally raped with a stick, and his stepfather rapes him and yeah. It's a really twisted story about this kid who is abused in pretty much every way and it makes you wonder how the hell is he NOT a nut job? Then the love of his life, who doesn't know she's the love of his life, dies but not really- turns out she just has amnesia, but then she really does die and it's just like, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE??? 

I was literally on edge for the entire duration of this book because I didn't know what the hell was going to happen next. Would Kanaan just go completely nuts? What the hell is up with Abigail? Why is he surrounded by so many pedophiles and most importantly- what kind of ending is this? Do they die? You just leave me hanging on a cliff here. I also felt like maybe this is a little like the movie Inception where it's a dream inside of a dream. Maybe none of it was real or maybe only part of it was. I read one of the quotes listed in the beginning of the book and it kind of sums up the entire story: 

"Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein

Does that make sense? It's kind of fucked up if you really think about it. 

And my god- the whole father or stepfather thing? WHAT?! 

I feel like if this were a movie it would make you leave that theater thoroughly scared and confused. I think you should read this just to give me your take on it. OH, but what else was intriguing was the concept of when you make one really bad decision, is it really just a fast skid into the depths of evil? Is redemption even really possible when you've gone down the wrong path far enough? And is what happens to Kanaan in the end karma or just another tick of bad things that happen to a person? I don't know. I still don't know three days after reading it. I feel like I have to re-read this to get my brain to fully wrap around it. This book sticks with you. 

Check out Jameson's website HERE as well. And then read the book and tell me if you are absolutely as creeped out by it as I am, in the best way possible. 

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Phoebe Pope & the Year of Four

Holy crap balls, do I have an AWESOME book for you to buy. And buy for all of your favorite friends. Seriously. Grab your credit cards and come back. 

Phoebe Pope and the Year of Four by Nya Jade
Pump Up Your Book Presents Phoebe Pope and the Year of Four Virtual Book Publicity Tour

The students of Green Lane Academy roam their halls unaware that below their manicured campus exists a prestigious school of an entirely different kind . . .
Sixteen-year-old Phoebe Pope has enrolled at the Campus Below: a spy academy for shape-shifters hidden deep beneath the grounds of a boarding school whose humans unknowingly protect it. There, thanks to a carefully planned schedule, she leads a double life: spy trainee Below and normal teenager Above. As if two course loads, concealing a secret power she alone wields, and coping with her father's recent death weren't enough, Phoebe finds herself developing major feelings for actor and teen heartthrob Colten Chase, who attends the Campus Above and appears to be majoring in winning Phoebe's heart. But when officials learn that Phoebe may be at the center of a startling prophecy, she becomes the target of shape-shifting assassins who will stop at nothing to suppress the truth. Now Phoebe's lessons about Shaper's enemies and spycraft take on great importance as a menace stalks the campus, with Phoebe as its target. Meanwhile, what began as an unlikely relationship with Colten, quickly morphs into heartache when she suspects that something sinister lurks beneath this movie star's glitter and fame. Suddenly, Phoebe's caught in a mesh of lies, betrayals, and danger where she doesn't know who to trust, and needs to rely on herself-and her secret power-to get to the truth and to stay alive.

I know I'm going to get a lot of grumbling, but I don't give a damn. This book, for me, felt a little Harry Potter to me. I'm not saying that this is as epic as Harry Potter, but I'm saying I felt like there were a lot of similarities so just shut up and put down your weapons. Between Phoebe's dead parents, her going to a special school to harness her skills, the professors with secrets, the drama between specific students, and the uncertainty of what the hell is going on, I read this while a movie of it played in my head. And I loved it. 

I love Phoebe- she's smart, she's cautious, it's like she knows something just isn't right and while she doesn't know what it is, she's playing her cards close to her chest because essentially- she doesn't know who to trust. Phoebe is kind of a freak because she's not a full shifter- she's a Hypha. Hypha's are half human, half shifter. Basically nobody knows what she'll be when she goes through Conversion (when they find out their shifting creature) and so you have that plot line throughout. I love how Phoebe's secret power is a kind of a mix between mind reading and being able to pick up on emotions and know whether they are genuine or not. At first I felt like that was the dumbest secret power ever UNTIL the book starts rolling and then it totally makes sense and I can see how the Vigos (bad guys) would want to harness that. TOTALLY GET IT. 

I absolutely could not put this book down and found myself reading it when I really should have been you know, helping my kid with homework or sleeping. I didn't sleep for an entire night because this book is consuming. 

I still don't know how I feel about Colten and his little secret, but I feel like as much as I want to not like him... I'm going to reserve judgment for the sequel. Because I'm just putting it out there, there better be a sequel because there are too many loose strings. I need answers, dammit. 

But I absolutely think you should pick this book up if you are at all a fan of YA paranormal. I really think you'll like it and I hope that when the sequel comes (because I'm being an optimist, just one step below of demanding one while waving a pitchfork) that I get to review it.