I cry all of the time. I cry because I'm sad. I cry because some days I don't know what I'm doing. I cry because some days I don't want to be here anymore. I cry because I feel guilty. I cry because I feel like a prisoner in someone else's life. I cry because I'm crying and because I'm angry.
Thursday, July 30, 2020
The reflection of four.
I cry all of the time. I cry because I'm sad. I cry because some days I don't know what I'm doing. I cry because some days I don't want to be here anymore. I cry because I feel guilty. I cry because I feel like a prisoner in someone else's life. I cry because I'm crying and because I'm angry.
Wednesday, July 29, 2020
Book Review: First & Then
Tuesday, July 28, 2020
Book Round-Up: Cruel, Crows, Non-Fiction
Monday, July 27, 2020
Weekend Wrap: Backpacks, Heat, Numbers
Speaking of backpacks, I mentioned it on Instagram but I am that mean mom who will buy a back pack and it better last all of elementary school. I just can't see a reason to buy one every year, the kids know that it is their responsibility to take care of their things because you can just as soon carry stuff without a bag. The cost of back packs seems a bit ridiculous. I mean, almost $50?? Is this just what things costs now? I spent $20 for each bag and that felt ridiculous. I must be getting old because I'm getting cheaper and cheaper.
Matt helped me grocery shop, too. I hate grocery shopping but Matt picks out the wrong thing or the most expensive thing, and I'm a control freak. I prefer having someone with me because I get easily disoriented and confused, I'll forget stuff, and it seems like when that happens I get SO tired, like I'm too tired to function. It's weird and inconvenient. So he helped and we came home and had s'mores.
Lucy found one of her most favorite books ever and we've read it. A LOT. DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON is a super fun read and she loves it even though she knows most of the words without me. The cutest part is she always says "boop" when she pushes the button.
Oh yes, we bought a shed. It came in. Matt has to build it. Ladies, get you a guy who can build stuff. It's so handy. We had a shed at our old house but it was a part of the sale, and the garage here is small, so we needed something to put bikes and all of the outdoor play things, chairs, etc. You know, the bulky things that make getting a snowblower out in the winter tricky. We pulled a permit, found a shed, and once its done we'll paint it to match. I'll paint, I think I can do that without messing it up.
Olivia has been home because Matt has been home (they work together) so its been nice to have an unplanned long weekend. Clearly Twinky was living his best life with his girl.
It got too hot outside for me so I came in and decided I was going to finish up some stuff on my table. I stopped for an M&M break and my friend said it isn't normal to sort them out. Whatever. It probably means I'm a genius or something.
I managed to get all of the kids' scrapbooks done/updated with last school year's stuff. It was kind of sad because I had more room in Olivia's middle school one because I assumed she would have had more field trips, our DC/NYC trip, etc, but nope. The year was just it. So after that I sorted out some paper packs I had gotten for Christmas and my birthday from people and if you know me at all you know I LOVE Doodlebug Designs, so anytime I come across their things I get happy. This pack ended up being amazing and I've got ideas already.
Then, I found this cute box and had no idea what was in it, turns out, just a bunch of things I've saved over the years. Matt said these cartoons were from calendars he would get me for my desk when I worked, these must have been favorites or something.
Wednesday, July 22, 2020
Book Review: The Jezebel
Tuesday, July 21, 2020
Quiet weekend, stressed ending.
On Sunday we decided to try a pizza place in Duluth that is coming to Superior later this year, because I'm a fan of pizza, and it was pretty good.
We also took a drive up Skyline Parkway and it was pretty nice out. Windy, but beautiful anyways. That bridge is one (of three) that connects Minnesota and Wisconsin over Lake Superior. We go over it so often we kind of forget how big and pretty it is.
Friday, July 17, 2020
Catching You Up on Books: Julyish edition
These three stories were originally published under the titles Princess Florizella, Princess Florizella and the Wolves and Princess Florizella and the Giant.
They were originally dedicated to her daughter but have been reimagined in this edition which she has dedicated to her grandchildren.
“Princess Florizella was friends with some of the princesses who had studied the Princess Rules, and behaved just as the Rules said they should. Florizella thought their hair was lovely: so golden and so very long. And their clothes were nice: so richly embroidered. And their shoes were delightful: so tiny and handmade in silk. But their days bored her to death…”
Instead, Princess Florizella rides her horse, Jellybean, all over the kingdom, having adventures of her own…
Thursday, July 16, 2020
Chronicles of 2020, Julyish.
The mail carrier hates me. I'm sure of it. He used to say hello and be friendly and now he just rudely throws it down and doesn't say hi. It's not MY fault everything comes on the same day in a million packages from the same place and same order.
Lucy has spent a lot of time as a super hero lately. Grandma made her a red sequin cape (which you can't see here) and we have a Wonder Woman mask from Penelope's costume and this is what we have. Until she runs into a wall or stubs her toe and then it's all over.
My gastric exit scan is set for July 27 and I am not excited about it. Lately I have had so many issues eating fresh fruits and vegetables. I have been craving red grapes for weeks and I finally bought some. Ate them. Regretted it for days. I hope I don't have gastroparesis but honestly, it isn't looking good.
We continue to catch the ice cream truck. Jackson and I have a system and we are both on our phones tracking the truck via GPS on their website. That's how intense the Friday ice cream truck excitement is.
Jackson continues to be a HUGE help for me. He does a lot every day for me. Almost every morning I struggle to wake up, and then to move, so he is helping the girls get dressed (they do it but he supervises that they aren't wearing full fleece when its going to be 90 degrees) and breakfast.
We do a lot of crafts. I am 100% done with craft time with the kids. I just have no patience for it like I used to and I don't know what's wrong with me.
I sit in the yard and stare at this tree a lot. It's a pretty nice tree and it has a nice sound when the wind blows. I'm fully aware I sound nuts right now.
The trampoline we ordered in February finally came! I shouldn't say finally because it clearly said it likely would be here in October, but it came and Matt got it set up. The little girls call it a "jumpolene" and it's freaking adorable.
Olivia is all done with Upward Bound for the summer and guess where the annual trip is? HAWAII. They aren't sure if they are going during Winter Break or Spring Break. If it is winter break, our girl is going to Hawaii. I'm equal parts thrilled and completely jealous since that is Matt and I's dream trip. We don't have to pay anything, it is paid through the program so it such an opportunity. BUT. If it is during Spring Break she won't be able to go because our DC/NYC trip is rescheduled for then and there are no refunds so we are going.
Wednesday, July 15, 2020
Garden Update- ch, ch, ch, changes
These were red lillies, I have two of these, and they had flowers which did their thing and then died and fell off. I cut back the brown like Google told me to do and this isn't a great photo but there are like, fat nubs... do you think they will flower again?!
Shasta daisy bush is doing the damn thing! It had one flower and a bunch of "we are being lazy and not blooming" things but look! It finally did something!
My second big bunch of delphinium (on the same plant) did its thing and it is so stinking pretty. It's like a purple/blue color. I just don't know how to keep it up. I mean, I guess I could do a tomato cage or something but what happens in nature? You don't have a bunch of cages in the woods or whatever, do they just droop? Is that what they do?
I have this rose bush by my bedroom window that had buds everywhere when we bought it and planted it. Then they just died and it has been a sad sack little bush. It was embarrassing itself, really. All of a sudden... there's a bud!
And an actual flower! Surprising because this plant had a tag saying I would be getting bright pink flowers and these are orange/yellow. Which I'm not hating.
I have two smaller things of daisies which aren't failures but aren't as talented as their older sister down the house.
I don't know what this is but it doesn't smell like anything like the tag said it would. But it also isn't ugly anymore so I'll take it.
I will remember you..... will you remember me? (If you aren't singing Sarah McLachlan, get off my page, you don't belong here.) The lupine is done, I think, I really don't know if they like... bloom again. Again, the tags on plants were pretty off the mark on everything and these were supposed to be white. I had a white, a yellow, and a reddish one? It was bizarre but I'm not hating it.
Oh, here is the other hibiscus sister. Honestly, I might keep this photo forever, look at those water droplets!
Oh yes. So I planted some hostas as filler whatevers. I bought FOUR OF THE SAME (of course, that is what the tag said but to be fair, they all looked the same when purchased). This one... is a runt. It is like the bastard child and the fact he isn't like the others is driving me crazy.
The others are like these. There are these two, and on the other side, one of these and then the runt. He gets the same amount of everything and still he is a failure.
Oooh... look at my dogwood! It is getting tall and I tried to go buy two more but they were all gone everywhere.
Quick break to brag about my flamingo. I got him off of Amazon and no, I didn't pay that much for it. I wanted a pineapple one but I can't find them anywhere. But that's who I am now, I buy garden decor.
Don't think the yard is bangin', either. I have this triangle wasteland. It is out of control. I pull stuff, it comes back twice as fast. It is insane.
It isn't all crap though, I have a couple of lily plants doing their thing and looking pretty.
I have a hollyhock, which I wanted more of but they are hard to find in stores but I'm going to take its babies it drops and plant them, hope for the best.
We don't know what this is but it has thorns and I feel like maybe that mean it isn't total crap?
Same with this thing. If you think I'm growing something poisonous, let me know. HA!
Over by the driveway/alley there is one lone rose branch growing inside of a huge lilac bush.
See? Isn't it pretty? I'm not sure how to help it so that's a problem for another year.
I also have this L shaped corner. It really just needs to have weeds pulled, the snow on the mountain tamed, and things given room to do what plants do, but I just don't think that is in the cards this year. Maybe a little bit.
I do know there are these pretty rose bushes. It looks like there are two in there but it could be just one big one, too.
I do like these purple things that I have no idea what they are.
I think these might be more daisies!
Oh yes. I love this yellow plant. I think it is too late to save the hosta this year, but maybe next year I'll try to separate them. Who knows.
I thought it was a rabbit eating my hosta on the other side and you guys, I think it might be the deer. Someone told me hosta is like crack for deer. Look what they did to my baby!
The original victim is coming back nicely.
I don't know what this is. It was $2 in a clearance bin and I'd like for it to do something already.